Improving Your Life

Things to remember

Respecting Others

• Start each day with a promise to respect others
• Give praise out loud for the good you see in others
• Listen carefully to what others say
• Look for things to appreciate in others
• Tell others they are good and lovable
• Let others take responsibility for thier lives while taking responsibility for yours
• Sit down, talk quietly and speak in a calm voice even when you disagree
• Pass up chances to insult, attack or criticise

Sex Addiction Cycle:

Obsession                    

•  Personal Pain
•  Emotional or sexual trigger
• Mind overly preoccupied with sexual thoughts

The Hunt 

• Search for sex Object
• Place to masturbate
• Pornography
• sexual partner
• Often highly ritualized

Recruitment

• Purchase or proposition

Gratification

• Orgasm by whatever means
• Ritualistic sex

Return to Normal

• Brief interlude
• obsession lifts

Justification

• It wasn't so bad
• Everyone does it
• I needed/deserved it

Blame

• Seek Scapegoat
• Anyone can be a traget
• rejects personal responsibility

Shame

• Guilt and remorse
• Bottom of society

Despair

• Greater pain than before acting out
• Hopelessness

Promises

• Never again
• Promises.. trigger obsessive thinking
• Cycle starts over again

If this is fimiliar to you and  you are struggling call me I can help!

Thought for today: " YOU MAY HAVE HABITS THAT WEAKEN YOU. THE SECRET OF CHANGE IS TO FOCUS ALL YOUR ENERGY, NOT ON FIGHTING THE OLD, BUT ON THE BUILDING OF THE NEW." (SOCRATES)

Take a good look at today, accept it as it is, appreciate that it is a new day, don't watse your energy on the regrets of yesterday. If there is anything that you want to change begin taking the steps needed to make that change. Put your focus and energy in creating a new beginning. Use what you have learned from the lessons of yesterday to suceed today.     

Emotional and Physical Barriers:

Some effcts of being dissatisfied with your current sitution may include being sad or depressed, having low self esteem,  feeling like you are a failure, blaming others for your situation, lack of energy or drive, or stress-related problems stemming from your mental and physical stress.

Some Recommendations:

• Think Positive- use  your situation as an opportunity for positive change
• Ask yourself, "What is the worst thing that can happend?" and you will often find that you can handle it.
• Don't look back. What happened cannot be changed: think about things you can do in the present
• Talk about your feelings with someone 

 If  you need support or just someone to talk to give me a call......I can Help 

Alcohol: What is it?

 Alcohol is central nervous system depressant that slows down bodily fuctions and can cause intoxication, unconsiousness and even death.  Alcohol is the most common drug that is abused.  It is just as powerful and dangerous as many prescription medication and illigal drugs.  Alcohol in involved many times in the cases of suicide, murders, and accidental deaths. satistics report that it claims more than 100,000 lives each year.

Effects of alcohol:

• decreases blood pressure
• slows down breathing
• dizziness
• flushed skin
• loss of sensation
• lowers body temperature
• causes nausea and vomiting
• eyes become red
• causes restlessness
• causes shakiness
• causes sweating
• causes temporary impotence
• use of alcohol during pregnancy  may be harnful to the developing fetus

Abuse leads to increased tolerance and eventually can lead to dependency(Alcholism).

Alcholism  is a desease caused by physical and psychological dependency on alcohol. It can lead to long term physical, emotional and social problems. Excessive use of alcohol affects not only the drinker, but the drinkers family, friends and co-workers as well.

Alcohol is a common factor in suicide, one of the 10 leading causes of death in the United States. It also plays a role in Domestic Violence and Child Abuse.

Chronic, heavy use can damage nearly every organ and system in the body. It can cause

• brain damage
• cancer
• cirrhosis of the liver
• heart disease
• high blood pressure
• impaired kidney fuction
• impaired immune system
• malnutrition
• sexual dysfuction
• stroke
• ulcers

  Alcohol overdose is a very real problem. It causes more deaths in children and teenagers than any other drug. Drinking large amount of alcohol in a short period of time can place so much shock and stress on the nervous system that the heart will stop and the area of the brain that regulates breathing will stop fuctioning.

If you or someone you love in out of control and you need someone to talk to......Call me ....I am available to give you support and help you through the process of recovery. 

All have an inner child who is in need of inner healing.  Love yourself and Heal the inner child within you.  I am available to support you and help you heal. Always wishing you love and inner peace. 

The following is a poem written by Charles C. Finn:

Please Hear What I'm not saying

Don't be fooled by the face I wear. For I wear a mask, a thousand masks, masks that i'm afraid to take off, and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me, but don't be fooled.For God's sake don't be fooled.

I give you the impression that I am secure,that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without, that confidence is my name and coolness my game that the water's calm and I'm in command, and that I need no one.

But you don't believe me. My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask, ever-varying and ever-concealing. Beneath lies no complacence. Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness. But I hide this. I dont want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed. thats why I frantically create a mask to hide behind, a nonchalant sophisticated facade, to help me pretend, to shield me from the glance that knows. But such a glance is precisely my salvation. my only hope and I know it. That is, if it's followed by acceptance, if it's followed by love. It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself, from my own self- built prison walls, from the barriers I so painstakingly erect. It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't assure myself, that I'm really worth something.

But I don't tell you this. I don't dare. I'm afraid to. I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance, will not be followed by love. I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me. I'm afraid that deep -down I'm nothing, that I'm just no good, and that you will see this and reject me. So I play the game , my desperate pretending game, with a facade of assurance without and a trembling child within. So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks, and my life becomes a front. I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk. I tell you everything that's really nothing, and nothing of what's everything, of whats crying within me. So when I'm through my routine, do not be fooled by what I'm saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying, what I'd like to be able to say, what for survival I need to say, but what I can't say.

I dont like to hide. I don't like to play superficial phony games. I want to stop playing them. I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me, but you've got to help me. You've got to hold out your hand even when that's the last thing I seem to want. Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of the breathing dead . Only you can call me into aliveness. Each time you're kind and gentle and encouraging, each time you understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings, very small wings.very feeble wings, but wings! with the power to touch me into feeling you can breath life into me. I want you to know that.

I want you to know how important you are to me, how you can be creator-a honest-to-god creator of the person that is me if you chose to. You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble, you alone can remove my mask, you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panc and uncertainty, from my lonely prison,  if you choose to. Please choose to. Do not pass me by. It will not be easy for you.

A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. The nearer you approach to me the blinder I may strike back. It's irrational. I fight against the very thing that I cry out for. But I am  told that love is stronger than strong walls, and in this lies my hope. Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands but gentle hands for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder? I am someone you know well. For I am every man you meet and I am every women you meet.  

7 things that can make you happy.

1. Take responsibility for making yourself happy.

2. Make time for yourself,  do the things that bring you pleasure and enjoyment.

3. Do something  for someone and don't expect anything in return.

4. Be kind toward yourself .

5.  Allow yourself to take a chance even when you might fail. Look at challenges as an opportunity for growth and greater self understanding.  

6.   Be thankful for what you DO have

7. Engage in acts of kindness towards yourself and others on a daily basis.  

When we think about anger  we think of:

People who cannot control thier anger, who have trouble with their emotions, who act in ways that can be harmful to self and others. BUT WE ALL GET ANGRY. It is not the emotion but what we do with it that becomes the problem. Anger can be a good thing. It can  push us to make the changes we need. It may be a signal that we need to protect ourselves or it can be a motivator for change.

 Fear itself is not to be feared (Epictetus said two thousand years ago, "Men are not troubled by the things themselves, but by thier thoughts about them") . It is well known that different people can assess the same situation differently.  Why do you suppose this is? Partly because of  the different belief systems people have,  various life experiences, and the level of learned problem solving skills one may have aquired. If you think back to when you were growing up and you ask yourself how did your parents deal with anger? did they express anger by not talking about it? Did they yell? slam doors? Walk away and go to the opposite side of the house? Chances are that when you probably get angry you do the same. Anger does not only affect others and our surroundings it also affects our health. causes illness and destroys lives.  WHEN IS ANGER A PROBLEM?: 

• When it occurs to often
• When it is to intense
• When it last to long
• When it leads to aggression
• When it disrupts your relationships and your work
• When it makes you ill
• When you are facing legal problems                                               

If you are feeling that your anger has gotten the best of you. CALL ME  AND ..... TOGETHER WE CAN EXPLORE ALTERNATIVE  HEALTHY WAYS TO DEAL WITH THIS EMOTION.  I can help you learn how to respond to the situation and not lose control. 

As I was going through some readings, I came across this hand out. I do not know the author. However,  as I read it.... I knew,  that there was someone who needed to read this ....that it would  make a difference .... to recognise that they are not alone....so here I am... posting it..... just for you. Remember there is always HOPE. 

What kind of man would seek and recieve support. 

A man like Adam: who was cut off from all that gave meaning to life and needed someone to remind him of God's promise.

A man like Noah: who witnessed the desruction of everything around him and needed someone to wait with him for a new day.

A man like Moses:  who faced great opposition and needed a companion to support him and speak on his behalf.

A man like David: who grieved of a wayward child and needed a shepard's care.

A man like Isaiah: who thought he was alone and needed a still voice to encourage him.

A man like Job: who lost everything and needed someone to silently endure his pain with him.

A man like Peter: who found himself "in over his head" and needed the strong hand of a faithful friend. 

A man like Paul: who knew the unending distress caused by a thorn in the flesh and needed someone to rejoice with him when he rejoiced and to weep with him when he wept.

A man like Jesus: who knew disappointment, sorrow, grief, rejection, loneliness so intense that he sweat blood and needed an angel of God to minister to him.

A man like you.

As I took my morning walk I welcomed the daybreak of the new day and with the first light...I sent universal blessing to all of you with whom I have had the privilege to speak with and the honor to serve. May you all have a great week ahead.

Always wishing you joy and inner peace.

Catherine

A woman is dragged by her hair on the floor. She is crying and yelling. The man; her husband, lover and the father of their children has grasped her hair in his fists. He has lost control, there is kicking, biting, scraching all in the act of self preservation. Everything in their path goes flying. A lamp crashes and breaks. Broken  glass covers the floor.  The  children who are 3,  5, and 7 head for cover .....they run into their rooms. Full of  fear ..  they gather behind a closed door staying out of the way....they feel helpless ..full of worry for their mothers safety. This is a familiar scene .... it will soon blow over and things will be back to normal...they will both make excuses ..they will minimize what occured  she will blame herself ...They will feel love once again ..... as if it will never happen again....and then when they least expect it, tension will begin to build up.  She begins to feel as if she is walking on egg shells and then ...once again there is another explosive fight...... once again ...only this time worse than before.

If you or someone you know is involved in an abusive relationship  SEEK Support! 

People say .....If it's so bad then why does she/he not just leave? Well its not that easy. People are always so quick to judge and have the answer. But when you're in the middle of this chaos the answer is not that clear.

Here are some common known facts:

• Women are more likely to be killed when attempting to report abuse or leave an abusive relationship.
• 63% of all males between 11 and 20 are incarcerated for homicide because they  killed their mother's batterer.
• One in three teens experience violence in dating relationships.
• The prevalence of domestic violence among gay and lesbian couples is the same as heterosexual couples- American Bar association Journal, 1998

Types of abuse:

Psychological and emotional abuse 

• Put downs
• Mind games
• ignoring
• silent treatment
• making partner feel like they are crazy
• intimidation

Physical abuse

• Hitting
• biting
• hair pulling
• grabbing
• pushing
• shoving
• tripping
• kicking
• punching
• choking

Sexual Abuse

• Unwanted or uncomfortable touching
• Continued sexual advances after being told "no"
• Forced sex
• Refusing to practice safe sex

 Economic abuse   

• Creating financial dependency
• Taking partners  money
• Forcing partner to ask for money when ever there is a need 

Trauma from Domestic/Relationship Violence can lead to:

•  Powerlessness and loss of control
• Guilt, self blame
• Shame, embarrassment
• Anger, rage
• Sadness, sense of loss, grief
• Self disgust, self hatred
• Anxiety or panic attacks 
• Sleep Disturbance; insomnia, nightmares, night sweats
• Flashbacks, intrusive thoughts
• Loss of confidence, self doubt
• Emotional and social isolation
• Depression
• Suicide(ideation, attempted or actual)
• Homicide (ideation, attempted or actual)
• Relationship problems (fear of emotional and sexual intimacy, loss of trust).
• Mood swings
• Inability to concentrate
• Eating disorders, substance abuse, compulsive behaviors, phobias
• Chronic physical complaints

The list goes on.

If you or someone you love is struggling with Domestic/Relationship Violence or you lived through it as a child... its not too late to get the help and support  you need.  Talk to someone. BREAK THE CYCLE.  Call me or any other qualified advisor that has the appropriate training that can provide you with the guidance and the support you need. I hope you share this information with your sister, daughter, son and friends so we all can begin to recognize unhealthy relationships and make the changes necessary to create healthy ones.

BEFRIENDING UNWANTED EMOTIONS: FEAR, ANGER, DEPRESSION AND GUILT.

When viewing these emotions we come to understand them not only as unavoidable, but as expected allies in deepening our personal journey through life. When we acknowledge these experiences and embrace these emotions, our lives broaden and deepen in ways that might be most surprising.