Living Life through Appreciation

As we approach the holiday season, there are reminders everywhere of family and other social gatherings. There is a view that this is the “loneliest time of the year”, where the suicide rate is alleged to be at its height and when the concern for drunk driving is on the rise. Yes, this can be a stressful period for some, where the reminder of guilt, grief and other feelings related to pain seems to hit harder. Many families work to get together at least during this occasion while some others are infected with some feud, resulting in lack of communication.

When it comes to family members, there is usually an expectancy of how we ought to interact. Family is assumed to function as support, offer unconditional love, and express absolute loyalty. In absence of these affections, resentment and despair often transpires deeper than with anyone outside the unit. As we surrender whatever dogma of how family should be and look at the simple intention for kinfolk, I think it’ll encourage progress towards peace.

Family lineage can offer foundation. We usually associate our connection to the world through our relatives. Our clans may include births, adoptions, marriages, in-laws and beloved friends. We share DNA when there is common blood line. Our upbringing may influence our mannerisms and habits, exposing us to certain paradigms. Particular circumstances such as financial status, health conditions and whatever spiritual disciplines can pass on to generations.

Family is also made up of people with different personalities, structured by their own thoughts and expressions. It seems to me that we usually have a tendency to associate with others based on the roles they play in our lives without considering them as individuals. There is this judging of how well of a parent, child, sibling someone is to us based on these beliefs we have of how they should be. When they don’t meet those demands, disappointment and frustration follows. Celebrating free will and diversity are generally not considered when they conflict with what we anticipate.

Since we typically define ourselves based on these roles we are in and use some outside model to measure how we are doing, we can find us comparing ourselves to some illusionary standard. As we allow ourselves to move beyond these expectations and see ourselves and others for who we really are, we are on our way to acceptance. We can understand that there is no standard to live up to outside of ourselves for we each have our unique purpose. Through this contrast, we can ponder on what it is we are consciously wanting and work to acknowledge that within. That’s healing.

Even with this clarity, we may still want to maintain distance from certain relatives. We have a right to establish our principles. It’s just liberating to relinquish control of deciding how someone else should be, even when deemed life worthy, and deal with what is really there. This supports the flow of love.

I appreciate you stopping by!

There are circumstances we may feel unappreciated, overlooked and taken advantage of for our good intentions and deeds. We get snapped at about something that has nothing to do with us. As we shop, we may experience less than satisfactory customer service from a surly store associate. In school, we might feel stuck with an offensive instructor who doesn’t seem to practice compassion and integrity. Perhaps at home, we are dealing with an aloof spouse, defiant child(ren) or egotistical parent(s). Operating within a society where many of us are emotionally deficient, generally we aren’t sure how to manage these negative reactions and feelings.

Depending on the situation, we may go from blaming ourselves to faulting the next person. We can become angry and frustrated, sometimes leading to depression. For some, it seems like we can’t get anything right or the world is out to get us. We might take on abuse and extend ill-treatment when we feel powerless and repressed. The “an eye for an eye” concept is practiced as retaliation while it could be perceived as like attracts like.

To explain, we get what we give out. That can be a hard pill to swallow for we may possibly think “I didn’t start this!” In our potency, we are effective when we work consciously and unconsciously. If we aren’t aware of what is going on with us on all levels, we will not get how we could play a part in whatever conflict occurring. When we use our energy to “get even”, it feels incomplete because there is no such thing. The way through is awareness.

One initial thing to consider is that the perceived attack really has nothing to do with us in the way that we think. Typically, we take things personally, like it’s all about us. It may appear as though placing blame would offer justification, but really it’s only the beginning. Through assigning fault, we can move up to feeling doubtful and disappointed or move down to feeling vindictive and jealous. From doubt and disappointment, we may well move up to frustration on the way to appreciation. In being aware that there is more going on than what we can see, we allow space for possibilities. This frees us to use empathy and consideration, taking responsibility in viewing each situation as unique.

As we apply mercy and praise to ourselves first, we naturally offer this to others. When feel confronted with some form of insensitivity, we can perceive it as the opportunity to contemplate how we are being with ourselves. We can take into account that the named “offender” has experiences that has attributed to what feelings they are presently going through. It’s just something to think about.