HE LOVES ME BUT...HE'S MARRIED!
In todays world, it is not uncommon to hear of someone who is dating a married man or women. This is happening much more then we know. These type of "relationships" can bring a person into a place of such excitement and joy, like a fairly tale come true for some.
And why not?
He wines and dines you, makes love to you for hours, and treats you with the up-most kindness adding excitement to your life. He calls during the day just to tell you how special you are and how much he loves you. He slips away from family gatherings just to call and say "I miss you". When he can't get away to see you, you certainly understand ......given his situation. You remain faithful and hopeful. All the while,waiting for the next time he can give you a few hours of his time.
You are certain he loves you. He's just not able to get a divorce right now because he cares so much for his children, and the timing couldn't be worst for them. Or maybe it is becuase his wife will finacially destroy him if he tried to leave her right now. So you're left justifying his motives and waiting for the situation to change so you can finally build a life together. You wait because you love him.You wait because you want this to work so badly. You wait because you know he is "the one". You wait and you wait and.....YOU WAIT!!!!
Let's take a look at the facts:
He has the best of both worlds. His domestic needs are all taken care of; His wife makes dinner, cleans house and his cloths are neatly hung in his closet. Finacially they are doing well, the house is paid in full and he has money left over to spend on you. He is often home with his wife and children enjoying his family life, his friendships and a comfortable lifestyle. The time he spends with you is controlled by him as he tries to secretly fit you into his schedule. But in the meantime.....you sit at home alone and wait.
But no .....it is not like that my clients say. He and his wife do not get along. He hates living at home with her, they fight constantly, sleep in seperate beds and he is so depressed. The list of problems go on and on, he is not happy at home. As soon as............( fill in the blank) he is leaving her to be with me. You are certain of this , he has reassured you time and time again. You will be together soon. You won't have to wait too much longer.
Do I need to go on?
This story is so common to a therapist; and I myself have seen so much pain in others while they wait for a divorce which in most cases is not going to happen anytime soon.
Denile can be emotionally crippling for many, but some would preferr to be crippled then to face the painful truth.
If you or someone you know is in this situation, speak to a therapsit about your concerns. A licensed professional therapist can help you to move forward with the relationship or move away from it with the least amount of pain. Remember...if he truly loves you, he won't want to lose you.
Either way....it is time to face the truth! For men and women alike, a married partner is a very painful experience for the one who sits and waits.
Your own morals, values, self-esteem and self worth will become hindered as time goes on. You will feel alone, friends will get tired of listening. Family relationships will be in discord when they learn the truth of your situation.
Within your heart, you may already know the truth. But not sure what steps you are needing to take next.
Seek a professional now, who can help guide you in the right direction.
Lets move on with your life!
Blessings
Lilwings03