Jealousy - Whats it good for?
Jealousy can be aroused over the most innocent of interactions between someone you have feelings for and a third party. Other times it can be due to something more serious – suspected infidelity. I have a suggestion as to how to deal with it in a controversial way you likely won’t go for but here me out nonetheless.
Most of us desire our significant others to remain faithful to us. Now think about why you feel that way. Any chance you may have been conditioned to think that way because it has always been promoted in society and perhaps you witnessed it among your parents? Separate that from your rationale for a moment and think about what you have left. Does anything come to mind?
If so, and you feel it to be a compelling reason then fine. That is possible. One I’d say is compelling is that it avoids being exposed to sexually transmitted diseases (STD). Yet, everyone should always try to use protection because faithfulness cannot be guaranteed or the relationship begins when STD’s are already present. If there is not much else after removing the moral’s imposed by society consider the following.
Think about all the sleep you loose and arguments you may be having that could culminate in your feeling a need to end the relationship or they may leave you because you won’t trust them. If they can be trusted, not trusting them can be very offensive to them. Why then are they being faithful? You may give them the idea that they may as well cheat because you expect they are anyway. So what is the culprit here? Is it your partner or your jealousy? Try giving them the benefit of the doubt and that should cut back on the arguments considerably.
So now you’re controlling your actions, how do you control your feelings? You still feel jealousy and it is maddening. I have an option for you but it is the controversial part of this blog and likely the most of all blogs I have written to date. Remember earlier I mentioned that we expect fidelity because that’s just the way life is. If there is more to it for you then this option will not work for you. However if that is the only motivation you can think of then I suggest you simply stop worrying about it. In fact expect it is going on. Once you accept that these things happen and can happen to you, you may learn to be more at peace with your feelings.
Don’t ask, don’t suspect, just assume but don’t make an issue of it. If nothing is going on well then so much the better! Even if it is going on, are they there for you when you need them? Are you convinced they love you? If you can answer yes to those two questions you are in very good hands. If he or she goes astray how long does that last? An hour or two? At the end of the day who are they coming home to – you!
Now I am not saying lower the standard completely. You can still set a standard that is easier to follow and gives the flexibility needed to allow the relationship to continue. Good relationships are hard to come by so count up all the other blessings and ask yourself is it worth throwing away all the invested time and love over an indiscretion?
The place to draw the line is at habitual cheating. Anyone can be tempted and seduced without any effort on their part. However, if you discover and confirm that they are putting themselves out their as someone looking for an affair then obviously this is a person who has no respect for their relationship with you as evidenced by their deliberate disregard of the commitment you have to one another.
In sum, strive for faithfulness but be flexible enough to allow for being unfaithful on seldom occasion. Is it happening a few times a year? Than he or she is not trying. Did it happen 3 or 4 years into the relationship and not again for another few years? That may be acceptable. However in the case where he or she is the one seducing another, even once is the time when you really need to consider if the relationship is worth continuing because that person has no respect for the commitment the two of you should have to another.