Thursday, October 04, 2007 2:39 PM
Victoria Board Licnsd Psych
When "I do" turns to "I don't" Separation & Divorce
Right now, you may feel sadness, anger, shock, relief or
surprise.., or anything else. Separation and divorce are a huge life event and
a major stress…even if you and your partner both agree the relationship should
end. Housing, money, children, pets. dating, and sex are all big issues that
suddenly need to be navigated. You may ask what’s next for yourself and feel
happiness, uncertainty, fear, or confusion. Or, you may hope that you and your
partner can reconcile and work out your problems. One thing is clear when
separation or divorce are looming: the love you promised to each other forever
is in serious danger.
Perhaps you and your spouse agreed to split up. Or maybe
there have been angry scenes and tears. You may still love your partner, while
they’ve fallen out of love, or vice versa. How do you make a decision about
whether to stay or leave? One good rule is to ask yourself whether you are
better off with or without that person. The question isn’t easy.
Most of us select a partner based on many factors, some not
even conscious to us. For example, you unconsciously married a very controlling
woman, because your Mother was controlling, so you found someone familiar.
While you may hate feeling controlled by a woman, it’s also known and
predictable to you. Or you chose a man who’s very adventurous because he lives
out the excitement you are afraid to experience for yourself. Because the
process of finding a partner is so complex like this, the process of unhooking
is also complicated.
If you and/or your partner are contemplating a split, talk
with a licensed, experienced psychotherapist to help you sort things through. A
good therapist will help you think about the decision, rather than telling you
what to do.