RELATIONSHIPS & MORE FROM A TOP RATED THERAPIST

HE LOVES ME BUT......HE'S MARRIED.

2008-11-02T06:40:00Z

Dear Friends,

Many have viewed my blog here on Ingenio "He loves me but....." and have shared your own situation with us. To all who wrote I am grateful.

Please understand due to my busy schedule here on the site and the amount of calls I receive, I am unable to respond to each blogger who has written.

Although, I do believe that we all have the gift of helping others.

If you have dated a married man/women and would like to be a support to someone , please feel free to write to each other on my blog. The same goes for anyone else who is struggling with a relationship problem. Share your story, support each other, your advice or past can be a help to someone else.

I will check in and monitor things as needed. Please remember to be kind.

We all know the pain of a broken heart no matter how it happened.

Blessings

Lilwings03

WHEN THE HONEYMOON IS OVER..... (7/07)

2008-02-29T00:25:00Z

Hello Everyone,

I have not been here for awhile now but wanted to bring you some updates on my blogs.

I wrote the first (original) blog back in July of 2007 titled "When the Honeymoon is over". Many callers wrote me concerning this blog and the relationships they were currently involved in that related to what I wrote. I passed along many ideas and ways to bring the relationship back to the honeymoon stage....and it has worked for many of you. I am so happy to see the progress your relationships have made.

Thank you all so much for calling, writing, and sharing with me your success.

HE LOVES ME BUT HE'S MARRIED.......another blog I have posted also has promted many of you to call me and share with me your experiences. Some of these threesomes have ended.....while some of you are getting stronger.

For those of you who have not viewed these blogs, please click on my link and do so now. Feel free to write and post any comments you may have. I will try my best to respond. You can also send me a direct email to ask questions. I do try to answer all emails asap.

Blessings to you all :)

HE LOVES ME BUT...HE'S MARRIED!

2007-07-29T18:16:00Z

In todays world, it is not uncommon to hear of someone who is dating a married man or women. This is happening much more then we know. These type of "relationships" can bring a person into a place of such excitement and joy, like a fairly tale come true for some.

And why not?

He wines and dines you, makes love to you for hours, and treats you with the up-most kindness adding excitement to your life. He calls during the day just to tell you how special you are and how much he loves you. He slips away from family gatherings just to call and say "I miss you". When he can't get away to see you, you certainly understand ......given his situation. You remain faithful and hopeful. All the while,waiting for the next time he can give you a few hours of his time.

You are certain he loves you. He's just not able to get a divorce right now because he cares so much for his children, and the timing couldn't be worst for them. Or maybe it is becuase his wife will finacially destroy him if he tried to leave her right now. So you're left justifying his motives and waiting for the situation to change so you can finally build a life together. You wait because you love him.You wait because you want this to work so badly. You wait because you know he is "the one". You wait and you wait and.....YOU WAIT!!!!

Let's take a look at the facts:

He has the best of both worlds. His domestic needs are all taken care of; His wife makes dinner, cleans house and his cloths are neatly hung in his closet. Finacially they are doing well, the house is paid in full and he has money left over to spend on you. He is often home with his wife and children enjoying his family life, his friendships and a comfortable lifestyle. The time he spends with you is controlled by him as he tries to secretly fit you into his schedule. But in the meantime.....you sit at home alone and wait.

But no .....it is not like that my clients say. He and his wife do not get along. He hates living at home with her, they fight constantly, sleep in seperate beds and he is so depressed. The list of problems go on and on, he is not happy at home. As soon as............( fill in the blank) he is leaving her to be with me. You are certain of this , he has reassured you time and time again. You will be together soon. You won't have to wait too much longer.

Do I need to go on?

This story is so common to a therapist; and I myself have seen so much pain in others while they wait for a divorce which in most cases is not going to happen anytime soon.

Denile can be emotionally crippling for many, but some would preferr to be crippled then to face the painful truth.

If you or someone you know is in this situation, speak to a therapsit about your concerns. A licensed professional therapist can help you to move forward with the relationship or move away from it with the least amount of pain. Remember...if he truly loves you, he won't want to lose you.

Either way....it is time to face the truth! For men and women alike, a married partner is a very painful experience for the one who sits and waits.

Your own morals, values, self-esteem and self worth will become hindered as time goes on. You will feel alone, friends will get tired of listening. Family relationships will be in discord when they learn the truth of your situation.

Within your heart, you may already know the truth. But not sure what steps you are needing to take next.

Seek a professional now, who can help guide you in the right direction.

Lets move on with your life!

Blessings

Lilwings03

SEXUAL ADDICTION & FETISHES.............

2007-07-21T22:22:00Z

Hello Everyone,

Many of you have seen my listing in Sexual Health on Ingenio and have called to ask about sexual addictions & fetishes.

Questions such as :

Do I have an addiction?

Is what I am doing harmful?

My lover has a problem....what do I do?

I thought I would take a moment and briefly share some thoughts on this subject.

One thing for certain......because you love sex, this DOES NOT mean you have an addiction. It is only when your sexual behavior is hurting you or someone else, that you may want to explore this with a trained therapist to see if you have a problem.

Most often it is a "Fetish" that a person is desiring and not a sexual addiction. Such as, domination / submission behaviors. Often times this is a fantasy that a person may want to explore. A desire within that is wanting to come out.

Exploring these desires can be alot of fun and very exciting, but we need to always remember the " bounderies". Bounderies are learned on an individual basis, depending on the people involved. How you feel emotionally as well as physically is very important when setting those bounderies.

So if you have a certain fantasy or fetish.......have fun. Enjoy your own sexuality.

If you think you or a loved one may have a sexual addiction.....seek some help. Enjoy your own sexuality to the fullest, make it last and make it fun.

Blessings

Lilwings03

WHEN THE HONEYMOON IS OVER....

2007-07-21T04:00:00Z

So often times I am asked by callers " Why am I being treated this way"? They go on to explain how things were so great in the beginning of their relationship. He/She was attentive, loving, sex was great, all seemed to be so perfect for eachother. Then out of the blue......it changed. The phone calls start to lesson, we don't see eachother as often, and the sex becomes less exciting.

What went wrong?

We all know about the Honeymoon phase of a new marriage, but do we know about a new dating relationship? Did you truly get to know your partner? Were you compatable on other levels besides sex? What about communication? Did you share with eachother what you both were looking for, your expectations? Most often times the caller will answer..."No".

Most often the red flags begin to show early on in the relationship, but we choose to wear blind folds. We do not want to see the truth and only want to remain in bliss of the excitment. Negative behaviors start to show more often by the second or third month into the relationship. This is when you will start to see your partners true colors, so to speak. But we turn our heads and look away.We are begining to "accept" the negative behaviors that tear at our self esteem. Within time, we feel neglected, mistreated, taken for granted and abused.

We try again and again to change things, sharing our feelings and getting no results. Sooner or later the relationship will end, and we are left broken hearted and wondering ......WHY?

If you have found yourself in this situation it is time to take a look with in your own self , find the truth as to what went wrong. Why you tolerated this type of behavior and ignored those red flags you seen early on in your relationship.

If you can relate to this experience please post your comments. Maybe you can help someone else avoid the heartache you suffered. Share your story, and feel free to share your pain.

Many Blessings

Lilwings03