How good is too good? I’ve often asked myself that question hearing the answer in my head, “huh? There is such a thing as too good?!” Well, yes – there is. Just like too much of anything is not good for you. Too much water will drown you. Too much candy will probably give you a stomach ache, and too much good can push someone away.

Being ‘good’, is the basic motivating force of every ‘people pleaser’ (or codependent personality) on the planet today, and it’s reached epidemic levels. We are not satisfied with being the best person we can be, we need to help everyone else be the best that they can be too! Now there may not be anything inherently wrong with the sound of that, but what if they don’t WANT to be the person you are trying to make them? What we end up doing is enabling situations, manipulating circumstances so that we can be a knight in shining armor – come to rescue the poor damsel in distress.

Yes, I am a recovering codependent. I’m learning that we can’t make everyone happy. We can’t rescue anyone… we can’t do anything to anyone, unless they want us to. And to try to do otherwise is just another way to push someone way. “Kill ‘em with kindness”, as John Coffy would say in Stephen King’s The Green Mile.

How do you know if you’re a “knight in shining armor”? Have you ever asked yourself or felt the following”? – “I’m the only one that understands her”. “I’m the only one that can make him feel better”. “He needs me”. “Without me her life would be crap”. “I do everything for her”. And the real BIG one… “I love him more than I love myself” If you’ve been there (especially more than once) I recommend you read; Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. You might even look up a CoDA group in your area. You don’t have to be a Knight to be the best person you can be.