Ironic but you may very well be sabotaging your relationship
It is hard for most of us to really step outside ourselves and observe our behavior around someone as a third party would. You know - you have been a third party yourself. If we did we could see our mistakes in progress and take corrective action rather than walking down a path to potential break up and heartache. That is why I hope you will heed my advice as well as that of your friends and family. As much as you may not want to believe it sometimes, they do see your situation just as well as you see theirs.
A friend confided in me recently that every test had been passed in evaluating a love interest. Parents had been met; friends had been met; and values and interests matched. All but the sex test had been applied. When all criteria are met and this is all that is left to fully evaluate a relationship, I can understand how that can raise the stakes for a lot of us. We all want to have great sex lives with who we have feelings for and know the risks of feelings intensifying once sex has happened.
I am not necessarily telling you to have sex if you are not ready. However you do need to communicate how you are feeling and why you are refraining from engaging in sex if you feel it is expected.
You of course know how you feel. You know you want him or her with all your heart. You know you’re just afraid of being hurt. It’s not at all that you don’t want to. That is all crystal clear to you but they can’t always know how we feel until we tell them.
Even when they think they know, they are guessing. Imagine the shoe on the other foot. You are ready and willing and they won’t. You might assume its just their afraid of getting too close and getting hurt because you have felt that way before but you can’t be sure can you? Other opportunities come your way and you don’t know if to allow them to pass you by because you don’t know where your current relationship is going.
You have to ask yourself do you really want who you’re with to be having the feelings I am telling you that you would have if they treated you as you are treating them? Now read that question again slow and you will get it. All I can tell you is if you do not make sure it is understood what you are doing, your fears will become a self-fulfilled prophecy and he or she will move on when that is just the opposite of what you had hoped for.
God forbid that should happen but if and when it does take responsibility and you will learn and grow from it. It is a life lesson that will better prepare you to make the right decisions in your next attempt at finding love. However if you blame someone else then there really is nothing for you to do but feel sorry for yourself and continue making the same mistake. You can do better. Get together and do it!