Yummmo! Fear is Best Served over Ice

How do you enjoy a healthy dose of fear? IE: Avoidance, irritation, sweets, crying, overeating, shopping, alcohol, isolation, exercise, or anger. What is in your Witches Brew that is your personal recipe of FEAR? Life is ever changing daily and our lives are all moving forward whether we see this or not. When it comes to making major changes in a person’s life, it can freeze us in fear. Yes, this is very common to us all and unless we make the conscious effort to push through it, and ask for help. It will halt your life otherwise. We all believe we are the only one experiencing this, so I am knocking you over the head that you are not alone! Now, have you ever heard the phrase “Walk through the fire to get to the other side”? Whoever stops to think about the other side? Instead, we focus on not being burned by the fire and well, ya know….. It’s HOT and frightening! God knows how many trips I have made across this “fire” and I am here to tell you that the other side is more often than not, better than I had hoped.

We all have goals, dreams, and a life we are striving to improve and keep healthy. Recently, I made the giNormous decision to sell my acreage and move across country from Iowa to Florida. Ions ago, I remember when fear of change might have gripped me paralyzed, but I have learned to just walk through it to prosper. Hey, it doesn’t mean I don’t get scared because I do! I have my moments of sobbing over the loss of my home of over a decade. I have countless memories that took place there and I will always have them. It was my comfort zone, my safety net. However, I do not allow it to stop me and just maybe this adventurous side has always been with me. When I was 19 I moved across country to Florida too and thought nothing of it. As a woman in the middle portion of her life we are suppose to be settled and more ‘established’. Yeah, yeah, I have always loooooved to break that mold and be different than others. My friends and family can attest to my being different. Well, age hasn’t stopped me and won’t. I will be the old hippy aunt with long hair living on the beach someday. The only difference is I will have long colored hair instead of long gray hair. (It’s the 20 years I spent as a hairdresser that will never change)

When fear grips us we stand frozen at the door of the fire and need to be thawed out. Well, once we start walking through the door of fire, we feel uncomfortable, warm, irritable, emotional, lost, HOT, and hurt. We do not remember when we get to the other side it is often much better than we had hoped or dreamed of. PLUS, we are no longer fearful of what paralyzed us to begin with. We feel stronger and realize that it is possible to win, overcome issues, learn, grow, and Yes SURVIVE what we made us fearful. We do not want to be stuck in the FEAR which is our witch’s brew of issues, problems, high level feelings, feeling lost, money, worry, losing our comfort zone, overeating, and this list can go on depending on our indulgences. “Fear is a basic primal emotion that is key to evolutionary survival. It’s one we share with animals. Fear is a funny thing, one needs enough of it, but not too much of it. One study found that very frightened people can withstand more pain than those not experiencing fear” (Abel, 2011). Yes, this is scientific proof that conquering fear will make us stronger IF we allow it too.

I have recently sold my acreage and begun my journey to move to Florida. I am now in phase II of my plan and will be staying in Iowa until after Christmas. I have personal obligations that keep me here until then and it is my last autumn living here in Iowa, so I am soaking it in. My temporary home is preparing me for the uncomfortable and unknown after leaving the comfort of my former home and land for over 13 years. I am experiencing saddened moments of leaving my home, and YES, I know I have palm trees in my future, but I need to take the time to feel these emotive times. Instead of finding ways to stay comfortable I am enjoying them over ice! Yes, no matter how many times you go through fear, it still has its moments.

When we are stirring our witches brew of fear I like to think of KISS – an acronym for Keep it Simple Stupid! Now, Now, no one is calling you stupid at all, but simply giving ourselves a wakeup call that FEAR doesn’t not kill us even though there are moments we think life stops moving. You can use silly, smartass, or think of one of your own. When you are in a moment of gripping fear, stop and bring YOU back to the basics.

1. STOP! Take a few deep breaths and close your eyes
2. Ask yourself what do you need right now? Diagnose your feelings….Do you need sleep, fun, talk, sleep, or relaxation or other.
3. Reach out for help. IE: Lean on Spouse, talk to trusted friend or personal coach, or Minster. Remember, this is NOT a weakness, but rather our core strength coming out to lead the way. Get creative and think about what you need to get you over a rough spot that isn’t simply stuffing your emotions, or halting your process. I do NOT mean is a giant candy bar is the answer here at all!

Life is a series of adjustments; you can make changes along the way, but if you don’t start moving forward you’ll never get anywhere!
~ Kimora Lee Simmons

You see, grab a big glass of ice or get out your blender to embrace and enjoy your Witches Brew of Fear…...Fear is healthy, necessary, part of life, and life changing. Remember, no matter the fear, there is life on the other side. It’s will keep you feeling confident and strong while the skin of your soul feels that much more resilient!

Enjoy your fear based brew over ice and embrace change today!

Call me today!

Merna Throne, M.S.
Super Success Coach & Trainer



Copyright © 2011 Merna Throne. All rights reserved.

Dear Merna...How do I give advice to my Boyfriend’s Mother and not offend her?

Dear Merna,

How do I talk to my boyfriend’s mother to listen to her son calmly without screaming? I’ve only dated my boyfriend for a month and a few weeks but I’ve known him my whole life it’s just that I met his parents the 3rd day we were going out we clicked it’s just that I really want to help my boyfriend and his mom yet I don’t know how to approach the mom how do I start the convo?

What should I do?

Monkey Soldier

Dear Monkey Soldier,

I hear your heartfelt need to help this Mother/Son relationship as it drips from your words here. First things first! Do NOT tell her what to do! Yes, this is very blunt and to the point, but as adults we have to learn our boundaries and look at the real place for our ‘unsolicited advice’. As women we have this natural need because we are just trying to help, but it is not received well because of many factors. I know you have really clicked with your new boyfriend, but the key word here is ‘new’ also. This simply isn’t long enough to build rapport with his Mother. In addition, a male simply doesn’t need or want someone doing this for them. They are independent spirits and need to feel they can be trusted to do on their own. We all have roles in life and relationships, while this is where we learn respectful boundaries, and communication skills to use best.

If you would like to talk more personally about this and I can help you with this ‘urge’ to step in, give me a call below! By the way, you are simply not alone with this need to give our advice to a circumstance, but in this situation you could push him away and make things worse. They have a life time of a relationship and you are simply a new comer. (In this closer dating relationship even though you have known them your whole life - trust me here) Men need to feel trusted they will figure it out on their own without our advice. They view our advice as us telling them they are weak and not trustworthy enough to do on their own. Allow him to take care of his relationship!

Here is an example: Imagine his Mother stepping in because she doesn’t like the way you spoke to your Mother one day. No matter if it’s right or wrong, it won’t be received well as there simply isn’t a trusting relationship built between the two of you yet, it hasn’t been long enough to grow. No one likes to be told what to do or not to do, this is the bottom line. Once a relationship is built, it is our communication skills that will help us with sensitive conversations. I can help clearly with these guidelines too, but it’s simply too early.

Hang in there and you are not alone here at all!

Always here when you need!

♂♀ Are Linda & Hulk Hogan CROSSING THE LINE?

♂♀ Celebrity Gossip! Weigh in on your thoughts here.

Hulk Hogan's (Age: 56) ex-wife Linda (Age:53) is reportedly engaged to her boyfriend who is 21 years old. However, nothing is ever mentioned of Hulk's relationship that has about 22 years difference with his younger girlfriend. Is this a double standard happening here? Before you pop a vein here, just hear me out a little............

Yes, there is a larger age difference between Linda and her fiancée, I agree here. Does the fact that he was friends with her son and at the age of 19 he began dating her make a difference? Or is it simply the shocking AGE difference? You know....the math?

Demi & Ashton has made this type of older woman and younger man relationship more socially acceptable with their marriage and continued love. (They still have hater's online though, and its crazy what people do with their time hating on others!) In addition, the latest craze with cougars (older woman/younger man) who are (increasingly) getting a tainted reputation. Cougars to some people are a desperate older woman grabbing on to the youth of a younger man. Many Hollywood couples have a difference in ages too. Is it really possible to find someone the 'exact age' AND have chemistry? What about common interest, CHEMISTRY!, compatibility on many, many levels, love, care, respect, & more ingredients we need in a healthy relationship? These are much more important and necessary for longevity and creating a truly healthy relationship.

I have been in a May-December romance in my life and I was the younger of us. (18 years difference) Speaking from experience, the 'age' factor really falls away quickly as there are many more factors in a relationship that matters and carries you day to day. Our commonalities & love trumped any age issue whatsoever and we saw our bond so very clearly. We knew we would be together indefinitely whether married or simply living in sin and I was completely fine with this... :) Sadly, he died from Cancer. This doesn't mean I would choose someone solely on their age, now who would? I chose the person, not the year he was born.

This relationship changed me for the better on many levels, so I simply have no regrets and his age isn't nor wasn't a factor. Some people judged us for the age difference until he died, of course. Then what can you say? Maybe the cynical people should think before they cast judgement. Now there is something new! Judging others isn't our job, but rather finding our own compassion and well wishing to others since we all mostly just try to do our best. We all make mistakes, but we do things very well too. How often are our mistakes broad-casted and spread like wildfire over our talents, good deeds, and positive factors in life?

I am not saying age differences in relationships is a mistake at all! If it is, then give me my scarlet letters 'YM' (younger woman) now and I will wear it proudly. In the 21st century we are also gaining couples waiting until middle age to start their families and getting branded as old parents too. Ok, Ok, don't get me started on this one... WHO CARES! I know many people will start listing all the faults of how this LOOKS to others, but then again we are getting sucked in to the superficial nature here again. There will never be a perfect situation nor relationship.... Just someone perfect for US! Bottom-line...

Do we focus too much on a number? 50-20=30....so what & then what? "Is he or she good to me", should be the question.

Why is it a more tainted & shocking idea that the woman is older?

What do you think of these May-December romances? Either older man or woman?

What is the correct age span & Why?

Call today for your relationships & dating guidelines!

 

Copyright © 2010 Merna Throne. All rights reserved.

Why does 85% of people still *Feel* 'judged by others' on a regular basis or part of the time in life?

I have been coaching men and women from all walks of life since 2004. One of the most common threads people have is the *feelings* of judgment from others. However, so many people never think they do it to others. Now this doesn’t mean it’s actually happening all the time, but if this feeling is present most of the time it can hinder our love of life. There are many pieces to this, but it isn’t as complicated as we would think to change. When I tossed out these questions the last couple months, there has been many great insights, including the simple fix of – stop it. Well, if it were that easy we wouldn’t have this issue now would we. :)

Now the other 15% still have their moments, but have learned tools while practicing them to diffuse.

Yes, as many of us know the ‘cure’ to judging others is to look in the mirror as this is where it all starts. Our reactions to others are often something lacking within ourselves. Do you have money issues, but avoid the prosperity talks of others? Do you pick apart others for how they spend their money and struggle with your own? All great questions! Are you a fault finder in disguise?

Start filtering yourself with your own inner voice and see what your outer voice is trying to tell you! I remember a time ions ago where I felt completely judged by others quite often. I got sick of me! I knew the answers lie inside of me, so I took a deep breath and started looking and exploring within. It was an amazing expedition of getting to know Merna from the inside out and it didn’t happen overnight. I judged others and did some of these very things. Now, I was horrified of what I discovered, because I am a GOOD person! This doesn’t define you, but rather showing you where your self-worth needs some attention. It’s part of life and called being H*U*M*A*N! None of us is immune.

In addition, I posted two more questions…….

Do you judge others?

Are you sure?

All of these questions seem simple at first glance and especially that “no, I do not judge others as I am a nice person”…. Well, often we have our own justifications of ‘judging’ without really understanding it. Time and again, I hear people talking about the negatives of someone else’s life like a story, but ending it ‘because I care about them’……However, the compassion was solely missing from their dialogue. Even if we drench our dissecting of someone else’s life with compassion, this is another justification.

For example:

“Did you hear about Jane and John Doe? I saw their divorce in the paper under the court house news. She never said anything about this and I have run into her at many community functions. I know I have heard her husband has a wondering eye and thought he use to be a player. I think he’s had a few affairs over the years. I guess she knows firsthand if he’s faithful or not. Good for her in kicking him to the curb. That poor thing I bet she feels like a fool. My heart breaks for her!”

Ok, Ok, I know now you are thinking this is OBVIOUS where this persons judgment is coming out, but I promise you many people do not realize they are doing because they are seasoning with this ‘care for her’. This is an actual snippet I have heard myself as a coach and it didn’t stop there, but the conversation was ‘seasoned’ with “because I care, that poor thing”

How could we say this?

“Did you hear about Jane and John Doe? I saw their divorce in the paper under the court house news. She never said anything about this and I have run into her at many community functions. That has to be a rough road, but they will get through it. I can’t imagine and should offer my support since their kids are the same age as mine. I bet I could offer some car pooling to her, if she wants.”

Do you see the difference? I hope so, as our outer voice will tell the truth every time. Our unconscious and conscious thoughts lead us to putting down others to feel better about “Me”…..This is a speeding train that is heading towards the end of the tracks if we do not become aware and make changes today. PLUS, your love of life and more will skyrocket when you take out this huge lurking ingredient in life! ….. I promise…Once this starts happening you care less and less what others are 'thinking'......Think of putting garlic in cake batter ……..Eeewww as it simply doesn’t belong there no matter HOW we try to justify it.

Our excuses are our blocks and here are a few justifications….

** I was just stating the facts

** Because I care about her

** She has said worse about others

** I was just repeating what everyone else is saying.

** She is a friend of mine

** Hey its public knowledge

** Poor thing!

**……tap into our own blocks and justifications.

Finally, reach for your innate compassion EACH and EVERY time! Try it and I promise you will learn something about yourself here.

Here is the challenge to test you & break unknown habits:

** Now you have light bulb awareness of this theory, so stay aware daily.

** Listen internally and think before you talk.

** Reach for compassion and support interaction into this type of conversation. It often diffuses others from going further.

** Never take someone else’s inventory, only your own. We teach by example, not preaching.

** If it is a money issue, find prosperity TV shows, magazine articles, online videos and more of people who have won the lottery or became rich. Challenge yourself to retrain your heart and mind to your own personal prosperity.

In the law of attraction, this MUST change for US to attract great things in life. The Judgment Trait will BLOCK it every time.

It’s never too late to look in the mirror and see this fault finding piece of the puzzle as a sign we need some inner work. It’s not wrong, just a symptom. Plus, look around you and see how contagious this is and see who we are hanging out with.

The bottom-line is we do not have the right nor position to be judge and jury over the world. Only for self! Take care and please send in your questions!

Merna Throne

Super Success Coach & Trainer

Copyright © 2010 Merna Throne. All rights reserved.

5 Signs that Your Self-Esteem has Silently Shifted from “Drive” to “Reverse”

The words self-esteem and self-worth fly around our daily world with many of us completely avoiding this topic. Why? Often, it is fear of the unknown of what having low self-esteem REALLY means and how it impacts them. Another reason is the exhaustive thoughts of fixing it. There are many people where their first thoughts are years of therapy or coaching that cost them thousands of dollars they would rather spend somewhere else. This isn’t true by the way! Think of your self-esteem like a muscle. You must exercise it regularly to keep it strong.

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." ~ Carl Jung

For any of you that know my work and my beliefs, I work with the inner voice and the core of self. I do believe all our answers lie within us TODAY and hold the key to our future. Many people are silently seeking self-worth fixes outside of themselves and sometimes not completely aware. Some say, they know they do this, but do not know how to change this. They put others down directly, indirectly, or back handed comments. Why do we easily not reach for understanding, compassion, or a compliment of others?

Do you want to feel more confident from the inside out?

According to Wikipedia…

“Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person's overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, "I am competent" or "I am incompetent") and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame. A person's self-esteem may be reflected in their behavior, such as in assertiveness, shyness, confidence or caution. Self-esteem can apply specifically to a particular dimension (for example, "I believe I am a good writer, and feel proud of that in particular") or have global extent (for example, "I believe I am a good person, and feel proud of myself in general").

Synonyms or near-synonyms of self-esteem include: self-worth self-regard, self-respect, self-love (which can express overtones of self-promotion), and self-integrity. Self-esteem is distinct from self-confidence and self-efficacy, which involve beliefs about ability and future performance” (Wikipedia, 2010, Self-esteem).

Now, if you are reading this and fearful of where you self-esteem is right now, do not despair. Our self-worth can be like a roller coaster ride in life, but rest assured you can get back in the driver’s seat starting today. It didn’t happen over night when we slip into reverse, so give yourself some time and patience to find your ‘drive’ once again or for the first time.

Here are a few of the signs of a slipping self-esteem….

1. Taking other peoples inventory instead of our own

2. Fear that people have hidden demononic meanings to their words far too often (Example: “Did you hear what Sally said to me? She said she liked my dress, but I bet it was a dig”…)

3. Anxiety is more present than usual. One example is so many people are ‘irritating’ you!

4. Fear of judgment is present too much in your life and judgment of self has been kicked in to high gear!

5. When you go to the grocery store and you obsess & look forward to the candy, chips, and Ice Cream isles, while making a bee line silently screaming for Ben & Jerry!…

There are many options at your fingers tips to improve your self-esteem starting today. At Pocket of Pearls.com we have many self-discovery opportunities for everyone, no matter where you are beginning on this journey. Some people like to self-start, others are ready for one on one coaching, or a little of both. Below we have some options for you to explore and find the best fit for *You*.

After all, you are the *Star* of your own life, so let’s get going.

Working on our self-worth and the relationship with self is the most important relationship you will ever have. Like ripples in a pond, it goes out to all others areas of our live and loves without thinking, so make it strong! I like to keep things as simple, yet powerful as possible since we all have these busy 21st century lives.

Our Inner Voice = Success or struggle? Which do you choose? (Our Inner Voice is the voice of our self-worth by the way.)

Get going now below with your exploration of options and shift into high gear!

Vrrroooommmmmmm……………….Life is waiting!

Merna Throne

Super Success Coach & Trainer

Copyright © 2010 Merna Throne. All rights reserved.

Success: What does it really mean to you?

By Lisa Brooks

When you think of the word success, what images does it bring to mind? Does it conjure up a specific dollar sign amount, a goal reached, a specific number of business clients?

A few weeks ago, I attended a gathering where each person was asked to introduce him or herself and to say a little about their lives. Everybody began with their name and then said what they did for a living. In the past, I could have said I work for a reputable car company, or I work for the local phone company, and I would have received smiles of recognition and a sense of pride at my own words. But when it came to be my turn to speak, I was like a young boy trying to ask out the prettiest girl in school. My face got red, I began to stammer, and all fluent phrases were illusive to my tongue. I do not actually remember what it is I said. My inability to speak out about myself really bothered me. I began to wonder what was wrong with me and what had happened? Aren't I supposed to be proud of myself, who I am, and what I have accomplished? Where did all this self-doubt come from?

I am a wife, mom of three young children, I am a part-time coach, writer of articles for websites and magazines, I wrote two songs this year with actual lyrics and piano accompaniment, I can finally make a loaf of banana bread that tastes good, and I make a concerted effort to work on myself improvement goals. For the first time in my adult life, I feel less stressed out, more in balance, and I have clear goals of what I want to accomplish. So, where is the pride in myself?

Let’s go back to my original question. I may be happy, and content, but I am not my own definition of success. When I think of success, I think of debt free living, a steady biweekly paycheck, somebody established in his or her career, and I look in the mirror and I am none of these. I have debts, I don't know if my articles will sell from week to week or if my business clients will decide to take a break this month, and I'm still floundering around trying to figure out how to copyright a song. I am a continual work in progress who is looking to redefine my own definition of success.

I began to ponder where my own thoughts of success originated and began to dig deep within myself to find the roots of where my feelings of self-doubts began and got an astonishing wake up call.

Things people said to me over the years that I had buried as painful but good advice came to the surface. Writers are lazy ran circles in my head. Music is great, but you can't make a living that way so don't bother to take college classes just make it a nice hobby stung my pride all over again.

Beliefs I had held because that was what I was taught as a child came back to haunt me to give them a second look. He does not have a steady job so he is lazy or a failure. Do not be stuck at home as a mom, get a career with a real pay check because money equals success.

What beliefs do you have about success that paints your view of yourself? What have other people said or done in your own life that caused mental and emotional roadblocks on your own path of life? These are important questions to think about. Could your own inner definition of success be tying you down and holding you in place?

I feel a lot freer in my mind and spirit for contemplating this whole idea of success. A weight I did not know I carried has been lifted off my shoulders. Although, my self-doubts will pop up from time to time, I have a better grip on them knowing where they come from and I can really work on their core.

Now, when I think of success I do not see dollar signs, but a newfound respect for the dynamic human spirit. Success according to myself is a person who wakes up in the morning with a passion for life and who is striving to be the best person they can be both on the inside and the outside. It does not need to be the old thought and belief patterns of the past.

What is your personal definition of success?

Lisa Brooks is a work from home business and employment coach and consultant. She has worked from home since 1998 as both an independent contractor and employee for various companies. She is a certified Self-Discovery Coach™ and holds a computer technical certification for adaptive technology for people with disabilities.

Are you living with "If" or "When"?

Originally written - Sunday, August 3, 2008

Hey there!

Here we are again meeting on a beautiful Sunday sharing our thoughts to loving the life we have, while dreaming of more. Is that the tape that is running in your head? Or is it a more defeating one? I have been using this very question with many aspects of my life. Let’s look at this question. Are you holding on to your ‘dreams and hopes’ if or when you have more money? Are you holding on to your ‘dreams and hopes’ if or when you have more time? In addition, we must realize where we are placing the responsibility for OUR happiness...It is solely our own, no one else has this power for OUR life. Example: I would be much happier if we had more money! or If others wouldn't bother me I would be less crabby. When I have more money I will sit back and enjoy my life. Hello! Today is here now... it's the best time for all. This loving of today will help you move to the dreams of tomorrow.

The key to start attracting more in our lives is to take the first step to look within ourselves. Do you find yourself saying, "I will be much happier if my boss wasn’t a jerk"? Or if everything was less stressful? Often, there are many 'excuses' that fly out of our mouths or pop into our minds. Who is the common denominator? The hard pill to swallow is US! I have been there and decided to swallow this bitter pill a few times in my life. It took me to be at the end of my options and tired of feeling unhappy or unfulfilled. I had to look within to start a changing journey inside of Merna!

Where do you start? I can almost here this question out loud as I am writing here, because I have asked the same questions in life. It starts with you! Remember – just KISS; keep it simple stupid! This is a saying I heard many, many years ago and it still rings in my head at times. Often, WE are the culprits that make our life passionless and hopeless. Each of us has the options to start today and make a better feeling life for ourselves. Think of it like ripples in a pond. When our core starts feeling better it will affect each other area of life.

This is where a personal relationship/life coach can help you break down your own barriers. They are the person to set the stage for you so you see what housecleaning needs to be done - without judgment! If you are interested in working with me go to my website and you will find a link for coaching with this information. You can also email me at the address below.

The first perfect stepping-stone is starting your Pocket of Pearls journey. To start making change we must first see what needs to change. One large ingredient in our fuel daily is our inner voice. How is yours?

I will leave you with that for today.

Take care,

Merna

Soylent Green

Originally written - Sunday, July 20, 2008

Happy Sunday!

What a beautiful day! I was not sure if it would be or not since it was raining cats and dogs last evening. In fact, I was hoping for a break from mowing, but getting outside in the sunshine is what the doctor ordered for me after a full week of coaching, school, and working with my book.

Last evening I took the time for myself to enjoy an older movie. On one of the classic movie channels Soylent Green was on and I haven’t seen this movie in many, many years. It is a futuristic movie made in 1973 starring Charleston Heston. As a kid, when I first saw this movie it frightened me of the future. The movies plot takes place in the year 2022 and they are living in the full greenhouse effect of darkness and heat. I found it very interesting that in the 70s that they fully understood the dangers in front of us and how the future might be. The year 2022 does not seem so far away any longer does it?

The movie had a strange revelation for my life when watching it. The very things we take for granted everyday were relished and wore a high price tag in this movie. A jar of strawberries was $150 per jar. Can you imagine? No, we do not want to go there, do we! For instance, they lacked sunshine, plant life, animals, fresh fruits, and vegetables, etc. Yes, this is a movie, but when they talked about what we know as Global Warming and it was alarming. Watching this movie brought me to my gratitude list in my heart. Do we look around daily enough to see what our gifts are?

Pocket of Pearls starts you on this journey of looking within and brings you to task to document what that inner voice is saying, while challenging you to be kinder. Are you continually telling yourself you do not have enough? If so, you will never have enough. If you are telling yourself you are not enough, you will never feel enough. See where I am going? Once we start changing this inner dialogue the sun starts shining – inside!

I will leave you with this thought today. Do you want a kinder voice? Do you want more in your life? If so, take this first step to start implementing Pocket of Pearls in your life daily. This journey of self-awareness is incredible and life changing for YOU! After all, you are the one who is starring in your own life… so start living it!

Love,

Merna

Dear Merna... I think my Boyfriend is Hiding something! Help!

Dear Merna,

I've been seeing my boyfriend since March and things have been going great with one exception. I haven't met any of his family yet while he has met most of mine and they all get along just fine. We are going to my mom's this thanksgiving. When I bring up his family or say something about meeting them he changes the subject we end up arguing, or there is some sort of excuse. I'm starting to wonder if he is hiding something or if he is embarrassed to be seen with me. I don't want to push him, but if our relationship is going to be long-term wouldn’t he be willing to open up that side of his life to me. I've always had a close family relationship and so that really matters to me. I know not all families are close, but his reluctance to meet with his troubles me. If I could just understand his reluctance whatever the reason, I think I would just feel better about the whole thing. How do I get him to open up without pushing him away?

Family matters in FL

Dear Family Matters in FL!

You ask very common questions amongst people within the first year of meeting, dating, and forming a relationship. Remember, men and women do have different views on different topics and we bond at a different rate. There have been many studies that prove men and women are simply hardwired differently when it comes to love and talking for that matter, so we must realize they do not ‘think’ as if we do. In my psychology classes we talk about this each course!

Women are the nesters in a relationship and this is our instinct to create family bonds too. With that said this is why a woman ties in his ‘feelings’ and meeting his family. However, one does not exactly correlate or not correlate to the other at this phase of your relationship.

I have many questions to ask of you too, so I may not be able to give you a black and white answer, but hopefully put your mind at ease. Not meeting his family right now, does not doom you for the future, as he may be considering if this is the right time in your relationship or simply believe you will have many more and the first year isn’t necessary. This does not mean he doesn’t care for you!

Actually, over my years working with people and their dating lives I have heard so many stories that starts with this same question and the answer isn’t always a bad one. It can be many things. “He” could be embarrassed of his family, he could worry that you do not want to meet them, he may be thinking if “he” is ready for this level of commitment by ‘meeting’ family or he could simply be nervous and think next year is fine too. (Or he feels one family meet at a time) After all, it is only the first year and your fears are most likely groundless. However, I would not make a federal case out of it either as this would be a sure way to push him away.

It sounds like things are going good for you too and some sort of past fear is being stirred up. That is soo normal and happens a lot in dating and new relationships. Enjoy the holiday season and wish him well when he goes home! If your relationship continues to blossom and become strong, you will have many more holidays to share. So lighten up and enjoy the holiday season with your family!

Happy Holiday's!

Hope & Peace,

Merna

PSS If you are reaaally fearful he is hiding something schedule a coach call and we will ferret all of it out! I have many questions I would like to ask as there could be something simply going on with him and he hasn't asked you yet. You will find peace and I will show you the way.

Dear Merna...."My Husband is a terrible Gift giver!! Help!"

Dear Merna,

My birthday is in two weeks and with Christmas coming soon, I wanted to ask for your advice on how to approach my husband about his gift choices for me. I know he means well, and he does remember at least, but I dread opening up presents from him because I'm usually disappointed. He has given me spoons, dessert ramekins, for example and last year he gave me an ice cream maker. Granted, I like to cook, but for once I would like a present that is just for me and not something the whole household can use. I've tried dropping hints like my friend has this new perfume and it smells great, or wouldn't it be fun to get a massage. I've circled things in catalogs and left them in places he'd notice, and nothing seems to work.

How can I tell him without hurting his feelings or starting a fight that I think his gift choices stink?

Feeling unloved in Texas

Dear Feeling unloved in Texas,

When I read your letter to me I couldn't help but think how common this question is for women to write in about or my coaching clients to talk about. As women, we want to feel treasured by the fellas in our life when we receive gifts of caring and specialness. Now men simply need the clear instructions of what you love, so he wasn’t that far off base. Without knowing the difference, he believed he knocked it out of the park with knowing your love of cooking and your birthday. This he does deserve kudos for with his gifts and thoughtfulness. He was doing his best here. Pat yourself on the back for a good marriage and commitment to one another.

As women we think the men in our life should automatically ‘know’ what we love if they truly love us. Well love doesn’t make us mind readers, nor does it to men. Sorry, but he has a big chance of NOT picking up your clues you are leaving around the house as men simply do not take hints well.

There is much you can do about this by pointing out in a loving and clear way what you desire for gifts. Telling him does not negate your love together nor does it devalue it in any way. This is just a feeling women believe or feel, but it doesn’t make this true.

Here is a tool to use and an example of how to show him what you desire. Using the "I" starters and owning your part her, while not bringing in what you believe he did wrong will win every time.

“Honey, remember that massage I bought myself a few months back? The stress just melted away that week. I would not mind one bit if you bought me a gift certificate for one or more of them! It would be the best gift ever.”

Now, to some of us we think this totally devalues the gift if we spell it out for them, but this is our own perspective and we must truly change our view. Looking at the good in people is what we should be doing instead of looking at what they are doing wrong.

Put on some rose colored glasses because he really is trying hard to please you with his gifts. This shows the wonderful love and commitment you both have for your marriage. These days you both deserve kudos for such a healthy relationship and wanting to continue working on it! That is what it takes.

Good luck and enjoy those massages!

Merna

Dear Merna..."My Adult Daughters fight as if They are Teens and approaching 50. Help!"

Dear Merna,

First, I want to say how much I love my two daughters and son with all my heart. I am a woman who just turned 80 now with adult children in their forties. I saw your advice column on Facebook (my grandchildren made me get an account) and thought what the heck.

With the holidays approaching, I can’t help but dread what drama will be created this season just like all the past holidays. My daughters fight like immature teens when they get together and pick at each other. I am actually appalled and embarrassed for them. I don’t want this drama any longer and always kept my mouth shut to keep the peace, but I am tired of it all.

My daughters cannot get over the past, and they bring me into it. How should I handle this situation?

Perplexed

Dear Perplexed,

First, I am so glad you took that leap of faith and wrote about your issue. Good for you! Second, you are sooo not alone with this issue with family and holiday time. Not at all! You did your best over the years trying to do the right thing waiting for your adult daughters show their maturity and this hasn’t worked.

As a coach for many years now, I couldn’t tell you how many people dread the holiday’s and family. Why is this? Excessively many people are losing site of life’s real priorities. Our families are the ones always there for us through the good and bad – if you are lucky, so why are you creating waves when unnecessary?

Also, why the holiday’s? Good question for many. There are 364 other days of the year to talk about personal issues, and the holidays are not one of them. Our family will never be perfect, nor can we change them, but we must accept them as they are.

Now, wait I am not saying sit and zip it… Pleeeasee I am not that person either. There is a happy medium between fighting back and saying nothing. Yes, sometimes not giving them attention is a good way to try, as this could possibly be what they are seeking. (Immature I know) However, there are healthy ways to phrase what you need to and show them you mean business.

Sit down and journal some words on how you want to say this and practice it out loud before the day. No, this is not you ‘making this happen’, but you are ready with some healthy skills should this happen again. Write out what you wish to say and then rephrase them using the “I” statements.

“Girls, I love you, family, and Christmas more than life itself. I want you two to put this aside for another day in private and come with the rest of us and enjoy Christmas. Would you do that for us?”

Now, say this out loud and see how this feels. You are giving them a genuine complement from the heart, and then stating your boundary in an accepting way. Finally, you are putting this back in their court to answer. Phrasing it this way will 'hopefully' make them be open to saying...Ok....If they can't. "You" and the rest of your family enjoy Christmas and invite them to the garage for some one on one time.

There are many healthy communication skills that can help you with the holiday time so you are prepared to have a stellar holiday season. I challenge you to make a change this year and really get into family and holiday’s while setting healthy boundaries. We have many tools and features on our site to help you do this very thing!

If you are the Drama seeker of a family, here is my advice. Suck it up - It’s Christmas! Imagine your life without your family and see how bad you really have it! Make sure you take some "me" time the other days of the year to find out what is driving for these moments during holiday time.

Happy Holiday’s Perplexed and wish you many more!

Merna

Enough is Enough!

""How 'Just Enough' Thinking Blocks the Law of Attraction""

By Lisa Brooks

Have you ever thought: "Please, if I can just make enough money this month to get by, or let my business grow just enough to get this goal accomplished?"

You believe in the law of attraction and things happen in such a way that your needs are met, but could it be that the 'enough' mind set is blocking your full potential?

The premise of the law of attraction is that our needs will be met if we focus on attracting our goals by our thoughts and actions and like a magnet the results will follow. If we are stuck in the just 'enough mind set', then all you will attract is just 'enough'.

I've often listened to conference calls or presentations by my favorite self-help and business gurus and they talk about their fancy houses or great vacations, my first thought is usually, well that is great for you, and I laugh thinking if only I could have a tenth of what they are talking about. I'm not greedy. I don't need fancy cars, extravagant vacations or millions.

I just want to pay for my children to go to a good school, fix the broken gate in my yard, and pay off my debt. In my more extravagant moments, I want to go to DisneyWorld, buy a new car for once in my life, and pay off my debt. I'd be happy with my little piece of the pie, I don't need the whole pie plate. That one slice of the pie mentality is where I am stuck and it is all I will ever achieve unless I set my sights on something higher.

My first thought to overcome, is that wanting more does not mean I am greedy. If I let my thoughts go in to financial abandon thinking, I imagine great vacations with my family, paid off housing for my extended family and myself, and freedom to give like I've never been able to give before without the financial strings of wondering where the money will come from. Its not the abundance or lack of money that makes a person greedy and desiring more does not make me heartless and selfish. By being stuck in enough thinking, I am assigning attributes to money that stigmatizes my own desires and imprisons me in to the cell of status quo.

The next thought to work on is that I deserve my monetary desires. The millionaire guru started out just like me sitting at their computer, pondering ideas, wanting better for themselves and the lives of the people around them. If I truly believe in the law of attraction, then I have the right to stand on the same playing field as my heroes and I can not only learn from them, but be one of them. My thoughts and actions are just as worthy of rewards as theirs.

Take a minute to ponder your own money thoughts and consider if you have unknowingly been holding yourself back by the 'enough is enough' concept. It is possible to change this static mind set in to one of growth and more abundance than you can even imagine in living out your own personal laws of attraction.

If you are interested in strengthening the 'lure of your magnet'.... personal coaching can make you an abundance magnet!

Ways to handle a Money Crisis

By Merna Throne & Lisa Brooks

Are you free floating in Financial Fear?

We all rely on money to pay our bills, provide shelter and food, and to bring us pleasure. But with the continuing economic crunch squeezing out every dime before it has a chance to grow interest in our checking accounts, more and more of us are feeling the pinch in our bodies and minds. It comes out in worry, and stress and in feeling overwhelmed about what the future will hold or not hold. Whatever your financial situation, here are some ways to keep it all in perspective and to relieve the strain of worrying about a money crisis.

Who is in control you or the money? If you are up late at night worrying about money, and you find yourself worrying so much that it becomes hard to function and think about other things, then money is in control of you when it should be the other way around. Find ways to take the control back so that you feel in charge.

* Start a gratitude journal and chronicle the good things in your life. Take small steps to get your mindset back, so you feel like you are doing something.

*Start small by clipping out a coupon or choosing to make dinner instead of going out for dinner. Just feeling like you are doing something, even if it is one small step, will help your peace of mind and give you back some measure of control.

* Take a break from it all. Turn off the phone, don't read your mail for a day, and focus on something else to help clear your head. Make a picnic lunch and go to the park, watch your favorite comedy, dance to your favorite music, do anything non-money related for one day.

It is not hiding from your problems because they will still be there, but it is giving yourself a chance to re-group and re-charge your body and mind. Decisions are easier to make and less impulsive, if you can figure out how to calm yourself down physically and spiritually. Often, if you approach things with a clearer head, you will come up with new strategies and solutions you were to spiritually empty and tired to think of before.

* Ask for help! Believe me in that you are not alone in your feelings or your situation. Join a support group to relieve money stress, bring positive people in to your world to help carry you and share the burden, and ask for advice. The internet is filled with advice on frugality, recycling, stretching your budget. Look for message boards and free websites with job information or tips on career changes.

* While you are seeking out help offer it as well. That old adage give and you will receive still holds true when you are broke. You may be holding the answer that will help someone else who is struggling as well. By thinking of and giving to someone in need, you free up some of that stress inside yourself. Sometimes, if you help someone else over their own road block it has a healing effect on your own.

Money matters or does it? When the bill wolves are howling at the door, and you worry about how to make your financial ends meet, its hard to stay calm and remember that it really isn't the money that matters in your relationship with yourself and others. It is the being together with the ones you love that counts not the trappings and trimmings that come with living. Try to capture that together feeling again without thinking about the peripheral stuff.

Remember that your worth as a person is not based on what you have now, what you might loose in the future, or what you had in the past. Money is just the covering that hides the inner shell of who we are and who we can be. It is not the essence of who we are on the inside.

Although the acquisition of money is important for living in today's world, it doesn't have to rule your every thought or be the fear that lies unspoken inside you. It doesn't have to be the worm that eats at your inner peace. Take an active role in dealing with your thoughts and stress so that you can handle any money crisis in your life.

Copyright © 2009 Merna Throne & Lisa Brooks. All rights reserved.

How Excuses Can Help Your Business

By Merna Throne & Lisa Brooks

"Stop making excuses" is a phrase I often tell my children. All the complaining about not having time, being late, or tired goes in one ear and out the other and I say if you would just do what I ask, you'd already be finished by now.

Well, I'm suppose to be the adult and in my own business the excuses I come up with to procrastinate are just as valid right?

* I’m to busy now, it can wait till tomorrow.

* I’d like to do that to my website but I don’t know how.

* It’s a good idea, but I don’t know how to implement it right now.

* I don’t have enough money to try this.

While these excuses have a little bit of truth to them, they also have one crucial characteristic in common. They all have a fear factor that is holding me tied to their strings. Fears of change, trying something new, failure or success are all valid but can keep one standing still instead of moving forward.

Sometimes, our excuses are like hidden messengers that talk in code instead of plain words. Its our subconscious trying to tell us something is wrong with this idea but not being blunt enough to say out loud that it’s the fear talking not necessarily the plan or thought.

Excuses are easily overcome. Once analyzed in the mind or on paper, they are like turning on the light after a bad dream, not so scary after all. Even better, they provide great insights in to the core of what we really are afraid of.

Once you figure out what they are saying, the next step is figuring out how to eliminate them. As mentioned earlier, they do have some validity. So, if the crux of the excuse Is that there is no time, then make it a priority to schedule in some time to work on it. If the excuse is lack of funds is there a way you can save up for it, or find something equal for free? If its fear of rejection, then what empowering thing can you try next if its rejected.

Imagine for a minute that you could do exactly what you want without the excuses talking to you over your shoulder. What a relief that would be. What a triumphant feeling. Take those voices and thoughts you hear and make them work for you instead of against you.

Take your excuses and turn them in to powerful tools you can use to learn more about yourself and use the excuses to help your business grow and prosper.

Copyright © 2009 Lisa Brooks & Merna Throne. All rights reserved.

Would you climb that Mountain?

Originally written - Sunday, August 24, 2008

I hope this finds you spending a leisurely Sunday at home recouping from your busy week. Hmmm… sounds like what I am doing. However, my lawn is calling my name again and it will get some attention today. It appears to be a beautiful day today, so I am looking forward to sometime outside.

I am on my last week of this term in school and I feel such a load off my mind with one of my two classes - Statistics. I am learning so many facts from my instructor and classmates about this class because I was clueless before hand. Many people drop this course or change their major because of it and I survived it – I did well I might add! I am not bragging here, rather feeling a huge sense of accomplishment. I had a few fleeting moments the first week of quitting, but they were fleeting. I had to find a way over this mountain for my Psychology degree, there was not any wiggle room. Also, quitting is not an option.

Yes, this class has been ‘over the top’ time consuming and taxing, but I did not give up. Quitting is never an answer for anything and we must look at our life to see if we use this ‘out’ as an excuse for our fears. Do you face your fears? Or Do you find a way to ‘avoid’ them? After all, if you do not try it you cannot fail. However, remember if you do not try, you cannot succeed either! Do you think of this in the moment? Do you weigh the consequences of what you are giving up? For most people the answer is no. It just seems the ‘easier’ way out to end the current struggle. What is your mountain?

Growth happens when we try the uncomfortable and stumble a little. When we live in our comfort zone daily without trying new things and getting uncomfortable, we stop growing. This is when our passion starts to die and we feel empty inside. The mundane sets in and sadly, many people think ‘hey it’s just the way it is suppose to be.’ I respectfully disagree with this statement! Life is about thriving, not just existing. Believe you me, I have been in the ‘existing’ mode too, and I wasn’t happy.

 It is the first huge step is making changes in your life. There are many small tools to get your started today and turn your life around. Go buy a blank note book right now and take time daily to 'Brain Dump' all your frustrations and daily annoyances, so your creative juices start flowing..... If you are ready for more, call me today!

... you will be glad you did!

What is your Mountain? Are you climbing it or taking a detour?