Valentine's Day is right around the corner. Be sure to do something special for the one you love and adore.
Being a relationship adviser is very interesting work for me. I love what I do, and thrive to help everyone who calls me with enthusiasm and
sincere discernment. In a day, I receive many calls that my clients
wouldn't dream of speaking to anyone about if they had to show their
face. Being able to call me by phone gives them a sense of anonymity
without fearing being judged. I will really never know who they are, as I
receive no identifying information about the caller except what they,
themselves decide to disclose to me. Aside from name, I never ask any
identifying information, as it does not affect my ability to advise
those who call me.
I also offer confidentiality in my calls. I do not discuss with others
what I discuss with them. I find that rude and unprofessional. This is
my business and my job, and I want to provide a comfortable, safe and secure
environment for my callers.
I listen to each of my callers intently and there is no subject that I
am not open to discussing. As any adviser or therapist would offer, I am
here to help with issues and problems individuals need help with. I do
not judge or belittle - I simply offer advice in an open manner.
Some of my callers simply need to confess to someone they do not know.
They have hidden feelings and simply must tell someone - someone they do
not know or have to look in the eye. They need assistance processing
their feelings, thoughts and emotions, concluding they are weird or odd.
Many times, they are not either of these things, but have no idea
because they do not discuss these things with others.
I listen to, and keep secrets. I provide a safe place for talking about
things that bother people, that need a solution, that simply need a
listening ear. I love it and I plan on allowing others to confide
anonymously in me for a very, very long time.
Infidelity. Unfaithfulness. Cheating. All nasty words. All nasty actions that can cut through your heart like a sword. Not only does it break trust, it breaks hearts and if it happens to you, it can be difficult to work through. Infidelity can certainly hit your self-esteem like a brick falling from the sky and raise a dust bowl of emotions in it's midst. I understand this all too well. I've been there.
Does it mean your relationship is over? For many this is a certain deal breaker. For others, it's an opportunity to to figure out what went wrong and correct it. The bottom line is, however, the answer depends on the reasons for the infidelity, which is important to determine since it will affect you far beyond this relationship if you decide to go. It's important to know in the instance you decide to stay.
Some may decide to stay, ignore the issue and simply look the other way. Doing this helps no one and simply does the most amount of damage. Simply hoping he or she will stop isn't going to fix anything, but only make it worse. It is imperative you determine the cause and make decisions from there, and stick with them.
Do people deserve second changes? Yes. Do they deserve a third? Not likely. Once a cheater, always a cheater? Not always. Sometimes partners seek what they are not getting out of their relationships in the arms of another. Sometimes, they have simply fallen out of love. If the one who is being unfaithful is seeking fulfillment elsewhere because of feeling neglected by you, that can be repaired. If the love simply is not there, then it's time to move on.
However, it's not always that simple. Some people have underlying problems that lead them to cheat. Whether it's due to sexual addiction, or due to past relationship experiences that keep them from fully giving themselves to one person, it's important to find out the dynamics that lead them to cheat. Sadly, many times, it stems back to the opposite sex parent and their relationship with them as a child and teen.
Men who had ill relationships with their mothers tend to have a need to surround themselves with women, moving from one to another, continually unfulfilled. If that man is in a relationship, he tends to keep looking for the next best thing because the one he is with is sure to break his heart, so he finds himself unable to get too close.
Women who had ill relationships with their fathers tend to have a need to surround themselves with men, moving from one to another when they, too, go unfulfilled by the men they are with at the time. The difference is, women tend to cling to the men, whereas men tend to remain closed off so they do not get too close to one woman.
Either way, the causes of infidelity are many and it can certainly take some times to filter the causes out. It can be tiring and emotionally taxing. Don't ever think you can "fix" or "save" someone. They can only do this themselves, but it's up to you to be supportive of their issues as they work through it (if they decide that's what they want to do) or simply walk away and leave their issues to the next one they cheat on.
A person who is truly sorry and truly made a mistake will go through great lengths to prove themselves to you. If this is lacking, walk away, now. Odds are, they are continuing their antics, hoping you won't notice or simply don't care.
Just remember, life it short. Be good to yourself. Don't waste time on those who don't deserve your love, your life and your time. Instead, find the one who will love you like you want and need to be loved, so that you can fully give yourself freely in return. Be happy, not miserable.
I suppose you want to know a bit about the person behind your screen at the moment. I can't say there's a lot to see on the surface, but deep down, I am a multi-faceted woman filled with life experience that would make your mama proud.
Life has been a great learning experience for me as I have traveled down many roads, met many interesting people along the way, always observing, absorbing and soaking in the tiny bits of themselves they have leaked into the atmosphere.
I'm not an expert, but I am real. I am a real woman with real dreams and a future. While I have spent countless time observing others, I have also spent countless time getting to know myself, learn from myself and my own experiences and how these experiences have intertwined with the others I have come to know or even simply brushed against.
From this, I am here to offer you the knowledge and experience I have obtained throughout my life and the lives of others.
So, you're probably wondering exactly what it is I am here to offer. Well, in a nut shell, advice for life, relationships, intimacy, sex, loss, dependency, coping and whatever else is on your mind. If you need a friend to talk to, need advice or just an impartial third party to straighten out an issue, I am here to listen, and do my best to offer viable solutions.