StopStressingNow

What to do - When your partner is having an emotional affair!

2012-02-14T00:59:00Z

You would be shocked at the number of lies, myths and the variety of excuses associated with infidelity.

I have gotten to the point now where I feel I can’t be shocked. Yet, over and over again, I am surprised by the ingenuity of wayward partners. Certain people seem to possess a yearning for deception and will almost always find a way to rationalize their behavior. They say almost anything to prove their “deception” was actually taking the high road – that somehow “lying” was better than hurting another’s feelings.

The following is a short list of the biggest myths/excuses we have come across

MYTH: Everybody does it.
FACT: Actually, most partners are faithful.

MYTH: Affairs are good for your marriage.
FACT: Infidelity is one of leading causes of divorce.

MYTH: The betrayed spouse must be at fault; he/she failed in someway.
FACT: No one can “cause” another to cheat, lie or deceive.

MYTH: If an affair occurs, the marriage must end in divorce.
FACT: Many couples stay together and actually emerge stronger.

MYTH: An affair brings out the best in me.
FACT: Guilt (whether unconscious or conscious) never brings out the best in anyone.

MYTH: What they don’t know won’t hurt them.
FACT: Secrets block intimacy and lack of intimacy hurts BOTH partners.

MYTH: If there’s no sex, there’s no affair.
FACT: Emotional affairs are just as dangerous, deceptive and painful as physical affairs.

Recently, I read a bumper sticker I really liked. It said: Don’t believe everything you think.”
What it hints at is the great paradox of the mind – that it is possible to be fooled by your own thinking.

It’s the same with emotional affairs.

The EA (Emotional Affair) is the NEW testing ground for monogamy. Many partners who never intended to be unfaithful unwittingly cross the road from platonic friendships into emotional affairs, with all the innocence of a deer crossing a dark road. Many people never see the damaging emotional impact…until its way too late.

What is an emotional affair?

Emotional affairs often begin when there is a feeling of greater emotional intimacy and “understanding” being perceived from a person outside of a primary relationship. Often, there is unwillingness to acknowledge that a sexual attraction is beginning to take place.

This results in secrecy and denial that becomes very damaging to the trust, intimacy and honesty which may have taken years to build.

The REAL trouble with emotional affairs is the level of intimacy that develops.

INTIMACY (In-To-Me-See)

Intimacy is not about sex (although sex can be a tool to enhance intimacy). Intimacy is really about “trust” and the ability to share your inner self with someone else. This is the “key” that unlocks the doors to the deepest parts our being.

When this kind of intimacy is created between two people, a third thing emerges…this is called “emotional bonding”. Depending on the degree of bond, and the strength of the emotional connection, many faithful spouses find themselves in over their heads.
Why is emotional bonding outside of your primary relationship dangerous?

The answer is found in the bumper sticker mentioned earlier:

“Don’t believe everything you think.”

Which points to one possibility: Our mind has the ability to seduce us.

Thoughts become things.

Once you allow your mind to focus on building deeper emotional connections with someone outside your primary relationship…even if it’s all in your head, it’s only matter of time until those thoughts seek to manifest into reality.

Common breeding grounds for emotional affairs:

Internet / online conversations.
Workplace proximity.
Trade shows / conventions/business trips.
Groups of people who share hobbies.
Friendships with the opposite sex.
Friendships with the same sex.

Just friends vs. romantic relationships:

Am I saying that all friendships have the potential to become emotional affairs? No, not at all. Let’s look at the difference more closely.

High feelings of connection and understanding
+ Secrecy and denial or deception
+ Sexual attraction and/or sexual chemistry
= EMOTIONAL AFFAIR

These are the links in the chain that make up an EA. Remove one or more of the links, and break the chain, and all you have is a simple, platonic friendship.

The main difference in EA’s is found in the fact that even though physical sex hasn’t happened, the “emotional transference” has. This means you’ve begun re-directing your emotional energy toward a person outside of your primary relationship.

How EA’s develop

It ALWAYS starts with a conversation. It’s the contact, the sharing of ideas and the exchange of mutual interest, thoughts and feelings.

Here’s the typical process:

You find a person who is easy and fun to talk to (could be online or in person).
Before you know it, you’re sharing the BIG THREE inner worlds.
For some inexplicable reason, you feel it’s safe to “confide” these things to this individual. Sometimes you reveal things you may never have shared with your true partner.
He/she is more understanding than you would have imagined. This opens the way for you to share your dark side: your fears, concerns and secret troubles.
They listen without judgment – offering advice that seems so wise and intelligent.
You begin to cherish the time you spend together; you feel you’ve found a friend – someone who “understands you”, appreciates your quirky sense of humor, and still doesn’t judge you.
You have now admitted them into your “inner world”. You find yourself thinking of them at random times during the day.
Now the classic “compare & contrast” begins as you often think, “Why can’t my partner be more like him / her?”
Next, your future conversations and meetings take on an even more “secretive” and seductive air. The sexual tension heightens. You behave differently around them with your partner or others are around.
Secrets and deception begin. Since privacy is paramount, and romance is in the air, you wouldn’t want your partner overhearing or having access to conversations you have with this person.
Your preferences and priorities begin to shift. Now you find yourself wanting to spend more and more time with them. You want to share even more of yourself with them. Your thoughts, your feelings and – yes – even your body.

Watch out for the WAKE UP CALL. It’s just around the corner.

At this point, you are lost in the EMOTIONAL FOG of a full-fledged affair. Emotions are like smoke. They can create a thick fog that surrounds you one minute and completely disappears the next.

Beware that as sweet, as real and as compelling as the emotional fog may feel… it’s still an illusion (especially since it’s created from secrecy and deception).

Do not resist it. At the same time, do not allow your thoughts and feelings to fuel the fog any further. Fantasy and secrets are very powerful. They throw gasoline on the fire.

However, once you come clean with yourself, all the ‘secrecy” and the deception are quickly removed.

The only thing left is Reality (a great place to return to).

First things first…

Talk about it. Don’t hide it. Don’t deny it. Don’t ignore it.

Remember this. Whatever you hide, you strengthen. If you want clarity (which you need in order to make honest discoveries), then you have to shed light on the situation.
Of course, the ideal person to talk to is your partner. However, since emotional affairs are more likely to occur in relationships in which intimacy and honesty levels are low, here is a suggestion to help pave the way:

TIPS TO HELP YOU TALK TO YOUR
PARTNER ABOUT YOUR EMOTIONAL AFFAIR

If you are unsure how your partner will respond to idea that you maybe involved in an emotional affair, click on the link below to send them a copy of this article.

This will help them have a better understanding of what an emotional affair is all about. It will help them to clearly see emotional affairs can happen to anyone. The key is to recovery is for BOTH of you to focus on “solutions” rather than blame.

STEP #1

“Trying” to get yourself out of the fog is the first step to actually getting out.

If you find you can’t talk to your partner, (a major red flag in itself by the way) then your next best option is to talk to a professional like myself, a “safe” friend, or maybe even your priest or minister.

Obviously my opinion is somewhat biased. But, when it comes to helping people understand the “emotional fog” caused by emotional affairs and using gentle ways to navigate their way out, I know that is something I have helped many of my clients do successfully.

STEP #2

Sever all contact.

Chances are the other person has some strong emotional leverage over you. For whatever reason, (reasons are not important) you’ve been directing a lot of your emotional energy towards them. Chances are, they have been doing the same towards you. Sexual energy directed towards anyone can be very addictive. It would be a big mistake for someone to think “it’s easy to ignore” OR “I can control it”. That’s why you MUST SEVER ALL CONTACT

And if that’s not possible (for example, if its some one you work with or need to interact with on a daily basis) then you do not allow yourself to indulge in the compulsion to “think” or “fantasize” or “wish” or “yearn” in anyway.

STEP #3

You MUST be careful and be patient with yourself.

This is a process of unraveling an emotional entanglement. It’s like backing out of a dark cave filled with sleeping lions. You must reverse your steps slowly, carefully and deliberately. Doing this correctly requires you be to be patient, persistent and gentle.

Maybe you’ve already seen the signs, and rather than simply standing by, watching the person you love self-destruct, you’ve decided to do something. Good for you!

Here’s my advice:

Do not assume anything physical has been consummated.

This is a fatal error made by many betrayed partners. By jumping to this conclusion, too many people wind up signing their own relationship-death-warrant.

Once a partner feels “damned” for something he or she has not actually done, it tends to leave the door open for them to actually go through with it.

They figure, “What the hell, I’m already getting blamed for this. I might as well do it.”

You would be surprised how much of a role the accuser plays in all this. Overreacting or “finger pointing” is a big mistake betrayed partners often make. They allow themselves to become so “negative” or “fear ridden”, they wind up pushing their spouse further down the slippery slope of becoming more involved in an emotional affair.

Here are 5 things you can do to STOP a partner’s emotional affair.

1 – Speak up about it.

Passive partners get left behind. Being passive about any kind of infidelity is the quickest way to find yourself standing in the aftermath of what “used to be”. It’s NOT fair. But, as we all know, life never promised to be fair.

You have to be willing to confront without accusing. Be assertive without being aggressive. Talk to your partner about the warning signs that have come to your attention. Point them to this page if you need to. But, do not accuse them of being anything but the “best” they can be. (90% of wayward partners are doing their best to keep from drowning in the ocean of their own emotions.)

2 – Set your boundaries and state your “deal-breakers”.

Make it very clear to your partner that you are not sure the marriage would survive an affair. Make sure they understand they are playing with fire. Make sure they know how devastated you would feel if they left you and / or had an affair.

3 – Remind them of the good times.

The one thing the emotional fog blocks is the good times you’ve shared with your partner or spouse. It’s a good idea to remind them with pictures, words, stories, and anecdotes. Breakout the scrapbook and family videos if you have to. Tell them how much they mean to you. Be specific. Remind them of all the good times you’ve had together and keep the focus on this. The reality is: A wayward partner is more likely to come out of the fog for the “good memories” than for anything else.

4 – Never supplicate.

Don’t beg, don’t plead, and don’t “yield” for the sake of staying together.
As seductive as this tactic may seem… it NEVER works. Why? Because it displays low social value and low self-esteem. Neither of these are attractive traits to anyone. Compared to the confidence and “mystery” of the other person, you may look desperate and unattractive.

5 – Stage your own Re-Seduction campaign.

It’s the most effective tool against infidelity. And yet, it’s the one skill most partners never learn. Many believe that seduction and romance ends at the altar. That’s just not the case. BOTH men and women crave attention, affection, and appreciation. They BOTH want to feel special, understood, valued and sexually attractive. When those needs are unfulfilled, it leaves a void… just waiting to be filled.

A Re-seduction is entirely different from a new seduction.

It’s easy to “woo” and seduce a partner who doesn’t know you. But what about one who knows all your moves, your jokes, your tactics and techniques? Not so easy right?

Re-seduction takes advanced skills.

It requires being able to make the familiar new again. You have to be able to re-establish the connection, re-ignite chemistry and stimulate passion. If all that sounds impossible to you, there’s good news.

You already know how to do it.

You have the triggers, patterns and attracting tendencies they like (that’s why they fell in love with you in the first place). The secret is to be able to call upon those same tendencies ( mixed with some new ones) to reawaken interest and re-direct their attention back to you.

Here’s another secret…

The partner in the primary relationship has the home court advantage. Many just don’t know how to put it to proper use.

Stake your claim!

Don’t let a little competition scare you away.

Even though the newness of being with another person may seem exciting in the moment (especially because of all the “stage-lighting” brought on by fantasies and emotions), newness cannot replace a solid foundation. Take a moment to compare the time you have already spent building that solid foundation with each other. A genuine comparison seldom measures up. Do not allow your “pride” or fear to stop you from stepping up and protecting what you have…before it’s too late.

NOW is the time to pull out all the stops and start YOUR re-seduction campaign. Rather than resorting to blame and accusations, ask yourself where you may have left the door open to allow this to happen. Be honest with yourself.

The bottom line?

An emotional affair can hurt just as much as a physical affair does (sometimes even worse). However, emotional affairs do not call for judgment or punishment. They call for compassion and understanding.

If you or your loved one feels pulled into the gravitational force of an emotional affair…it’s time to take back control.

If you are dealing with suspected or confirmed emotional infidelity – then I encourage you do something that will make a difference.

A big mistake people make is to treat emotional affairs –the-same as they would a physical affair. All that does is make a bad situation worse. Please don’t make that mistake.

Take advantage of the expert help I can give you. This is something I can really help you with. It is something I have had a tremendous amount of experience in dealing with – both professionally and privately. I encourage you to schedule an appointment so we can talk about what’s going on and how I can help. Remember, I am happy to talk with you one on one. I encourage you to
accept my help by taking a moment to schedule your appointment now.

The Power of our Intentions

2012-01-31T00:07:00Z

Hey everyone! Did you know... You create your future with the power of your intention. Intention is simply the conscious act of determining your future now. Health, harmony in relationships, happiness, money, creativity, and love will come to you in the future, based on your intentions now. Intend every day and create your future life. If you need some help geting your intentions inline with your current behaviors, just give me a call. I am on line tonight and taking calls. May the joy be with you, Steven

SIGNS OF INFIDELITY?

2012-01-20T21:02:00Z

Have you ever wondered what you should do if you suspect your mate is cheating?

It happens to us all.

Currently, a Google search on “Infidelity” shows 4,230,000 web pages on this topic. Chances are, you have probably read a good amount of “How to tell if your spouse is cheating” or “What to do if you suspect your spouse is cheating” articles.

This is a little different.

My approach to detecting, preventing and surviving infidelity is a bit unusual by most, so called, conventional standards.

First things first…

Everyone is innocent – until proven otherwise.

Suspicion is NOT proof.

Finding “clues” and NO proof is circumstantial at best. And as reliable as your intuition may be – it’s still NOT proof.

Circumstantial “evidence” is not enough to convict in a court of law and it should not be enough to convince you either.

One of the biggest mistakes I see people make against their spouse is accepting “suspicious behavior” as proof of unfaithful behavior.

Jumping to conclusions or allowing the jealousy demon to whisper in your ears will only torture you.

The key is to stay calm and stay in the present. Like any good police detective, you have to be patient, watch, wait and observe. You have to become the “lead detective” in your own life. The only way to achieve this kind of rational observation is to keep seeing your partner AS innocent, until proven otherwise. Sometimes it takes time for the truth to reveal itself. Trust in this process and know that you will be okay either way.

Expect the best while preparing for the worst.

Most people do just the opposite. They don’t prepare at all. They just expect to find the worst and jump ahead of everything. The secret is to reverse this order of importance. Expect the best behavior from your partner. Expect they are behaving honorably behind your back. Expect they are keeping their promises. Expect they want to live impeccably and TELL THEM this is what you see and expect in them.

I have seen this work wonders in many relationships! Even when a spouse may have been tempted or thought of being lured into temptation, they find themselves wanting to live up to their partner’s trusting “vision” of them.

Acting contrary to this image of impeccability no longer feels right. Also by doing this, many wayward partners have broken down and confessed some kind of infidelity – be it emotional, physical or otherwise. This kind of self-directed admittance is always the best because the chances of healing and making a breakthrough are substantially higher.

While it’s true that you always want to expect the best of yourself and your partner, you must also be practical and prepare for the worst case scenario.

“Steven, how do I prepare for the worst?”

By being willing to ask yourself the tough questions and being just as willing to hear the truth (no matter what that may be).

Do you suspect that your significant other is cheating? I can help you find the truth you deserve. Simply give me a call by clicking on the call button below and you’ll be connected with me personally, privately and 100% anonymously through AT&T. I will not have your number and you do not have mine. The system connects us both. I have helped thousands and I can help you through this difficult time.

I can bring you INSTANT clarification in any area that is affecting you,

I’ll help you through any problem you may have.

Non-Judgmental, Open minded conversation with someone who cares.

On a clean sheet of paper, draw two columns.

On the left side, make a list of your worst fears. For example…He/she falls in love and leaves. He/she gets HIV and brings it home to you. You become a struggling, single parent. You end up alone. You feel humiliated, etc.

On the right side, reframe all your fears into something positive: For example: Next to your fear of being abandoned, you might write, “Because I have family and friends to count on, it is impossible for me to be alone.” Or, next to your fear of being humiliated, you could write, “I have done nothing wrong. I will not accept shame.”

Why is this worksheet important?

I have discovered that most people rush into confrontation, hiring PI’s to spy for proof, without first being emotionally ready to deal with the truth. I am convinced that taking time to face your fears gives you the necessary power and self-confidence to handle whatever emerges.

If you feel a strong suspicion that your partner is cheating, DO the emotional worksheet ahead of time. Get a grip on your fears so they don’t blind side you.

The more they have to lose – the more they have to lie.
Here’s the reality of infidelity. It’s not the “sex” or loss of attention that hurts the most.

It’s the deception.

YOU confront – and – THEY deny. YOU cry, beg and plead for the truth and THEY lie. You promise to work it out, to be kind and patient and NOT to judge them. And yet, THEY still lie.

Well, there’s good news and bad news about the lying game. The bad news is this: The more a person has to lose, the more they have to lie to cover up. Lying (just like denial) is a tactic to protect against the threat of emotional pain.

In other words, the majority of liars lie to protect themselves from being hurt. To them, it is a self-preservation technique.Am I saying that lying through your teeth to save yourself the headache of owning up to your actions is excusable?

Perish the thought!

What I AM saying is that lying, when you have a lot to lose, is standard defense. It is not the best choice. It is not the strongest choice. It is simply the lazy and cowardly choice.

Once you are aware that lying is a defense mechanism, it frees you from ever being trapped in a cheater’s lies. You can see “through” them rather than trying to understand them. You can condemn the “lie” and not the liar. You can afford to be gracious once you see it as a “weakness” rather than a personal attack against you.

If your partner is cheating, then he or she is lying. Not just to themselves, but to the rest of their world.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself: Steven, won’t they be getting away with these lies?

No, not at all.

There is a high price to pay for lying. It robs people of their own sense of personal power. It steals their inner joy and destroys their feeling of freedom and self-respect. It almost always eventually leads to a feelings of isolation and loneliness.

The universe you and I live in continually seeks to balance itself. Deception NEVER fulfills the deceiver. Lies ONLY trap the liar. There are absolutely NO REWARDS on earth for lying to yourself or others.

The ultimate price for lying and deceiving others? Losing your own happiness (a pretty hefty price, don’t you think?).

Creating a space for honesty.

People ask me all the time…Should they hire a private detective, put spy software on their partner’s computer, or engage in other “covert” infidelity detection methods.

Here’s my answer.

In certain rare instances, all of those techniques have a place. However, I am a firm believer in taking the high road whenever possible.

If you believe your partner is being deceptive and you use deceptive methods to discover the deception, then I have to ask — who is more deceptive?

On becoming a deception detective.

The first rule to take into consideration is that ALL cheaters WILL lie. After they have finished lying – they will promptly start lying again. It’s not personal. It’s just the nature of the beast. So how do you go about finding the truth – when so many lies are the norm?

To catch a cheat, it may first look like you must fight fire with fire (deception with deception).Hold on. Before you take the low road, know there is another way: I call it preparing a space for honesty.

This plays a big role in the marriage wellness coaching program that I provide for couples who are facing this kind of uncertainty. It’s based on the premise that Honesty is a two-way street:

You let your partner know it’s “safe” to be honest.
You let your partner have “amnesty” to be truly honest.

Many of us say we want our partners to be totally honest (so long as they say the things we want to hear). But the moment they don’t, we react and instantly fly into a rage.

If you want to hear the truth, you must be able to handle the truth.

Most people cry fowl when I explain this concept to them. They say you should tell the truth regardless of the consequences. While I agree that this would be ideal, it’s just not realistic.

People will only be as honest with you as you allow them to be.

The reason most people lie? To protect themselves from the threat of danger or emotional pain. So, what if we removed that threat? What if we made it so that speaking the truth created HIGH positive rewards? How much more likely are they to be honest – voluntarily?

A lot more!

You see my point?

One last thing…

Do you feel you truly have reasons to suspect your partner is having an affair?

If the answer is “yes”, then please don’t deny your feelings. Don’t bury your head in the sand. Time is not on your side. After years of watching how the dominoes fall in the area of infidelity discovery, I would say, chances are very good that you’re feelings are correct. But what can you do about it?

There’s got to be a better way than spying on your partner or going out and finding your own private detective. I believe it’s better to get to the truth voluntarily. Don’t you?

Why not let me teach you my 4-step strategy for inspiring true confessions. You’ll be amazed at how well it works. You will learn how to inspire more honest communication, better handle jealousy, inspire more trust and stop your relationship from getting worse.

I want to help you become aware of more possibilities and options you have. Let’s work together to decide what action steps you should take next. If this sounds good to you, then I invite you to click on any one of the following three links to get started now.

Do You Need Some Advice?

Change in the New Year!

2011-12-31T00:12:00Z

Can you believe it’s already the end of the year?

It has become a ritual between Christmas and New Year’s for me to review what I have accomplished over the previous year and make a written plan of what I want to accomplish in the coming year. I view a written plan much like a road map. It shows me the way, heads me in the right direction and keeps me on course.

Do you do anything like that?

Written plans are viewed by many of the most productive people I know as the power tool for achievement, the magic bridge to your goal. Alan Lakein, the author of books on time control said, “Planning is bringing the future into the present so you can do something about it now.”

If you want to make a written plan, some of the questions you might begin with are:

Where do I want to be three months from now; six months from now; or a year from now?
How am I going to get there?
What do I have to do to get myself from where I am to where I want to be?
What’s the first, small step I can take to get moving?

Stephen Brennan said, “Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a written plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success.”

You will often be surprised how often the circumstances which will confront you, will fit in with plans you have laid out in advance.

Bernard Baruch, an adviser to many US Presidents, said, “Whatever failures I have known, whatever errors I have committed, whatever follies I have witnessed in private and public life have been the consequence of action without thought.”

Do something different this year and plan 2012 the way you want it to be, then we can make it happen.
Change is possible.

*** Remember, If you do what you have always done, you will continue to get what you always have had.
If you need some help planning your course for the new year, I am so very happy to help.

Just give me a call.

To your success,
I look forward to speaking with you again very soon,
Steven Diamond

Founder of:

http://www.stopstressingnow.com/

Are you a "Free Thinker?"

2011-11-06T15:45:00Z

This week, something very interesting occurred to me.

Here we are, on the eve of 1/11/11, we have now reached 7 billion human souls living on this planet. Approximately 700 Million of those souls are "Free Thinkers"- like you. 700 Million Free Thinkers worldwide, here to find their own path.

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant.  We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift."  ~ Albert Einstein

I offer you 3 simple prerogatives to replace the thousand rules of society ...

Turn on. Turn on to what you are. As a "Free Thinker", you are one of the most inspired souls on the planet. You have so little neurological repression, your mind is wide open to strokes of genius. You won't "fit in" to societal norms, because you're not normal. You're a natural born pioneer. Own it.

Tune in. Tune in to transcendent love, to God, to the truth, to the immaculate organizing intelligence of life - to thinking freely. It doesn't matter what you call it. It just matters that you call it. Not just because you have the gift to perceive it as a "Free Thinkers", but because you MUST... (If you don't, you are likely to succumb to base impulses, addictions, afflictions, disorders, paranoia and depression - because your mind is so wide open and unrestricted - you run the risk of becoming an agent of chaos instead of a pioneer of positive change.) Allow the Spirit of Truth to direct your thoughts. You MUST tune in to receive the guidance necessary to accomplish the next step positively...

Drop out. Drop out of anything not in harmony with the Truth and Love. Rules, laws, cultural norms, habits, public and private institutions all have a way of pulling you along with them, imprisoning your true will. When you're tuned in, you readily see when your true will is being coerced and co-opted by psychological programs. All you need to be free is the courage to drop out.

Now... all of this can be a gradual cyclical process. After you've dropped out, you repeat the cycle. Once you've dropped out of something that compromises your truth, you'll see what you are more clearly so you can turn on more. You also turn on new things to replace the old things you drop out of. Once you're more turned on, you tune in better. Once you've tuned in better, you'll see the next deception you need to drop out of.
If this speaks to your heart, if you know this as truth, then it means that you are among the 700 million "Free Thinkers" that roam among the 7 billion here on earth.

If this doesn't speak to you, I can help you find your way into and onto the "Free Thinkers" path. Forge your own way.
Call me today!
Warm regards,
Steven
http://www.stopstressingnow.com/

Number One Warning Sign Of A Cheating Spouse

2011-10-27T17:09:00Z

Why are so many people blind sided by infidelity and cheating? Why do so many betrayed partners never see it coming? Why are so many wayward partners not prepared to handle temptation? Looking back, we ask ourselves: were there signs, red flags, glaring evidence we should have seen coming? The answer is almost always: Yes and No. Here’s why. In almost all cases of infidelity, the betrayed partner indeed has warning signs, but usually fails to recognize them in time. And what good is a warning sign if you don’t see it and understand its meaning? Not much. Hindsight is 20/20. When they look back AFTER the discovery, people tell me they clearly recognized a number of signs. So what are the warning signs, clues, or patterns that signal a partner/spouse is being unfaithful to you? Red Flag #1 Your Own Intuition What is triggering these feelings? Your intuition. I call it our “invisible” deception detection system. Our intuition does not depend on logic (the conscious mind). It relies on energy and information (the subconscious mind). The conscious mind is extremely limited in how much information it can draw from and process. However, your subconscious mind does draw from ALL available information. (tone, past, patterns of behavior, body language, etc.) So, while someone may try to convince us with logic that everything is okay…our intuition tells us the truth. In hindsight, almost 90% of betrayed spouses recalled a moment of unease – a “hunch” their partners were involved with someone outside of their relationship. This almost always happens. Why is this? I believe it’s because… …all affairs introduce deception. Whether they are good liars or not, cheaters’ behavior is affected to some degree. They may try to “over correct” by giving you more attention (spontaneous gifts, offering to do housework, etc.) or they might completely withdraw (or somewhere in between) but either way…deception “shifts” personal energy. Everyone has intuition. The more sensitive and aware a person is, the more reliable their intuition becomes. By the way, intuition is NOT foolproof. You should be aware of the difference between suspicion and intuition. Suspicion is based on specific clues (unexplained absences, unusual phone calls, etc.). This is often circumstantial evidence. Intuition on the other hand, requires no evidence. It’s a gut feeling and is purely abstract. That’s why it’s usually the earliest warning sign you get. Do you suspect that your significant other is cheating? I can help you find the truth you deserve. Simply give me a call by clicking on the call button below and you’ll be connected with me personally, privately and 100% anonymously through AT&T. I will not have your number and you do not have mine. The system connects us both. I have helped thousands and I can help you through this difficult time. I can bring you INSTANT clarification in any area that is affecting you, I’ll help you through any problem you may have. Non-Judgmental, Open minded conversation with someone who cares. Call it a “gut” feeling. It’s that indescribable “knowing” that something just isn’t right. There are times when you may not be able to pinpoint the cause. But somewhere around your solar plexus, you keep getting a gnawing feeling of uneasiness. Inside you just know…something is wrong!

How do you survive an affair?

2011-10-24T04:14:00Z

The number ONE question I get is: How do you survive an affair? That’s the kind of question I answer on a nightly basis. According to statistics… only one third of marriages survive extra marital affairs. (The numbers are better for those who seek professional help.) So, if you really want to know how you survive an affair...first we must look at... What causes infidelity in the first place? I have said this before. Infidelity is never the “cause”, it’s always the effect. Focusing on the “infidelity” while ignoring the "cause" (underlying conflicts & issues) is like rearranging the deck chairs on the titanic – rather than watching out for ice-bergs. It’s simply the wrong focus. Why does infidelity (or cheating) hurt so much? Because, when a person’s emotional security gets ripped away from them, what’s left is a raw, agonizing, vulnerability that’s impossible to put into words. That's why the “affair” speaks louder… and cuts deeper… than any other kind of betrayal or dishonesty. Here’s the big insight: Without a commitment to monogamy – there can be no “infidelity”. Without a promise to be satisfied with one, there can be no betrayal with “another”. So in reality, it’s the mental & emotional security of a monogamous relationship (that sense of special-ness and exclusivity) that infidelity shatters and undermines. Is there a cure or prevention for infidelity? I believe there is. And I will share it with you on your next call if you wish. But for now, let’s get back to the reason YOU are most likely calling me…Surviving, Forgiving and Overcoming Infidelity. I believe the best way to handle infidelity is the same way you would handle any other difficulty in life. You face it, deal with it and then put it behind you. (Easier said than done.) So I am here to help you through this process… Looking forward to speaking with each of you again soon. Warm regards, Steven

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2011-08-18T01:40:00Z

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Did you know...

You are receiving thousands of messages from the Universe every single day. Learn to become aware of this communication from the Universe, who is speaking to you and guiding you in every moment.

There are no accidents and no coincidences. Every sign you notice, every word you hear spoken, every color, every scent, every sound, every event and situation is the Universe speaking to you, and you are the only one who knows their relevance to you, and what the communication is saying.

Use your eyes to see! Use your ears to listen! Use all of your senses, because you are receiving communication through them all!

If you need help learn how to listen to the wisdom inside of you, I can help. Give me a call and let's talk.

Much love, joy and happiness...
Steven

Fear - What to do when things go wrong

2011-07-13T05:32:00Z

When things go wrong in life, it can feel like your world is falling apart. I’ve been there. We know in our hearts when “it’s just not right”. We might be able to fool everyone around us, but you will never be able to fool yourself. There is an amazing quote by one of my favorite authors Pema Chödrön who said:

“It made me laugh to see that, just as I had so often said, making friends with our own demons and their accompanying insecurity leads to a very simple, understated relaxation and joy.”

It’s so true. One of the greatest skills we can learn in our lives is to embrace our fears and the ensuing challenging times that follow as true opportunities for growth rather than something we need to avoid at all costs. Many people through out my life have called me “Brave” however the truth is that deep inside I have always felt unsure and insecure. The difference is that I would forge ahead and do what I knew in my heart had to be done anyway.

To me, being brave IS NOT about having no fear, it’s about feeling the fear and then pushing through it, doing what needs to be done. I call it “Leaning into fear”. When we lean into the discomfort of a situation at hand rather then trying to run from it or avoid it we become spiritual warriors and ultimately find the truth we seek.

How long does the process take?

It might seem like it takes forever, however this is something that evolves gradually, patiently, over time. I would say it takes the rest of our lives. Basically, we’re continually opening further, learning more, connecting further with the depths of human suffering and human wisdom, coming to know both those elements thoroughly and completely, and becoming more loving and compassionate people as we each travel our journey in life.

And the teachings continue. There’s always more to learn.

True strength comes only from leaning into that which we fear most. No matter what. When things go wrong, dig deep and find that hidden resolve within you and use it to carry you through the rain.

Remember that tough times never last. Tough people always do.

The Shocking Truth

2011-02-13T08:34:00Z

See Why The Shocking Truth
In Your Numerology Chart
Cannot Tell A Lie...

Click here!

Seduce With Style

2011-02-11T07:48:00Z

Hi guys,

Have you ever saw the alpha guy at the bar, all decked out with girls around him and wonder why?

I have. Many times over.

Have you ever walked by another guy on the street or watched a fashion show and thought, "he's really stylish (but I am not sure why)?"

I have. It took me years to figure out that underneath the overall "stylish" look, there were specific layers at work. I will share this knowledge with you here in this email.

I have broken them down to 8 main Style Attraction Switches or SAS for short. In the same way that other coaches come up with "attraction triggers", these are the underlying factors that, when combined together, makes a guy look stylish.

The 8 Style Attraction Switches (SAS) are:

Dominance: Dominance refers to the level of passive power and entitlement a man has about himself. (Not to be confused with antagonistic energy or overconfidence). Through his style, the man conveys dominance.
Elite-ness: Elite-ness is the communication that you are pre-qualified and part of a higher social hierarchy.
Access to resources: This is similar to elite-ness, but is a direct result of spending one's resources well. (Where it counts).
Clean Cut: The ability to chisel and maintain your body, grooming and clothing on a routine basis.
Congruence: Congruence refers to the degree of authenticity and matching energy between the outfit and the individual.
Adaptability: Refers to the ability to evolve and adapt to a new environment is the key to survival and success in many areas of life. The 3 types of adaptability are: geographical, cultural and personal.
Preselection: The idea behind pre-selection is that women want what other women want and how this can be communicated via clothing.
Lifestyle & Personality: Dimensions of lifestyle and personality refer to the way a person moves through life.

Just by knowing what these underlying style attraction witches are, you are already more aware than 90% of the male population.

For more detail on each of these triggers and how to use style to trigger them, you can see the full style blog post here .

Seduce With Style

***Get $20 off the EBook Seduce With Style here***

If you want to learn more about triggering attraction switches building an attractive style for yourself, check out my ebook, Seduce With Style. I have spent 3 long months putting together my years of knowledge on style and fashion.

In my book you will find step-by-step instructions on how to develop a better style, as well as interviews with the seduction industry's best coaches on how they have transformed their own styles from zero to hero.

***Get $20 off the EBook Seduce With Style here***

You Gotta Read This Book!

2011-02-06T04:09:00Z

Click on The Picture For More Information!

Free E-Book on Stress and Anxiety Management!

2011-02-03T02:02:00Z

Great News!!

I have just released a new 40 page E-Book which is going on sale on iTunes next month, however I am offering it to my new call clients FREE. It's about Stress and Anxiety Management. It's called "When Anxiety Attacks"

This New E-Book Will Help You:
•    Overcome fears, avoidances, insecurities and worry
•    Eliminate anger, guilt and other toxic negative emotions
•    Achieve a lasting, unshakable inner peace and calm
•    Form more healthy, positive, enriching relationships
•    Gain amazing self esteem and respect from others
•    Feel alive, energetic and truly passionate about life again

- If you want your FREE copy, just give me a call. I'll even send you some free minutes. I know you are going to love this 40 page FREE E-Book that everyone else will pay for on iTunes!

It truly will help you with all of your stress and anxiety issues. Everything you really need to know is in there.

I hope this finds you well.
Warm regards,
Steven

Founder of: http://www.stopstressingnow.com/

Death. What Really Happens?

2011-01-31T06:59:00Z

We don't know when it's going to happen. We don't usually know how either. But the one thing we all know for sure is that it will happen to everyone.

Today at 6:30pm EST my favorite uncle on my mother's side passed away.

And for whatever reason the task of calling my mother ("The Warden") and telling her that her brother had passed away (The second brother to die in the past 60 days) - fell upon me.

Learning that you have a life threatening or chronic illness throws you into shock for sure and in my case a sort of temporary insanity. That insanity comes from the realization that life as we knew it has ended. But is that such a bad thing? I’m hear to tell you that it doesn’t have to be. We feel insane because our feet are earthbound, standing firmly in the middle of a field of newly discovered facts. However our emotions have wings and are soaring through the land of “what if’s”.Especially when we are faced with death. Either our own impending death or the death of a loved one.

Click Here To See All Of Steven’s Video Blogs

The Photo to the left was taken one year ago, the last time I would see him alive.

It’s those fear based fantasies that we allow to consume us. Remember that every thought we have triggers an emotional and physical response in our bodies. Those fear based fantasies make our breathing more shallow, our heart rate increase and even our muscles begin to contract sending ourselves into a full fledged, self induced state of fear and panic. This intense fear creates a surplus of energy within us that has no outlet. Which means we are then left to deal with the insanity that follows. I call it a “State of mental fiction.” It’s a toxic mental cycle that goes something like this.

Step one: The brains hears the news or remembers hearing the life changing information. Replaying the event again and again in the mind.

Step two: A physical reaction occurs as a result of the thought which begins to overwhelm us.

Step three: We feel the physical energy in the form of panic, fear (fear of the unknown) and suffering.

Step four: The build up of excess energy in our body takes place, which has no outlet.

Step five: The body redirects the excess energy back to the brain.

Step six: The brain uses this excess energy to manifest another fear based thought pattern.

Step seven: The cycle repeats. Back to step two. Each of us begin life by surviving insurmountable odds when you really think about it. We begin as just one of many billions all swimming around, struggling, fighting for our right to live. Eventually the rest will all perish. Leaving only one, sometimes two, of us the victors in a race we didn’t even know we were in. Suddenly life begins. All this, so that someday we can die. We go through life living each day so carefully so as not to harm ourselves. As if somewhere in the deep reaches of our soul we know that death could come at any moment. And indeed it can and indeed we do. Each day we fasten our seat belts as we get into the car, and look both ways as we cross the street. All in an attempt to cheat death.

We are amazing creatures. The most intelligent to have ever lived and walked on this planet. We can put men on the moon and bring them back safely. We have abilities and brain power the likes of which no other living thing can even ponder. All housed in a decaying, container. The human body. Doomed to die from day one, with a shelf life the span of less then a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of vastness that is the universe we call home. For all of mankind, death is certain. The ultimate mystery that haunts us from the time our life begins. But do we know for sure what death truly is? Is it really the end? Or is it just the end of this and the beginning of something else? I know one thing for certain, I can’t answer any of these questions just yet. But someday, I will know the truth and so will you.

However on some level we don’t understand even that just yet. History is rich with wonderful tails of the after life. From before the beginnings of recorded history, through to the resurrection of Jesus Christ, to the present day you can find many a long documented account of just exactly what is to come once we die. Or so they say. Many people use religion to feel some sort of connectedness and find peace with and in the unknown, that is to say, what happens after we die. It provides them a sense of security, community and comforts their anxiety. Which is really just another way of saying “fear of the unknown”. Because the fact is, we do not know what happens after death. Period.

Religion provides people with a place to belong and moral guidance. Another way of identifying themselves and I respect and understand this. It has it’s place in our world. Even so, though out my life and during my most recent challenges facing my own physical mortality I have realized that the culture I have lived in has tried it’s best to teach me that death is something to be avoided, feared and to be afraid of. But the question I kept asking myself during some of my darkest days alive, was “If I don’t truly know what death is, why am I so afraid of it?” All of this fear of the unknown confuses me. Why do we as societies choose to see the unknown as scary or fearful? What I did know for certain, was what the process of death is like before it actually takes place.

That, I had experienced many times. I have seen what it was like to watch someone close to me slowly die of AIDS. I myself had been at deaths door several times in the past. So I knew what death looked like in various stages through out my existence as ironic as that may be. That is, where the fear was coming from. It suddenly occurred to me that it wasn’t what comes after death that scared us so much. It was clearly the process that can sometimes come before the actual act of dying itself. Some where inside of us all, death is simply unacceptable. To me, it’s almost as if dying is an insult to my very soul.

It’s the process of dying, the loss of control and the horrible indignity of it all that one fears so deeply.

It’s the way we fear we are going to die that causes all of the anxiety.

Because that’s what we know for sure. I know I’ve had fearful thoughts of great sadness relating to what I might leave behind, or miss or the pain and suffering my death may cause the one’s I love most. Those are things I feared. Ultimately we live our entire lives with the knowledge that one day we will cease to exist. This very knowledge creates a huge cognitive problem for us as humans. But do we ever really stop to think about death and what it really means to us uniquely? Surprisingly, the answer is usually no, not until we are forced to understand it either through some life altering event, a near death experience or the diagnosis of the inevitable. Profound thinking of death is culturally not allowed. So we don’t do it. We are hard wired to live. We are programed from birth to survive. So thinking about death is considered something that goes against the very grain of our human nature. It was this very path of thought that allowed me to understand something I had never even considered before. That life is not the beginning. It’s not the end. It’s the time you spend in between those two very important events in your particular existence. Ultimately, life is doomed to fail. You can not win. Everyone dies.

The fact is that more than 50 million people alive at this very moment will be dead within the next twelve months.

And though your brain is culturally trained to understand that as “them” I am here to tell you that one of “them” could be YOU. Our anxiety of death is really the anticipation of a future event. What we focus on in life is how and when we will die. Not the fact that we will. An event we have all been socially conditioned to fear, avoid and be afraid of. Yet, we don’t even know what exactly it is.

I would love to hear your thoughts on death and dying. Share your thoughts below.

Click Here To See All Of Steven’s Video Blogs

WHY YOU HATE YOUR JOB!

2011-01-27T04:18:00Z

Have you ever wondered why you hate going to work? Have you ever thought about why you just can’t seem to drag yourself out of bed each day only to go to a job you hate, surrounded by people you wouldn’t invite home or introduce to Mom – all just so you can pay the rent?

Well, I can tell you the reason why. I want you to watch something.

Watch this video till the very end, and keep the following in mind.It was 1:30 something in the morning after having been up for over 24 hours working and traveling at this point. My BeHappyForLife.Com partners and I had been in production meetings with an Emmy award winning director, we had been recording a new series of audio CD’s all day long with endless rewrites to the final scripts at the last minute. We are preparing our new live touring seminar series. It was a tough day, long, tedious and without question, very hard work. But we wanted it to be right. The only time we stopped was to eat. Then, we suddenly got the idea to test out a new teleprompter we were using to help us record the CD’s. I had just switched from the iPhone 3G to the iPhone 4 and we decided to try out the new teleprompter using my iPhone to record the video – at 1:30 in the morning, even though each of us were so tired we all were about to collapse.

Suddenly, things went nuts, and it was all my fault.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE VIDEO!

You'll laugh really hard!