I’ve given much thought to what makes a healthy relationship and what makes an unhealthy relationship, as I am sure many others have. Whether its your relationship with your husband, wife, brother, sister, mother or son, at some point some of our relationships can be a strain.
So, what, you might ask, is the tipping point that makes a healthy relationship unhealthy and when is it time to get out or cut ties?
At the end of the day, if you ARE wondering what makes your relationship healthy or not, the first question you want to ask yourself is: ‘How do you see the future of your relationship and do you easily see them in it?’ Trust your gut instinct on this …Do you see yourself happy with them overall and do they fit with your lifestyle? Or do you see yourself arguing about the same things over and over again until arguing is pretty much all you do? While it is reasonable to expect that one person shouldn’t make you happy or ‘complete you’, they shouldn’t make your life completely miserable either.
Another way to know if your in a healthy relationship is if you are allowed to be yourself and they are allowed to be themselves. In other words, is there an unconditional love established where both of you feel safe and secure? Do you validate each other and can you have a satisfying intellectual conversations? A healthy relationship also isn’t about power and control. When considering these things, remember to keep in mind that while it is great to have some of the same goals in life (and no ‘deal breakers’ in romantic relationship), differences can be good and make life interesting.
On the flip side, there are signs you need to recognize that you are in a unhealthy relationship. These symptoms are the opposite of what a healthy, loving relationship is. An unhealthy relationship is one where seeing the other person is unpleasant, you don't feel heard or validated, and you feel very uncomfortable in general. Even if you can understand where they are coming from and see why they are doing the things they are doing, it is very hard for you to be happy when you are in an unhealthy relationship.
While these are the basic, and most simplistic, ways of knowing if you are in a satisfying/ healthy relationship or an unhealthy relationship, not all relationships are perfect or what we want them to be exactly. And not all ties are easily cut. Trying to mend relationships (in most relationships that aren’t toxic or abusive) is a good way to go, especially if small kids need to be considered. Talking to an unbiased third party is one way you can do that and will help you feel validated again.
If you’d like to talk about what makes a healthy relationship healthy or how to mend broken bonds, give me a call and I can help you with what your going through or be your supportive ear to talk to. Want to add to what you think makes a healthy/ unhealthy relationship? Feel free to respond below. I look forward to hearing from you.
It's been a while since I've posted and I thought I would today to ask all of you reading this, 'What inspires or motivates you?' Take a minute to think about it. There is no perfect answer here, so go ahead and be honest with yourself. Now just write down on a piece of paper what your top five are.
Not sure what to write? Here is an example:
1. To be happy,
2. To provide emotional and financial support to my family,
3. To find peace,
4. To be successful at my job,
5. Just to enjoy life.
Really take a minute to look at what you write down. Once you put down your list of top five things that inspire you to get out of bed every morning, prioritize them from number 1 being the most important part, and number 5 being the least important.
Even if you don't agree with the law of attraction (which you can find in The Secret), you will see some themes arise in your life. Simply put your inspiration (or motivation) attracts what you really want in life.
However, the content of your thoughts also can attract things (whether they be good or bad), and can be in conflict with what you really want in life. If you think something bad will happen today and if, by chance, something does, you will start to think about it more and more. This, unfortunately, will create a negative pattern in your life that will be hard to break out of. Conversely, if your main thoughts are positive, you will remember all the good things that happen through the day.
I know from personal experience if I start having a bad day and focusing on the bad stuff, it gets even worse by the end of the day. So, I revisit what my inspirations are and try to figure out what they are. I think about the positives in my life, what I'm grateful for, and what I really want, which cheers me up. What about you? Does your true inspiration in life match what you think about when no one is around?
Let me ask you again, what inspires you deep down inside? I challenge you to really focus on it and think about it through the day. If your inspiration is to enjoy life, then try to enjoy life today. Even if this sounds like 'fluff' to some of you, I would suggest to you to give it your full attention and focus for at least the rest of the day. You'll be surprised how much your thoughts affect you. And chances are, if you think positively, you'll have a better day overall.
Stress can lead to many health problems, like anxiety, depression,
alcoholism, among other problems. Sound familiar? Like so many other
people these days, unfortunately stress is a part of daily life.
Biologically
speaking, when people are under a lot of pressure and get stressed out,
our brains release extra hormones called Cortisol, norepinephrine, and
GH. It is Cortisol that has a negative impact on metabolism and the
norepinephrine that causes depression and hypertension. Basically,
stress is not good for your figure or emotional well-being in the long
run.
When humans were living in caves and fighting off Saber-tooth
Tigers, stress kept them alive. Part of what happened on a biological
scale was called the fight or flight mechanism- our ability to fight our
attackers or literally run away from the situation. When our body is in
this state, the energy is used in differently- we get an adrenaline
rush of sorts. The Cortisol produced in this situation helped with extra
weight retention helped people survive when food was scarce.
People
have evolved and our situations have changed, but our basic biology
hasn't. Under highly stressful situations, we still have the fight or
flight mechanism and all the extra hormones that are associated with it.
What
can you do about it, you many wonder? Finding the solution to the
stress is just as important to finding the reason your feeling it. If
you find the cause, you can change it or reduce it. While a little bit
of stress is a good thing on a day to day basis, like they say too much
of anything can be a bad thing.
Jobs, family, and financial
problems are some of the biggest causes of stress for most people. While
it would be nice to quit your job or win the lotto tomorrow, it is not
always realistic. Fortunately, there are other ways to reduce your
stress or change what you feel.
The first thing you should try is
getting a full 8 hours of sleep at night. A full nights sleep will help
regulate the hormones and help you feel more relaxed. Turn off the TV,
don't eat late, and don't drink caffeine or alcohol before sleeping for
the most restful sleep. You will actually get more done during the day
when you are well-rested, so this is one area you should not cut corners
on.
The second area to help reduce stress is a healthy diet.
Sugars and salts, among other ingredients in junk food, actually leads
to more stress because they artificially mess with your hormone levels.
While you've probably heard eating healthy food is good for you a
million times, go ahead and give it a try. Fast food joints and
supermarkets are offering healthy alternatives that are quick and easy,
so go ahead and give it a try.
Are you fortunate enough to have
kids or new coworkers at your company? Giving your children work to do
is a good way for them to earn an allowance and give you more time to
cook a nice dinner. And the new employee at your workplace might love
the opportunity to take on a new responsibility. While this is not the
perfect solution for everyone, it may be ideal for those that have a
hard time giving others work to do.
If you have the money, getting
a little extra help around the house my be just the answer for you.
Having someone clean your house, walk your dog, or run your errands can
cost effective. It is cost effective to have outside help because maybe
you might find spending time with your kids to be more valuable, or give
you more time to work on closing that merger at work.
Getting a
few sessions of exercise and meditation will help negate the feelings of
stress as well, even helping you to feel happy. While waking up an
extra hour early is too much for some, try going for a run in the
evening or relax your mind through meditation before your next big
meeting.
These few ideas should help you feel more relaxed, less
stressed, and overall more happy. Need a few more ideas? Let me know! I
would be glad to help you out. This is originally something I posted on another site, but I thought someone here would enjoy this as well! I look forward to hearing your feedback...
While many people wouldn’t quantify their lonely moments as loneliness 'demons', in a way they can be. That’s because loneliness is something that humans have to deal with, just like any other emotions or feelings- for some it is a daily thing, for others it comes and goes. Its something everyone would feel from time to time, regardless of how many people are around.
Loneliness has many common denominators. Two of which I will talk about. The first of which is relate-ability or connectivity. The second of which is more obvious- actually being alone and having no one to really live the experience with. But, as I am sure you well know, being alone and lonely don't always happen together, but not mutually exclusive either.
What can be done about this problem? The answer is simple in theory but difficult in practice- and that is taking the plunge and trying to make the connection with others. On a very basic level, everyone has moments of self- doubt, contentment with the current situation, or a very basic fear of rejection. I’ve personally been there myself too in the past and can understand how difficult it is.
In order to truly make any changes or let go of the loneliness demons, one must truly be willing to be vulnerable and open. Open to change and an experience that may be uncomfortable at first. Because, the bottom line is, do you really want to hang on to the demon that is familiar?
If you need someone to talk to about what your going through, I am available to talk to. I can encourage you to take the next step.
Valentine's Day is soon approaching us. I have often been asked what am I doing this year? Most people are surprised when I say, 'Just going to relax and go out for a nice dinner.' I've never been really big into holidays, so it got me to thinking about how others celebrate the holidays and how much meaning they put into it.
Unfortunately, for those that are single, it can be a difficult day. For some of you, your wondering- what can help? Since Valentine's Day is all about the love, one way you can feel better about being single is doing something else for others. For example, volunteering at a shelter for homeless people might help.
While, at first glance, you may wonder how helping others is going to help you in your dating life. Personally, I really like helping others. If I get caught up in helping others, I stop thinking about my own problems. Also getting out and helping others can help you meet new people with similar interests (and getting some numbers), especially if it is a cause that’s close to your heart.
Need more ideas of things to cheer you up on Valentine’s Day? Give me a call at extension 03892653. I look forward to hearing from you.
As they say, laughter is the best medicine. I found a few funny jokes/ musings while surfing the web that I wanted to share with everyone.
1). If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
2). Would a fly with no wings be called a walk?
3). What was the best thing before sliced bread?
4). I went to the bookstore to look in the self- help section. I asked the saleswoman for directions. She told me that if she told me where it was, it would defeat the purpose.
5). Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
6). Why is the person who invests your money called a broker?
7). Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
8). Why do they call the airport the 'terminal' if flying is so safe?
9). Who tastes dog food when it has a 'new and improved' flavor?
10). If con is the opposite of pro, is congress the opposite of progress?
Feel free to call me if you you'd like to hear another one. :)
Normally, I am a very happy and optimistic person. However, it was yesterday evening I found myself in a bad mood. Why? I though about it. Why was I really in a bad mood, anyways? I thought about it some more. . .it came down to something that was, for the most part, out of my control.
So, I decided to be proactive in the matter. I did what I could to solve the problem and told myself not to worry about it. Then, I distracted myself with something fun. I love a good movie, so I sat down and watched a classic. Lo and behold, I had a good rest of the evening.
It is normal to have highs and lows- everyone has them (although some might not admit to it). How you handle them means the difference between getting into a rut or letting those bad days easily slip by into good days.
So, how do you handle bad days? For a relatively effective fix, you can do the same thing I do. First of all, make a list of the reasons you are feeling bad. Make a sub- list. In the sub- list, you want to make two categories. The first one is: Things you can change. The second sub- list is: Things that are out of your control.
Do all the things in your 'can change' sub- list. After you finish, you are left with your can't change list. Go over it one more time, reminding yourself that it is, in fact, something you can't change. Take a step back. And now, take a moment to do something you enjoy, like playing basketball or video games. Distracting yourself is great because (soon enough) you are not thinking about what has put you in a bad mood.
Hopefully, by this time, you should even be in a good mood!
This is just one technique I personally use and that I find effective. I have many other ideas as well to feel good and . . .encouraged. If you need more ideas on how to channel good feelings and get out of a bad mood, let me know. I can offer you free minutes to start, so don't be too shy to ask.
Christmas is around the corner. I know for many of you, it is a little depressing if you can't be around your loved ones, if you are not currently in a relationship, or if you are out of work and struggling to buy Christmas presents.
They say that it is the best time of the year, but for those that are having some challenges in their lives, holidays can make it worse. You are not alone, though. There are people out there that can help you overcome the holiday blues. Reaching out to someone else can really help. Don't be afraid to take that first step. . .
Guys, do you have a mental image of the 'it' girl that you want to be in your
life? You know, the one who is smart, funny, good looking, and has it all
together? She's the one that all the guys want but few can get. You know the
kind of woman I'm talking about, right?
Rest assured, I'm here to help you get that woman and keep her interested. I
am qualified to teach you the secret to getting her because I'm a woman. I know
what women think and what they want. I am also a counselor, motivator, and
relationship expert. I know the ins and outs of what makes a successful
relationship and how to get there.
So, now that you know a little more about me, how can I help you? Well, are
you feeling bored with your current situation? Do you often feel like there's
something better out there but just haven't found her yet? Do you see the 'it'
woman and are just not sure how to approach her? Or do you feel frustrated by
being shot down time after time? If you answered yes to any of these, then read
on.
Let's start with attraction. What attracts women to men? Just
like guys, women are drawn to men who are attractive. While looks are not important in the long run and most women will claim that looks are not important, I am mentioning this simply because it's human nature. Initial attraction is based on looks, whether we like it or not. Basically, we have no other context for judging a person we just met (and otherwise don't know) other than how they look and present themselves.
The great news is that you still have an ace up your sleeve, regardless of what you look like. The amazing woman you are looking for will look past initial attraction and search for something more substantial- a man who is attractive inside. In the meantime, dress well and take care of
yourself. Wear nice clothes, groom well, wear cologne, and don't forget the
breath mints.
And why does this matter? A man who takes good care of himself and
his belongings shows a woman that he can take great care of her as well. It also
says you respect yourself and that you have a good job.
While some women prefer guys that have money, the women you want don't need
stuff as much as you'd think. Why is that? Simply put, do you really want a
Paris Hilton in your life forever? She may be hot and great arm candy for a
while, but you'd have nothing to talk about after a while. The kind of women
that can hold any kind of interesting conversations long term aren't shallow.
Trust me on this one.
What else attracts great women to men? Confidence. Nothing over the top here-
cockiness can be a big turn- off. You need to walk the fine line. So how do you
get to the fine line without looking like your overdoing it? Start out with good
posture, a deep and firm voice, lots of direct eye contact, and being able to
crack a great joke at a moments notice. No bragging, intimidating other guys in
her presence, or obvious come-ons here.
Long term, confidence also translates into not being jealous, encouraging her
to do all the things she likes, and doing things with her that might be
considered feminine. Women think that a guy who can feel confident enough to
look like a dork in public signifies that he has a great personality
and has long term potential.
A smart woman can see through all the nonsense, so be genuine, honest, and
thoughtful at all times. Compliments and flattery are also welcome, but only
sincere ones. I suggest this because a great way to approach a woman is to hone
your complimentary skills. If your going to approach her, take a few moments to
really notice the things she's doing. For example, if she's reading a book, tell
her something like, 'Wow, your reading XYZ? You must be pretty smart- I had a
hard time understanding ABC (about the book). Do you have any insights?' Asking
open- ended questions that compliment are always great icebreakers.
What is it that keeps a girls attraction long term? For starters, a guy who
maintains his physical appearances and continues to clean up after himself
relates to what I was talking about earlier- a woman will think you'll take good
care of her too. That means that going to the gym, eating healthy, and spending
time on personal development projects. Not the domestic type? Hire a maid if you
have the resources to do so- it will save you time and energy and the best part
is that it WILL score you points.
Just like you don't like women with baggage, the same goes for you. What's
past is past, so wouldn't you say its time to drop off some of that 'baggage?'
Let me reemphasize that a smart woman can sense the nonsense. In this specific
sense, faking no baggage won't get you far either. We've all got a story, but
solving your personal problems (or at least not letting them effect your
potential interest) will help improve your chances of getting that woman and
keeping her. Not only will this improve your future prospects, it will improve
your personal life as well.
Now that I've shared a couple secrets with you, go ahead try it out yourself.
If you need more ideas on how to get the woman of your dreams from an actual
woman's perspective, you can contact me. I will guide you through more ways on
how to get the woman of your dreams and keep her.
Still have questions? Follow this link:
http://www.ingenio.com/Mail/Action.aspx?mailId=183076&cd=L3g09V2h0uZKFo5LX3JI6A%3d%3d
It was a couple weeks ago when I started feeling a little bit low. I had started feeling more tired, my joints hurt, and my muscles ached. As much as I enjoyed going to the gym, I had no energy to go. I usually eat really healthy, go to the gym often, and things are going really well in my life. I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling so tired and low.
Coincidentally, I wanted to try a detoxification system to cleanse my body to see how it worked out. It was something that was always on my to-do list that I never got around to doing. I had researched many programs and wanted to try one that wasn’t restrictive, didn’t make me feel deprived, or cranky.
I went down to the nearest vitamin store and looked around for detox programs that cleansed your body in addition to putting essential nutrients in my body. I was extra careful to choose a program that allowed you to eat a healthy diet and didn’t cause dehydration at the same time.
The specific detox program I finally chose had nutrients added to it like probiotics. The directions had also recommended drinking 8-10 glasses of water a day and adding more fiber to my diet. I am a little embarrassed to admit it, but I know I don’t drink as much water as I should and I could always use a little more fiber, so I gave it a try.
Within the first day of trying my new detox system, I the only difference I noticed was that my stomach hurt a little and I was frequenting the bathroom more often. Never one for giving up, I forged ahead to see if the results were as good as they claimed. The full program is 30 days long and I had wanted to see if I saw any results in the first week.
On my third day of my detox program, I went to the gym and checked my weight to see if there was any difference. I couldn’t believe I lost 3 pounds! I had originally started my detox program to help me with my digestion problems, so losing weight was a great bonus. That day at the gym, I was also really excited that I could get through most of my workout with out too much joint or muscle pain.
Still skeptical, I continued taking the herbal detox medication and going on with my regular life. I started noticing small differences- I had more of an appetite, I had more energy, and I started feeling better overall. I didn’t loose any more weight, but considering I wasn’t expecting to loose more than water weight, I was fine with that. Having more energy and feeling better was worth the risk so far.
Even though I am not finished with the month, I am excited with the results I already have and look forward to any more I might have.
The best part of my experiment? I no longer felt low. Turns out that all the fiber, water, and extra nutrients helped me feel happier.
While I wouldn’t necessarily recommend a detox for everyone, look at what your eating because it might be effecting your mood.
It is possible that, even if you lead a healthy lifestyle, that you may be doing something wrong with your diet if you don’t know why your feeling sad.
As always, check with your doctor first to make sure it isn’t something more serious like depression or a disease that is causing you to feel the way your feeling. If you do decide to do a detox program, research it thoroughly to make sure that it will produce results and not just hype.
So, I’m sure your all wondering why am I, a counselor, telling you about what to eat and why a detox might help? Well, I’ve talked to many people who seemed like they had everything going for them but they were still a little bit sad. Through helping them out and through my own experience, the good news is that you may not need psychotherapy for minor bouts of sadness. To reiterate, it is possible you might just need to add something to your diet that your body is lacking.
Mark* often worried that his relationship was uncommon. He really loved his girlfriend very much- he was even going to ask Suzie to marry him. Suzie has everything going for her- a great job, nice body, and she could even crack a great joke. In spite of all that, he has a nagging concern in the back of his head. . . . What if she’s not the one for me? She doesn’t fit my checklist. . . . I need her, but do I really want her for the rest of my life?
Sandy was trying to figure out how to get her husband to spend more time with her and do things around the house. Both Richard and Sandy worked long hours at their respective jobs and had an active role in the community, with their friends, and with family. Naturally, they had little time left over for spending quality time together and getting things cleaned up at their home. Sandy was starting to feel frustrated and tired.
Do any of these situations sound familiar to you? All too often, communication issues can lead to dissatisfaction and an overall feeling of a loss of control over the situation. Over time, if your needs aren’t being met, you feel your confidence and self esteem decreasing.
How can you get what you want and need out of the relationship your in, in addition to the other person getting what they want and need? Like anything else, it needs a lot of practice, persistence, and patience. I will give you a few tips that you can start using today to accomplish just that. Keep in mind that not all of my ideas will work for everyone, just as one size doesn’t always fit all. Please pick and choose the one that works for you.
The negotiation of wants and needsThe first thing I want you to do is think about what you really feel like you need but aren’t getting. If, for example, your having conflicting feelings about your significant other, what would tip you on the direction of being happy with them? Maybe you feel like you need more sex in your current relationship, or perhaps you feel like you need more emotional intimacy. Don’t be afraid to be really honest here with yourself.
Now, I’d like you to make a list of ALL the things that are important to you in a relationship (keep in mind how that relates to other things you’ve got going on in your life as well), with 1 being the most important and the last item on the list being the least important. At which point does each item become a deal breaker in a relationship if their not being met? In other words, can you live without having X, Y, or Z?
Here’s where you start with your communication in this relationship. Ask your partner what their priorities are in the relationship, from the couldn’t live without to maybe could live without. I know this might be a little bit difficult, but also ask them what they feel like their not getting enough of in the relationship.
The great thing about asking your partner what they want is so you can gain a better idea of their needs and wants in the relationship. They will also feel heard.
Here’s the part where the negotiations come in handy. For example, if you want more intimacy and your partner wants you to cook and clean more, would this be a fair trade off? This way, both your needs are being met.
Talking about wants and needs early on in a romantic relationship will help you determine if your compatible or not. It will also prevent any further miscommunications about what you or your partner expect out of the relationship.
Sleep on it?Perhaps you’ve heard the debate about whether or not to finish a fight before going to bed. There have been numerous studies on this, and they all seem so conflicting. Some say finish the fight and moving on is the best technique and others say its better to wait and discuss it on a clear head. Some proponents of finishing the argument right away leads to less on going stress, while some advocate waiting to finish the fight is important because after some time apart from the fight, you are able to re-evaluate the topic a little more clearly.
Instead of making heads or tails of either argument, I actually think it would be better to do a little of both here. The main key here is to fight fairly- if your going to discuss something, talk about the topic at hand and only the topic at hand. No name calling or saying things out of spite.
Every person is a little different in each situation, so you first need to figure out their arguing style. For example, do they like to solve things quickly or do they like to think about things and decide at a later time?
If you find that you have a similar style of resolving problems, great! Your on the right start. Both of you can solve the argument at a pace that’s convenient.
On the flip side, if you find that your arguing style is completely different, you need to come in the middle here and make a compromise to make a compromise. How do you do that, though? Well, start with telling the other person your feelings (and no blaming). For example, it can be as simple as saying, “When you forgot to pick up the milk on the way home, I don’t feel heard.”
After discussing feelings and telling them why X, Y, or Z is so important to you, let them discuss their point of view. It is important to let them feel heard too. Come back to the argument after you’ve both had some time to cool off and figure out where you want to go from here. Make a plan of action.
Regardless of you arguing style, it is important to not make rash or hasty decisions. Discuss openly feelings and thoughts about a situation at first, but hold back on making big life changing choices based on one disagreement.
Date night!My third and final suggestion is to make a special date night every week. You may also want to have a quality talk at the end of the night just to make a connection in addition to your date- this doesn’t have to be long, it can be ten minutes.
The reason that you want to have a date night (or time with each other every night) is so that you can talk about the bigger issues. If you haven’t already asked your partner, find out what their priorities are in life. For example, are they seeking fulfillment, love, passion, creativity, inspiration, power, or happiness? It’s ok if your priorities don’t match- you can gain some perspective on their point of view and their driving force.
On your weekly date, it is also important to dream. What do you want next week, next month, next year? While that may seem small, having a dream together will give you a common goal to work towards. You’ll be working together to get to where you want to be in life.
Having a date night where you both are talking about the future and what you want out of life is a great way to communicate your wants and needs in a constructive way.
If you feel like your still having difficulties in your relationship and getting your needs met, please contact me. I can help you out.
*Names and specific stories are fictitious.
Thanks for reading my blogs!
Hello Everyone,
I am new to Ingenio, but I am excited to start at such a great company. I just wanted to let you all know a little bit more about me and who I am.
I have a graduate degree in social work. I am also an expert counselor in many areas like drug and alcohol counseling, motivational counseling, and financial counseling just to name a few. I really enjoy helping people get the life they really want, whether it is getting the career they want, helping with their relationship problems, or just getting out of a rut.
I personally feel no one deserves to feel like they have no control of their lives or that there is no way to get ahead. It has been my personal mission to help those around me get what they want out of life, and I know that I can do the same for you.
If you are also new to Ingenio and are a little nervous to talk to me, you can email me to start out. For those that are more confident but just need a little fine tuning in your life, calling me at first would be the perfect option- I can get you those results and answers for you that your looking for right off the bat.
I look forward to talking to you all and helping you on your life's journey,
Counselor Meadow
Are you feeling depressed about your romantic prospects? Well, help has come. I want to give you some tips on how to get the relationship that you want and nothing less. I'm very curious about this thing called dating. So, I've studied many books, talked to many kinds of people, and done a lot of my own research simply because I find it fascinating. On a personal note, I have many years of experience dating different kinds of people- I have been there and know what it's like.
The first thing I want you to do is to look in the mirror. Start becoming the person you would want to be around. This may be the most difficult part of the process, but it is well worth it. Be the positive, upbeat, friendly, and lively person that's just waiting to come out. You'll start noticing a difference right away- people will be a lot nicer to you as well and will notice you more.
Start exercising more and eating healthier. I don't mean to step on any toes here, but making your health a priority is not only good for yourself, but initial attraction is pretty important in a relationship, as I am sure you probably already know.
Other than exercise and eating better, perhaps it's time for a change in your wardrobe, haircut, and grooming patterns. I’m not asking you to break the bank here, but get a few pieces of clothes that are well made and of good quality. Get an honest second opinion on those new items from someone of the opposite sex just to make sure. Good, quality makeup and a quality haircut are also well worth the investment. Guys, please trim those bushy eyebrows and trim random pieces of hair (a really long hair growing out of your ear might be pretty distracting on your first date). Breath mints and a nice scent are a must as well.
Is all of this overwhelming you? Take it slow and focus on the most important things. As I've mentioned, I’ve been in many kinds of relationships. Coming from my point of view, the things that really attracted me to that person were: confidence, they look like they take care of themselves, not too much emotional baggage, and a warm heart. If you can pull those things off (which I am sure you can), then you are ready to get started.
Now it's time to make the list of what you really want. Be realistic here and don't be afraid to ask for second opinions about it. Set the standard high, but not too high. For example, a few things on my list were: they lead a healthy lifestyle, they don't feel the need to get drunk or high, they like learning, and they can laugh at themselves. I chose these things because they are all something I value. Choose the things that you value in life and look for the same qualities in your potential partner.
I will give you some quick tips on meeting people. First of all, please remember to keep up your appearances because you may never know where you might meet your love interest. Bars are not good places for long term relationship potential these days, so you need to broaden your horizons. Instead of bars, you might just find the person of your dreams in line at the grocery store or at the gym. So, remembering to wear makeup (if your a girl) to all the places you go is a good key to success. Another way to meet people is going to social events or public places that you feel comfortable at. If you like reading books, go try to meet people at the bookstore. If your into wine tasting, go to a few wine tasting events.
When meeting new people, be honest, direct, and confident. Give good eye contact, smile, and laughing at the other person's jokes are always a good way to get things started. Some people like their personal space, but some people like a small amount of touching to show that your interested. Use your judgment here- for example, touching elbows and the small of the back is OK for most people.
Now that you've gotten a first date, do something you've never done before but that you've always wanted to do. Ever wanted to go scuba diving? Take a class on your date. Or go for a hot air balloon ride. Personally, I've gone skydiving on a first date before. I don't think I will forget that anytime soon. You don't need to do those kinds of things all the time, but just do things together that you both really enjoy doing (or just want to do) is a great way to get to know each other.
Remember that meeting people is half the fun, so just remember to have a great time. I'm sure that you've heard many times that lots of people meet their partners when they least expect it or weren't looking for someone at the time. Don't feel like you have to put a time frame on love, let it come to you.
If you want more personalized advice on how to get that relationship you want or ideas on how to build a deeper relationship, please feel free to contact me.