Perfect Mind Life Coaching

2011-04-01 – Friday Whisper – Stick to it!!!

So hopefully by now, you started making decisions :)

Now the next step, how to stick to your decision…

You know, when we take decisions, sometimes we face obstacles, sometimes we feel down and get discouraged, sometimes we tend to re-question our decisions to find any reason to back up…

As I told you last week, with decisions you undo old habits and acquire new ones…

So how to keep yourself motivated and keep going on…

You’re starting a diet? Photoshop a picture of you to make yourself look the way you long for and post it on your fridge, on your dressing mirror, on your closet and a small one in your wallet, so that when it is gym time, you open it and look at it ;)

Your studies…invite yourself to the coffee shop, get your books and your favorite music and sit on your favorite couch…

You can even find a study or gym partner, so that when you tend to postpone your task, someone is always there to remind you…

Your business project… talk to people who did it before, they will give you positive vibes… research it on the Internet, prepare your business plan, write down the needed resources…

Write down the steps you want to take and keep track of what you are doing…this way you won’t forget any step and you will see how closer you are getting to your goal every day…

If you feel the next step is complicated or too big, rethink it and break it into small ones… Identify your weaknesses and seek assistance…

Reward yourself the same way you reward your kids, your employees when they work hard… yourself is working hard too ;) So associate a small prize to each milestone you reach… a small cake after the first 10 pounds lost… 1/2 hour spent alone after a day spent with family…I don’t think finding other ideas will be hard for you :)

And keep in mind, that no diet expert can shed pounds for you… no professor can obtain the degree for you… no gym trainer can shape your body for you… No one on this Earth can make your dream come true except yourself and the effort you put into it…

But mostly beware of your enemies:
- Procrastination…. No better time to realize what you want than now…
- Others’ discouragement and opinions…. Don’t listen to others when they tell you what you’re doing might not work… if it doesn’t work for them, doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for you! Distinguish between a good advice based on facts and a negative vibe based on subjective opinion or even envy!
- Let go of previous failures… if you fail your diet this morning, restart right away and don’t wait till next Monday! Failure is just another opportunity to understand more what we are doing so that we succeed better the next time…
-Fear of failing… you didn’t fail yet, you are just afraid of failing!!! Isn’t that failing yourself when you don’t believe enough in yourself? Maybe you are afraid of leaving your comfort zone to a less known area!!! How about living a new adventure? Isn’t that more fun?

And relive your dreams in your head… relive those moments when you realized what decision you should take…relive those feelings… to put yourself in the right state of mind… the right spirit…

I used mostly the diet example because we can all relate to it…but a decision can be as big as changing a law in your country…it’s not different if you make up your mind… it just needs a whole different kind of effort and time spent! Andrew Carnegie, a Scottish-American businessman, said: “People who are unable to motivate themselves must be content with mediocrity, no matter how impressive their other talents.” And David Viscott, an American author, said: “If you have the courage to begin, you have the courage to succeed.”

With every step you take, you’re one step closer to your goal and one step farther from regret of not trying ;)

Rania Hammoud
www.perfectmind.ca

2011-03-25 – Friday Whisper – Decide!!!

Have you ever decided to go on diet then after few days you realized you were loosing days instead of kilos or pounds?

Have you ever decided to stop smoking then after few times you realized you lost count of how many cigarettes you smoked so far and you were only “stopping for smoking” instead?

Have you ever decided to go to the gym and you paid your subscription then you realized that you were only loosing money instead of inches?

Have you ever decided to pursue your studies and enrolled in a program then you realized your degree is taking forever and you are spending more time dropping courses at the registrar office than studying in the library?

Have you ever decided that you want to give some quality time to your family then what you kept doing is giving quality time to everyone except them?

Have you ever decided that you want to organize your work but you end up having a mess in your head trying to figure out how you are going to do it instead of really start doing it?

Have you ever decided to change your job but end up counting years in the same job at the same desk?

Were all those real decisions taken? Why didn’t they work? Although you had all the good intentions to do so!!!

I’m sure you can give me at least another 10 examples like that…

When a real decision is taken, a real change takes place… you’re no more in a “thinking” mode…instead you’re in a “doing” one…

With a real decision comes a commitment… don’t think you can’t make your decision because you can’t commit…it is the other way around!!!!

When you take a decision, commit to it the same way you did when you decided to have kids: you don’t ask yourself everyday whether you want to feed them or not!!!... when you decided to pass an exam: you just studied day and night without questioning if you had to do so… when you decided to go vegetarian: you didn’t stop at a butcher's window shop to watch the meat!!!... when you decided to quit smoking: when you were offered cigarettes, you just said “No I don’t smoke”, without even asking if it was your kind of cigarettes!!!... when you decided to get married: you sorted out your relationship/marriage problems without jumping to separation or divorce…

Taking a decision and committing to it doesn’t always mean it will be easy to do… but it means when the approach or the tools you have are not working, you will change them... you will not back down because you are committed to make it work…

Some big decisions might involves lots of energy and effort…while others, those that affect our daily life, might take small changes to be in effect: maybe you have to wake up 15 min earlier to prepare a healthy lunch… tie yourself to your desk for 15 min per day and just start organizing your drawers, your files, your laptop till the 15 min are over, then restart the next day… sometimes just drive to the gym, the same way you drive home, without even asking yourself whether you wanna go there or not…

Remember when you make a change in your life, it means you are undoing an old habit and learning a new one…Yes, decision means commitment… but commitment needs discipline… and discipline needs training… and training means a change of habit…

Anthony Robbins, a motivational speaker, said:
“A real decision is measured by the fact that you've taken a new action. If there's no action, you haven't truly decided …… It's in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.”

I decided to write these Friday Whispers; I don’t question it every Friday, I just write :)

It is time to make some decisions… So, commit to your dreams… commit to yourself…

Rania Hammoud
www.perfectmind.ca

2011-03-18 – Friday Whisper – Mom…

She didn’t teach us what we know but she taught us how to learn…

She didn’t teach us how to take decisions but she taught us right from wrong…

She didn’t teach us to be persistent and ambitious, but she showed us how anything is possible when she pursued her dream of obtaining her diploma in psychology while taking care of her family and her job…

She didn’t give us all the answers to our questions, but she showed us how to search for them…

She didn’t tell us to be strong but she showed us what endurance is and how to get out of difficult situations wisely and with the least damages possible…

She didn’t tell us to just follow rules blindly, but she taught us how to ask the right questions to understand them…

We never looked at her as an old person, as she always showed us how to maintain a young spirit. She got her own MSN and Facebook account! And yes! She stalks our walls!!!! :)

I don’t believe we made it easy for her, but she find her way out, with a full time job and a family of six kids, and don’t ask me how!!!

She is my diet and sport partner, my sister’s social partner, my brother’s joke partner, my sister’s ideas’ exchange partner, my sister’s secret-sharing partner, and my brother’s family-matters-expert partner… but above all she is and always will be my Dad’s life partner and soulmate…

On Mother’s day, I would take the occasion to wish her, all the mothers who are still with us and those who are watching us from above, a happy Mother’s day filled with love and blessings…

Special wishes to the new Moms of this year; they say when your first child is born, you, as a mother, are born too…so enjoy your motherhood and don’t think you are living your hardest days, wait till they start walking ;)

I’m sure your mom did pretty much the same, maybe less or maybe even more… just remember that regardless of what you might think, you are the most important person for her in this life :)

Mother’s day should be a cherry on the top of the cake; i.e. the cake is how you treat her all year, the cherry how you extra-pamper her on Mother’s day, and not the only day of the year where you call her or see her, got it? :)

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “Paradise lies at the feet of mothers.” In other words, Paradise awaits those who cherish and respect their mothers.

And Robert Brault, an American writer, said: “If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been.”

I dedicate this whisper to you, Koko, as for everything I am, and everything I will be, I owe it to you…

luv u Mom :)
Rania Hammoud
www.perfectmind.ca

2011-03-11 – Friday Whisper – You Are a Woman…

I was thinking during this week what I would write about for this FW. I know it is the International Women’s week, I know women are still have a long way to go…I know that women, everywhere, are struggling everyday with all kinds of problems and challenges… and I am more than sure that you’ve heard about such struggles :)

But I decided to write about positive stories for a change…

Her marriage fell apart and her husband gave her hard time…yet, she took her two kids, moved to a new country and decided to start all over again… her kids are now two young smart ladies pursuing their studies, appreciating what their mom went thru for them to get there…

Her dad is a fisherman with very limited income… yet, she pursued her studies till she got her law degree school, and now she is helping her younger brother to finish his school…

She was injured during war, which put her in a wheelchair…yet she decided to pursue her dream of having her own beauty salon… today she owns one…

She was forced into a marriage at a young age with a man her father’s age… then was left with kids… yet, she decided to find a job in order to take care of her kids, her disabled mom and mentally challenged sister…

She felt she is worthless, scared of being alone, not being able to achieve anything … yet, when she decided to believe in herself, she could see how much she has already achieved… how, for her family, life would be nothing without her… how far she can go, and the sky became her limit…

She was always seeking for others’ love, approval and appreciation…until one day she decided to love herself and appreciate even the smallest things she does… it is when she stopped worrying about what others think of her…

She had cancer… and cancer would have won except… she decided she wanted to win this fight for the sake of her family, friends and hers… she did it with patience and belief… and came out a winner ready to beat any barrier…

She was divorced and her kids were taken away from her… yet she decided she wanted to get a high degree and rebuild her own home… today she is reunited with her kids and getting ready for a prominent career…

She had to flee the country because of war and had no choice but to live with her four kids abroad… she transformed her obstacles into opportunities… today she is a proud mother of successful young men and sweet young woman.

You might have met one of them, because they are real cases… What is stunning is that you see them always smiling, extracting strength from their past and keeping their hope in today and tomorrow... amazing how you feel them alive more than many of us whom biggest problem of the day would be that the metro is shut for few hours or bored because they haven’t taken a vacation this year yet…

All those women and similar others inspire me everyday… and made me feel fortunate that I have met them in my life...

Sasha Azadevo, an American actress, said: “I do believe that when we face challenges in life that are far beyond our own power, it's an opportunity to build on our faith, inner strength, and courage. I've learned that how we face challenges plays a big role in the outcome of them.”

Another one for unknown author: “Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

As I said before: Accept but don’t compromise, give but don’t sacrifice, share but don’t self-deny, acknowledge but don’t surrender, stand up for what you believe in and seize what is yours because you are Wonderful, Outstanding, Miraculous, Adorable, Nurturing or simply a WOMAN ;)

Rania Hammoud
www.perfectmind.ca

2011-01-21 – Friday Whisper – The Old You…

Montreal welcomed me with a frozen kiss! A -32 degrees! The usual Montreal in winter… I still love it and I love smelling it!!!

So here I am back home, going one more time thru my stuff to get them ready for shipping… so I had to go thru all the documents, from 2010 back to 2001…and as I was going thru my papers, all the memories would come back to me, as if I’m living those years again…and at some point, it started to become overwhelming a little bit…the receipt of the first sofa and dining table I bought, the first pay check, the first rent receipt…pictures of people I forgot their names and faces…pictures of a fashion show I did (yeah!!! read again, I was a model once :), cards from friends, from colleagues when I left work, and a birthday card from Dad entitled “to Daddy’s girl”…I even found letters I sent to Santa Claus (sent to North Pole with postal code HOH OHO :) and letters he wrote me back…yeah I know, I was a kid then, a 32-yrs old ;)

So I followed my own advice, threw unnecessary things and kept lovely memories that made me smile…

It is funny how we change…I so believe that the one I am now is different from the one I am now…and with time I become a different person from the person I was…didn’t it happen to you that, while remembering yourself 10 years ago, you felt you were picturing a person who is not you anymore?

Change is always good specially when we understand ourselves more, face our challenges with courage, recognize our weaknesses, dare to speak our mind, stand up of what we believe in, listen to ourselves, our needs…as if thru years, we were peeling away one layer of who we are, getting closer to the real us, whom we are meant to be…and the more closer we get to our inner self, the more peaceful we feel, the more genuine we look, the happier we live…

Fore sure it takes a lot of courage to go thru the process; not everyone can do it, that’s why not everyone reaches an inner peace…

Max Depree, an American writer, said: “We cannot become what we need to be, remaining what we are.”

And Sir James M. Barrie, a Scottish author, said: “The most useless are those who never change through the years.”

I’m so thankful for that card…
Rania Hammoud
www.perfectmind.ca

2011-01-14 – Friday Whisper – Get Some Energy!

So? How was your week without resolutions? Did you feel lighter? Guilt-free of having to do something and not doing it? Well, for me, I had a smooth transition between 2010 and 2011 :) didn’t have to get ready for anything specific…

Now I know that I promised you will have to do one thing; I want you to save on your energy, by clearing the clutter around you…

Have you opened your wardrobe closet recently? Drawers in your bedroom? Drawers of your desk? Your handbags? Your kitchen drawers? Your wallets? Your garage? Your car? If you have, are you sure that you still wear/use/need all these stuff?

Feng Shui (Wind & Water) is an ancient Chinese art that reveals how to balance the energy (or Chi) of any given space to assure the mental and emotional well-being of people inhabiting it. An environment where energy can flaw smoothly is a good Feng Shui. For this to happen, clutter, which is a stagnant energy, must be cleared. Got it?

Clutter leads to more clutter; with this happening, your anxiety and tension thermometer keeps rising every time you see it, as you feel overwhelmed with all the things you have to do.

What is the best way to do it? I don’t know your stuff but I can give you some small steps to follow: ➢ Don’t think about removing your clutter; just do it!
➢ Have two bags ready: garbage bag, garage sale or charity bag
➢ Do one set of drawers or one room at a time
➢ If you don’t have the patience, do it in chunks: every time you open a drawer or a closet, pick up couple of stuff that you don’t need (or you forget you had them!) and put them in the appropriate bag
➢ Clothes you haven’t worn in the last 12 months, most probably you won’t wear them in the upcoming ones! They go to the charity bag…
➢ Before you buy something new, make sure you need it and don’t have an old one, and if you do, check if you need to give away/throw the old one. If you’re not sure, leave it at the store, go home, check it out then go back to buy, if needs be. This way you don’t create a new clutter!
➢ Learn to let go stuff you don’t use or that doesn’t work. As I told you in a previous whisper, let go of things and hang on to people
➢ Group items together; books with books, coats with coats, bags with bags; this way you know what you have and what you need to get
➢ Go through your books, magazines
➢ Go through your paper documents; gather documents together and label them.
➢ Go through your car
➢ Go through your folders and emails on your computer. It can be cluttered very easily as well!!!
➢ Organize your remaining stuff
➢ Once you are done, decide on a weekly 15-min time slot where you organize or throw 5 items

Wendell Berry, an American novelist and poet, said: "Don't own so much clutter that you will be relieved to see your house catch fire."

If you can’t clear you clutter, rest assured my friend you will procrastinate any future resolution you want to make!

This whisper is dedicated to each and every one of you who has to deal with his/her clutter ;) I would love to hear from you on how you felt once you were done with it!

Live clutter-FREE!
Rania Hammoud
www.perfectmind.ca
Check also my blog at http://raniahammoud.blospot.com
You can also join my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/pages/Perfect-Mind/238054587187

2010-12-24 – Friday Whisper – Christmas

I like Christmas time…it feels lots of love, caring and giving in the air…people planning for Christmas gathering, buying gifts, flying back home to be with family….

Santas are everywhere…Adults before children are anticipating the big night… and facebook status??? God!!! Lots of wishes up there :)

But it is more than this, it’s about Jesus Christ, who did lots of miracles and was a miracle by himself…

As many of you know, Jesus was humble, at the service of every person he met, regardless of his or her social status, race, gender or age.

Now if he were among us on Earth, how would he celebrate his birthday? Hmmm…let’s see…maybe he would ask you while shopping for gifts, to buy a one or two toys for kids you know Santa don’t visit them every year or a blanket for a homeless…while shopping for your dinner, fill a food bag for a father who can’t provide a proper Christmas dinner for his family... while setting your dinner table, add one or two chairs for people you know they don’t get a proper meal everyday… while you are heading home, check on your neighbor...while you are spending your evening time eating, laughing, enjoying your company, take a break and drop by the church to have a serenity moment…

If he were here on his birthday, he would ask you to let go some material things and hang on more to your beloved ones…to check on your parents during the whole year, not only on occasions…to visit a sick person you know, even for 10 minutes…to help a person in distress discreetly without waiting for a reward…to judge less people…to share your wealth instead of stocking it… to hate less, forgive more…

I’m not a christian, but I believe in Jesus and I believe that if you live the Christmas spirit with its true meaning, if you go back to what it really means, why Jesus came on Earth and how he lived his life, and try to practice it through the year, you will be able to touch the lives of people, more than you think and deeper than you think…you will even touch your own life miraculously! What you give will come back to you, thousand folds…

Calvin Coolidge, a former USA president, said: “Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.”

My friend Samir (a.k.a. Aammo Samir :) told me today that Jesus left us with a very difficult commandment “Love Each Other as I Have Loved You” … a very big challenge, come to think of it!!! And I thought that if we succeed in doing it, the face of this World will change significantly, that’s for sure!

Wish you a delightful Christmas filled with lots of love, caring, sharing & serenity

Rania Hammoud
Perfect Mind Life Coaching

2010-12-17 – Friday Whisper – Say No!

Have you ever screamed without a voice? Ached without being hit? Scarred without being cut?

Or have you scream out loud with no one answering? Scared day and night? Hit anytime anywhere? Hurt your head, your arms, your legs, your stomach and your heart?

That’s what domestic violence does to the body and soul of an abused woman…and in most cases she feels lonely in a World of 6.7 billions people!

When abuse happens, we spend the time thinking and screaming about the abuser, how bad he is, how terrible is what he is doing…how he should be punished…and we forget that it is the abused who needs our support, our help…how much she needs to rebuild her self-esteem, her self-confidence, at this point and how much she needs to speak up and stand up for what she wants…

Two weeks ago I assisted at a documentary about domestic violence; out of the three women in the documentary, two were killed by their husbands, where one of the victims were discovered dead by her kids!!! The interesting part is that the men came from good families, good values and financial standards, and they looked pretty much like men you meet everyday…there is no way you could have guessed they were monsters!!!

Pathetic…is very pathetic when a man can’t express what he wants, who he is, how he wants things but with violence…a typical example of cowardice…

And domestic violence comes in different shapes; other than physical abuse, there is verbal abuse, psychological abuse, financial abuse…it starts with few angry words and hurt feelings and ends up with violence…and it extends to the whole family…

Why would a man abuse his woman and his kids? Maybe he was abused himself, he had troubled childhood, he is an alcoholic, he is a drug addict…would all this justify what he is doing? Absolutely not, and there is no other reason in this World that would justify it either!

What helps him get away with it? Living in a country where a law against domestic violence is absent and the government is taking forever to issue such law…living in a society that doesn’t take seriously a woman’s complaint at the police station…where women are ashamed of talking about it…where hitting a woman or a child is socially tolerated…where a woman has no other place to go to, where she is more afraid of leaving than staying or afraid to leave her kids behind… And it is happening in almost every country, in every religious and every religiousless society…

Are you being abused? If he is constantly threatening to hurt you or your kids, if he says it is your fault he is hitting you… if he puts you down in front of others…if he hit, kick, choke or slap you…if he forces you to have sex…if he belittles you constantly…you always do what he wants instead of what you want…then most probably you are in an abusive relationship…

If you are, then I have few words for you: first and foremost, it is not your fault and it never was! Regardless of what you are doing or not doing, you shouldn’t be treated but with dignity and respect! If you allow him to hit you once, why would he stop? Violence is the absence of power, absence of love… Say No to him! Talk to your family, to your friends, to local organizations…don’t be ashamed! Don’t be afraid! As you are not alone, but you have to speak up, so that can we stand up for you and with you…

Statistics shows that one in three women may suffer from abuse and violence in her lifetime, and more women die from domestic violence than from cancer… don’t become another statistics!

Dec 10th, the Human Rights Day, have ZERO tolerance for domestic violence!


Help line in Lebanon: 961 3 018 019 or www.kafa.org.lb

Rania Hammoud
Perfect Mind Life Coaching

2010-12-03 – Friday Whisper – You Are a Leader!

Each and every one of you is a leader. Maybe you donno it yet, but for sure you are capable of becoming one!

You don’t need to manage a group of people to be a leader…you don’t to be a president to be a leader…you don’t need to show up on TV to be a leader…you don’t need to own a company to be a leader… We always tend to think that leadership happens only at work, and is done by managers and directors; and maybe you tend to think that if you are not there yet, then you can’t act as a leader…. For me, a leader is someone who inspires me, brings the best in me, motivates me … A leader has the core human values of integrity, credibility, respect, and justice…a leader believes in a specific cause or goal and motivates others to act towards achieving it. But what makes leaders true ones, is how they hold themselves during their fight as well as outside it…The end doesn’t justify the means for me! You can’t fight for a cause of justice when you are being unjust to your family or your employees. Leadership is practiced in your daily life, in your professional life as well as in your personal life: A leader here is a leader anywhere… And you don’t need to fight a big cause to be a leader; You are a leader when you lecture your children about how bad smoking is and you DON’T smoke… You are a leader when you tell your children not to throw garbage on the floor and you DON’T throw a napkin from your car window… You are a leader when you preach about collaborating and helping each other at work and you DON’T scream “can’t you see I’m busy” when a colleague asks for your help…

You are a leader when you fix yourself a goal and work your way out to reach it…

You are a leader when don’t take advantage of situations or people for your own interest against the interest of others…

You are a leader when you show people around you how to live with integrity and respect…

You are a leader when you do the right things regardless of the opinion of others…

You are a leader when you help others grow even if their light will shadow on yours…

You are a leader when you practice what you believe in, when you walk the walk, not just talk the talk…

Gandhi didn’t hire people to work for him or pay them or force them, to become leader…

Mother Teresa was a leader by being patient, not procrastinating, having humility and discipline…

Jesus & Mohamed were poor financially but rich in their values, practiced what they preached, had the integrity to deliver the message and the credibility to be believed by their followers…

Harry Truman, a former president, said: “To be able to lead others, a man must be willing to go forward alone.”

And Lao-tsu, a Chinese philosopher, said: "To lead people, walk beside them ... As for the best leaders, the people do not notice their existence. The next best, the people honor and praise. The next, the people fear; and the next, the people hate ... When the best leader's work is done the people say, 'We did it ourselves!'"

Leadership is earned not granted…

You don’t have to make a big difference to be a leader, just small differences every day… and don’t be afraid to go in the opposite direction for if you fail you will teach us a lesson and if you succeed, we will follow your footsteps!

Rania Hammoud
Perfect Mind Life Coaching

2010-11-26 – Friday Whisper – When It’s Love It Varies…

It will varies for sure, by moving forward, growing stronger and deeper…

When it is love, it doesn’t take you long before you know it…you don’t really need to date or live with your partner for years and years to know if he/she is the one…because if so, you’d better move on and save your and his/her time right now…

When it is love, everyday you will feel more in love with your partner than yesterday, and less than tomorrow…and it comes naturally…

He makes you his priority, he shows up to help you or support you… he makes you laugh… he introduces you to his family within the first 3 months of dating… he screams your name out loud and tells the whole World that he loves you…he’s proud to go out in public with you, but he makes it clear that you are off-limits; you are his “woman”, his “baby”, his “fiancée” ;)

She trusts you, she has butterflies in the stomach on her way to meet you and her heart pounds like hell… she feels serene whenever you are around…she always answers/returns your call…you meet her family, friends and colleagues at work sooner than you thought… she takes you to her favorite places…she sms’es you out of nowhere… she tries to look charmer only for your eyes… she caters to you even if you are vegan! ;)

He gives you his facebook password; she gives you her facebook password…OK this one was a joke! :)

Propose to her if you can’t imagine the next 30 years of your life without her….and you Lady, say Yes to him, not because you can’t find another man, but because out of thousand men, he is the man of your life…(provided Brad Pitt and George Clooney are not among those thousands!...yeah…another joke!:)

A memorable quote from “When Harry met Sally” film says: “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

And Richard Bach, an American author, said: “Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.”

This whisper is dedicated to my dear friends Elie & Lara, whose engagement were a double surprise for me, hence double the joy! :) Wishing them more love and wishing my single friends and readers to find the love they deserve, because if he/she is not worth it, then it is not worth it…

Rania Hammoud
You can also join my Perfect Mind page on Facebook

2010-11-19 – Friday Whisper – Get Out Of My Face!!!

“Get out of my face! Go now! I’m angry! I can’t stand any thing!”

And here you are saying whatever, acting whatever, don’t listen to anyone, and for sure not listening to yourself!!! You’re angry, you can’t control yourself and the fun part is that you really believe it!!!
Now if I’m not screaming back in your face, don’t think that I can’t roar in return or I didn’t learn insulting words, or I’m scared of you!!! It is simply that I decided long time ago that I don’t want to go down to this level and I’d rather control my anger!!!

Anger is a healthy and normal emotion; it happens whenever you are disappointed, you lost something or someone, you feel you’ve been treated unfairly…and expressing your anger will help you ventilate and feel better…sometimes we do it by bitching, screaming, calling names, smashing cups and plates…oh God!!! It feels sooo good!!! Problem is when you loose your temper, you solved one issue (that is, need to ventilate) and created a new one that you will have to deal with afterwards; like what? Well, I can think of many and for sure you can help me here – you might have said/did something where you:
-insult your spouse/partner/friend
-scare your kids
-belittle your colleague
-disappoint your parent
-hurt your sibling
-or the worst, might end up hitting the person in front of you!

What might be the outcome? Among others:
-loose a promotion because of your known character
-be avoided by nicer-than-you people who’ve seen you loose it
-loose your partner or friend
-damage your relationship with your parent/sibling



Be aware that when you are screaming, you are:
-less convincing
-less credible
-and for sure less respected

Here is a story that I couldn’t find a better one to express what loosing your temper can do to you and others:
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.”
You are master of the word you didn’t say and slave for the one you did… Ambrose Bierce said: “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”

I don’t want you to bury your anger and hold a grudge either, which will be damaging to you…I want you to find a way to control it and express it responsibly.

So what can you do to practice anger control? There are many tips out there but let me share with you basic ones:
• Breath, breath and breath, till you feel the storm inside has calmed down.
• Repeat calming words loudly “calm down, calm down” or “nothing is unsolvable” or “nothing is worth damaging my health”
• Once you’re calm express your anger or write it down. Use “I” instead of “you”; for instance “I felt scared” instead of “you didn’t protect me”
• Think about what is bigger, your anger or the problem itself; was it worth it?
• Think about what was said to you; was it true?
• Try to find solutions to solve the problem; your energy will be better spent here.

Too many steps to follow? Here’s a simpler one: when feeling angry and about to loose it, shut up and walk away (or hang up if on the phone) then come back later and read the previous steps!

Sydney J. Harris, a journalist, said: “If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size? “

Be angry but don’t be cruel; be angry but don’t loose control…
Rania Hammoud
www.perfectmind.ca

2010-11-12 – Friday Whisper – You are Right but Rude!!!

A good friend of mine, Elie, shared with me, few weeks ago, a commencement speech by Jeff Bezos, Amazon CEO, that was given at Princeton’s Class 2010. In his speech, Bezos explained how it is harder to be kind than clever because “Cleverness is a gift, kindness is a choice.” And it brought me to think even further, how sometimes we sound rude when saying something, even if we are right….So what is more important? Being right or being kind?

How many clever persons do you know? How many of them are kind? How many kind persons do you know? How many of them are smart? Between a clever person and a kind one, with whom would you like to go for a coffee?

You’re clever and you proved your spouse that you are right during a heated discussion; Ok, so you are right, now what? Wasn’t it possible for you to find a calmer way to prove it? Is it really a situation where you needed to prove yourself right?

You’re clever and you found an error in the project submitted by your employee; you go in front of all his/her colleagues and blame him/her for that…Couldn’t you discuss the issue privately?

I know that there are some crucial situations where you need to be firm and say things as they are…You can’t catch a criminal and ask him/her: “would you please put the handcuffs on because you’ve been acting bad recently! Shame on you!” No, this one, you grab by the neck.

But if your friend has gained lots of weight recently, telling him/her that “Oh Gosh!!! You’re so fat!!!”; What you’re saying is right but I’m not sure this is one of those crucial situations!

So how to know when to be rather kind than right?
-Think about what you are going to say and see if it doesn’t have any effect except hurting people’s feeling…
-Validate with yourself whether the real purpose behind proving right is to satisfy your own Ego...

Clever can help in studying, finishing a job, learning a new skill…Kind will make all the above sweeter and more fun to do.

Here are few tips to share:
-When people do wrong, believe they are doing it out of good intention until proven 100% otherwise; we all do mistakes…
-Treat rude people with kindness, you will be amazed by the results…
-Wrap an awful truth with a kindness, so that it will be easier to swallow it...
-Don’t listen to your Ego! Don’t listen to your Ego! Don’t listen to your Ego!

Jeff Bezos in his speech raised interesting questions: “How will you use these gifts? And will you take pride in your gifts or pride in your choices?...Will you be clever at the expense of others, or will you be kind?”

Winston Churchill, a British politician, said: “By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach.”

And one of my favorite quotes of Maya Angelou, an American poet, said: “People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.”

I’m not asking you to be kind and stupid….I’m asking you to use your cleverness smartly! ;)

Rania Hammoud

2010-11-05 – Friday Whisper – The Engine or the Body?

Imagine this scenario: I paid a fortune for a handbag made by a well-known designer; I went to a restaurant and put it up on the table (such bags are not made to be put on the chair next to me of course!); you pass by, look at the bag, recognize the brand and say “Wow! She must be a rich girl to be able to afford this!” So what? At the end of the day, with little math, I paid hundreds of dollars for your thought as well as the thoughts of others…and I go home and start thinking about my next show-off strategic move…

Well, personally I wouldn’t do this; I hardly know the handbag’s brands!!! And I would pass by your table with your handbag unseen!!! But I’ve met lots of people, men and women, who would do similar things, when it comes to jewelry, bags, clothes, cars, furniture…

I’m not saying I don’t like quality stuff…but I don’t like when people go beyond their financial capability to impress others, strangers most of the time!!! Now you would say what if they can afford it? Well, still, if they are doing it to impress others, I would think that they are doing it most probably to compensate for a more serious problem within themselves!

If a person wouldn’t talk to me because I don’t comply with his/her social standards when it comes to material things (clothes, bags, watches, etc…) why would I go the extra mile to please him/her when I am not interested to befriend such person?

If a person would pity me thinking that I am poor because I am not wearing expensive stuff or I’m not driving a car-of-the-year, when I’m not impressed with their brands or cars, why would I care?

And if a person has his/her credit cards maxed-out to get all the stuff they want and I don’t have any outstanding credit card balance, tell me who is really richer in that case?

You might own the biggest house on Earth and I might have only one room apartment… but guess what? At the end of the day, you will only need one room to sleep; and me too…

I care about how they think of me after an interview but only to know better my strong and weak points…I care about what people meeting me for the first time would say but only to self-check how good/bad the impression I make on them…I use those comments as a mirror to see myself in the eyes of others…But I don’t care if people would admire my possessions! I care more if people like my blogs for instance! ;)

It is not easy to be indifferent towards what people think of us…it really matters what do they think about our characters rather than about what we possess…

Get the car of your dream, get the house of your dream, get the laptop of your dream, get I-donno-what of your dream, own them but don’t let them own you…it is called a dream, don’t make it a nightmare by going into debts just to please others…

John Wooden, a basketball coach, said: “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”

And Bertrand Russel, a philosopher, said: “It is preoccupation with possessions, more than anything else, that prevents men from living freely and nobly. “

When you want to go somewhere, what would matter more? The car engine or the car body?

Rania Hammoud

2010-10-29 – Friday Whisper – Live Love Laugh…

Live, Love, Laugh…very easy to say, but how hard to apply?

Live the good days and the bad days…enjoy the moments of happiness that you get, allow yourself to feel a bit down, cry your pain but don’t victimize yourself, reward yourself after an achievement...

Accept your mistakes and your friends’ as well...

Make your work place environment a healthy one...

Try sometimes to wake up before the sun...

When you are wasting your energy, ask yourself what are you gaining from it, if nothing, then save it!

When you get angry, take three deep breaths then act...

Keep your house tidy and throw things that you are holding for more than two years and never used...

Call a friend that you haven’t seen for ages...

Dare to dream, try and fall then rise again...

Eat smartly and move your butt...

Learn from your past, live your present, so that your future becomes brighter…

If you hold a grudge against someone, let me tell you that your grudge is not affecting his/her life, only yours! So better let go…

Respect your limits and say No when you have to...

Trust your instinct then understand it with your brain...

Lead your life, don’t imitate others’ lives...

Regretting is turning in circles in the past; Move forward!

Love the person whom life won’t be the same without you...

Allow yourself to receive love, not only give…

If your lover is a second choice for you, do him/her a favor and leave! Give them a chance to find a partner who would appreciate them more...

Don’t take your partner for granted, renew your relationship every day…

Kiss slowly and hug more…

Laugh at your mistakes, watch cartoon movies, play with kids, walk backwards, sing loud and dance as if it was your last…

Pray for whomever you want, meditate…

You make your own life, not the other way around…

How hard to apply? donno, depends on you, but I know it is not impossible!

Mahatma Gandhi said: “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”

Jesus said: “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”

Imam Ali said: “Do for this life as if you live forever, do for the afterlife as if you will die tomorrow"

This blog is dedicated to a special reader and friend of mine, hope it met your expectations Shadi :)

I will end with a quote that another good friend of mine, Lara, used: “Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much!!!”

With much luv…
Rania Hammoud

2010-10-22 – Friday Whisper – What Was I Thinking When I Said Yes? – Part II

So where were we? oh yeah, your relationship....So did you do the exercise of Part I? No? Close your browser now!!! No wait!... Just kidding :)

-For the first 5, how come they don’t turn you on anymore? What can you do to feel it again? How about doing just the minimum, taking few minutes, looking at your spouse and remembering those feelings?

-For the second 5, aren’t those qualities enough for you to be more patient with your spouse? To try harder to make your relationship work?

-For the third 5, what can you do to make those qualities bother you less? Can you discuss them with your spouse? In a constructive way of course?!

Now keep in mind that different gender means different way of thinking:
When he says “I want coffee”, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like the juice you got him, it just means that he wants coffee …as simple as that. Men don’t take things to the fifth dimension like we do!

When she is whining about kids, she is not asking you to find her a solution, she just need to whine about it, that’s all…women need to ventilate most of the time…and gentlemen, do you need me to remind you of the three magic letters: P.M.S?! Follow her period’s calendar, so that you avoid as much as possible telling her No at the wrong time!

On the other side, if you want something from your man, just be straight forward, don’t make him guess… as for her, she just loves the phrase “Let’s talk about it” and use your listening skills…

Come to sex, if you don’t have communication in your bedroom, then communication in your living room or kitchen won’t be useful…most probably there will be a big fight about how you do the dishes or which TV channel you’re watching…

As for criticizing the behavior not the person, there is a big difference between “I’m not happy with you” and “I’m not happy with your behavior”, your partner would be on the defensive in the first one but open and communicative in the second one… explain what you are feeling rather than condemning your partner.

Another destructive attitude is demanding rather than requesting; which one do you prefer to hear? “Buy some milk on your way home” or “Can you please get us some milk?”… I knew it :)

I only touched the surface of a relationship’s challenges and I know that it can be much complicated than my examples, but I know that a good communication lessens the problems a lot…Along with all that, don’t underestimate a surprise-hug, a chocolate-kiss, or a hand-holding.

Deepak Chopra, a public speaker and a writer, said: “When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself. ”

Build a bridge to reach your spouse, not a wall…

Rania Hammoud