Ingenio Home  | Blog Policies  | Help
Welcome to Community Sign in | Join | Help
Coach-Connect is nearing it's first year anniversary. In celebration of this milestone, we've just launched it's new social and dating network. Not only does Coach-Connect boast some of the finest live advice certified life coaches and relationship advisors on the Internet, you can now
Get Connected at Coach-Connect's new social network.

Some of the memeber options are:

SuperMatch – Find your soulmate
SoulMatch – Character matching
SelectMatch – Interest matching
SexualityMatch – Sexual compatibility
StarSignMatch – Zodiac matching
3 million members and growing fast
Video Communication
Voice Direct – With new technology
Phone 2 Phone – Anonymous!
Online Chat – "Better than MSN"
Free E-mail – Contact others
Phone Support – Personal and direct

An introduction to The Work of Byron Katie: who would you be without your story? Click here for more info and registration.

Warmly, Sandra Harris

www.coach-connect.net
A new year sparks hope for change and a better year than the last. Some resolve to overcome bad habits, make a career change, lose weight, quit smoking, end a relationship that no longer fits, or attract a new one. The possibilities and desire for change are endless. Whatever your resolution for the New Year... change isn't possible unless your thinking supports it.

If one approaches the concept of change by attempting to change others or attempting to change things and circumstances beyond one's control... not much can change and it's more than likely that 2008 won't look much different than the years before it. If your happy life is dependent on someone else doing "it" differently to satisfy you and your agenda, brace yourself for less than satisfactory results. If change means manipulation of others to get them to give you what you want, expect to feel separate from yourself and the world around you. The result is loneliness, stress and suffering. Manipulation and control aren't very attractive qualities... have you noticed? Instead, we repel what we're hoping to attract.

Change is an inside job, not an outside one. Reality is always internal no matter what's taking place externally. Whatever we think becomes our reality, so make sure that your thinking doesn't serve to limit and sabotage your good intentions.

Here are some suggestions for creating an unforgettable 2008:

1    Remember, life is happening in THIS moment, not in past moments that can't be changed or in future moments that aren't yet realized. The wonderful thing about the past is that it's OVER unless your thinking keeps it alive. Life is happening in this moment. If you live in the past or the unknown future, you're unconscious to what's unfolding NOW. It's what we invest in today that will create our garden of tomorrow. If there are too many weeds in your garden, they'll choke out the flowers.

2    The key to happiness is in SELF REALIZATION. If you're OTHER REALIZED; PAST REALIZED or FUTURE REALIZED, the coming year will likely be a year out of balance inside and outside. Remember, there are only 3 kinds of business in the Universe. MY business; YOUR business and GOD'S business. When I leave my business to be in YOURS or GOD'S, I've abandoned myself and there's no one here taking care of my business. I experience loneliness, separation and war with you. I don't notice my own arrogance believing that I know how you should be living your life.

If something or someone doesn't fit me, it's my job to choose change for MYSELF. It's not my job to impose my belief system and agenda on you. It's not my job to change YOU... that would be your job and only if you choose and according to YOUR measure... not mine. We fit until we don't... end of story. If you feel stressed, anxious, angry, sad... ask yourself who's business you're in. Notice that your suffering happens every time you leave your business to be in theirs.

3    Don't get ahead of your own evolution... and don't expect others too either. Don't expect others to understand what they don't. Can you understand what you don't? Understanding comes when it does and not a moment sooner. Evolution can't be controlled or manipulated... it happens as it does.

4    Notice the meaning(s) that your mind attaches to people, places, things and events. Don't confuse these meanings with literal truth. It may be your truth and that doesn't make it true for all. Allow others to believe what they do without needing to change their minds to look like yours.

5    Don't blindly believe what you think. Question thoughts that cause you stress, anxiety, separation from self, others and opportunity.

6    Don't forget how truly amazing and brilliant you are... unless you THINK you're not. You are whatever you think you are. If you can't see your brilliance, it's your thinking that's creating the darkness. Nothing else is possible.

7    We love who we love and there's nothing we can do about it... and that doesn't mean we can stay together. We don't love who we don't love and there's nothing we can do about it. It is what it is.

8    Don't expect others to do for you that which you aren't willing to do for yourself. For example: "You should love me!" What's truer is "I should love me!" or "I should love you!" How loving am I when I try to dictate to you who you should or shouldn't love? Without self love, we don't have a frame of reference for love... we don't know what it is. We feel empty and needy as we keep looking outside ourselves for something that can only be found and expanded from the inside out. Fall in love with self and everyone else will too!

As you embrace a brand new year, notice your thinking. Does it support the success and evolution of YOU (according to YOUR measure)? If not... you might be tempted to simply change your mind!

Wishing all of my brilliant clients; life coaches; advisors and visitors to Coach-Connect, peace and truth in the New Year.

Warmly, Sandra Harris
www.coach-connect.net
News Story here

...The reaction to this incident from Canadians has been swift and harsh... most are saddened and disgusted by the actions of the RCMP and YVR. This is ANOTHER wake up call for us Canadians as this is another incident in a string of incidents/deaths over recent years that calls into question the actions and integrity of Canada's leading policing agency. Each incident is investigated by the RCMP and no surprise that their findings always justify their actions. Canadians have been calling for independent investigations of the RCMP for years, but our voices have gone unheard by our politicians and law makers... until now.

This is a horrible tragedy and there can be no justification, though I have no doubt that many RCMP and politicians will do their best to once again try to sweep the truth and the incident under the table. It won't be so easy this time with the eyes of the world watching. The early lies of the RCMP have been exposed by Paul Pritchard's video. The truth has been revealed and that can only be a good thing for Canadian people.

It seems to me that Robert's life is a bittersweet gift to Canada and it's citizens. As a result, the world is watching as Canada and the RCMP will have to answer to the international community for this senseless act of violence. This incident has exposed the inhumanity that lives and breathes in this country to the entire world. Though saddened and outraged, I am grateful to Robert for shining a light on the darkness in our country. Perhaps because of him we will see much needed change in a country that seems to be sinking deeper into violence.

Though debate rages on, Tasers ARE lethal weapons as the growing body count in Canada and the U.S. demonstrates. Robert's senseless death may also be the catalyst for  the suspension of, and eventual ban of these weapons in Canada as outrage continues to mount against their use.

Gob bless and keep Robert Dziekanski. Rest in peace. Your sacrifice and contribution will not be forgotten.


Coach-Connect

Though Christmas and it's traditions have changed over the past many years, the message of the season for me is still and always Peace on Earth and Goodwill towards ALL. During my unconscious years, I thought that peace was beyond my control and contribution. I was confused. I thought that peace was only a global concern until I began to notice the people and things in my life that I was at war with. I began to truly understand the meaning of peace and if I continued to leave the business of peace to others to achieve, I was overlooking my responsibility and contribution... I was overlooking myself in the grand scheme of things. I saw my hypocrisy as I expected from others what I wasn't willing to do or give myself. I learned that choosing peace is at times not easy... especially when I needed to be right at the expense of making "them" wrong. I've learned that peace begins with me. I can't choose peace for the world, but I can certainly choose peace for myself. I can become a demonstration of peace if I'm willing to practice.
 
As you approach this holiday season, be mindful of who and/or what you've been at war with. If you use the past as a reason to be at war with someone or something in the present, the confusion is yours. The wonderful thing about the past is that it's over... unless YOUR thinking keeps it alive. We can't change the past but we can use it to support and illuminate our present and future... it's a choice. If we obsess about a painful past that's over and can't be changed, the chances are good that we keep recreating the same dynamics in the present. It's simply our thinking that we're reacting too, and not anything that's happening in THIS moment.
 
We can't control anyone or anything beyond ourselves. Look inward... that's where change is possible. We become dictators and war mongers as we demand others change to fit our illusion of how and who we think "it" or "they" should be. If you think you can impose your beliefs and agenda on others and use threats and intimidation to get their compliance, they may do what you demand out of fear... and that equals war... and in the end they're still who they are and we can never control anyone else's thinking but our own... sometimes. If "they" or "it" doesn't fit, it's your job to find something/someone who does. When we resort to control and manipulation of someone else in order to get our needs met, we create a world of confusion and suffering for ourselves and others; then wonder why we aren't having a wonderful life and happy relationships. Asking anyone to be inauthentic in order to gain your approval and acceptance is ultimate arrogance and destructive.
 
Accept people (including your spouse, lover, children, parents, friends, co workers, etc.) as they show up and as they are. In my experience, I can't be anyone but who I am, can you? And yet, we too often expect "them/it" to change in order to accommodate us and our disapproval. When you have the thought they should be, do, say, think or feel anything but what they do, it's you who causes the separation; it's you who's choosing war at that moment (even if only in your mind); it's you who's confused... and that doesn't mean we have to invite them for dinner or stay married to them!
 
"Should" is a mythical concept and argues with reality. People are who they are and they do what they do... we don't get a vote. Who do you become in the face of it or them? Are they the excuse you use to justify who you become when they are who they are?  Every person and experience is simply a conduit that show us our own reflection. There are only 3 kinds of business in the universe... my business, your business and God's business. When you have a thought that anyone or anything should be different than than they are or it is... ask yourself who's business you're in. That simple question may help you to restore your balance and a return to peace.
 
May this and every season provide you opportunity to practice PEACE everywhere and with everyone. Give the gift of peace and transform your life and relationships. It is what it is and they are who they are... the question is... who are you? That's your only business.

Happy Holidays!

Coach-Connect
One of my wonderful clients recently contacted me to tell me that a prayer had been answered. She'd spent years in misfit relationships and prayed that the Universe would guide her to an integral man who would treat her with respect, attentiveness, kindness, affection, and someone to approach her as his equal. It seems her prayer has finally been answered, and she's enjoying everything about him... except his black jeans and red sneakers.
 
Isn't that the way of it? We love them until we find a 'should' or a 'shouldn't'. He shouldn't wear black jeans and red sneakers. This is confusion because he does... reality! As soon as a 'should' or a 'shouldn't' appears we begin to cool towards the object of our affection and blame them for our cooling. Then our confusion deepens as we think the thought that he should go shopping and find jeans and sneakers that I like. This is toxic and destructive thinking because we aren't accepting them as they are... unique and authentic. We have found what we perceive to be a flaw and the unraveling begins. We focus so much on the flaw (which isn't a flaw at all except within ourselves perhaps) that we can no longer see the attributes and qualities that attracted us in the first place!
 
Further confusion arises when he likes his black jeans and red sneakers and doesn't want to go shopping. He's willing to listen to my objection about his black jeans and red sneakers, but he's not willing to allow me to manipulate him into being who I think he should be... complete with fashion do's and don'ts. I become resentful as I embrace the thought that he won't change to accommodate me and that means he doesn't love me. Can you see the toxicity? Can you hear the arrogance? Where's the love in this thinking?
 
"If he really loved me he wouldn't wear those black jeans and red sneakers!" The literal truth is that if I really loved him I'd also love his black jeans and red sneakers... for HIM. It's not my job to wear black jeans and red sneakers and apparently it's his because he does. As I continue to point out his flaw and my dissatisfaction with his fashion sense, I put him in the tenuous position of having to defend himself to me. We engage in the war of "defense" and then blame the other for the collapse of the relationship.
 
Make no mistake. He's not turning you on or off with his black jeans and red sneakers. It's all about you. "I really like your black jeans and red sneakers! I turn me on. "I hate your black jeans and red sneakers!" I turn me off... what's it got to do with him?
 
Think of someone in your life (a husband, wife, lover... whoever) who 'should' change something to accommodate you and your belief system (even fashion sense is a belief system). Now notice the separation that you experience as you try to change who they are to be a better fit for you. OUCH!! How loving are you when you don't accept him as he is?... black jeans, red sneakers and all. How do you feel when you aren't accepted as you are? And... if he wears black jeans and red sneakers comfortably and it's you who's not comfortable, then simply find someone who doesn't wear black jeans and red sneakers. So much for answered prayers!

www.coach-connect.net
Love hurts... Is that true? Sure feels true (sometimes). Love, like everything else is an experience laced with many lessons along the way. I think what was most painful for me, was falling in love and attaching to the notion of "forever" and having an expectation that his love would look like mine, and if it didn't (and it never did!)... my interpretation would be that he didn't love me... OUCH! And... the absolute truth is that I can never know for absolute certain how anyone feels about me. All I can absolutely know is what my own mind projects and the feelings I experience are the result of the thought I'm attached too in the moment. That's all that's possible. I came to realize that love doesn't hurt, but my thoughts about it and what it should look like did. It was me who was causing my pain.
 
In order for love to not have the sting and pain, I had to be willing to look at me. I had to look at my belief system around the concept of love, and did my belief system support me and the true essence of love or just my agenda about it? The true essence of love gives without any strings attached; without any 'shoulds.' It celebrates what makes the other person happy. It wants what the other person wants, and that doesn't mean we can stay together. If I really love you, what makes you happy is what makes me happy... even if that means your path guides you away from me or mine from you. That doesn't mean that I won't miss you, and even long for you but it helps to know that we all have a journey beyond egos, neediness and personal agendas. Indeed, it's ego, neediness and personal agenda that often robs us of the true essence of love, repelling what we most want to attract.
 
In my experience, I love who I love and there's nothing I can do about that. I also don't love who I don't love and there is nothing I can do about that either... it just is what it is... or isn't. We love who we love until we don't. When the spark of romantic love diminishes, it's no ones fault, it's just an indication to me that change is at hand. I can meet that change or I can resist it and try to manipulate a different outcome... and in the end change comes with or without my approval. The question is, how much war does my thinking create as I resist what is inevitable? How do I attack and diminish you for not giving me what I want? How do I attack and diminish myself for wanting what you aren't able to give? Where's the love? It seems love goes out the window when your life and path call you to your unique destiny that doesn't include me. If I'm ego centered, needy with my own agenda and manipulations, I'm going to become a victim of my own thinking and blame you. Personalities don't love, they want something.

www.coach-connect.net
This blog spot is dedicated to baby boomers everywhere. Remember The Who? Remember how we used to rock the house down with this one? All these years later... we're still rockin' the house! Here's to OUR GENERATION! Enjoy!

(It may take a couple minutes to load... be patient, it's worth the wait!)

www.coach-connect.net
The dictionary definition of compatibility is: "capable of existing or living together in harmony." I remember as a young woman, my mother and father always said to make sure I married someone with whom I was compatible. What did that mean though? Did it mean that a potential husband should like the same things as I did? Do the same things? Think the same things? My parents would always say, choose someone you have something in "common" with and yet, looking back over life, the people I learned the most from are those I seemed to have nothing, or very little in common with. How is it possible to grow and expand as a human being if all I do is surround myself with people who like, do and think the same things as me? And... isn't everyone at least capable of existing and living together in harmony? We may not choose it, but certainly everyone is capable.
 
I found I was rarely attracted to those whom I had the most in common with which created all kinds of anxiety for me. There must be something wrong with me if I continue to prefer and attract the exact opposite of what I'm told I should. The anxiety came from trying to live out of my nature and expecting everyone else should too. I've come to understand that the only reason I may be incompatible with someone is because of my own thinking, which has nothing to do with "them." It's all me.
 
Isn't incompatibility simply my intolerance of who you are, what you think, do or say? How arrogant am I to think that you should change anything about you to accommodate me? When I think you should change something about yourself, aren't I really saying that you should change to be more like me? Who do I think I am... God?
 
A couple years ago, I came this close to leaving my relationship. After 12 years I thought we were incompatible. He didn't spend enough time with me; he didn't like to talk to me; he didn't acknowledge me; he wasn't loving or romantic; he wasn't intellectually equal, he wasn't loyal, he didn't make me a priority... bla, bla, bla. My thinking had me convinced that I was his victim. In reality, he was mine. I spent years focused on all that he wasn't... so much so that I couldn't see all that he was and is. We were both victims of my thinking.
 
I wasn't accepting him as he showed up. No wonder he was so defensive. No wonder our relationship had always felt like a battleground. I was dictating to him who he should be, how he should act, what he should say and how he should think. YIKES! How could he find comfort in a relationship that continually demanded that he be someone else? My thinking was creating hostility, war... separation from someone I loved... and then I blamed him. Confusion on a grand scale!
 
I'm glad I found my sanity in the confusion of my mind. What made me think that he should give up his internal life to please me? I didn't realize that I was asking him to be someone he wasn't in order for me to feel loved and secure. I didn't even realize that my expectations for him to "change" WAS the toxicity between us. It was never his job to change to fit me, nor was it ever my job to change to fit him. If I really loved this person, it was my job to change my thinking so that he could be free to show up authentically as he is, not my illusion of who I thought he should become. I'm not so sure I was interested in his love, I was interested in controlling him so that he could learn to love me in a way that I wanted him too. I rejected his love because it didn't look like mine. In essence it was me who wasn't loving. How loving is it to expect another human being to become who they aren't? Once I started allowing him to express himself without my judgment and control, I began to notice all the ways he tells me on a regular basis that he loves me. They aren't perhaps traditional ways, but they are ways that are true and right for him.
 
I've learned that compatibility is natural and effortless when I accept and embrace you as you are without trying to change or re arrange you. I AM capable of existing and living together in harmony... it's my choice. Harmony = peace.

www.coach-connect.net
"Inquiry" (aka: the Work of Byron Katie) is a peace movement that will support anyone who really wants to know the truth... the literal truth. Though it's called the Work of Byron Katie, it has little to do with Katie herself. The power of the work is 4 simple questions that won't lead you to Katie's truth, my truth... or anyone else's. It will lead only to YOUR truth. She's not a motivational speaker or a guru. She's just a woman who simply knows the difference between what hurts and what doesn't; the difference between war and peace internal and external. She noticed that when she attached to a painful thought, she experienced pain and suffering. She noticed that without the thought, she experienced peace. In her wisdom she began to know that peace on the planet isn't possible until each of us can experience peace personally. She also realized that her story and experience wouldn't help you or I discover peace for ourselves, our relationships, our lives or the world. Instead, she found 4 questions that when applied to a stressful thought, could help guide us to our personal truth and ultimately peace... and that's been my experience.
 
On the surface, the questions appear simple enough. 1. Is it true? 2. Can you absolutely know it's true? 3. How do YOU react when you believe the thought? 4. Who would you be without the thought? Finally we turn the thought around to reveal other possible truths. I love this work because it shows me how to find freedom and I realize that the only thing I ever need to change in the world is just my own thinking. That's all that's ever been possible anyway. Arguing with reality hurts... only always.
 
If you know the work of Byron Katie, you'll enjoy these YouTube clips of her masterful work. If you don't know the work of Byron Katie, welcome to The Work! As much as I love The Work, it isn't for everyone. It's for those who are ready to embrace the literal truth. If you're someone who needs to be right, don't click on the links below. If you'd like to experience The Work for yourself, I am a facilitator and you can find me under the Browse Coaches tab at www.Coach-Connect.net. If you have questions about The Work, post them on the Ask a Coach forum at www.Coach-Connect.net. You can also go directly to Katie's site at www.thework.com where you'll find tons of resources.
 
Here are some of the YouTube links:
 
Byron Katie - The work 2 (inappropriate behavior)
Byron Katie - The work 3 (the work in prisons)
Byron Katie - The work 5 (I need my mother's respect)
Byron Katie - The work 9 (she should face reality and stand on her own)
Reality is whatever is REALLY happening in the present moment, in actuality. It is something that exists independently of ideas concerning it. Reality is that which exists objectively as true and factual.
 
It is only when we have the courage to face things exactly as they are, without any self-deception or illusion, that a light will develop out of events, by which the path to success may be recognized. ~ I Ching, Hexagram 5, HSU, Waiting (Nourishment)
 
Adding MEANING to Reality
It's a common human practice to add "meaning" to reality. It's what we do. However, meaning is always subjective. The meaning we give something isn't necessarily the truth. ANYTIME we add meaning to reality, it is through a "thought"--whether consciously or subconsciously. While it's useful to place meaning on reality--for a wide variety of reasons--it is essential to recognize the "WE are adding the meaning."
 
Adding meaning isn't wrong. However, we often "make up" meanings about people, events, the world, ourselves--and it simply IS NOT true in reality. When we attach to these "made-up" meanings and thoughts, we become victims to the meanings. The resulting impact is SEPARATION. Separation from ourselves, others, and the world. It's through this separation that we experience stress and suffering. Here's a simple formula to distinguish reality from meaning.
 
A + B = C
or
Reality + Meaning = Altered Reality
or
"What Happened" + "Making Stuff Up" = Altered Reality
 
"A: is Reality. What are the facts? That's "A." A fact is just that, an objective fact. It's an event, behavior, action, mood, or experience. It's reality. It's what happened, without any emotional element or meaning attached to it. It's neutral. It just IS. Anything that is not an objective fact is part of the meaning, story, or interpretation of the facts, and IS NOT REALITY.
 
"B: is the MEANING or thought we "make up" and attach to reality (A). The B isn't grounded in reality. It comes out of our mind. B is simply a "thought" we attach to the fact, event, or person. What we "make up" ranges from "good" to "bad." Sometimes we'll "logically deduce" this HAS to be the meaning. Don't be so quick to assume.
 
"C" is the SUM of "A" (reality) + "B" (the made-up meaning). It's REALITY, now distorted by "whatever you made up." Simple mathematics reveals that "anything" (A) + "something" (B) is now = SOMETHING NEW (C).
 
Example-- Reality/Facts/What Happened
1. On Thursday Jennifer and Ted had a disagreement.
2. Jennifer wrote Ted an email.
3. Ted did not respond.
 
Meaning--"by Jennifer"--"He's ignoring me. He's still upset with me. He doesn't want to see me again. He thinks I'm pathetic. He wants to leave the relationship. He's never going to change. He's punishing me." All are made up thoughts.
 
EXAGGERATING or MINIMIZING also distorts  reality. We may communicate a part of the truth, and leave out other relevant pieces to the equation. Distorting reality is a way our egos manipulate us and others.
 
Pretending it doesn't exist is equal to DENYING reality. We may use this strategy when there is something we unconsciously believe we can't handle effectively or "be with" in reality. Or maybe we don't want to "be with" a truth in reality. Instead of facing reality and taking responsibility for the situation, we deny it. If we don't allow it into our conscious minds, it is impossible to heal, grow, or break out of our stories.
 
PERFECTING Reality. When we add "should" or "supposed to" to something that already happened, in the past, or hasn't happened yet, in the future--we're trying to control, improve, or "perfect" reality. We live in a world with a lot of "agreements" about what is valued, right, fair, and in integrity. However, it's NOT your job to police the planet.
 
For peace of mind, we need to resign as general manager of the universe. ~ Larry Eisenber
 
ARGUING with Reality. When you think something "shouldn't" have happened or "wasn't supposed to" happen, you are arguing with reality. How do you know when you're arguing with reality? You REACT. The bigger the reaction, the larger the resistance to "what is," and the more likely your reality is being distorted significantly.
 
All stress is a result of mentally arguing with reality. When people don't behave the way we'd prefer, it messes up our "story" or "script" of how we imagine life to be. This story was created in your mind, and is not the truth or reality. When we resist, we don't want to face the reality or facts that the story we conjured up in our minds may not come true. So, we argue with reality. We blame, criticize, make wrong, get angry, cry, judge, or try to manipulate the circumstances or people involved. This is a feeble attempt to influence the "other" back into our script. When we want others to behave differently, and they don't--it's as though we are saying "Don't be who you are!" Can you be who you aren't? ~ Mary E.Allen: The Power of Inner Choice.
 
We claim to want peace in our lives, our homes, relationships and in the world. Who's job is peace? Let it begin with me.

www.coach-connect.net
Embracing reality also means accepting and loving ALL of who YOU are. Your reality includes both your brilliance and ineptitude, your strengths and your weaknesses, your light and your darkness, your beauty and ugliness, your Spirit and Ego, your love and your hate. Each of us possesses the same set of diverse qualities named previously. We are all human. We have been conditioned in society to think that certain qualities are "good" and others are "bad." Throughout our lives we strive to live the first set of qualities, while often denying or resisting the second set. They are ALL parts of us.
 
It can take a lot of work to only express certain qualities, and avoid others. Getting upset with ourselves for acting selfishly, holding resentment, getting angry, feeling sad, being inconsiderate or lazy, is self-defeating. It keeps us trapped in the illusion that we aren't enough, and often propels us into more destructive feelings of inadequacy, depression, and self-pity. When we think we shouldn't be feeling or acting certain ways, and "in reality" we are, we become victims of our own self-punishing thoughts. We are "resisting" ourselves, not accepting ourselves. These self-judgments separate us from ourselves, severing the connection with Spirit. When we stop ignoring, denying, or resisting parts of ourselves and learn to accept ALL parts of who we are as a human being--we become free, clear, and empowered to live our lives fully and consciously. From this place of love and self-acceptance we are connected, then free to choose powerfully. Who you are, IS who you are.
 
A word about "good" and "bad": Our world is conditioned to constantly evaluate whether something is "good" or "bad." It is noble to strive for positive values and ideals. We must first learn to "embrace reality" as it is--without an emotional judgment of it one way or another. When we add an emotional quality to ANYTHING, we've distorted reality--and can get trapped. By accepting reality, without an emotional  judgment--we remain clear, unbiased, and free. Let go of the notion that reality is either "good" or "bad"--and simply allow it to be. There is no "good" or "bad" in reality. Reality just IS. ~Mary E Allen The Power of Inner Choice

www.coach-connect.net
People are kind, friendly, loving, warm, gracious, giving, silly, adventurous, courageous, forgiving, creative, deep, tender, generous, humorous, intelligent, strong, leaders, successful, spiritual, elegant, caring, sharing, honorable, visionary, removed, powerful, gifted, eternal, diplomatic, devoted, detached, serene, receiving, purposeful, honest, impartial, ingenious, liberating, merciful, loyal, nurturing, natural, observant, peaceful, joyous, patient, polite, praising, grateful, harmonious, holistic, excellent, empathetic, encouraging, determined, considerate, open, free, helpful, defending, cherishing, orderly, wise, beautiful, surrendering, timeless, truthful, unselfish, valuing, thoughtful, responsible, prolific, principled, reliant, inviting, modest, outgoing, patriotic, praising, healing, global, inspired, just, steadfast, understanding, compassionate, aware, appreciative, fair, agreeable, balanced, brilliant, carefree, cheerful, confident, concerned, conscious, and humble. And much, much more.
 
People are also judgmental, deceptive, manipulative, dishonest, hateful, harmful, argumentative, disrespectful, disappointing, attacking, seductive, abusive, take advantage, ignoring, righteous, victims, inflexible, unaware, harassing, reckless, dictatorial, rough, scheming, ambitious, confused, outspoken, weak, nasty, selfish, rude, whiney, needy, controlling, struggling, stuck, closed, doubting, outrageous, prejudiced, murderous, fearful, angry, arrogant, lazy, sloppy, emotional, loud, uncaring, denying, excessive, clever insisting, envious, obsessed, dull, hoarding, forceful, reserved, suspicious, punitive, cynical, rigid, stubborn, petty, urging, possessive, pitying, lustful, superior, condescending, preoccupied, critical, extreme, frivolous, indulgent, destructive, exhausting, dependent, demeaning, guilty, apathetic, worrying, cheap, hard, contrary, gullible, dividing, chauvinistic, cruel, pompous, secretive, belligerent, agitated, resentful, taking, analytic, excessive, dogmatic, calculating, manic, depressed, impeded, and resistant. And more.
 
Accepting other people "as they are" means accepting ALL the characteristics and actions of ALL people. That which is perceived as "good" and that which is perceived as "bad." That doesn't mean we condone it. It means will simply acknowledge that it exists--without judgment. We cannot change the reality of how people are. Sometimes people demonstrate the first set of qualities. Sometimes people express the second set of qualities. The reality is every one of us possesses each of these qualities. When we don't fully embrace a quality inside of ourselves, we will find ourselves attracting people into our lives who exude them. If it's a quality you reject within yourself you will react negatively to others who more blatantly express this quality. Denying the reality of human nature is stressful.
 
Do you really want to dictate how another individual chooses to be in this world? Can you really know what they are here to experience? Would you want someone to sacrifice who they are to simply please you? Can you really know what is best for their highest path of evolution? Giving others the freedom to be who they are is an incredible gift. And, accepting others as they are in their entirety--"good" and "bad"--is liberating to you. ~Mary E. Allen: The Power of Inner Choice.: The Power of Inner Choice.
 
People are who the are... we don't get a vote.


www.coach-connect.net
I am so excited to announce the launch of our new website. Check it out at www.coach-connect.net. Got a question for one of our life coaches? Post your question on the public board in the forums area of Coach-Connect. See you there!

Embracing reality means accepting "what is," without resistance. What does it look like when one becomes a master of "embracing reality"? It means accepting the world as it is, accepting people as they are, and accepting all of you--as you are. It means letting go of judgment about how "it all" should be. It means letting go of the need or desire to "change it," "make it better," or "eliminate it." It means "being with" reality while feeling balanced, centered, and at peace. It means embracing that it IS ALL "perfect" just AS IT IS--in the totality of its existence. (There are only three kinds of business in the world: mine, yours and God's. Do I trust you to take care of your business or God to take care of it's?... or am I confused thinking that I can do it so much better? Everything happens for a reason... no mistake).
 
Accepting reality doesn't mean we have to like it, condone it, prefer it, or consciously choose more of it. From a place of acceptance, we are free. Free to act. Clear to act. Free to make new conscious choices. Embracing reality is witnessing the objective truth before our individual perceptions place meaning on it. It is free of emotional reactions and judgment. It's called peace and that doesn't mean we don't take peaceful action when our spirits move us too.

Level 1. The World: The world is filled with love, kindness, beauty, depth, abundance, creativity, aliveness, diversity, culture, language, business, entertainment, the arts, music, dance, productivity, philanthropy, religion, spirituality, and goodness. The world includes nature, animals, plant life, oceans, and mountains. The world is subject to weather, sunshine, sunsets, rain, snow, heat, cold, and natural disasters. The world is made up of cities, farms, highways, homes, cars, and shopping centers. The world is full of choices. The world also includes slums, hunger, war, crime, violence, injustice, politics, pollution, accidents, deception, superficiality, media, controversy, manipulation, death, birth, disease, lay-offs, unfairness, strife, poverty, ugliness, adultery, laws, destruction, and apathy.
 
Accepting the world "as it is" means accepting both what is perceived as "good" and that which is perceived as "bad." The world IS what it is. ~Mary E. Allen: The Power of Inner Choice.
 
To Be Continued: Level 2

www.coach-connect.net
More Posts Next page »