“He seems so distant”, “She has so many rules, I can’t seem to get to know her”. Have you ever heard something like that before, or have you ever actually said it? What are we really talking about? What are we ‘up against’? Are we talking about personal walls or personal boundaries? Is there a difference?  

Well, yes, there is a huge difference between walls and boundaries. Walls are put up generally by the ego as a defense mechanism to protect the Self from being further damaged. I say further, because the walls generally do not go up until some sort of damage or trauma has already happened. As the old saying goes; “fool me once – shame on you, fool me twice – shame on me”. We are pretty much not aware (unconscious) of the walls the ego has raised. We can over time become more aware of them, and let them drop or we can consciously reassign them as boundaries.  

Boundaries are those restrictions – the point of no return – that we consciously choose to impose on our Self. “I do not kiss on the first date”, is more a boundary than a wall. Of course if you experienced a particular horrendous first kiss once, it could be a wall, but that is pretty unusual. The main distinction is that we choose a boundary, where as a wall is more imposed unconsciously by the ego.  

Are walls bad? Do you have them? I think we all have walls, and no they are not bad unless they interfere with your day to day living; as in some phobia’s, or mental disorders (yes, I believe some walls can grow into such a state). We must all have a healthy ego, and a healthy ego will build walls. That is a sound defense mechanism. Our challenge to become aware of the walls that are built, and learn to deal with them; either learn to lower them, or allow some things or people to get over them.  

Bright blessings ~ Richard