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Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE

The dark side of morbid jealousy.

Insecure personalities with extreme low self esteem who are extremely jealous and possessive will use violence to control and manipulate their targets. Many times than not they have used violence before. This is not the first time these personalities used aggressive or violent behavior patterns on their love interests/targets. I have taught you that "past behavior is indicative of future behavior" and "behavior reflects personality." Personalities who are extremely "jealous" who have morbid and or sexual jealousy, cannot handle being rejected by their love interest. These personalities are on emotional thin ice to begin with, losing their one magic person can and many times will send these people over the edge.

I have also taught you, getting to know someone takes time. When these personalities are triggered they will use violence by means of destroying your personal property, damaging your reputation, and in extreme cases physical assaults, rape and death are inflicted on their targets. This is their only face saving, emotional way out. They need to release their pent up frustration and anger. This loss of control over you is their worst nightmare. Remember the saying,

                                        "If I can't have you, nobody will."

Many times you will hear statements such as, "you will remember me" or "I will fix you" "you have not heard the last of me" "just wait and see what happens to you." These statements are threats which must not be taken lightly. It is very important that you take every means possible to protect yourself. Talk to your family, friends. Talk to the police, make people aware of your situation. You must be very alert when going out alone. These personalities will call, text, e-mail come by your house or place of work in an attempt beg forgiveness. They will plead for a second chance. They will say and do anything to get you back. Once violence has reared its ugly head in the relationship. The relationship is over. These personalities need help, their core issues of jealousy, insecurity and low self esteem must be addressed with the help of a licensed medical professional. Remember, these core issues were part of this personalities makeup long before they met you.

Research is quite clear, one out of every ten American women is beaten or abused by a husband or lover. Men can also be abused but the majority of reports that are reported to hot lines and police are by women. The number one mistake I see when talking to men and women on my sites is the attempt to start "rationalizing" away the abusers behavior. This is a very dangerous mind game you are playing with yourself.
The victim starts to take responsibility for the abuse, "maybe I should have not said this or done that." He or she didn't mean to act this way, I would have never dated him/her in the first place.

The reason for this is two fold; First, the victim does not want to look foolish that they choose this partner in the first place. Second, that they put time and energy into a relationship and they want believe their time was not wasted on this personality type. I could not be that stupid.
It is also very important that you do not start posting your personal life all over social media, after a breakup . These personality types are known to use Facebook, Instagram and other media outlets to stalk you. How do I know this? They have told me time and time again. Knowing you have a new love interest or how happy you are could trigger them into a "revenge seeking" patterns of behavior. Do not rub the breakup or your new love interest in their face all over social media. Not a very smart move on your part.
Until next time, be safe, smart and alert. If I can answer any questions please call me on my ex. 01155. I will send you free time so we can talk.

                                                    Anthony Iantosca, BCFE

Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
Therapeutic / Forensic Profiling
Threat Assessment
Personalities are as diverse as colors of a rainbow. We can fit a personality into a basic category based on their profile (emotional make up, intensity level, traits and behavior that is consistent over a period of time.) But that is where it ends. No two personalities will behave / act in the exact same way.
For example;   We have four primary colors Red, Yellow, Blue, Green. These four primary colors will give you every color in the color spectrum, depending on the percentages of how they are mixed together.  Personalities and their traits are much the same way. Personalities and their behavior patterns are on a bell curve.  A Dysfunctional Personality or narcissist who in the old days was called egomaniac or megalomaniac who is an emotional extrovert will act much differently  than an emotionally controlled Ambivert. Their core issues are the same but how they will express and act on those core issues will be much different.
 This is where many people get confused. I have four situations right now where all four personalities are Dysfunctional Personalities .Each one behaves and acts much differently than the other. Their Gas lighting and Defense tactics range from the silent treatment to violent  behavior. One client is ready for the insane asylum due to her husbands relentless badgering and accusations of her infidelity. In Forensic Profiling we would call this "Sexual Jealousy"  or "Morbid Jealousy"  which is the most dangerous. Any act of independence, setting up boundaries and addressing his behavior and not giving him, her complete undivided attention. Triggers his insecurity and abandonment fears. The last episode lasted over four days because she made a very innocent comment on a Actor in a movie he wanted to watch.  He used a tactic called "Baiting."  He asked her a question on a black actor who was in the movie, I like this actor myself by the way. She stated that she liked him as an actor. That was all it took, I have warned her to be careful when he asks her loaded questions.
This personality seems to recycle every four to six weeks. I have explained to her to watch his behavior after this time period, the change is always the same. He will start small fights, be in a bad mood, pick at her,  find fault with everything she does or says. He is looking to be pacified like a baby wanting his pacifier. This fight lasted four days, no matter what she said to explain herself he took it as she was being defensive and lying. When in this state of mind he as all  insecure Dysfunctional Personalities he/she will "Twist the facts to fit their Emotions."  Normal functioning personalities "Our Emotions fit the Facts"   I warned her that he was capable of violent behavior when I first profiled him, when they first met. He destroyed their house caused a great deal of damage to her, her home and  personal belongings. A Threat Assessment profile detected  his violent  behavior potential.  She remembered my initial profile on him and left the house before he could attack her. He has since calmed down and is acting like nothing happened. The next epoxide he beat her very badly over a statement she made that triggered his jealousy.
My client sent me the pictures of her beaten and bruised body. It broke my heart. She finely had had enough, she asked him to leave her home and got a devoice.
Never equate "jealousy" with love. Many people, male/ female who are insecure personalities themselves make this very serious mistake.  
Remember this statement "If I can't have him/her nobody will." This statement made by someone who is a very jealous personality could and will have very serious consequences.  
It could cost you, your life.

Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE


So please tell me FBI what the word "intend" means? It is very simple. Let me lay it out for you. The word "intend" means a person has in mind to do something. It does not mean the person will do it. People always have great intentions. Every New Year people "intend" to start an exercise program, many never do. People accused of some type of wrong doing, "intend" to defend themselves in a court of law, most never do. The word "intend" does not mean "I will" or "I won't." It does not mean "I did" or "I didn't." It means "I might" or "I think."

Do you remember the movie "A few Good Men" do you remember when Tom Cruz was asking Jack Nicholson questions about following orders, Nicholson had stated that private Santiago was not to be touched, he was to be left alone. Do not give him a "code red." Cruz asks Nicholson are you sure your men obeyed your orders? Do your men always obey your orders? Nicholson is getting angry and states that men obey orders or men die. You got that! You got son! Tom Cruz turns around to Nicholson and states if your orders are always obeyed and private Santiago was in no danger, he was not to be touched because your orders are always obeyed. "Than why was private Santiago being transferred off the Base"

"Why the two orders?"

Now I will ask you Ms. Clinton if you had no "intention" to break the law, no "intention" to circumvent Government protocol, no "intention" to compromise the security of the United States then,


Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE

Deception Detection
Answer #8
I want to get into more detail on shoulder display's  called the "shoulder shrugs" when one or two shoulder come up. We will use "shoulder shrugs"  to indicate lack of knowledge. Look for both shoulders to rise at the same time. When only one shoulder comes up the message given is suspect. When both shoulders only rise partially, very little, this shows a lack of commitment.   Also many times but not always, you will also see the palms turn up called the "rogatory position."
When you ask a person a question and they harbor no "guilty knowledge" of the question asked seeing the shoulders pop "shoulder shrug" up and the palms turn up with the shoulder shrug, would not be a sign of deception.
When talking to a person and they are making a passionate and assertive declarative statement and the palms turn up with or without a shoulder shrug this "tell" is not very affirmative and this tells me the person is asking or begging to be believed. With any declarative statement "no, I didn't do it" those palms should be face down demanding to be believed and not asking or begging to be believed. 
Remember the innocent go forward the person who is harboring  "guilty knowledge" will retreat and give off "tells" that scream low confidence and discomfort.      

Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE

Deception Detection Quiz


1) When a person does not look at you in the eyes when answering a question he/she is lying. False
There is no evidence to state that gaze aversion is a sign of deception. When people are comfortable and feel no immediate threat or when answering questions looking at faces causes cognitive overload.  

2) When a person is answering your questions and starts rubbing their nose or ear is lying. False
When a person is put in a stressful situation blood pressure will rise and the behavior of rubbing the face is a pacifying gesture to relax and bring the subject back into a state of comfort. The nasal passages become dry. The hairs in the nose start to stand up and become itchy.

3) When a person looks you in the eye through out your questions he/she is telling the truth. False
Practiced liars and psychopaths have been taught at a very early age to look at people directly in the eyes when talking, they believe that doing so will be seen as a sign of truthfulness. They will over compensate and look at you to much.
4) Words and actions come before Emotions. False
Emotions are always expressed before words and actions.
5) When a personality looks to the right when answering a question he/she is lying. False

6) When a person looks to the left when answering a question he/she is being truthful. False
Both questions 5,6 are bases on NLP.

NLP was invented in the 1970s by Linguist John Grinder and a Psychologist, Richard Bandler. The concept of NLP was since the right hemisphere of the brain controls the left side of the body and the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body than watching the eyes called "eye accessing cues" when asking a question the eyes would access top right, "construct" top left, "recall" we could ascertain if the person was being deceptive. To this day there is no credible research to back up its claims. For example if a person is rehearsing a lie over and over again for later recall, where do you think this information is being stored? It is being stored in long term memory. In a situation where a person is being asked a question in which they have rehearsed a deceptive answer where do you think their eyes will access? Their eyes will access top left for "recall." Take in the fact that some people are what is called "opposite orientated" looking top right for "recall" and top left for "construct." You can understand why NLP is not a valid proven science for detecting deception. The past president of the NLP Society John LaValle has stated that there is no correlation between eye movement and deception detection.

7) When a person is sitting and folding their arms when answering your questions, is lying. False
Many people sit this way and may be a sign of comfort. When a person is sitting with their shoulders up called the "turtle" trying to hide in the open and clinching their opposite arms tightly this would be a sign of discomfort. I would take note of that part of the interview and return back and ask additional questions.

8) When a person turns one of their palms up when answering a direct question stating they could not do such a thing or they were not involved, he/she is being truthful. False
When answering a question and a person turns both palms and shoulders up at the same time and states "I don't know"  the person is Limbic committed to their statement, when only one palm and shoulder turns up. This tells me they are not Limbic committed to their statement I would return and ask additional questions to understand why. 
9) In a statement verbal or written the longer the answer/explanation the more truthful they are. False
The shortest answer to any question is the best answer. Many times deceptive people will answer your question with a lot of equivocal, unnecessary language in the hopes that you will believe they are being cooperative and truthful. The only problem is that many times than not they never answer your question.   

10) When a person states they would not or could not do what you are accusing them of, he/she is being truthful. False
You cannot substitute the words could not, would not or the word never, for the word "no"  
The shortest answer is the best answer " No, I didn't do it" is the most truthful answer to your question or accusation.

Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
Deception Detection


Detecting deception is very difficult. Even the professionals who are trained in deception detection such as law enforcement, judges
and attorney's are only 50 - 60 percent accurate. Many of the body language "tells" that people look for as a sign of deceit are a signs of nervousness and anxiety when being interviewed, more than accurate signs of deception. Lets take a quiz and see how accurate you are
in your ability to detect deception.


I am going to ask all of you ten questions. I want you, based on the information I have posted here and your ability to detect deception when you know someone is lying to you. The answers are true or false. Lets see how good you do.

1) When a person does not look at you in the eyes when answering a question he/she is lying?

2) When a person is answering your question and starts rubbing their nose or ear he/she is lying?

3) When a person looks you in the eye through out your questions he/she is telling the truth.

4) Words and actions come before Emotions.

5) When a personality looks to the right when answering a question is he/she is lying?

6) When a person looks to the left when answering a question he/she is being truthful.

7) When a person is sitting and folding their arms when answering your questions, is lying.

8) When a person turns one of their palms up when answering a direct question stating they could not do such a thing or they were not involved, is he/she is being truthful?

9) In a statement verbal or written the longer the answer/explanation the more truthful they are.

10) When a person states they would not or could not do what you are accusing them of, is he/she being truthful?

Tomorrow part 2 answers.

Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE IAFEI Deception Detection Detecting deception is very difficult. Even the professionals who are trained in deception detection such as law enforcement, judges and attorney's are only 50 - 60 percent accurate. Many of the body language "tells" that people look for as a sign of deceit are a signs of nervousness and anxiety when being interviewed, more than accurate signs of deception. Lets take a quiz and see how accurate you are in your ability to detect deception. Quiz I am going to ask all of you ten questions. I want you, based on the information I have posted here and your ability to detect deception when you know someone is lying to you. The answers are true or false. Lets see how good you do. 1) When a person does not look at you in the eyes when answering a question he/she is lying? 2) When a person is answering your question and starts rubbing their nose or ear is he/she lying? 3) When a person looks you in the eye through out your questions he/she is telling the truth? 4) Words and actions come before Emotions. 5) When a personality looks to the right when answering a question he/she is lying? 6) When a person looks to the left when answering a question is he/she is being truthful? 7) When a person is sitting and folding their arms when answering your questions, is he/she lying? 8) When a person turns one of their palms up when answering a direct question stating they could not do such a thing or they were not involved, he/she is being truthful? 9) In a statement verbal or written the longer the answer/explanation the more truthful they are. 10) When a person states they would not or could not do what you are accusing them of, is he/she being truthful? Tomorrow Part 2 answers.
Special interest Article;
 Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE

 Statement Analysis
 The personal pronoun "we"

This pronoun has many different meanings when stated in an oral or written statement depending on the context of the situation you are involved in. The pronoun "we" connects people together in a partnership, relationship, friendship, etc., with each other. This pronoun can also be used by someone who does not want to take full responsibility for an act or decision they have made. They want to spread responsibility around to others. Politicians are notorious for this.
Also, it is a word that can indicate deception in an assault or rape case.

Example; If I asked you "What did you do last night?" You might say " My friend Catie and I went to a movie." First, the person has introduced Catie as his/her friend into the statement which is a proper social introduction and shows me there is a good relationship between Catie and her partner/friend. The word "and" would be acceptable at this portion of the statement. Now the shortest sentence is the best sentence. I would expect him/her to start using the word "we" when continuing on with his/her statement. Now if the person changes the statement and uses the word "and" somewhere in the narrative, such as, after the movie "we" decided to go to dinner, "we" went to dinner, after dinner Catie and I went home. This would indicate to me the examiner that something happened during or after dinner between Catie and her partner/friend. We have a change in language from "we" to "and" I would want to know why? Even though the word "and" connects to people together, in this situation it is a down grade from "we" to "and" which is separating the two people.

 Example; A Judge was sitting on the bench when a large company was being prosecuted for fraud. The Judge owned stock in the company. The defense attorney brought up this to the sitting Judge. The Judge stepped down because of the appearance of a possible conflict of interest. The Judge stated later when asked why he did not disclose this fact before the court case was held, he said, "I hear many cases and I don't know how this got by me. I promise that "we" will do a much better job moving forward."  Ok Judge, who is "we?" You owned the stock.

 When there was an attack on our Embassy and the Secretary of State was asked by Congress to testify on how and why this attack could have been prevented, how did this happen and what could have been done to protect our personal? She stated "I am responsible for the protection of our Embassies" but then goes on to say "we" could have done a much better job and "we" will work to make sure this does not ever happen again." She was the person in charge, it was her responsibility, yet she does not take full responsibility. She spread that mistake around by using the personal pronoun "we." I would have asked who is "we?" Ms. Secretary.

 Example; I was asked to analyze a statement on a rape case, the attorney wanted to know if the woman was telling the truth and if I could detect any deception in her statement. The statement read, " I called my husband after work and told him I was going out after work with the girls from the office for a few drinks and would not be home late. I left the bar which was near my office and was walking down the street to get my car and go home, it was around eleven pm and a guy walking up to me asked me for directions. We were walking down the street as I was giving him the directions. The next thing I know he is forcing me into a vacant building and started raping me, we were in there for a long time.
When he finished he said do not call the police or I will come back and kill you, that is what happened tonight and about all I can say to you." I analyzed the statement and gave the attorney my report. I explained to him there were many deceptive markers in her statement and based on her language the statement was coming from logic (creating the story) and not a true auto biographical memory of the alleged rape/event.
 Her statement was also lacking many details that should have been in her statement. Such as the attackers height, size, shin color. The street she was on, the bar she was in, also the unique word "back." I can only return back to a place I was in before, does this woman live in a vacant building? I also told him that she used the pronoun "we" when the attack took place. Victims do not pair up with their attackers. It would be acceptable for her to use the pronoun "we" before the attack took place when they were walking down the street. Once the attack took place the pronoun "we" should not have been used.

 This told me she was either making up the story or she knew her alleged attacker. I explained to the attorney he should question her in detail on these inconsistencies. Come to find out she was making up the story to explain to her husband why she got home so late. She also and knew her alleged attacker. A man she was having an office affair with.
Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE

Dysfunctional Personalities
Deception of the Borderline, Psychology Today

This article by Psychology Today is a very accurate description of why Dysfunctional Personalities attack and rage at you. The defense tactics they will use to protect themselves from being exposed for the insecure personalities they are. Why it is so confusing to "you" the partner or loved one who is on the receiving end of their insane behavior. I have explained to many of my clients that what these dysfunctional personalities project outwardly and what they are feeling on the inside emotionally are two different matters.

 Psychology Today

 Not all Borderline Personality symptoms will present with the exact patterns. This is one reason why it is so confusing to bystanders who are not mental health practitioners. It is a common experience for the borderline personality to give the appearance of being a very normal person to most people and unnoticed by people in the family, friends, and circle, of acquaintances. Nevertheless, at the same time the BPD is inflicting excruciating emotional pain upon family members and loved ones through a pervasive pattern of behaviors that just does not make sense. The response of many family members can be confusion and being made to feel a little crazy themselves. A common behavior of the Borderline personality is to act out or act in exhibiting attention seeking behaviors that are convincing enough for onlookers to evoke a sympathetic response. The natural response to acting out is to enable or to rescue the Borderline from every impending crisis, which seems very real to the BPD. The behavior of acting out has earned many Borderline's the label of "Drama Queen or King, i.e., individuals who "act out" to gain the sympathy and support of others. This calculated performance is portrayed to deflect attention away from the internalized fear beneath the behavior. Obviously, onlookers who do not fully understand what is happening, so it triggers a response to console and rescue the person from their tragic circumstances.

 As a result, individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder are constantly managing a lifestyle unconsciously played out in a constantly developing drama where they are constantly "faking it" to make it in the world their skewed perception creates. In the drama played out, the great fear of abandonment and continual threat of rejection must be managed by the behaviors exhibited. Therefore, at the heart of the BPD's crisis management is the morbidity potential attached to the phobic thinking that sooner or later he/she will be "found out" and face permanent abandonment and rejection. Consequently, the behavior often observed centers around a concerted effort to manage life at the cost of others that contributes to a life-long pattern of manipulating people, information, and perception in ways that spin reality to match their mentally distorted view of life. The goal of the pervasive thinking pattern is to manipulate, control, and hide the underlying problem from people around them on a daily basis.

The danger felt by a Borderline is motivated by the neurotic fear of being found out and facing the possibility of being rejected or abandoned. As a result, the very idea of someone exposing the reality of the borderline behavior is a trigger that evokes fear of being exposed along with the subsequent fear of abandonment. Facing this stress, triggers the core issue, the fear of abandonment, isolation, and public exposure to the truth resulting in Borderline Rage. Consequently, the behavior following is an intense feeling of rejection, pain, along with outbursts of anger. Neurotic fear triggers defensive mechanisms designed to try to regain control of the skewed mental perception of many Borderlines by re-spinning reality to those around them. Therefore, what results is rage, acting out, as well as, acting in behaviors resulting from emotional dysregulation from the perceived threats. Unfortunately for you, if you are the person who identifies the deception of the borderline, be prepared to become the focused object of rage motivated by an irrational belief that you caused abandonment, social isolation, and rejection.

Rage is directed at you by the Borderline in a very personal way that is designed to destroy you and disable your credibility to everyone she can influence. Something to remember is that for the borderline, the loss of control coupled with the fear of abandonment triggers a heightened level of stress that is unmanageable, which results in deregulated emotions, panic, and the attention seeking behaviors that will follow. Consequently, a common experience for the BPD is when dysregulation is triggered is that splitting occurs and what was once all good has suddenly become all bad. This symptomatic pattern among Borderlines threatened with a feeling of lack of control, or being found out, is to turn their anger toward the person who knows their secret and threatens the myth that they have created. In the distorted reasoning of the Borderline, the identifier endangers their ability to maintain a feeling of control, which in turn triggers emotional dysregulation under the stress.

 Then, comes the anger, rage, passive aggressive anger focused by the internalized threat upon the person who knows their secret and may expose the BPD to accountability for their distorted behaviors. So, before you assume responsibility for the rage, pain, and dysfunction, remember that this is not your fault, it is BPD.

Deception of the Borderline, Psychology Today
Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE

Over the last few months I have written about the behavior patterns of the highly insecure personalities. Dysfunctional personalities as I have called them and the games they play with people in their personal and professional lives. How they think, feel and will respond when their abandonment/engulfment fears are triggered and when their ego and sense of self is threatened.
Today, I will talk about the psychopath. Research has stated that a psychopath may be narcissist but a narcissist is not always a psychopath.
The reason for this statement is a Narcissist needs outside validation from others for his/her sense of self worth "narcissist supply."  The psychopath does not. A psychopath can live on an Island alone and survive the narcissist cannot.
The psychopath is in a class all by themselves. Please do not read through the traits and instantly analyze everyone in your life. This information is meant to give you an overview and it's something you can use as a tool to assess yourself and to use wisely when assessing others. Being involved with a psychopath it is not a question of if you are going to get hurt, it is a question of when. These personality types are very good at slipping below your radar. I hope Dr. Hare's checklist will give you a better understanding of their behavior patterns.   

Listed below is the  Hare Psychopathy Checklist-Revised, a diagnostic tool used to identify psychopathic  traits. 

It was compiled by Dr. Robert Hare, Emeritus Professor of Psychology at the University of British Columbia, where he has taught and conducted research for more than four decades, devoting most of his academic career to the study of psychopathy.

Dr. Hare created the psychopathy checklist as a tool to determine the length of stay for criminals in prison.  It's obvious that the degree of psychopathic traits present in criminals would play a deciding factor on the length of stay. Dr. Hare ranks each trait on a  scale of 0-3. For example, if a prisoner ranks 1 on all 20 traits, then he or she would rank 20. Someone who ranks a 3 on all 20 traits would receive a score of 60 and would probably receive a longer length of stay in prison.

Dr. Hare spends much time with each prisoner  and consequently, scores them to his best abilities. But even to Dr. Hare's own chagrin, he has been duped by many psychopaths. 


                                          The Hare Psychopathy Checklist - Revised 


  1. GLIB and SUPERFICIAL CHARM - The tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, slick, and verbally facile. Psychopathic charm is not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything.  A psychopath never gets tongue-tied. They have freed themselves from the social conventions about taking turns in talking, for example.
  2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH - A grossly inflated view of one's abilities and self-worth, self-assured, opinionated, cocky, a braggart. Psychopaths are arrogant people who believe they are superior human beings.
  3. NEED FOR STIMULATION or PRONENESS TO BOREDOM - An excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Psychopaths often have low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because they get bored easily. They fail to work at the same job for any length of time, for example, or to finish tasks that they consider dull or routine.
  4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING - Can be moderate or high; in moderate form, they will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever; in extreme form, they will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative, and dishonest.
  5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVE - The use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item #4 in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one's victims.
  6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT - A lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, cold-hearted, and non-empathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one's victims.
  7. SHALLOW AFFECT - Emotional poverty or a limited range or depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness.
  8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY - A lack of feelings toward people in general; cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless.
  9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE - An intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline, and inability to begin or complete responsibilities.
  10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS - Expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily.
  11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR - A variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of several relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits or conquests.
  12. EARLY BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS - A variety of behaviors prior to age 13, including lying, theft, cheating, vandalism, bullying, sexual activity, fire-setting, glue-sniffing, alcohol use, and running away from home.
  13. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS - An inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life.
  14. IMPULSIVITY - The occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations, and urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic, and reckless.
  15. IRRESPONSIBILITY - Repeated failure to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, defaulting on loans, performing sloppy work, being absent or late to work, failing to honor contractual agreements.
  16. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS - A failure to accept responsibility for one's actions reflected in low conscientiousness, an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, denial of responsibility, and an effort to manipulate others through this denial.
  17. MANY SHORT-TERM MARITAL RELATIONSHIPS - A lack of commitment to a long-term relationship reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including marital.
  18. JUVENILE DELINQUENCY - Behavior problems between the ages of 13-18; mostly behaviors that are crimes or clearly involve aspects of antagonism, exploitation, aggression, manipulation, or a callous, ruthless tough-mindedness.
  19. REVOCATION OF CONDITION RELEASE - A revocation of probation or other conditional release due to technical violations, such as carelessness, low deliberation, or failing to appear.
  20. CRIMINAL VERSATILITY - A diversity of types of criminal offenses, regardless if the person has been arrested or convicted for them; taking great pride at getting away with crimes. The word psychopath can be replaced with the word sociopath throughout this page. The meaning is very similar, if not the same.
Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
Understanding Splitting
I was asked by my client if I would explain "splitting."  I hope this information from a profilers perspective will help you to understand what is called "splitting."
Splitting is when you are loved one minute and hated the next.  You are idealized one minute and devalued the next.  These personalities "project" their self hatred  on to you. "You" are the canvas they paint all of their dysfunction on to. The problem they will have is when "you" do not fall for their gas lighting, dysfunctional tactics. That ramps up their game playing and attempts to regain control over you. They are losing control. When they feel that loss of control, abandonment is not far behind.  Dysfunctional personalities use sex in the early stages of the relationship to get you emotionally hooked in. That is why sex with these personalities is off the charts in the early stages or the seduction phase. This causes most of the confusion when getting involved with these personalities. Many people confuse sex with love. The split comes when they cannot control you. That intensifies their insecurity. That triggers their abandonment fears. I can't control you, you will leave me. You do not jump to my drum beat, you will leave me. Their rage against you is their self loathing,  they are really raging against themselves. You are their dart board.
 When these personalities get involved with a strong personality who will not put up with their nonsense, their biggest fears are realized. It is that they are not worthy of you, not that you are not worthy of them, as they would have you believe. The very same fears they felt in childhood. I am not lovable, I am not good enough, there is something wrong with me, etc.   They split and run from you because they fear being exposed for the insecure personalities they are. Their fake mask has fallen off. Something they need to avoid at all costs. Why? Now you see me for who and what I really am. You will abandon me. They run from you as a form of "ego protection" I left You. You did not leave me. That game never really works. One of the reasons they will attempt to keep in contact.  They need to stay in your head. Because you are still in theirs. Everything they say and do is nothing but smoke and mirrors. Their gas lighting and the terrible things they say to you is a failed attempt to make you feel bad. Why? They feel bad and hurt. They are only projecting that inner pain on to you. Hate, anger are very strong emotions. You do not harbor strong emotions for people you really don't care about or for people who are no longer still stuck in your head. They need to hate us, they need to make themselves believe they hate us. So they will not feel the intense abandonment pain.
You see they really loved and had intense emotions for you. These emotions triggered engulfment fears. People misunderstand these engulfment fears. It is not that "you" are putting emotional pressure on them. It is they are feeling intense emotions for you and are engulfed by the emotions. These emotions are telling them "stop" you are losing control, you will be hurt, this person does not love you as much as you love them, this person will abandon you. This is when they must run from you. They split you. They will leave you before you leave them. They cut off their finger to save their arm so to speak. Their irrational fears are not based in reality. It is usually at this time in the relationship that you will get tested, they look for anything that will validate their irrational thinking. The first time you do not jump to their demands, that is the proof that they need that you do not love or want them. Their actions full fill their own prophecy. These personalities just never believed you loved them or would have stayed with them for the long term. How could you love me, when I do not love myself. They are very good at tearing you down, they have to.  Why? You are spending all your time defending yourself and not paying attention to the real issue. Their fear, insecurity and dysfunction.
Remember these personalities are very good at making "you" believe that "you" are/were the problem. If you believe this false bill of goods, they feel better about themselves for the short term. It never lasts. Just like helium in a birthday balloon, day after day it leaks out. Their feeling of superiority is very short lived.    
A deep need for attention. A tactic of the insecure. I see this game being played so much in my daily conversations with some clients that I wanted to write about it. This is a emotion manipulation tactic.  The "I am walking away game,"   the "silent treatment game,"  the "I have walked out game,"  " I am leaving you game." I could go on and on. This is a tactic of the insecure personality who cannot talk about their relationship concerns in an adult manner and uses this tactic in a attempt to get you worried and concerned that they are leaving the relationship or have left the relationship. This is a tactic that many times than not is an attempt to trigger your abandonment fears. What these personalities do not realize is they are using a tactic that works on them, so they think it will work on you. The problem arises with these people when this little drama game does not work anymore.
They want you to chase them, to pacify their insecurities and make them feel wanted and loved. Here is the problem, when the game does not work. I have told my clients over and over again, do not walk this road unless you are serious about staying on this road. I am not talking about victims who are in abusive relationships and have found the strength to leave and get out before they are hurt or killed by their Dysfunctional abusive partner.
I am talking about the drama kings and queens who use this gaslighting/manipulation tactic in an attempt to get their emotional needs met.  
These personalities are jealous and insecure and need to be the center of your world. When they think they are not, "real or imagined," many times its "imagined" they walk away, leave, make this grand gesture of packing up their belongings and walking out. Their partner calls, texts and tries to make heads or tails of what happened. The partner chases them, calls and the drama king or queen does not answer their phone or text. They are getting the desired effect, temporally. Until the partner who has some self respect stops chasing them. What happens? Now your abandonment fears are triggered.  
They become angry and upset that the game has stopped working. Now they are chasing the partner who they walked out on and are using every game in the book to get them back. They become very angry and are now accusing their partner of "playing games." Excuse me!
Remember the fable of the little boy who cried wolf. Stop using and playing this childish game, it may work once. With a confident personality, it will only work once. Ok, you want to go, go. Keep playing this foolish game and you will not be taken seriously again.
Talk about your concerns in an adult manner. If your partner does not want to address your concerns then you can walk away. But at least you have voiced  your concerns / issues and have explained why you are unhappy and why you are leaving the relationship. If your partner will not discuss your concerns, then your partner has no one to blame but him/herself.

If you have any questions I will be more than happy to talk to you. I give five free minutes to all callers. My Ex. 01155 on Ingenio.

                                                 Anthony Iantosca, BCFE    

Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
Manipulation and Control 
I have written many articles on the Dysfunctional Personality and the emotional manipulation games they use to control and dominate you.
The mind games they use to undercut your self esteem and confidence. These personalities project their insecurities on to you in a defense tactic called "Projection." 
 A healthy personality they will resolve a conflict in a mature adult manner. They will talk out their concerns with you. Together in healthy conversation, you and your partner will work together to resolve differences. Each will explain the issues that are of concern and work on a solution. With the DP, the problems are always your fault. It is a very effective tactic of the insecure. Why? Well the more your partner, friend, family or business associate attacks you, the less attention you are paying to their Dysfunctional behavior.
You are put on the defensive. Much of your time is in defending yourself against their outlandish accusations.
When you put your foot down, the emotional manipulation begins in the form of the "silent treatment"  "passive aggressive behavior"  "distancing behavior or in the worst case "violence." You must remember the first time "violent behavior" rears it's ugly head in a relationship, that relationship is over. Never rationalize away the "abusers" physically aggressive and violent behavior.  Allowing this behavior could set up what is called a "trauma bond" with your abuser. Your abuser becomes the rescuer and the rescuer becomes the abuser. You live for the good times when you are being treated right and fear the bad times when you are not. 
What is a trauma bond?
Trauma bonds are very hard to break.   Traumatic bonding is "strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other." (Dutton & Painter, 1981). Several conditions have been identified that must be present for a traumatic bond to occur.

--(1). There must be an imbalance of power, with one person more in control of key aspects of the relationship, such as setting themselves up as the "authority" through such things as controlling the finances, or making most of the relationship decisions, or using threats and intimidations, so the relationship has become lopsided.

--(2). The abusive behavior is sporadic in nature. It is characterized by intermittent reinforcement, which means there is the alternating of highly intense positives (such as intense kindness or affection) and the negatives of the abusive behavior.

--(3). The victim engages in denial of the abuse for emotional self- protection. In severe abuse (this can be psychological or physical), one form of psychological protection strategy is dissociation, where the victim experiences the abuse as if it is not happening to them, but as if they are outside their body watching the scene unfold (like watching a movie). Dissociative states allow the victim to compartmentalize the abusive aspects of the relationship in order to focus on the positive aspects.
Emotional manipulation in the form of covert or overt behavior is a very effective way of hurting and controlling you. In profiling this is called "domineering  behavior." You are being taught that if I "the abuser"  do not get my way, you will be punished in some way. Many times the punishment is covert, sometimes the punishment is overt and violent.  The controlling party is relying on your fear of abandonment, rejection, ridicule, criticism or punishment.  To keep you in line.  The problem with this tactic for the controller is when it does not work.
It is very important to remember that the emotional manipulation games the controller attempts to use on you, what works on them. These personalities believe that everyone thinks, feels and acts as they do. They will use these tactics because these tactics work on them. So after you have attempted to talk and engage them in an adult manner and they still act in this controlling immature way. Simply stop. Stop giving them the attention they are receiving from you. These personalities gage how effective their tactic is working on you by your continued response. The more you chase them, beg, plead and attempt to engage them. The more powerful and in control they feel.  
For the insecure personality the power they feel is short lived.  Just like the air in a birthday balloon. With these personality types you must "command their respect" and draw  "boundary lines."   You must show them you respect yourself and will not be party to their gaslighting tactics. When you do, the air leaks out of their balloon and it  falls to the ground. Is it a painful process for you? Yes it is. Why? Because you care and love these people and want to work things out. Love is an emotion that they cannot feel for you, because they do not love or respect themselves. Remember something, if they walk away and stay away to protect their ego this will be painful for you. It will also be very painful for them as well. You will remain in their heads for a very long time. You have shown them that you have self respect for yourself and above all else, that the only legend they were, was in their own minds.   

If you should have any questions on profiling please send me an e-mail. I will send you five free minutes so we can talk. My ex on ingenio 01155. I look forward to speaking with you.

                                                                   Anthony Iantosca, BCFE  

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Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE


This article today is in response to a Wall Street Article I read the other day concerning Ambiverts. It seems that psychologists and lay people are talking more and more about the Ambivert personality type. Many of the students and clients who I have worked with have heard the term Ambivert. Most people have never heard the term. Now the term Ambivert personality type is coming more into the forefront and their analysis of the Ambivert and Introvert personality is somewhat inaccurate. I will give you a basic overview of these personality types. There is much more to all of these very complex personalities than I have written in this article.


There are eight degrees of emotion that we measure starting from severe Introversion to extreme Extroversion. The slant pattern of the handwriting tells the examiner/profiler how the writer deals with, feels and expresses emotion and emotion only. This is a very complex procedure because the emotional make up of each of these eight degrees of emotion have a "primary" emotional profile and an "inferior" emotional profile. The primary emotional profile is the personalities emotional make up. Under times of stress, uncertainty their "inferior" emotional behavior pattern will be expressed. Both of these emotional behavior patterns can be  expressed and are never devoid of each other.  We all feel emotion the same way but express our emotions differently. All communication flows from me to you, from left to right. The more the slant to the left the handwriting is consistently the more emotionally controlled (Introverted) the personality is. The following is a basic explanation of the Introvert, Ambivert and Extrovert personality.




Were not born this way they were made this way, by domineering parents, school and or church. The Introvert learned at a very early age that he/she could not depend on anyone for love or emotional support. Commonly this was denied them. Love, joy and happiness, is without expression much less shared. It is not that these personalities are devoid of emotion, on the contrary. They experience all forms of emotion like you and I, they just fear it and are unable to express it. Introverts do not hide in a corner with a bag over their head. Introverts can and will function very well in society, it is their distrust of emotion and emotion only that is the key to understanding these personalities and their behavior towards others.  As long as you are not attempting to get emotionally close to the introvert they can and do function well.  They can be social, funny, they can and do get married and have children. Their partner will state that their Introverted partner always has a cold and detached  way about them. Getting married is logical to the introvert and is what is expected of them. They will do what brings them approval It is a necessary evil.  They can and do work very hard. Introverts can function very well in the corporate world and many are in top management.  The only time you see a complete change in their behavior is when you are attempting to get emotionally close to them, put your hands on them,  ask them personal questions and attempting to invade their personal life or space is when you will see a complete change in their behavior.  Introverts do not trust emotion, when they feel strong emotions they shut down. They learned at a very early age that emotion and becoming emotional gets them into problems. As children when they became emotional and wanted emotional interaction with their primary care givers, family etc. This was denied them, they were rejected, ridiculed, criticized and punished. They learned at a very early age no one can be trusted, they only had themselves to depend on.   When emotion comes into play, the Introvert feels venerable, weak and believes they will get hurt emotionally as they experienced in childhood. They have a profound distrust of people attempting to get close to them and this attempt at emotional closeness is always eyed with suspicion .   Emotion to the Introvert is a weakness. The Introvert cannot tolerate emotional pressure put on them by others.  Introverts deal with emotion in very short doses if at all. This is the main reason they engage in solitary activities and are loners.   Introverts live by a code of "what is in the best interest of me." I will explain that statement and what it means to the Introvert.  Back in my early days in profiling, I spent a great deal of time talking to and working with many of the stripers who were also working girls. I would sit and talk to them.  I was waiting for my friends to get off their shift so we could go back into Chinatown and eat. Many of these girls  gave me their handwriting and asked me if I would  gave them a quick behavioral profile.  The majority of the women were Introverts. They were funny, outgoing, very provocative and would make the men that were spending money on them feel very special. I would ask them do you ever get emotionally involved with your clients.

They all said the same thing to me "what are you kidding, this is only a job. My job is to get their money out of their pocket and into mine. No more no less. When my shift is over I go back home to my husband and kids." Some were college students putting themselves through school. Their behavior was very logical to them. Bottom line "what is in the best interest of me."   Introverts can be very cold, uncaring and lack empathy.  Introverts were not born this way, they were made this way.  

 Timothy McVeigh was an Introvert, with heavy pressure (intensity). American terrorist who detonated a truck bomb in front of the Alfred P. Murrah  Federal Building in Oklahoma City on April 19, 1995. Commonly referred to as the Oklahoma City bombing,



  As the slant of the handwriting continues to the right the more emotionally expressive extroverted the personality is. Extroversion is also on a bell curve. There are what is called a "Controlled Extrovert,"  "Extrovert norm of society," and "Extreme Extrovert."  Extroverts are the norm of society, the majority of people in todays society are Extroverts.  If you do not think so, just read the morning news paper. You will have ten stories about who was killed, raped or murdered and one story about how Suzie Cue won the spelling contest. That is not logic that is emotion.  Extroverts are people, people. Extroverts are very responsive types of personalities, they are outgoing, gregarious and fun loving. These personalities are usually sensual, warm and truly appeal to the hedonistic tendencies of those they encounter.  I will  give you a point of measurement on the differences of emotional control and expression. The Ambivert personality is held in check by a wire cable, the controlled Extrovert is held in check by a rope, The Extrovert (norm for society) is held in check by a string, the extreme Extrovert is held in check by a thread.  Extroverts are very responsive personalities both positively and negatively. Extroverts have a tendency respond first and think later and in most situations and can be very volatile and expressive when triggered. Extroverts are quick to express love, prejudice, anger, guilt, jealousy and other intense emotional degrees of responsiveness. When the more extroverted personality is in a good frame of mind they are warm, loving caring. When they are in a negative frame of mind they are a force to be dealt with.  Extroverts live by a code "what is in the best interest of you, as long as you do things my way." The important thing for you to understand is that most everything the Extrovert personality experiences is going to have an emotional foundation to it.  When the Extrovert personality is good they are wonderful. When they are in a negative frame of mind they can be wicked, for example;


Ted Bundy was an Extrovert. He was a Psychopath who's emotional Extroverted non threatening behavior when he approached his victims, helped him to slip under the radar of even the most cautious of personalities.



  Ambivert  personality;


 These personalities are in between the Introverted personality and the more emotional Extroverted personality as the article written below states. There is much more to the Ambivert personality. Ambiverts can be suppressed Ambiverts, Ambiverts and expressive Ambiverts. Again their behavior is also on a bell curve. No two personalities will act exactly the same.  I will give you a more accurate basic overview of these complex and misunderstood personalities.  

 Ambivert personalities are well controlled; they are referred to as being controlled by their logic, objectivity or simply their head. Emotional personalities are referred to as being controlled by the heart or their emotions. Emotional experiences such as love, hurt anger, sorrow, joy, etc., are locked inside the Ambivert personality. Ambiverts experience emotions like you and I they just deal with it in a different way. Their emotions are more suppressed and only are expressed when they feel they can do so safely. The Ambivert under normal conditions is afraid of emotion and has a difficult time expressing it. They simply do not know how to to do it. They normally express emotion by doing things for you. They will cook for you, run errands, give you their time, money, be a good listener and are very dependable. However, in order for them to give you this loyalty, you have to be accepted by them. It is not whether you like him/her or whether you accept him/her, nor whether you want him/her as a friend/ lover. It is whether they like, accept or want you! That is the deciding factor. The Ambivert cannot be dealt with in an emotional manner. You have to be firm, honest, logical, and sincere and express confidence in your product and service as well as yourself. The Ambivert lives by a code "what is in the best interest of everyone." They are your peace makers. The Ambivert being well controlled emotionally will handle emotional experiences or confrontations with a cool, calm and overtly composed manner. Due to this overt facade, those who come into contact with the Ambivert normally misread them and assume they are cold, aloof unemotional and simply detached. This is not the case at all. Overtly they may project the above behavior, but covertly they are experiencing raging emotional discomfort.   The Ambivert does not handle emotional nonsense and foolishness very well. That is not logical to them and drains the Ambivert of their emotional intensity. Ambiverts many times than not will become involved with the more emotional extrovert. This is when problems arise. The Extrovert is emotional all the time while the Ambivert is emotional some of the time.  When the Ambivert is subjected to consistent emotional pressure  by the more emotional Extrovert the Ambivert will look for ways to escape from you.  They need to recharge their emotional batteries.  Ambiverts like their solitude and can do very well by themselves.  There is less emotional pressure put on them and they can do what they do best, function in an unemotional way.   Ambivert personalities are a one person, one place, one thing type of personality. What this means is that Ambiverts will wrap themselves around one person which could be their husband, wife, girlfriend. One place, is their home.  The one thing, is their job, hobby.  This is the security blanket for the Ambivert personality. If anyone of these key areas of their lives comes under attack these personalities can become very disorientated. As their internal emotional pressure builds and builds, Ambiverts like a jack in the box will simply explode.  The reason for this behavior is Ambiverts suppress, suppress and suppress, keeping all of that emotional energy locked up inside.  Unlike the more emotional Extrovert who will express/vent and let out steam to take the edge off.  The Ambivert will suppress and not vent and will keep all that energy locked up inside.   The problem with the Ambivert is you never know how far down their fuse has been spent  or burnt away. When they cannot suppress their emotions anymore and an emotional upheaval occurs, it is like a volcano exploding. Those associated with the Ambivert can be taken aback, since this sort of overt behavior is not the norm for the Ambivert and often confuses those close to him/her. Loyalty and honesty are very important to the Ambivert, when lied to, hurt or double crossed they will forgive you but never forget.  The Ambivert personality will never totally trust you again.  The Ambivert must always feel in control and explore all avenues in order to feel secure in their actions. Therefore they have a tendency to get bogged down in detail they will think and analyze a situation when intense emotions are coming into play. Ambiverts learn very quickly from past mistakes of an emotional nature. They will go out of their way to avoid making the same mistakes again.

The main reason it takes time to get emotionally close to an Amvivert.  Depending on the intensity level of the Ambivert personality when these personalities have snapped and gone into a negative, hostile frame of mind these people can be extremely explosive. Their explosive potential  can be expressed with devastating consequences. For example;


Ted Kaczynski known as the Unabomber was an Ambivert (small writer) with extreme heavy pressure (intensity).


Ambiverts live by a code "what is in the best interest of everyone" the more emotional Extroverted personality does not understand that concept very well. This statement does not mean that the Ambivert is an wimpy ass kisser. This statement means that the Ambivert will look at a situation and analyze it. The Ambivert will do what is in their best interest and also what is in the best interest of others.

Example; You have two Extroverted friends who are having a argument, each one thinks they are right. Both are your friends. One says to you, "she is such a bitch," I don't want you talking to her anymore. The Ambivert will not do that. The Ambivert will look at the situation and not take sides. The Ambivert will do what is in the best interest of everyone.  The Ambivert being a peace maker will try to get both of her/his friends talking again. The Extrovert now becomes angry at you for not taking his/her side. " If you were really my friend you would have taken my side"  There is no logic to emotion. Believe me when Extroverts are on a roll, they have no logic.  


 Ambiverts do not like to hurt people on any level. There are times in the life of the Ambivert personality that hurting some else is just unavoidable. The Ambivert always feel badly after the fact. There have been a few times in my life when I have had that explosion and I have hurt someone. They did not pay attention to the warning signs, they kept pushing and pushing. That was a mistake they will not make a second time. Yet, after the confrontation, I felt bad. As I mentioned in the first article when the Ambivert explodes it is not a lovely sight.

Ambiverts are very independent personalities. They are very self sufficient. Ambiverts pride themselves on taking care of things on their own. They do not like to depend on others. Ambiverts can be and are very creative personalities. They can and will accomplish any task they are required to do. The Ambiverts face to the world is in what they do and how good they do it.

Ambiverts do not do well with rejection, ridicule, criticism or punishment. They will drive that emotional pain inward, they will blame themselves first, where as the Extrovert will drive that pain outward and blame you.  


Example; You may say to the Ambivert, gee! You gained a few pounds, the Ambivert will blame themselves for being lazy and not training hard enough.  As a side note, Ambiverts are consumed with being thin and staying in good shape.


The More Extroverted personality will say, Ya! If my wife cooked better food I would not have gained weight or I am working so many Goddam hours I only have time for junk food! Extroverts very rarely blame themselves for anything. The Extrovert could have had a salad everyday but has two Big Mack's, French Fries a Large Coke and lets not forget the little apple pie.  So much for self control.  


When getting into a relationship with an Ambivert male/female it is very important to understand that these personalities very rarely jump into an emotional or business relationship quickly. Now in all of the articles I have written here and on the Academy page I am talking about personality types who handle situations in a healthy non dysfunctional way. Extroverts are the norm for society, there are more Extroverts out there than there are Ambiverts. As I have stated, we all feel emotion the same but deal with our emotions differently.


The confusion and misunderstanding come into play when the more emotional Extrovert becomes involved with an Ambivert male or female. Extroverts are very quick to get involved in relationships because of their emotional make-up. If the Extroverted male /female likes you, they like you. They want you, they want you. They make no bones about how they feel.  With the Ambivert male or female they may like you as well but, the key word here is "But" you will have to prove yourself to them. They will want you to reassure them that you are who and what you say you are. These personalities do not want to expend and express their emotions on people who are not loyal,  honest and straight forward. Why? These personalities do not deal well with the emotional pain of a break-up, being double crossed, or cheated on. Extroverts do not like that behavior as well, but the extrovert can and does move on much faster than the Ambivert personality can in situations of this nature.


 So the Ambivert will test you, they will put you through their little imitation steps. They will watch and listen to everything you say and do. This testing phase may takes months. You had better not zig or zag during this testing phase. If you do, the Ambivert will cut you lose very quickly. You will not rush into a heated sexual relationship with an Ambivert quickly. First of all, they want to make sure you love, want and respect them for who and what they are, not that you want to get into their pants or run you hands up their skirt.

Believe me the Ambivert female is not impressed with macho, seeing a male with fifteen gold chains around their neck acting like a college frat boy. That does nothing for them. You work an Ambivert male/female from the head down, not the body up.  


Ambiverts want to remain in control of their emotions, as long as things are fun and there are no serious emotions being expressed during the early stages of a relationship the Ambivert is fine, it is when the Ambivert deep emotions come into play, when they are losing control of their emotions that you will see a shift in their behavior. You may feel or see a change, a shift in their fun loving behavior.

It is not that they do not love or want you anymore, the shift in their behavior is their fear of falling in love and getting hurt.  So after three - six months you may see a pull back from these personalities because their emotions are coming into play. They are starting to lose their emotional control.  So they will pull back to analyze the situation and to make sure they are not making an emotional mistake. Remember Ambiverts do not deal well with emotions. Strong emotions of the heart is terrifying to them. When they do feel that you love them and they accept you into their heart the Ambivert will give you all the love you can handle, they are loyal and trustworthy. They are as I mentioned,  "a one person" type of personality. Just remember, it takes time to get emotionally close to an Ambivert. Remember it is not "when you want, trust or love them" it is when "they want, trust or love you" that will be the deciding factor, and that will take time.


The Ambivert may have had a few very serious relationships in their life time, the more Extroverted personality will have had many serious relationships in the last month. Many of the more Extroverted personalities I know have been married three, four or five times already.

Many of the Ambiverts I know have not been married once yet.  If the Ambivert has been married and the marriage fell apart, it will be a cold day in hell before they rush into another one.


Ambiverts as well as the more emotional Extroverts in relationships have preferences. Ambivert males and females will go for a thinner body type. Ambiverts can be very sexual once they have found someone that they trust and feel safe and secure with. They can express their sexual want, need and desire once they feel the partner will not reject or ridicule them. This is very important for the female Ambivert. It will take her time before she will really lets her hair down.  Ambiverts are unlike the more emotional Extrovert who has had many  sexual encounters, partners and is more experienced sexually. The Extrovert is open to more experimentation and variety.


 With many Ambiverts you have to teach them. If they know you like your right ear rubbed they will rub your right ear all the time. Sometimes you have to tell them you have a left ear also.  Ambiverts have a tendency to be very predictable in everything they do, including sex. If the Ambivert male or female knows what you like they will do it. But they have a tendency to do the same thing all the time. The reason for this behavior is to reduce the possibility of rejection and ridicule. Also they want to please their partner or loved one.

Remember "what is in the best interest of everyone" this statement is involved in every aspect of the Ambiverts life. Ambiverts will always do what has worked for them in the past.

Does this mean Ambiverts are boring sexually? No it does not mean that at all. They have very intense sexual drives and can have some very intense sexual fantasies, the problem is it takes a very long time for them to express and act on them. Why? The fear of being rejected and ridiculed by their partner. If you are lucky enough to be let in on the Ambiverts sexual fantasies and you make light or laugh and ridicule them, the Ambivert will shut down. They can and will shut down sexually for months. It takes a very long time for the Ambivert personality to trust you, to let their hair down, to be themselves in your care. Do not take that for granted. If you do, believe me you will pay the price.  The Ambivert has to be in the mood for sex, you have to work them from the head down. You cannot just drop sex on them. They like to plan and have sexual encounters when it is appropriate. Once the bills are paid, work week is over and now they can relax and have fun and games. The last thing you want to do with the Ambivert when they are in work or study mode is drop sex on them. They will often times than not, look at you like your crazy.  


The more emotional Extrovert goes for a more full bodied male or female, they are more experienced sexually and go for a wide variety of sexual experiences. Extroverts are emotional, they are exhibitionists by nature, they love to be the center of attention. The more emotional Extrovert will have sex anytime. They want it, they want it.  For the Extrovert trying to have a quick sex romp in an elevator going from the first floor to the tenth floor is exciting and daring. It is emotional, they love it. Most Ambiverts would have a heart attack at the thought.  Ambiverts will express emotion when it is safe to do so. When involved with an Extrovert you never know what to expect, they are fun and daring. In the bedroom the more experienced Extrovert is never dull or boring. For the Extrovert it is one more kick after one more kick. With the Extrovert they have no problem expressing themselves, expect everything and anything.  

Extroverts will express emotion all the time and anytime.  


Extroverts spin the world around, life would be very boring without them. The Ambivert personality type keeps the world spinning on it's axis.



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Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE

 Red Flags

 I am asked by my clients time and time again "Tony what are the red flags I should be aware of when I meet a new person" There are many "red flags." If I were to pick one that I would say is my number one red flag, from a profiling standpoint, it would be what is called "love bombing." What is "love bombing?"

Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by lavish demonstrations of attention and affection. The phrase can be used in different ways. Members of the Unification Church of the United States (who reportedly coined the expression) use or have used it to convey a genuine expression of love, friendship, fellowship, interest, or concern. In a new relationship "love bombing" is used by all of the Dysfunctional Personalities I have profiled.

This tactic is also used by the psychopath in an attempt to disarm you and get you hooked emotionally to him/her. You have found the man or woman of your dreams, it will not be long before those dreams become a horror movie in which you are the star. Dysfunctional Personalities such as the borderline, borderline/narcissist, narcissist use "love bombing" as a way to get their "validation needs" met, to bolster their low self esteem. The psychopath uses it to get their "gratification needs" met. Such as your body, children, money, etc. They could care less about you. The only love they feel for you, is what they can extract from you. Once they have used you, they dump you like yesterdays trash.
 All of these personalities use "love bombing" but for different reasons. The outcome is the same you are hurt, emotionally, financially, physically. Relationships take time, with "love bombing" the personality wants the relationship to start off very quickly. You are overwhelmed with love, attention. You are idealized and put on a pedestal. After one or two dates this personality knows you, connects with you, you feel like you have know each other for years, your soul mate. Their love and concern for you during the "seduction phase" has your head spinning.

Beware of phrases in the early stages of a new relationship such as;

 I can't believe I've finally found someone like you.

I've never felt so comfortable in someone's company before, it is like I have know you my whole life.

You're the most beautiful woman (or man) I've ever seen. You have the most attractive (eyes, hair, body shape, smile, dimples).

I think I love you. I think I want to marry you. The key word is "think"

 I never got married before because I haven't found someone like you. We have so much in common.

 We are so much alike.

 He/she pressures you into becoming intimate in a short amount of time.

 Relationships take time, getting to know someone takes time, it does not happen over night. It does not happen after two or three dates. Love at first sight happens only in romance novels. Remember what I have taught you, consistent behavior over an extended period of time. If you should have any questions on profiling, please send me an e-mail on Ingenio. I will send you free time so I can talk.

Anthony Iantosca, BCFE
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