How to survive a break-up.

It’s possibly one of the hardest things to do, especially if you have little experience in it. But even if we’ve been through it a dozen times, we still have to remember to keep perspective. I’ve been asked, “why does it hurt so much?!” There are many answers to that question, but I truly believe the main reason for that is because (if you are the one hurting) I’m guessing (with 99% certainty) you were the one that got dumped… the dumper does not ‘hurt’ as much. That is because the dumper got to make all the choices. They were well aware of what is coming; they were prepared for the change. Usually the dumped is taken by some surprise… and the choice is not theirs… no choice, no control = upheaval and hurt.

The first thing to know is that loosing a loved one through a break up, is little different, emotionally, than loosing a loved one to death. We must go through the grief process. This means we must first navigate the waters of denial, bargaining, depression and anger before we gain any form of acceptance.

Then we must take action to move forward. First don’t try to “get over” the person. They were part of your life and that will not change. You have to remember every aspect of them. How you loved them, yes, but more importantly those things that you did not love about them… remember those things that you would have differently if you could; no one is perfect. Then you must be grateful to your ex for teaching you this lesson… whatever that lesson may be. Do not hate or grow bitter toward your partner (or their gender) this will not serve you in the end.

Put away the hope that things may be fixed. That time is past. The time for fixing is before you break up. If you are broken up, it is the time to move on. How is this done? Focus on yourself. In a relationship we tend to become someone slightly different. In a relationship we fashion our self in such a way to be most attractive to our partner; we naturally become an “us”. In a break up, we need to return to an “I”. Hopefully that “I” will be a wiser smarter person, but no matter what focus on being the best you can… take the time to get to know yourself again… and more importantly to love yourself again. Regain your self esteem and confidence that a break up can rob you of.

In short:

• Understand and accept this will take time (the grief process)
• Be grateful for your Ex – do not become hateful or bitter
• Remember your Ex – of course you will remember the good things but never forget the trouble areas too!
• This relationship had a lesson for you… did you learn it?
• Focus on your recovery. The recovery of your self. Rebuild your self esteem and confidence. If you need help with this that’s fine… GET IT.

You may not have had the choice in how it all ended, but you certain do have the choice in how you will respond to it all. Make the right choices. Don’t be a victim of your own love – that makes little to no sense. As Debbie Ford would say; “Turn your wounds into wisdom” … grow.

Remember… someone fell in love with you before… you fell in love with them. It can and will happen again if YOU let it. The Universe does not linger in the past, and neither should you. Move forward with love and confidence.