Rehab 101 for Love Addicts
Recently we discussed how we tend to attract people that share similar traits. Usually we are attracted to them as well. Oddly enough it often does not materialize into anything meaningful. In fact it can often lead to heartache. Such is the case between love addict and avoidance addict match-ups.
These two are said to meet and the love addict showers the avoidance addict with attention. The avoidance addict eats it up like candy. They love it. What they can do without is the eventual attachment the love addict will feel for them.
When the avoidance addict feels they are being suffocated by the overly nurturing love addict they start to back off. This is something the love addict picks up on and their ability to love is interfered with a feeling of being abandoned. As they struggle to regain footing the avoidance addict makes their final exit.
I have personally experienced this. I have been the love addict and have often met avoidance addicts. It is said that love addicts are often born through a low self-esteem and fear of abandonment. An avoidance addict shares this fear of abandonment and is why they value the attention they receive from the love addict but in time it becomes unmanageable because the avoidance addict does not want to feel controlled.
A love addict will inject themselves in every aspect of the avoidance addict’s life. This is done in an effort to win over the affections of the avoidance addict. The avoidance addict does not interpret it as the love addict would hope – that they are loved, in good hands, and should remain with the love addict. They see it as an attempt to control them. It doesn’t matter if the control is in their best interests or not.
There is also the risk that the avoidance addict is left with nothing to contribute to the relationship since the love addict is doing it all. This fosters feelings of not being good enough and is also grounds for pulling away.
If you’re a love addict you will continue to repeat this cycle of being seduced and feeling euphoric but ending up abandoned and resentful until you recognize your problem. We need to look back to your childhood and understand what may have triggered these fears or abandonment and low self-esteem. Once we are ready for romance we already have this baggage from childhood before we even meet our first love interest.
Give me a call so we can explore your specific situation currently and early on in life. Together we can try and identify the cause and address it so that you are more in a position to attract the right people for the right reasons.