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Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI

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GASTON, S.C. - Dylann Roof

This pill popping low life who no one took seriously wanted his fifteen minutes of fame. These cowards always pick a area where there will be minimal resistance, a school, church, etc. These mass killers always commit their violent acts where they know they will not be confronted. This is what I call, a fear based personality. A fear based Narcissistic / Paranoid Personality Type who needed attention the only way he could, with a gun. Then he was powerful and in control for the first time in his life. Something he could not attain in the real world, in reality. There is always a triggering event that sets these fear based personalities off. Any rejection, criticism, ridicule would be enough.    My heart breaks for all those people who were killed for no other reason other than this nobody's claim to fame. He would become famous. "Remember me"!! He told one of the survivors. You were a nobody in the real world, a personality with low self esteem and self hatred that you took out on the innocent. Law Enforcement should have been flagged when he went into the mall twice, asking strange questions in a bed and bath. You need to be a competent observer of your environment at all times. Never, ever judge a person by their physical make up. Looks can be very deceiving with these personality types. Look at this little pipsqueak. God this breaks my heart. I do not want to hear any excuses for his killing of these innocent people who were praying, he had no reason to hate these innocent church going people. My heart goes out to their families and a community in shock.

 


Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI

Sexual Appetite 
 
Intensity requires intensity. Many times I receive calls from clients who ask me if they have a problem. Their partner has stated that they are sick and want sex all the time. Or the partner has stated that they are kinky and want to have sex in more colorful ways.   I ask three questions, is your sex drive, wants needs and desires causing you stress? Is causing an impairment of social/work functioning? Is it illegal?   If their answer is no , then there is nothing wrong with you. Each and everyone of us have wants/ needs and desires, what may excite you, may not excite me and what may excite me, may not excite you.
 
Each and everyone of us have a preference.  A form of selectivity. The main problem is the difference in the personalities intensity level (pressure/mental strength) A personality in the 2-3 pressure range is not going to have the same drive, want, need and desire as a personality in the 4-5-6 pressure range (intensity level).  The more intense the personality the more colorful their sexual appetite can and will be. A personality in the 2-3 to 3 1/2 pressure range may be able to handle a personality in the 4 pressure range but cannot relate to the personality in the 5-6 pressure range.  These personalities are intense in every aspect of their lives, they work hard, play hard and are intense sexually. Male or female it does not matter. Many times it is the woman who is a very intense personality, 4-5-6 pressure range who is married or dating someone who is a lighter pressure the she is.   
The male cannot relate to her drive. Many times the male ego comes into play and of course it must be her who has the problem. It is not me, I am normal. You are the crazy one. This is not the case at all. The woman is made to feel bad about herself, she is told she is over sexed, sick and has emotional problems. 
 
To make matters even worse, if the partner who has been made to feel badly or has been made to feel like he/she has a problem seeks out a Psychologist to speak with and the Psychologist is in the 2-3 to 3 1/2 trying to relate to a personality who is in the 5-6 pressure range, forget it.  That is never going to happen. You will walk out thinking you really have a problem.
Remember intensity requires intensity. Everyone returns back to their normal mode of behavior once the honeymoon phase of the relationship is over. If you and your partner are not equal in intensity (mental strength) these differences in intensity will manifest themselves at a later time and there will be problems or misunderstandings within the relationship.
 
So before you start second guessing yourself or have been made to feel badly, call me.  My Ex. is 01155 on Ingenio. I will send you five(5) free minutes so we can talk and go over my procedures. I look forward to speaking with you,

                                                 Anthony Iantosca, BCFE
  
 
 
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Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI


Stalking

Part Three (3)


Casual Acquaintance Stalker 


Stalking does not have to involve an intimate relationship.   The relationship can be as minor as a casual interaction, such as a momentary conversation, a quick lunch together in a crowded restaurant, or a smile across a room.   These can all be interpreted as a romantic encounter by a potential stalker.   A large number of people every year become stalking victims because they felt sorry for someone and showed him or her compassion.  Befriending or even just being polite to a potential stalker can be exceedingly dangerous.  Stalkers often see any acts of kindness as a sign of the true love that they are convinced exists between them and their victims.

Very little interaction is needed with a potential casual acquaintance stalker in order to trigger a long-term stalking episode. Attempting to appease or ignore a stalker simply will not work.  Restraining and protective orders, though important and occasionally helpful, often don't work.  The stalker's belief that they and their victim(s) are meant for each other or, that "It is in the stars for them to be together" often overrides any fear these stalkers might have of the consequences of violating restraining or protective orders.

How dangerous can a stalker be who only knows the victim casually?   Very dangerous.  According to the Bureau of Justice, statistics report that 36% of all aggravated assaults against women in the country are committed by acquaintances or friends, as are 53% of the rapes and sexual assaults and 22% of homicides.  Many of these women had been stalked beforehand by these acquaintances or friends.

 

A very real danger with being stalked is that the victim must still work.  Finding a new place to live for a while may be difficult, but finding a new job or occupation, particularly when the victim has extensive education and training or has worked at their present job for a long time and accrued considerable seniority, just isn't easy, especially when the victim isn't sure just how dangerous the stalker is or can be.  Very few people will make such a radical life change as getting a new occupation because of threats by a casual acquaintance.  Subsequently, a stalker knows they can go to the victim's place of employment and likely find them there.   According to a former stalking victim, "A stalker knows if they can't catch you at home, they can catch you at work."

While it is tragic and disturbing that some people can begin their obsessive stalking on as small an initiative as the victim appearing to be kind and polite to them, this does not mean that people should stop being kind and polite to others.   It does mean, however, that you should be on the lookout for the signs of a potential stalker and take action immediately if you believe you may become a stalking victim.

 

Stranger Stalking

 

While being stalked by someone with whom the victim has had an intimate relationship, or by someone known to the victim who has perhaps attempted unsuccessfully to establish an intimate relationship, is frightening enough, at least the victim knows who the stalker is, what he or she is capable of, and what to likely expect.   Because the stalker is unknown to them, the stalking takes on a much more frightening feeling.  Because the stalker is unknown to the victim, the victim has no idea who to be on the lookout for, who to be careful of or around, and who to speak to and who to avoid.

Although the danger level connected with stranger stalking may not in actuality be higher, the stress level most certainly is. Most experts will tell you that stranger stalking can be one of the most terrifying of all stalking situations as experts don't know how to deal with it.

Often a stranger stalker suffers from erotomania; a mental disorder that causes the stalker to believe another person is in love with him or her.  Due to this disorder, a stranger stalker may fantasize either that they have had an intimate relationship with their victim or that their victim truly loves them and wants to have an intimate relationship with them.

According to Dr. Park Diets, "Erotomania is directed at both men and women, but more men act on the delusion."

Victim find themselves constantly asking, could the stalker be the stranger across the street, the person standing behind them in the store, or the driver of the car that seems to be following them? The victim has no idea who the stalker is, and also no idea what might happen. This unpredictability and uncertainty can be psychologically and emotionally crippling. The victim doesn't know the stalker's tendency for violence, what the stalker wants or more important, what the stalker plans to do.

Victims of stranger stalking often ask themselves, why me?   They search through their memories for any event that might have provoked this reaction from a stranger.  Many times the victims of stranger stalking are simply selected at random.

Occasionally victims of stranger stalking may eventually find out who their stalkers are.  Often, the stalker is completely unknown to them, sometimes they are just nodding acquaintances, and sometimes they are individuals who have had chance encounters with the victim.

With stalking incidents involving former intimate partners or even former acquaintances the victim knows the identity of the person they are dealing with. This is not the case with a stranger stalker.

What can you do against a stranger stalking you?  You can't ask the stalker's family to intercede, you can't have a friend or intimate partner threaten the stalker, and you'll have a hard time getting help from the criminal justice system.  You will often hear victims say that "officers always have a logical explanation and they think I'm the one who is delusional and crazy.  Let them live in my shoes for a week and then let them draw their own conclusion. How can I get a restraining order on someone when I don't even know who it is?"

Stranger stalking usually doesn't end with the violence of many intimate partner stalkings.  However, they are no less terrifying and disrupting.   Being stalked by a stranger can affect the way a person looks at others and at life in general.  Victims of stranger stalking often feel they can no longer smile at or be friendly with strangers or casual acquaintances and come to question the meaning of smiles given by others.  They stop being outgoing instead they become standoffish and self-protective.  They discover that their whole lives are changed.

 

Delusional Stalkers

 

They may have major mental illnesses like schizophrenia, manic-depression or erotomania.  What they all have in common is some false belief that keeps them tied to their victims.  Frequently they have had little, if any contact with their victims.

In erotomania, the stalker's delusional belief is that the victim loves him/her.  This type of stalker actually believes that he is having a relationship with his victim, even though they might never have met.

"The woman stalking David Letterman, the stalker who killed actress Rebecca Schaeffer and the man who stalked Madonna are all examples of erotomanic stalkers."

Another type of delusional stalker might believe that he is destined to be with someone, and that if he only pursues her hard enough and long enough, she will come to love him as he loves her.  These stalkers know they are not having a relationship with their victim, but firmly believe that they will some day.  John Hinckley Jr.'s obsession with Jodi Foster is an example of this type of stalker.

The typical profile of a delusional stalker is that of an unmarried and socially immature loner, who is unable to establish or sustain a close relationship with others.  They rarely date and have had few, if any, sexual relationships.   Since at the same time they are both threatened by and yearn for closeness, they often pick a victim who is unattainable in some way; perhaps she is married, or has been the stalker's therapist, clergyman, doctor or teacher.

Those in the helping professions are particularly vulnerable to delusional stalkers, because for someone who already has difficulty separating reality from fantasy, the kindness shown by the soon-to-be victim, the only person who has ever treated the stalker with warmth, is blown out of proportion into a delusion of intimacy.

What these stalkers cannot attain in reality is achieved through fantasy and it is for that reason that the delusion seems to be so difficult to relinquish. Even an imaginary love is better than no love at all.

Delusional stalkers have almost always come from a background which was either emotionally barren or severely abusive.  They grow up having a very poor sense of their own identities.  This, coupled with a predisposition toward psychosis, leads them to strive for satisfaction through another, yearning to merge with someone who is almost always perceived to be of a high status or very socially desirable.  It is as if this stalker says, "Gee.  If she loves me, I must not be so bad."

 

Serial Stalkers

 

Although many victims of stalking may feel that their stalkers have chosen them because they represent something unique and desirable, and that the stalker is fixated on and possessed with only them, this often isn't the case.  Detectives often find that if a complete background investigation is made into the stalkers past there are often other cases of prior stalkings.

What percentage of stalkers are serial stalkers?  Experts say that more than half of the stalkers in America have been involved in prior incidents of stalking.  Psychiatrists cannot accurately predict when the behavior will stop or re-occur but they know that about two-thirds of those showing obsessive behavior have had prior episodes.

Far too often, a look in into the past actions of a stalker can be a frightening glimpse into how the present stalking will end.

Frustrated serial stalkers don't have to have had an intimate relationship before they begin stalking their victim, and they may even stalk more than one victim of the same household at the same time.

Although stalking victims may desperately want to know why they were chosen as the victim, what they might have done to trigger a stalker's obsession with them, often, they find the answer is nothing.  They are just one of a serial stalker's many victims.  These stalkers are simply following a pattern of behavior they have practiced for years.  No matter what the reason or cause for the stalking, victims should be cautioned that serial stalkers in particular are very disturbed individuals.

 

False Stalking / False Victims

 

False victims, as they are sometimes known, use a variety of situations to attract attention to themselves.  In some cases they may harass their own family and friends in order to fabricate false evidence or witness reports.  This type of stalker firmly believes that he or she is the real victim.

In a sense there is a victim - the perpetrator.  Why victimize yourself?  Perhaps the person noticed how kind and considerate others were to them, when they presented themselves as a victim some time in the past.  In short - the perpetrator/victim takes immense pleasure from being cared for and being the center of attention. One very common trait of this type of stalker is to file false police report(s) against the "real stalking victim."

These stalkers are frequently delusional and irrational.  When presented with the facts, this type of stalker will rationalize and manipulate everything he can and ignore even a direct question, in order to preserve his fantasy of being the victim.  He will initiate conflicts and then twist them in his favor in an attempt to gain positive attention for himself.  He feels very inferior to the victim whom he admires greatly, although he will rarely admit this to be true.  In reality, this kind of stalker suffers from a severe lack of self-esteem.

This form of stalker, believing himself to be inferior, wronged or rejected by the ones they admire the most, begin harassing, following the victim, spreading tales, keeping tabs, and in many instances plot revenge.  The primary motive is to bring the victim down by any means he can.

Another trait that is showing up more and more in this type of stalking is Munchausen's (munch-how-zen) syndrome or in layman terms "The Munch Bunch."  This is the name given to patients who fake illness or obtain hospital treatment in order to get sympathy from family, friends, and most often the actual victim's attention.  These individuals are a considerable waste of medical resources.   Hospitals will often hold a file on these people in an attempt to recognize them before they are unwittingly admitted for unnecessary treatment.  The major problem is that they skip from hospital to hospital and doctor to doctor.

Time after time you'll hear a victim say, "The hospital called, he attempted suicide or he's having a heart attack because I wouldn't meet with him."   Far too often these individuals know how to "fake" illnesses or even go to the point of attempted suicide but knowing just how far to go before it becomes life threatening.  All to get attention!  

 

Erotomania


Source: "Violent Attachment, "by J. Reid Meloy, 1992, Jason Aronson Inc. Publishing.

Psychiatrists do not know how prevalent delusional erotomania is, but recently they've come to believe it is not as rare as originally thought.

Also called Clerambault Syndrome, after the French psychiatrist who first identified it in 1921, the disorder is diagnosed far more often in women.  The patient becomes fixated on a person and despite rebuffs, becomes convinced there is a romantic relationship.

It is most common in unmarried women who have few social skills, consider themselves unattractive and are employed in low-paying jobs.  They often are lonely and withdrawn.

Men with the disorder are more likely to become violent than women, particularly if they have a history of substance abuse or mental illness.

The person who is the object of the obsession often is more socially prominent and sometimes is a higher-paid colleague.  In some cases the person is a celebrity.

Source: ISE

What makes this type of stalker dangerous is their tendency to objectify their victims.   This means they will view a victim not as a human being, but as an object that they alone must possess and control.

The perpetrator may become aware of their victim through various forms of the media (cinema, television, radio, newspapers, etc.) and establishes a delusional fantasy in which they have a special or unique relationship with the victim.  These fantasies can be of an extreme sexual nature - sometimes reflected in the way the stalker attempts to communicate with the victim.  The stalker believes the victim is communicating with him or her using a secret code that only they know the meaning of.  Due to the nature of this type of stalker most victims will be the rich and famous.  In some cases the victim may simply look like someone famous. 

 

Cyberstalking


Cyberstalking is the use of computers or other electronic technology to facilitate stalking. A booming "spy shop" industry has sprouted up to supply Hi-tech equipment such as computer hacking or monitoring software, hidden cameras, microphones, and GPS tracking units. In Davis (2001), Lucks identified a separate category of stalkers who instead of a terrestrial means, prefer to perpetrate crimes against their targeted victims through electronic and online means.

 

References; 

The National Center for Victims of Crime

NCAVC The National Center for the Analysis of Violent Crime

Obsession by FBI Profiler John Douglas and Mark Olshaker

Forensic Profiling Course by Ronald H. Rice

 

 

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Stalking

Part Two (2)
 
In today's article, I will discuss the forms of stalking,  they fall into three (3) categories called;   Simple Obsession, Love Obsession, Other.
All stalkers share a few similar traits and behavior patterns, they are very , Jealous ( Insecure) personalities with Low Self Esteem.  As I wrote in my articles on Dysfunctional Personalities their behavior patterns are on a bell curve. Research shows that the Simple Obsession Stalker is the most dangerous type of stalker because their familiarity with their target. They have had some interaction with the target in a work or social situation. They may have dated or been in a relationship with the target and know where the target lives, works, parks their car. They know where the targets friends live or hangs out. This type of stalker has more personal information on their target than the Love Obsession Stalker has on a celebrity or famous personality.

 Both are dangerous when triggered, the difference being is the Simple Obsession Stalker has more information and access to their target.  Remember what I have stated before in my posts, "What a person projects and what they are in reality may be two entirely different matters" and " Behavior reflects personality"  Pay very close attention to the red flags. The first red flag, is the personality who comes on to quick, to fast. Calling or texting you many times during the day, showing up unannounced where you work or when you are out with your friends, leaving letters or gifts at your home or place of business. Acting in a jealous manner or acts very possessive when you are talking to a friend or co-worker. This behavior can happen after just meeting this person or only after a few dates. Personalities who have Stalking behavior can and many times do act as warm, friendly and compassionate people. Stalkers come from every ethnic background, many have good jobs and are sometimes viewed as pillars of their community. They may come across as very confident in  their "function" what they do for a living. You must pay close attention to how this personality feels about themselves. This takes time.  Not days, weeks or a few months. This behavior may start taking place even if you have no intention of dating the person or were never in a relationship with them. You may have just been kind or friendly to someone and  be just be enough for this Dysfunctional Personality to "Believe" and "Fantasize"  That there is more to your friendly, kind personality than that is based in "Reality" 
 

Almost all stalkers have some type of mental or emotional problem.   Stalkers will go across town, country, or even to different continents in order to continue their stalking.  Stable people simply do not continue, often in the face of years of rejection, to pursue someone.

 

 

 

I.        Simple Obsession Stalkers

 

These stalkers have previously been involved in an intimate relationship with their victims. Often the victim has attempted to call off the relationship but the stalker simply refuses to accept it. These stalkers suffer from personality disorders, including being emotionally immature, extremely jealous, insecure, have low self-esteem and quite often feel powerless without the relationship.

While reconciliation is the goal, this stalker believes they must have a specific person back or they will not survive.

The stalker of former spouses or intimate partners, are often domineering and abusive to their partners during the relationship and use this domination as a way to bolster their own low self esteem. The control the abusers exert over their partners gives them a feeling of power they can't find elsewhere. They try to control every aspect of their partner's lives. Their worst fear is losing people over whom they have control.

When they realize this fear as the relationship finally does end, the stalker suddenly believes that his/her life is destroyed. Their total identity and feelings of self-worth are tied up in the power experienced through their domineering and abusive relationship. Without this control, they feel that they will have no self-worth and no identity. They will become nobodies and in desperation they begin stalking, trying to regain their partner and the basis of their power.

It is this total dependence on their partner for identity and feelings of self worth that makes these stalkers so very dangerous. They will often go to any length and stop at nothing to get their partner back. If they can't have the people over whom they can exert dominance and total control, their lives are truly not worth living. Unfortunately, along with becoming suicidal, they also often want to kill the intimate partner who have left them.

Stalking does not always begin with violence or trying to terrorize, it usually starts with, "Can I just talk to you or meet with you one last time?" " If you just talk to me I'll leave you alone." According to experts, "He wants her back, and she won't come back." Everything escalates from there and sometimes he snaps and assaults or kills her. In his mind, he makes the decision, "If I can't have you, no one else will."   When he says this, he is attempting to cover his fear that she'll meet another man and leave him.  Far too often, the police find that these stalkers follow through on their threats, killing the victims and then many times committing suicide.  For them, death is better than having to face humiliation of the stalking victim leaving them for someone else, and the humiliation of having to face their own powerlessness.

 

 

II.   Love Obsession Stalkers

 

These are individuals who become obsessed with or fixed on a person with whom they have had no intimate or close relationship. The victim may be a friend, a business acquaintance, a person met only once, or even a complete stranger.

Love obsession stalkers believe that a special, often mystical, relationship exists between them and their victims.  Any contact with the victim becomes a positive reinforcement of this relationship and any wavering (even the slightest) of the victim from an absolute "NO" is seen as an invitation to continue the pursuit.

These stalkers will often read sexual meanings into neutral responses from the victim.  They are often loners with an emotional void in their lives.  Any contact with the object of the infatuation, even negative, helps fill this void.  Failed relationships are the rule among these individuals.

Many suffer from erotomania.  They have the delusion that they are loved intensely by another person, usually a person of higher socioeconomic status than them or an unattainable public figure.  They are totally convinced that the stalking victim loves them dearly and truly, and would return their affection except for some external influence.

During questioning, police find that most love obsession stalkers have fantasized a complete relationship with the person they are stalking.  When they attempt to act out this fantasy in real life, they expect the victim to return the affection.  When no affection is returned, the stalker often reacts with threats and intimidation.  When the threats and intimidation don't accomplish what they hoped, the stalker can often become violent and even deadly.

 

III.  Other Stalkers

 

Some stalkers harass their victim not out of love but out of hate. Occasionally, stalking becomes a method of revenge for some misdeed against the stalker, real or imagined.  Stalking can also be used as a means of protest.  This is the smallest group, but this type of stalking, for revenge and protest, can be especially dangerous.  There have been several killings by stalkers at abortion clinics, and mass murders around the country by employees who have been fired and then returned to stalk and eventually kill those who have fired them.

 

 

IV. Additional Information

Intimate Partner Stalkers

 

Once the relationship ends, this group of stalkers, fearing they will lose their identity and self-worth, often become desperate to re-establish the dominance and control they wielded during the relationship.  If they find this isn't possible they can become suicidal, homicidal or both.  According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics report Female Victims of Violent Crime, in 29 % of all violence against women by a lone offender the perpetrator was an intimate.  Women are about seven times more likely than men to experience violence committed by an intimate, and female victims of violence by an intimate are more often injured seriously enough to require medical attention than are females victimized by a stranger.  Intimate partner stalking can end in much worse than just injury.  It can end in death if the stalkers cannot regain the control they so intensely and desperately need.

Many intimate partner stalkers who have spent years dominating and controlling their partner simply cannot face the prospect that the people they've controlled for so long have successfully gotten away -- have proven themselves stronger than the stalkers. One former stalker wrote in his diary, "I couldn't live with myself thinking or knowing she had won, or she got me. No! This is war." Tragically his victim was murdered.

According to Linden Gross in her book To Have or to Harm, "We all have problems with rejection, especially if we're emotionally invested in a relationship.  For the majority of us, however, rejection doesn't imply devastation.  Even though the pain, however excruciating, our identities stay intact, our sense of self-worth bruised, perhaps, but still operational.   This isn't so, however, for intimate partner stalkers.  Because of their need for total control over someone, when the relationship breaks up their world is devastated.   Their personality disorders won't allow them to accept rejection."

 

While this kind of stalker may or may not have psychological disorders, all clearly have personality disorders.  A few of these personality disorders, according to the National Victim Center include:

          1.   Socially maladjusted and inept

          2.   Emotionally immature

          3.   Often subject to feeling of powerlessness

          4.   Unable to succeed in relationship by socially acceptable means

          5.   Jealousy bordering paranoia

          6.   Extremely insecure about themselves

      7.   Often suffering from low self esteem

 

According to experts, intimate partner stalkers can be the most dangerous types of stalker because they often have a history of violence against their victim, and consequently feel totally uninhibited about using more or heightened violence in an effort to get them back.  The stalkers know that violence has worked for them in the past, and so they have no reason to believe that it won't work again.  Also, intimate partner stalkers know their victim well: their family, their place of employment, their recreational activities, and so forth.  They know where to find their victim.

Intimate partner stalkers, because of the dominance and control once held over their victim, often have the mind set that the victim is their property, to do with as they wish, and to reclaim in any way they see fit.  And, believing that their lives won't be worth living if they can't recapture the victim as their property, they often feel they have nothing to lose by using extreme measures.  Consequently, these stalkers feel totally justified in doing just about anything in an effort to regain control over the victim.  Since the stalker believes the victim belongs to them, they show no regard for restraining orders, and may instead be infuriated by them, feeling they are being denied their God-given rights.

One victim best sums it up.  "When you know a person is capable of anything, and he also feels he has nothing to lose, you'd better be scared of him. He'll kill you."

Researches have now found that intimate partner stalking often follows a three-phase cycle.

 

Phase One - The Tension Building Phase

 

This can include such things as making hundreds of telephone calls and sending dozens of letters, showing up wherever the victim is, casual surveillance of the victim, and following the victim wherever they go.  However, when these actions don't accomplish what the stalker wants, the tension builds, and eventually the stalker may begin making threats, vandalizing property, and instituting more forceful attempts to make the victim give in to their demands.

 

Phase Two - The Violence Phase

 

Once the stalker realizes that their efforts in the first phase have failed, they often resort to violence against not only the victim but also the victim's friends, family and often times co-workers.  This can include angry face-to-face confrontations, physical assaults (including rape), kidnapping, and in extreme cases murder.

 

Phase Three - The Hearts and Flowers Phase

 

The stalker reverts back to the less violent tactics, and will often either beg forgiveness for the violence or appear to abandon the stalking altogether. Unfortunately, any cessation is usually only temporary.  This pause in the stalking can actually be an extremely dangerous period because many times the victim falsely believes that the nightmare is over, and consequently lets down his/her guard.  They then can be caught unprepared and unprotected when the stalking suddenly begins again, often violently.

An important point for a victim or potential victim of intimate partner stalking to remember about this cycle of stalking is that it is not uniform or predictable. Stalkers can move through the phases fairly rapidly, at times changing from being loving to brutal in only seconds. For other stalkers, it may take years to move from one phase to another, and some may never move out of the first phase.  Most important, because a stalker may cycle from being a minor nuisance to a physical threat extremely rapidly, intimate partner stalking victims must always be on guard.

Intimate partner stalkers are typically known as the guy who "just can't let go."  These are most often men who refuse to believe that a relationship has really ended.  Often, other people - even the victims - feel sorry for them.  But they shouldn't.  Studies show that the vast majority of these stalkers are not sympathetic, lonely people who are still hopelessly in love but were in fact emotionally abusive and controlling during the relationship.  Many have criminal histories unrelated to stalking.  Well over half of stalkers fall into this "former intimate partner" category.


In these types of cases, the victim may, unwittingly encourage the stalker by trying to "let him down easy," or agreeing to talk to him or meet with him just one more time. Victims need to understand that there is no reasoning with a stalker.  Just the fact that stalking - an unreasonable activity - has already begun illustrates this fact.  When the victim says, "I don't want a relationship now", the stalker hears, "She'll want me again tomorrow."  When she says, "I just need some space," he hears, "If I just let her go out with her friends, she'll come back."  "It's just not working out," is heard as "We can make it work out."  In blatant words, the only thing to say to the stalker is "NO". Do not give explanations, do not give time limits and do not give the stalker any room to maneuver.

 

As a victim you should say "NO" once and only once.  And then, never say anything to him/her again If a stalker

can't have his victim's love, he'll take his/her hatred or her fear.  The worst thing in the world for the stalker is to be ignored.   Example: "Think of a small child.  If they are not getting the attention they want, they will act out and misbehave because even negative attention is better than none at all."  Former intimate partner stalkers have their entire sense of self-worth caught up in the fact that, "she loves me."  Therefore, any evidence to the contrary is seen as merely an inconvenience to overcome. Since giving up the victim means giving up the stalkers self-worth, they are very unlikely to do so. Say "NO" only once - Don't help the stalker hang on.

 


Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI

Stalking
Part one (1)
 
 

This series of articles I am going to write is about Stalking. I feel that it is very important that you have a good understanding of this complex and dangerous behavior pattern. The information in these articles was  compiled by the National Center for Victims of Crime and the NCAVC, the National Center for the Analysis of Violent Crime. The FBI has stated that one out of every twenty four women and one out of forty five men are the victims of stalking. Stalking can and does take on different behavior patterns. There is no one size fits all category. Many stalkers can and sometimes do evolve from one stalking behavior pattern to another. Many stalkers have more than one of the behavior patterns listed below in their stalking behavior patterns. Some stalkers can and do have co-morbid crossovers of two, three and four of stalking behaviors listed. 

 

     

 

Types of Stalkers

Stalkers come from every walk of life and every socio-economic background. Virtually anyone can be a stalker, just as anyone can be a stalking survivor.  There are some general categories that stalkers fit into.

Remember: Even though there are general categories of stalkers, that does not mean that every stalker will fit neatly into a category. Stalkers can have any characteristics and come from any type of background.

 

Rejected Stalker

Motivation: This type of stalker begins to stalk after their partner (romantic or close friendship) has ended their relationship or indicates that they intend to end the relations.  This type of stalker wants to be in a relationship with the survivor again or seek revenge on the survivor.  The stalker's goals may vary, depending on the Reponses of the survivor.

Personality: This type of stalker may have high levels of narcissism and jealousy.  This type of stalker may also have feelings of humiliation, over-dependence, and/or poor social skills and a resulting poor social network.

Stalking Behaviors: This type of stalker is often the most persistent and intrusive type of stalker and is more likely to employ intimidation and assault in pursuit of their survivor.  A history of violence in the relationship with the partner is not uncommon.

Duration and Criminality: This type of stalker is typically the most resistant to efforts aimed at ending their stalking behavior.

 

Resentful Stalker

Motivation: This stalker wants to frighten or distress their survivor and often stalks their survivor to get revenge against someone who has upset them.  This type of stalker views their survivor as being similar to those who have oppressed or humiliated them in the past and may view themselves as a survivor striking back against an oppressor.

Personality: This type of stalker is often irrationally paranoid.

Survivor Characteristics: This type of stalker often stalks survivors that may have upset them directly or are representative of a group at which they are upset.  The survivor may be someone that the stalker knows or a complete stranger.

Stalking Behavior: This type of stalker can be the most obsessive and enduring type of stalker.  This type of stalker is most likely to verbally threaten their survivor and is one of the least likely to physically assault their survivor.

Duration and Criminality: This type of stalker is likely to stop stalking if confronted with legal sanctions early on.  The longer the stalking continues, the less effective legal sanctions are likely to be.

 

Predatory Stalker

Motivation: This type of stalker stalks their survivor as part of a plan to attack them, usually sexually, and is motivated by the promise of sexual gratification and power over the survivor.

Personality: This type of stalker often has poor self-esteem, poor social skills (especially in romantic relationships), and may have lower than normal intelligence.

Survivor Characteristics: This type of stalker may stalk someone they know or a complete stranger.

Stalking Behaviors: This type of stalker usually does not harass or try to contact their survivor while they are stalking.  This type of survivor may engage in behaviors such as: surveillance of the survivor, obscene phone calls, exhibitionism, fetishism, and voyeurism.

Duration and Criminality: This type of stalker may stalk for a shorter period of time than other types of stalkers and has a higher potential to become physically violent with the survivor.

 

Intimacy Seeker

Motivation: This type of stalker seeks to establish an intimate, loving relationship with the survivor and may believe that the survivor is in love with them.  This is a delusion.  The stalker believes that the survivor may be the only person who can satisfy their desires and sees the survivor as an ideal partner.  The stalker may interpret any kind of response from the survivor, even negative responses, as encouragement and may believe the survivor owes them love because of all they have invested in stalking the survivor  This type of stalker is very resistant to changing their beliefs about the survivor's love for them.

Personality: This type of stalker is often a shy and isolated person and often lives along and lacks any sort of intimate relationship in their life.

Survivor Characteristics: This type of stalker may stalk acquaintances or complete strangers.

Stalking Behaviors: If the stalker recognizes they are being rejected by the survivor, they may become threatening or violent.  This type of stalker may engage in behaviors such as: writing letters to the survivor; calling the survivor on the phone; or sending the survivor gifts.  The stalker may become jealous if the survivor enters or continues a romantic relationship with another person.

Duration and Criminality: This type of stalker is among the most persistent type of stalker, harassing longer than any type except the rejected stalker.  The stalker is usually unresponsive to legal sanctions because they view them as challenges to overcome that demonstrate their love for the survivor.

 

Incompetent Suitor

Motivation: This type of stalker is motivated by a desire to start a romantic relationship with the survivor and is impaired in his social skills.

Personality: This type of stalker may be cut off from the survivor's feelings and believe that any person should be attracted to them.

Survivor Characteristics: This type of stalker usually stalks acquaintances, but may stalk complete strangers.

Stalking Behaviors: This type of stalker typically engages in behaviors such as: repeatedly asking for dates even after being rejected; repeatedly calling on the phone; and trying to hold the survivor's hand or kiss the survivor.

Duration and Criminality: This type of stalker stalks for shorter periods, on average, than any other type of stalker and has likely stalked others in the past.  This stalker will usually quickly stop stalking if confronted with legal action or after seeking counseling.

 

Erotomania and Morbidly Infatuated

Motivation: This type of stalker believes that they are loved by the survivor even though the survivor has done nothing to suggest this is true and may have made statements hat they do not and never will love the stalker.  The stalker reinterprets what the survivor says and does to support their belief that the survivor love them and makes the imagined romance with the survivor the most important part of their life.

Personality: This type of stalker may suffer from acute paranoia and/or delusions.

Survivor Characteristics: This type of stalker usually chooses survivors of a higher social class.

Stalking Behaviors: This type of stalker repeatedly tried to approach and communicate with the survivor.

Duration and Criminality: This type of stalker may sometimes respond well to psychological treatment and is typically unresponsive to threats of legal action short of time behind bars.  Without psychological treatment, they are likely to continue stalking the survivor after they are released.

 

More tomorrow in part two (2)

Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI

Emotions...
Misplaced/Nonexistent

The Subconscious mind reacts, it does not reason nor rationalize. Strong Emotions is the glue that anchors our auto-biographical memories of past events in our Hippocampus. When a true past "Event" is recalled into our conscious awareness the emotion attached to that "Event" also is felt and relived. Those Emotions should be expressed and seen in body language tells such as fear, sadness, anger, guilt, disgust, contempt, happiness and the pacifying behaviors both "positive or negative" should be expressed with the related emotions being felt. When the person is creating a story from "Logic" those emotions will be absent. The person who is making up a story is not reliving a true past "Event" so there are no emotions to something that has never happened. So the related emotions and pacifying behaviors will be absent or very shallow and contrived.


Many times when reading a persons story of an attack, rape, assault or other auto biographical memories my first analysis is to read the statement and determine is the "Event" coming from memory or is the "Event" being created from "Logic" and deceptive. One of the many deceptive markers I look for is misplaced emotions. In my past posts on Statement analysis I have explained the "Before, During , After" called BDA ratios. These ratios should have a (17-25% Before) (50 % During) and (25-33% After). When I am analyzing a statement for content, the story should have the above mentioned balanced BDA ratios.
When a person is creating a story from "Logic" they will put their emotions where they "think" they should be to make their made up story sound believable. Those emotions are always placed in the "During" part of their narrative that is an indication that the story is coming from "Logic" and being created and deceptive.
In a true "Event" statement the emotions should be placed in the "After" portion of the statement. That is when the person has time to reflect on what has just happened and their true emotions will be expressed

Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
           IAFEI
 
Deception Detection
Text Messages
 
I read a very interesting article today on text messages. The article was stating how to determine if the person sending the texts is being honest with you. Much of the article was accurate But "Behold the Underling Truth". First, before you state the person is being deceptive when texting you, we must first determine what is the texter's Linguistic Style and what were the Circumstances. Was the texter in a rush?, in a car?
 Text messages must be analyzed somewhat differently than a written/typed Alibi or Event statement. Texters have their own way of expressing themselves when sending a text. This is the primary reason that analyzing text messages for deception is so difficult.  It is of the upmost importance to have many texts from the personality to determine their Texting/Linguistic style. We need  their  "Base Line" The personalities Texting/Linguistic style.  Many personalities when texting have their own unique Linguistic Style. For example; Many people cannot Capitalize the Personal Pronoun "I" on their phone, many times you will see a small Capitol "i"  In Statement Analysis a Lower case "I"  is the same as having no "I"
 No "I" would show lack of commitment to the statement.  Yet, this may not be the case in this text. You would need to compare many texts from the personality and see consistency or a lack there of. Also does the texter use both a Capitol and Lower case "I" If so than you have more information to analyze.  Example; if the person sending the text uses a Capitol "I" and than changes to a lower case "I" where in the narrative did his/her "Lack of Commitment" show up within their statement? This would be a "Red Flag"  This "Red Flag" would tell you to ask additional questions regarding his/her lack of commitment to your question. If the personality continues to be equivocal regarding your question than we have an issue that needs further explanation.
Text messages many times than not are very short and to the point. Many times over the years when I analyzed text messages the text message did not resemble the English language.  When I analyze a text for a client, I want all of the text messages that he/she has received to acquire a "Base Line"  of that personalities texting style. Than I look for deviations from that "Base Line"   
Remember when attempting to detect deception you need more than one deceptive marker to be accurate in your analysis.
 
If you have any questions regarding Statement Analysis in text messages, e-mails, written or verbal  communication please contact me on Ingenio my Ex. is 01155. I will be more than happy to talk to you.  Send me an e-mail on Ingenio and I will send you five free minutes so we can talk. 
 
                                                   Anthony Iantosca, BCFE      
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI
 
Catching Monsters
 
The Criminal Profilers catch monsters, they have the What, Why, When, Were and How. They try to find the "Who"  A crime has already been committed. Their job is to find the "Who" so the criminal does not inflict more pain and suffering on another innocent.
Threat Assessment Profilers have the, Who, Why, What, Where and How. I try to prevent the "When"  That is what makes Profiling so difficult and emotionally draining. When I talk to a client who has fallen in love with this wolf in sheep's clothing, I know what I am dealing with,  I know what is coming when the honeymoon phase is over. Trying to explain and warn the client of this personalities potential for violent, aggressive and sexually dangerous behavior is not an easy task. Many times the client will rationalize the behavior of their new love interest. The will yell, scream and argue with me, calls me names. State that it was something they did to cause the problems. It was not his/her fault. It was my fault Tony! Yet, they keep calling me back. They are picking up something a certain behavior pattern that their new love interest is now showing and expressing that just does not seem right. A change from the once loving, caring and sexually compassionate personality they once were, to something or someone totally different. The client will rationalize everything, he will change, I will try harder. He will return back to his normal self again. No I say, this is their normal behavior pattern. This is the real person.    
 
Many of these emotional vampires are very sadistic, emotionally, physically and sexually. In the early stages of the relationship they will come across as very self confident, True Alpha males. They can be very engaging, fun, warm and charming, the life of the party. A very will practiced act. They have that little bad boy way about them.  You think that you will fix them. You are not going to fix them, if you think you are, you are only fooling yourself.
 
Beneath that well crafted persona is a very insecure, jealous, deceptive, egotistical, sensitive, moody, self serving individual who will do everything to destroy in you, what they do not possess in themselves.
They have to destroy you, to feel superior to you, they must destroy you. They are very good at gas lighting you. Before long you are second guessing yourself.  True Alpha males and females will work with you, love you for who and what you are, be proud of you and your accomplishments. They will encourage you, respect you. They do not enter the relationship looking for what you can give them. They will ask for your opinion. They will work with you, not against you.   Why do true Alphas act different? Because they have real confidence in themselves.  These emotional vampires do not.
The calls keep coming in, one after another. The crying, yelling and the emotional confusion. Sometimes the brutality. That is  what takes the most out of me, the pictures of these lovely women, bruised and battered. Yet, I hear the same statements over and over again, " Tony, why didn't I listen to you" I try to explain to them these personalities can fool the professionals. You go into the relationship with an open heart, these personalities do not have one. You go into the relationship wanting to build a relationship, they take victims.  
 
With these Vampires it is all about Domination, manipulation and control.  Remember these words I have on my web page;
 
"LOOK AT PEOPLE FOR WHAT THEY REALLY ARE
NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO BELIEVE THEY ARE
NOT WHAT YOU WISH THEM TO BE"

 If you have any questions please feel free to call me on my site on Ingenio my Ex. is 01155. I will be more than happy to talk with you and answer any questions you may have. Send me a e-mail and I will send you five (5) free minutes so we can talk.
 Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI
 

Statement Analysis

  Part Two (2)

 BDA Ratios
 
What are BDA RATIOS? When analyzing a statement the BDA ratios are very important to the Analyst/Examiner in determining if the statement is coming from a true Auto Biographical Memory of an event or is the person in question constructing the event from logic. The analyst will add the number of words used in the B=Before, D=During, A=After portion of the incident in question. First the Analyst/ Examiner will ask an open ended question, such as "Tell me everything you did yesterday" or "Tell me everything you did last night from 6:00 PM to 6:00 AM"  The person in question will write everything he/she did. I will give him/her a pen not a pencil and I will explain to the person if you make a spelling error just draw a single line through the word. The person will in his/her own words will tell us everything they did or did not do. The examiner will leave and not ask any questions nor put the person under any pressure while he/she is writing their statement. When the statement is finished the Examiner will analyze their statement for content.  People mean exactly what they say and every word used has a meaning. I begin by looking at Pronouns and the lack there of, Changes in Language, Verb Tenses, Articles such as "a, an, the"  Up grades or Down grades of a person, place or thing, and BDA ratios just to name a few. Today I will explain the meaning of BDA Ratios     
 
The BDA ratios help the examiner to determine if the writer is recalling the incident from memory or constructing the incident from logic. All truth comes from memory, the incident in question should be well balanced. The "B" Before portion of their statement is what was happening before the incident took place and should be between 17-25% of the statement. The "D" During portion of the incident is when the action/crime took place and should be 33% - 50% of the story. The "A" After portion of the incident is when the action has finished and when the writer has had time to reflect on what has taken place, should be between 25-33%.

It is in the "A" After portion of the incident that true emotions will be expressed. In a deceptive statement the writer will often put emotions in the wrong portion of their statement. They put emotions where they think they should be, most often these emotions will be placed in the "D" During portion of their incident/statement.
When the BDA ratios are out of balance there is a very good possibility the writer is constructing the story from logic and is making up the story.
Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI

Statement Analysis
Up Grades/ Down Grades/ A Change of Language
 
I was asked by one of my clients if I would explain what Up Grades / Down Grades mean in a statement?
 In a statement we look to see how people,  objects and locations are introduced and when they are introduced within a written or oral statement. When talking about a person for the first time a proper introduction is expected so the reader knows who you are talking about. Such as my wife Susan, or my girlfriend, my sister my mother, etc.  When a persons name just enters a statement without a proper introduction we do not know who the writer is talking about. This would flag the Examiner that there is the possibility a poor relationship exists between the two people. Now we look for changes in language, a change in language is a change in the writers reality. For example in the following statement the writer wrote;
 
" I got up and took a shower and got ready to go to work, I went back to "our" bedroom to say goodbye to Susan.  I left "the" bedroom shorty thereafter and went to work it was about 7:30 AM, I returned home after work and found Susan in "my" bedroom dead. I called the Police and that is all I can say". 
 
The down grade in his statement is he went from "Our" bedroom to "The bedroom" to "My bedroom"  This is very telling. Also who is Susan? She was never given a proper introduction. This would indicate a poor relationship between the two of them. We also have the statement "To Say Goodbye" that does not mean he "Said Goodbye"  The words "Shortly thereafter it was about 7:30 AM" is not an exact time reference. This tells me there is a block of missing time in his narrative. We would want to know how much time it took for him to say goodbye and how long he spent with Susan and what time he left for work and what time he arrived at work. The words "All I can say" Tells me he is limited by what he wants to say, a better sentence would have been  " That is all I know" In this statement he is limited by his knowledge.   
Many times a perpetrator of a crime will unknowingly put the time of the crime within their statement as was the case in this instance.
The Down Grades in his statement was, "Our bedroom" to "The bedroom" to  "My bedroom" When he arrived back home from work.  The time of 7:30 AM is when his language changed from "Our bedroom" to "The bedroom"  There he was distancing himself from the bedroom, we would want to know why. When he came home from work he now calls the bedroom "My bedroom"  from  "The bedroom" This Up Grade  is even worse.
It is no longer "Our Bedroom" only his "My bedroom".  This man admitted to killing Susan before he went to work. Susan was his wife.
Down Grades are very important within a statement and when the Down Grades took place.
 
Down Grades such as;  "My room" to "the room", "My girlfriend to the girlfriend" or a name that enters a statement without a proper introduction.   The reason for this is people find it very hard to admitting to hurting a family member. Many times the person will distance themselves from the close tie by changing the language from "My wife" or "My Girlfriend" to using their wife or girlfriend first name "Susan" 
 Down Grades  such as "My home" to "The house" Down Grades  would include people, objects and locations.   Remember a change in language is a change in reality. This change will prompt the Examiner to ask additional questions as to why there was a change in their language and why this change took place.  
Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI
Nonverbal Communication
Part Two (2) 
 
When describing Nonverbal Communication/Behaviors there are  words that mean the same thing. I will explain these words and there meanings to you now to avoid confusion later in my Articles. There are certain words that have very specific meanings which I will explain to you as we go along. I use the word "Tell"  Because these  Nonverbal Behaviors "Tell" us about the person's true state of mind what the body is "Telling and Expressing /Communicating" to us".  The word "Cue" also means the same thing what the body is "Cueing" us in on.  Many times you will see words in books or hear different terminology in a video or TV show  when a Body language expert  is explaining body language behaviors and they use different terminology, the words used sound different  but the meanings are the same. Body Language Experts will use their own terminology  such as, Adaptors, Manipulators, Tells, Cues, Gestures, Postures . Nonverbal Communication/ Body Language is a means of transmitting information , just like a spoken word except it is achieved through facial expressions, gestures, touching (haptics), physical movements (kinesics) posture, body adornments ( cloths, jewelry, hairstyle, tattoos. The tone and volume of an individual's voice. (rather than the spoken content) Nonverbal Communication comprise approximately sixty to sixty five percent of all interpersonal communication.  (Burgoon, 1994, 229-285) (Navarro, 2007, 4-5) 
 
Comfort/Discomfort and Pacifying Behaviors" 
 
The limbic System the Emotional brain does not reason or rationalize it reacts to the world around us in real time. The prime directive of the limbic system is to ensure our survival as a species. The Limbic system is programed to make us secure by avoiding danger or "Discomfort" and seeking safety and "Comfort" Nonverbal Behaviors can be very binary. You or the personality you are engaged with is either in a state of "Comfort"  (Well being, relaxed, not in a state of stress) Or in a state of "Discomfort"  ( Stressed, worried, in fear, feeling very uncomfortable or uneasy)    The Limbic System "Leaks" this information in the form of body language tells/behaviors called  "Pacifiers"  These "Pacifying behaviors" Will be congruent with those feelings either Positive "Comfort" or Negative "Discomfort".  
It is very important to remember that when you are attempting to decode Nonverbal Behaviors you must decode the Nonverbal Body Language "tells/cues"  according to the context of the situation you are in.   
This is the prime reason why there is so much confusion when people are attempting to decode Nonverbal Behaviors and are confused to there meaning. This is why "Context" is such very important rule to remember. One "Tell" is not the same for all situations.
For example; You may read or hear that a person who is rubbing their ear or touching their face is a sign of stress or even worse, is lying. This is not the case at all, first what is the "Context" of the situation you are in?
If it is a social setting and the person is exhibiting other Nonverbal Behaviors that are congruent with "Comfort' This would be considered a "Positive Pacifier" The Personality is enjoying the experience and the "Pacifying Behaviors" are heightening their experience by releasing very powerful brain peptides Dopamine and Oxytocin by touching or "Pacifying themselves. On the flip side of the coin, if you see these very same Nonverbal Behaviors when the personality is under a stressful situation such as a job interview, meeting a date for the first time, answering questions regarding a situation they were involved in etc. These same "Pacifying Behaviors" Are  the Limbic Systems response to a stressful situation and the "Pacifying Behaviors" seen are a sign of "Discomfort" or a negative "Pacifier" The same brain peptides are being released by the Limbic Systems in an  effort to calm the personality down and  to restore the personality/ body to a state of comfort again.
A hard and fast rule when decoding Nonverbal behaviors is " What is the context of the situation you are in" Without context you will misread the "tells" that the body is telling/saying to you.      
More on Context in part three (3) 
   
Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI
Love can be painful
 
 
Before I finish my Articles on Nonverbal Communication I wanted to write this short Article on why love can be so painful at times. This is for  my clients who are going through difficult times right now, this information should help you understand why you feel the way you do during a relationship and when it ends.
 
  Why do I feel the way I do? what drives my behavior?
The reason for this is very simple. The brain. The subconscious mind has no conception of time, it does not reason or rationalize. Every time you bring up a memory from the area of your brain  called the Hippocampus where these auto biographical memories are stored the emotions attached to them both positive and negative come up with the memory. The strong emotions is what helps us to remember our past experiences .   The chemicals released by the brain called peptides are very addictive to our brain cells. The cells in our brain do not care if the peptide is a good one a positive memory or bad peptide a negative memory. The cells are addicted only to the intensity of the peptide. Just like a drug addict who need it's next fix. The cells wants more and more which leads many people to obsessive thoughts. Remember right now the feelings and emotions you have are a natural process when experiencing a loss. You must do everything in your power to do things that will help get your mind off thinking about the past and focus on yourself. Think about his/her behavior right now and how he/she is acting very immature in how they are acting towards you. No one can validate you, only you can. When you rely on others to make you feel better about yourself it is ripe for disaster Your strong, your smart. Yes it is painful right now, it will subside when you start to understand that how other peoples treatment towards you is not a true test of your self worth or you  as a person. Remember we can not change the past or how people have treated us, we can only learn from it and not let it happen again.  
 
 
 
A great Article on the brain and the Peptide release when in and out of love. I hope it will help many of you get a better understand of the process that drives our behavior. From my research on the brain in love.
 
It's over." Those two words have inspired a million weepy songs and films (and at least 100-times that many hysterical texts). But while you're probably feeling the ache in your chest, research shows the real s*#$-storm is taking place in your brain. From a crazed complexion to "take me back!" behavior, here's how messes with your head.

When Your Love Leaves
Feeling in love causes your brain to flood with dopamine, a feel-good chemical that lights up your noodle's reward centers and makes you feel on top of the world. (This same chemical is associated with drugs like cocaine.) But when you lose the object of your affection, your brain's reward centers don't immediately power down, shows research from Rutgers University. Instead, they keep craving those reward chemicals-just like a drug addict who wants more but can't have it.

 

The same study found those gotta-have-more responses spur activity in other regions of your brain related to motivation and goal-targeting. Those, in turn, override the parts of your noodle that hold your emotions and behavior in check. As a result, you'll do anything-or at least, plenty of embarrassing things-to get your "fix." This explains why you'll drive by his house, stalk his friends, or otherwise act like a loony tune in the immediate aftermath of a breakup. Put simply, you're a love junkie and your former partner is the only thing that will satisfy your brain's cravings, the research indicates.

At the same time, studies from Johns Hopkins University show your heartbroken brain experiences a huge dump of stress and fight-or-flight hormones (adrenaline and cortisol, mostly), which can mess with your sleep, your heart rate, your complexion, and even your immune system. You're more likely to catch a cold during a breakup. You're also more likely to break out. (Fun!)

Feeling the Burn
The same parts of the brain that fire when you are physically injured also light up when you're hurting emotionally, shows research from the University of Michigan. Specifically, when people experienced a burn akin to holding a hot cup of coffee without a sleeve, the secondary somatosensory cortex and the dorsal posterior insula lit up. The same areas fired when those people thought about their recently departed partners. Some studies have shown feeling deeply happy and in love can actually reduce the pain you experience from a physical injury. Unfortunately, the opposite is also true: Physical pains hurt more if you're also suffering from a broken heart.

Long-Term Love Lost
More research shows that, among long-time couples, the neurological effects of love-and the aftermath of a breakup-are more profound. Brain scientists understand that anything you do, from reading to walking down the street, creates or strengthens the neurological pathways and connections in your head related to that behavior. And studies suggest that, in the same way, your brain develops pathways linked to living alongside your love. The longer you're with your partner, the more those pathways spread and strengthen, and the more difficult it will be for your noodle to operate normally if your love is suddenly absent, the research indicates.

Not too comforting (or surprising): Studies have found time is among the only remedies for all of these breakup-induced brain reactions. Another possible cure for love sickness, according to some research? Falling in love again.


Research from Rutgers University
Johns Hopkins University
 
 
Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI

Nonverbal Communication
Part one (1)


Body language / non verbal communication is a very accurate diagnostic tool when you understand how the human brain deals with a positive, stressful or threatening situation.  The old terminology for describing the Human Brain was left brain / right brain.  In 1952, a scientist named Paul MacLean began to speak of the human brain as a Triune Brain consisting of three brains working together as a command and control center. They are:

Reptilian (stem) brain
Mammalian (limbic) brain
Neo Cortex (human) brain

The Limbic mammalian brain plays the largest role in the expression of nonverbal behavior. This part of the brain acts like a radar system that is on seven days a week. When the Limbic brain experiences a positive, negative or threatening situation it leaks this information in the form of body language tells/cues congruent with those feelings, positive & negative. These body language cues are expressed instantaneously and without thought. These expressions manifest physically in our faces, our eyes, forehead, mouth, neck, etc. Our torso, arms, hands, fingers, etc. Also in our feet and legs.

The old and outdated terminology still used to this day was called the "Fight or Flight" response this is half right and somewhat backwards. The brain's response to any threatening situation takes three forms, the FREEZE, FLIGHT, FIGHT response.  When one response is found to be inadequate, the Limbic System will move quickly to the next response, until the system feels the threat has passed. The body language Tells/Cues that follow will tell us which response the Limbic System has chosen to defend itself, and has returned the body back into a safe and secure frame of mind. The nonverbal behaviors that follow will help us to understand a person's thoughts, feelings, and intentions. The Limbic System / Brain is called our true brain. Why? it is the part of our Brain that reacts to the world around us reflexively and instantaneously, in real time without thought  and is the most accurate when detecting body language cues.  These Limbic survival responses go back to our ancestry as a human species. These responses are hardwired into our nervous system, making them difficult to disguise or eliminate.  

The Neo-cortex or human brain is our thinking, creative brain. The Neo-cortex is analytical. It thinks before it acts or speaks. It is capable of deception and it can lie, and it lies often. Example: Your slightly over weight friend asks you, "How do you like my new bright yellow dress? You answer, "Gee Look's great on you." In reality, you wanted to say something very different. Your analytical brain came up with a quick Pro- Social white lie, so you do not hurt your friend's feelings. The micro eye blocking expression flashed on your face, just before you opened your mouth expressing your true feelings of, "Oh my God what the hell is she wearing ! "

True emotions are always expressed in body language cues before words and actions. ( Navarro & Scahafer, 2003,22-24 )

In the 1800's Darwin stated that there were six emotions that were universal to all cultures. They are:

ANGER
JOY
SADNESS
SURPRISE
FEAR
DISGUST


In 1980 Dr. Paul Ekman, Ph.D added,

CONTEMPT


These emotions are expressed in all humans from the day they are born. Dr. Ekman studied the forty facial muscles and their movement when emotions were felt and expressed. He stated humans can express over ten thousand (10,000) different expressions. Most we will never see. In a typical conversation we will see less than one hundred (100). Only a third will be relevant to emotion. These expressions are flashed in 1/25 of a second called, a micro expression. These expressions will reveal themselves prior to a more contrived expression.  When a micro expression is detected, it does not tell you what the person is being deceptive about.
It only tells that their facial expressions, words and body language non verbal tells/cues lack Synchrony.

Dr. Ekman's work in developing F.A.C.S., Facial- Action- Coding System, is a highly accurate diagnostic tool in helping profiler's and law enforcement personnel in detecting micro expressions in a personality when they are put or are in a stressful situation. These emotions or expressions should not be in variance with the picture being presented to you, or before the fake emotion, the mask the personality wants you to believe they are feeling, is shown. All cues must be taken in the context of the situation you are in.

The next time someone says to you that nonverbal behavior does not have meaning or is not reliable, the U.S. Supreme Court decision (Terry v. Ohio, 1968, 392 U.S. 1) acknowledged that nonverbal behaviors presage criminality if those behaviors are observed and decoded properly. This landmark decision was based on the quick thinking of a thirty nine year old Detective, Martin McFadden. In 1963, he watched the nonverbal behavior of two men who he believed were about to rob a store. When Officer McFadden moved in and patted the two men down he found a concealed hand gun. (Terry v. Ohio, 1968, 392 U.S. 1) provided a clear demonstration of the relationship between our thoughts, intentions, and nonverbal behaviors. (Navarro & Scahafer, 2003, 22-24)

 

 

Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI

419 Scams----Shadow Shopper

This 419 scam has been around for a while and has reared it's ugly head again. With so many people having a difficult time making ends meet receiving this letter in the mail seems like an answer to your cash flow problems. I reported this 419 scam to the FBI a few years ago, the older generation can get sucked into this scam thinking they can make some quick money for paying bills and being retired  have time on their hands to handle this rather simple task. The scam works like this, you will receive an official looking letter in the mail from a large well known corporation. The letter will be addressed to you, your name will appear on the letter. The letter will be written on bond paper with an official looking check made out to you for a large sum of money. The new twist in this scam is now they have a number for you to call, a so called HR person will talk to you,  this is to convince you that you are being hired. The hook here is that the company wants you to cash the check as soon as possible and complete the required task. Their window of opportunity is short. 

The check made out to you could range from $2000.00 to $5000.00  The company wants to hire you for a weekends worth of work. They want you to deposit their check into your bank account. Keep a percentage  of the check for your time, this could range from eight hundred to fifteen hundred dollars, withdraw the rest in cash. Your task is to go to a Walmart and wire the remaining funds back to the company that hired you. You go back home and write a report on the Walmart or what ever company they asked you to go to that handles money wire transfers. The company wants to know how polite or efficient the company was in handling your request. You send your report to some PO box in the USA or Canada, some of these scammers even have a fax number for you to fax the report to.  Your job is finished and you are out a large some of money when their check gets returned to your bank for insufficient funds. These scammers are playing the float that can range from one to three days for a check to clear. That is why many of these letters are received on a Thursday or Friday which gives them two additional weekends days before your bank receives their bogus check back.  The letter and the check are very official looking with water marks on the check and on the bond paper letter addressed to you.  The letter will have logos of large well known corporations on the letter, if you look very closely the colors of the corporate logos will be off color. If you should have any questions please feel free to contact me, I will be happy to talk with you,

                                      Anthony Iantosca, BCFE  

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