This evening my 12 year old daughter was bemoaning her life as a “tween”; no longer a child, but not yet a teenager. As I tried to sympathize with her and expound some of my worldly knowledge, she hit me with a zinger that was packed with the wisdom of ages.

I knew my approach was probably not the best way, but I thought she was mature enough to deal with it – besides as a life coach my children have to put up with a fair deal more ‘mentoring’ than I’m sure their peers have to.

She was bemoaning about how confusing everything is and how difficult it is sometime to make the right choices. I tried to let her know that she was not alone with this problem that nearly every teen in the world is like this because their brain has not finished growing. The pre-frontal cortex is going through a growth spurt and the cerebellum is still growing (sometimes into the early twenties!). That the frontal cortex controls emotions, and the cerebellum controls, in part, cognitive thinking… so it’s no wonder that emotions are out of whack, and you don’t know what to do or think about them. Throw the changes in hormones into the soup, and it makes the teenage years a living hell!

You can imagine this information normally goes over like a lead balloon with teens. It’s very condescending to them and almost insulting. I thought my daughter could take it though.

Her response – “Well, at least my brain hasn’t STOPPED growing like YOURS!”

So, mom and dad… no matter how mature your teens are – never tell them their brains are not finished growing. It can end conversations very quickly. Course of action – listen and strive for a win / win solution (if a solution is needed), AND make sure your brain never stops growing (at least in some ways).

Love and Bright blessings ~ Richard