Relationships & Road Blocks That Get In Your Way

Dating Communication Do’s & Don’ts

theintelligentlight — Sun, 10 Feb 2013 01:44:00 GMT

By: AVCupid.com

A very important ingredient to having a superior relationship lies in good communication. In fact, it is almost impossible to have any kind of relationship with a person unless you are able to relate to him or her. The ability to communicate effectively means that you have to pay close attention and to listen very carefully. We all have different methods of communication. You need to be able to understand, appreciate, and respect how other people communicate, especially your dating partner.

A good way to show your date that you are listening carefully to him or her is to repeat what he or she has said. Say for example your partner tells you: “You have been very distant lately”, you then say, “So you are saying I have been distant?” Follow up with an open ended question like “Tell me more about what you mean.” By saying that, you can verify what your partner has said and make him or her feel comfortable about talking to you about his or her concern.

How you communicate with your words could bring comfort by reducing fear and easing tension. The following are some guiding principles to help you take advantage of your words and get your point across more effectively:

DO make the person you are talking to feel secure by offering a lot of support and appreciation. This gets the silent types to open up more and feel at ease.

DON’T make your date feel uncomfortable by judging, criticizing, or making fun of what he or she has to say.

DO relax. Feeling anxious can mess up your confidence and attention. Take deep breaths when you feel like you need to end the conversation because of fear or panic.

DON’T feel that everything has to be resolved at one time.

DO listen carefully and avoid interrupting while the other person is talking.

DON’T use offensive vocabularies and expressions. It is very disrespectful and cheapens you and the person you are talking to.

DO get to the point and be clear on what you want to get across or if you have any questions.

Dating Etiquette

theintelligentlight — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 01:42:00 GMT

By: AVCupid.com

How many times have you watched one of those dating shows on TV and thought, “I can’t believe he/she just did/said that?!?!” To avoid making similar mistakes on your next date, stick with some of the following ideas…

Eye contact is crucial when dating, so it is good etiquette to provide as much attention as possible to your date. They should feel as if they are the only person in the room. Be a listener and do not talk your date to death, particularly if you are male. Listening shows interest and the ability to compromise. If your idea of a date is talking about yourself and your opinions all night then do your date a favor and stay at home alone.

Be courteous and complimentary. Your date has made an effort for you and your personal opinions aren’t quite welcome at this stage. Also to this end, always turn up for a date unless you have given plenty of time for it to be cancelled. Standing someone up is rude, and not appropriate adult behavior. Try to turn up on time, and don’t keep your date waiting. If your transportation is unreliable, get going in plenty of time. Being punctual shows respect for your date and shows your responsibility.

Try to avoid being opinionated or arrogant on a date and try to avoid discussions about politics and religion on the first date. You will come across badly to your date if you act like this.

Additionally, don’t be rude to others on a date. You are trying to show your good side, so arguing about a service charge or whether the wine is chilled enough will make you look like a fool. And remember…arguing with the waiter is a big no-no.

In terms of appearance, make an effort to dress well. There is no excuse to look bad. Poor dress shows laziness and will do nothing to promote you. Also, try to be fresh and smell good. You should be shaven, bathed and smell good. It will cost you nothing more than a bottle of quality cologne and some shower gel. Just make sure not to over-do it with the cologne!

Scary Dreams and Nightmares

theintelligentlight — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 21:58:00 GMT

Once in a while, we have scary dreams – someone chasing you or falling off from a cliff are just some of the common scenarios. Generally known as nightmares, these scary dreams evoke strong dreadful emotions from pain to complete horror that sometimes causes a person to wake up in great distress.

The occasional scary dreams are normal but there are recurrent ones such as those related to trauma or high stress that can cause sleep problems and may need medical help. Some scary dreams are known to occur when one is in sleep paralysis. When we sleep, the brain releases an amino acid known as glycine that paralyzes the body preventing a person from acting out dreams.

However, sometimes a person leaves the dream state while the glycine is still working so the person becomes aware that he or she is dreaming. This could be a very scary experience, especially because when this happens the person often feels difficulty in breathing as if there is a great weight on the chest. In olden times, such scary dreams were considered to be caused by demons such as the incubus and the succubus, which were believed to lie or sit upon sleepers.

Why do we have scary dreams or nightmares?

Nightmares are thought to be a person’s way to deal with pressure. They are often associated with stressful or traumatic events. Problems at school can sometimes trigger nightmares in children. Major life events from moving homes to illness or a loved one’s death can all cause high stress that may lead to nightmares. For children and even some adults, watching scary movies before going to bed can set off scary dreams. High fevers and some medications can also cause nightmares. If you notice that you or your child have been experiencing nightmares sometime after you started on a medication, inform your doctor immediately.

How to deal with nightmares

Generally, scary dreams are harmless. If your child has been having bad dreams, comfort and reassure them that the nightmares are not real. Tell them that everyone has nightmares and while the dreams are bad, it does not mean that they are. Children and adult alike can cope with scary dreams by writing them down or simply talking about them. However, if you or a loved one has nightmares frequently, it is best to consult your doctor or seek help from a sleep clinic to determine what is causing the scary dreams.

About Online Dating

theintelligentlight — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 01:09:00 GMT

By AVCupid.com
There are many dating and matchmaking services. I can speak only with experience about the ones I used. You might want to try these to get started, but investigate some of the other ones too. You might find one that is more appealing to you or more specific to your particular needs.

While many of the dating services are similar, they have differences in price, rules and nature of information provided, so read over carefully to ascertain what is involved with each. The easiest way to do that is to just poke each dating service. You may be able to preview limited information, or in some cases place a free ad, but normally can’t get mail or send any until you join up.

Matchmaking policy is designed to protect your anonymity. When registering, you select a name and are also assigned a number. (Write it down someplace handy so you won't forget it.) You could use your own first name, but it is better to develop a made up name such as:Waiting4U,Sunny or some other invention. The service affixes a number to that and you become Sunny436.

Using a pseudonym helps protect your identity. When developing a pseudonym, select something that uses the advertising space well and that will attract positive reaction.

An alias can also help protect your privacy, particularly if your name is not common. For example, if your name were Stella, you lived in York, PA and had a listed phone number, all a man would have to do would be to do a reverse directory search for Stella in York (and there might only be three) to find a few addresses, so be careful.

Similarly, if Sue said she was an elementary school teacher in Waterville, and their was only one elementary school in the town, all a man would have to do is to talk to someone who knew something about the school and ask if they knew any Sue. If you were the only Sue there, you would have been found out and also your anonymity could be uncovered and you might prefer that co-workers didn’t know you had gone on the Internet. So if you mention what your occupation is, omit the name of the organization. It can make you too easy to locate.

Once you post your statement and photo, you would be contacted by interested men through your assigned mailbox. Your name, personal e-mail address, street address and telephone number would not be revealed by the dating service. That information could only be provided by your furnishing it directly. Be careful about giving out your own e-mail address and other personal information until you’re fairly sure that it is someone you want to communicate with.

Symptoms of Anxiety Attacks

theintelligentlight — Tue, 25 Dec 2012 03:56:00 GMT

Everyone worries, gets nervous and concerned, feels certain fears, and experiences apprehensions. To a certain degree, anxiousness is healthy as it enables the body to react to certain stimuli and take into action or perform better. As long as the feeling is relative to the situation or problem at hand, it is normal. However, when anxiety gets severe, chronic and irrational, you might already have an anxiety disorder and experience episodes of anxiety attacks.

Common symptoms include:

Fear of going crazy – When under tremendous pressure, a person may feel that he is going crazy. This, however, is more evident during anxiety attack, but rest assured that you are not going crazy. This is because going crazy is not a conscious act; people who are suffering from mental illnesses do not even know that they have one. Again, if you are experiencing excessive fear or irrational thoughts, you are not going crazy.

Dry mouth – This is a natural occurrence during anxiety attack as fluids are diverted to other parts of the body. To counter dry mouth, sip water or suck sweets to stimulate the production of saliva. In severe cases, doctors may prescribe you with liquid.

Shaking and shivering – These two are necessary functions of the body as it constantly tries to keep the body temperature normal. When the body temperature drops from normal, the muscles spasmodically contract, creating friction between muscles and body tissues, thus increasing the body temperature. During anxiety attacks, shaking and shivering are normal.

Heart palpitation – or the feeling that the heart is missing beats is caused by the release of adrenaline into the bloodstream during an attack. This is perfectly normal and cannot harm you in any way. However, it can cause discomfort.

Body pain – such as neck, shoulder, jaw, mouth and stomach pains, as well as head headaches. When the body is under stress, parts of the body usually get tensed, which results to pain.

Chest pain – is a normal body reaction to anxiety attack because of muscle tension. Sometimes, chest pain is misinterpreted as a heart attack, but it is important to identify from one another as the latter can be deadly.

Shortness of breath – is the most distressing symptom of anxiety attack as it almost feels that the chest cannot expand to accommodate the necessary air that the body needs. Sometimes, it feels that someone is pushing a pillow into your face. Three important points to remember are you will not suffocate, stop breathing or pass out.

Feeling detach or unreal – is a symptom of anxiety attack which alters the way you experience yourself or see reality. It makes you feel that everything around you is like a dream, foggy and unreal.

Recognizing the symptoms of anxiety attacks need not require you to understand the physiology of the human body. What is required is your awareness on each symptoms and the danger they have when ignored.

Different people manifest different behaviors when experiencing anxiety. The intensity of prevailing symptoms differs either. And since the term "anxiety disorders" is coined to refer a group of related conditions rather than a single disorder, symptoms may look different on every anxiety attack. It is important, therefore, to consult a health professional so that it will out any possible condition apart from anxiety.

Understanding OCD

theintelligentlight — Fri, 21 Dec 2012 05:53:00 GMT

Obsessive compulsive disorder can be very hard to deal with, not just for the person who suffers it, but also for the people who surround him or her. A person who is afflicted with obsessive compulsive disorder might find it difficult to seek help because he is ashamed to admit that his problem is closely psychological. It is also difficult for those around him to deal with his or her problem because they do not fully understand its nature and the kind of help that it needs or even what is available.

Most people often dismiss obsessive compulsive disorder as simply a bad habit. Others even think it is silly. It's foolish nature cannot be discounted, though, for who would think that a person who has to count one to five eight times before entering a wooden building for luck is normal?

Given the times we have today, anybody who exhibits deviant behavior is already considered abnormal. Perhaps this is why those who suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder do not seek or are afraid to seek help. OCD is often relegated to silliness to merit serious concern.

However, there is reason for us to be concerned about it. First, the fact that it is called a 'disorder' means it is something that warrants careful attention. Second, people whose OCD were left untreated often became more depressed, what with their relationships tainted. Third, the rituals or compulsions that are associated with OCD sometimes become so uncontrollable that the person inflicts injury upon himself.

There are basically two ways we can deal with obsessive compulsive disorder. First is via medication. The other is via what is called cognitive behavior therapy, which is what will be discussed here.

Behavior modification is the goal of cognitive behavior therapy. What the treatment does is help people who suffer from OCD gain enough mental and emotional strength to say no to their obsessions and compulsions. Behavior therapy takes a while and may be a challenge to a person's patience and endurance. However, its effects stay for the long term (as opposed to simply taking drugs to treat it).

OCD patients may also have to make frequent visits to their doctor, who then examine their progress and see what other behavioral techniques will suit their particular case. There is no single behavior modification method. Each therapy program is tailored to the OCD sufferer's specific need and response capabilities.

Critics have downplayed the effectiveness of drugs to help OCD sufferers cope with their problem. This is why behavior therapy is preferred. Sure, it takes time, but it's a sure ball. Unless, of course, the patient does not cooperate and refuses to be treated.

Compelling Reasons to Use a Relationship Coach By AVCupid.COM

theintelligentlight — Wed, 11 Jul 2012 15:43:00 GMT

Compelling Reasons to Use a Relationship Coach.The coaching relationship is unique and powerful, and really can help you find fulfillment in your life and relationships. Below are some important reasons to use a Relationship Coach, any ONE of which is compelling enough to get your very own coach TODAY. I'm Lori please call through my Confidential Virtual Office at!! 1-888-464-3646 Ext. 04014467.
Or Use This Safe Call Button

YOU VALUE RELATIONSHIPS HIGHLY You prioritize building fulfilling personal and professional relationships. You realize that your success and quality of life is directly connected to the quality of your relationships.
YOU ARE COMMITTED TO SUCCESS You are serious and intentional about having a fulfilling life partnership, family, business, and community.
YOU WANT RESULTS Working with a coach can move you farther and faster than you can on your own.
YOU ARE WILLING TO LEARN You realize that you don't know what you don't know, and your future success may depend upon access to new relationships skills and knowledge.
YOU ARE READY FOR ACTION Using a coach can be the most effective means of translating knowledge into practice. One of the most indispensable roles of a coach is to help you use what you already know to make effective choices and take the actions necessary to be successful.
YOU ARE OPEN TO MENTORING/SUPPORT A Relationship Coach helps you to use your relationships to evolve and develop relationship skills critical to your business success and personal fulfillment. The process of self-discovery, learning about relationships, and how to make successful relationship choices cannot be effectively self-taught or obtained from a book or tape.
YOU WANT FULFILLMENT You do not want to settle for less or risk preventable failure, and you are willing to give yourself the gift of the support and technology needed to be successful.
YOU WANT TO BE TRUE TO YOURSELF A Relationship Coach helps keep you honest with yourself, helps neutralize any tendency you may have to settle for less than you really want, is good for providing "reality checks" and being a sounding board.
YOU WANT TO BE PROACTIVE A Relationship Coach helps you solve problems while they are still small.
YOU WANT TO GO BEYOND YOUR LIMITS A Relationship Coach holds your highest vision for you beyond your fears and limitations, and helps you overcome your obstacles and challenges.
YOU WANT TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY A Relationship Coach helps you take responsibility for the quality of your relationships so that you can create them the way you want.
YOU WANT TO LIVE AUTHENTICALLY Today's world is filled with challenges to finding and staying on your highest path, telling your truth, and making choices that are best for you. A Relationship Coach helps you identify and live the life you really want, and to be more of the person you really are and want to be.
YOU WANT BALANCE IN YOUR LIFE Your life is filled with opportunities and conflicting choices. You recognize the importance of creating and maintaining balance in relationships, including the ones you have with yourself and your higher power.
YOU WANT NEW POSSIBILITIES FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIPS You recognize that a healthy relationship is growing and dynamic. One of the worst things that can happen is to take one another or the relationship for granted. Opening to new possibilities keeps a good relationship getting better with the passage of time. A Relationship Coach helps you to continually discover and implement new and more fulfilling possibilities for your life and relationships.

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Dating guidelines for Single Moms By AVCupid.COM

theintelligentlight — Fri, 22 Jun 2012 22:07:00 GMT

By: AVCupid.com

"I am a single mom of a three-year-old boy. I have just begun to date. I am afraid my son won't want to "share" me with anyone. What is the best way to introduce a date to my son and when is it appropriate for me to do so?"

When you are comfortable, introduce your date to your son as a "new friend." Friendship is not only the foundation of a viable marriage, but something your child understands! All new friendships do not continue, but good ones evolve. You cannot know the future, so just stay with the present.

First, there is no magic time frame for an introduction. After all, it is important that your son realizes that you need friends -- males and females that are your own age. Just as your son has his preschool friends, he will understand that you need adult friendships, too. It is not a matter of competition, so jealousy is lessened from the start.

Second, maintain appropriate boundaries during the dating process in order to protect your child from primary attachment to someone who may just be passing through. It is not the specific amount of time, but the nature of the commitment that evolves between you and a boyfriend that should determine the relationship between your child and a significant other.

Keep your dating life relatively separate from your family life until you know someone well enough to feel they would be a good friend to your son. Start off slowly with limited activities like going to the zoo or having a picnic. Do not assign parental responsibilities to a boyfriend. Wait until there is a clear commitment to the relationship and potential for marriage before considering deepening the involvement with your son.

Finally, answer your child's questions as honestly as possible. For example, one single mother had been dating a man for six months. The relationship had become a committed boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. The boyfriend became acquainted with her three-year-old son and they liked each other. They had been to the zoo and enjoyed contact around reading books and having breakfast together. One day, when her son wanted to play his educational computer game between bites, his mother was talking to him about the importance of sitting down to dinner together. She told him that family members are special to one another and having dinner together was a special time to be together in families. He took this opportunity to ask her if her boyfriend was a part of their family. She said "no," he was a good family friend.

This mom's answer clarifies boundaries. She refrained from setting up false expectations by blurring the line between friendship and family, even though her son and boyfriend were clearly developing affection for one another. When, and if, her boyfriend and she do commit to marriage, he would then be invited into the family with responsibilities and expectations for full membership!

Of course friendships are important, but it is important that you protect your child from getting overly involved with men who may appear as caring parental figures to a child only to disappear later. When in doubt, err on the side of caution.

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Creative Date Ideas By AVCupid.COM

theintelligentlight — Fri, 15 Jun 2012 22:03:00 GMT

Article by" AVCupid.com

If you want to inject a little romance or spontaneity into a date, without breaking the bank, try following some of these ideas. You might just surprise yourself – and your partner!

1. Hike to the top of a mountain for a picnic.

2. Take a rowboat out on a lake at sunset.

3. Go up to the top of a building in a large city and take in the view.

4. Dress for a formal party, and then walk down the streets singing love songs.

5. Find a dark, romantic bistro with great coffees and desserts, or an independent book store that encourages browsing.

6. Find a rarely-used corner deep in the stacks of your library. Blow the dust off some musty old volume and read it aloud together. Steal a few hot kisses.

7. Pretend you've just won the lottery. "Shop" for your dream furnishings in elegant craft galleries, jewellery stores, and similar shops.

8. Test drive a sports car together.

9. Visit a specialty food factory such as a chocolate factory.

10. Browse a ritzy museum, gift shop or art gallery.

11. Drive along the outer borders of your city or county, exploring new neighbourhoods and villages where you've never been.

12. Ride a city's entire public rail transit system, going out on remote branch lines, just for the heck of it.

13. Spend the whole evening dressed and acting as characters from a play, movie, or book that you both enjoyed.

14. Speak only gibberish and let your thoughts be understood from your emotions, gestures, and tone.

15. Explore a wild and scenic place you've always wanted to check out.

16. Walk around celebrity neighbourhoods, looking for glimpses of the rich and famous.

17. Do something completely out of character--something you ordinarily wouldn't be caught dead even thinking about.

18. Go explore a local flea market one Saturday.

19. Get a guide book for your city. See you area through the eyes of tourists. You will be amazed at all the attractions that are hidden nearby.

20. Star gazing - Get a book on constellations and watch the stars. This can be especially fun during a meteor shower.

Ideas for Girls:

1. Go rollerblading. If you know how to rollerblade and he doesn't, teach him. If he knows and you don't, let him teach you. This date is great for breaking the ice because both of you will embarrass yourselves so much that you won't help but be able to laugh. Your true personalities will show.

2. Go for a walk, maybe some coffee after. It seems simple enough, but you'd be surprised about what you'd find out about someone if you'd just give them a chance to tell you. Besides, there's nothing like the ambiance of a great, romantic cafe to get you in the mood.

Ideas for Guys:

1. There's nothing like a good picnic. You can't argue with a classic.

2. Go to see the planes take off. This may be a little difficult, but sometimes there are little nooks and crannies by the highways and roads off of the runways. You can lie down on top of the hood of the car or lay a blanket on the ground and watch as the planes fly right over your head.

3. Plan a romantic evening with chocolate covered strawberries and slow music. Find some of her favourite songs and compile them onto one cassette and play them while you feed her strawberries.

Seasonal Ideas:

Winter Ideas

1. Make a lunch or dinner of hot soup and rolls together and set the table with candles. Play your favourite music.

2. Have an indoor picnic -- lay out a blanket and bring a picnic basket -- just have it on your living room floor!

3. Build a fire and roast marshmallows. If you don't have a fireplace, build a small safe campfire outside. Be sure to put it out completely when you're done and before leaving the area.

4. Build a snow fort together.

5. Surprise your date with "Summer in a Bag!" Get creative: Gather together 2 pairs of sunglasses, coconut suntan oil (for the smell of summer), Put on a Beach Boys CD, blow up a beach ball to toss and pretend it's hot out. It's silly, but it can take the edge out of the winter blues.

6. Make a snowman and snowwoman.

7. Go ice skating.

8. Make angels in the snow.

9. Bundle up and go someplace to watch the sun set over a silhouette of bare trees. As the sun goes down, watch them appear black and strikingly beautiful against the sky.

10. Go to a cappuccino bar, drink decaf and get to know one another.

11. Go sleigh riding.

12. Go for a walk in the snow and catch snow flakes on your tongue.

13. End a winter walk with hot chocolate and mini marshmallows.

14. Go to an arcade.

15. Rent a movie and pop some corn.

16. Rent and watch the video "It's a Wonderful Life!"

17. Assemble a really challenging puzzle.

18. Play board games.

19. Take a night-time walk to look at your neighbours holiday decorations and lights.

20. Go skiing -- downhill or cross-country.

Spring Ideas

1. Go wild-flower hunting. Pick your date a bouquet of wild-flowers. Put some in his/her hair.

2. Go for a walk in the park together.

3. Plant a window garden together.

4. Skip stones on a lake.

5. Have a picnic.

6. Go horseback riding.

7. Go on a hike.

8. Hire a professional guide and go rock climbing.

9. Go on a hot air balloon ride.

10. Go to the zoo to see the new baby animals that were born this spring.

11. Go for a walk in the rain (an umbrella is optional) and sing "Singing in the Rain!" really loudly.

12. Rent a bicycle built for two.

13. Go to a comedy club.

14. Look in your local paper for free or inexpensive concerts, shows and fairs.

15. Go to a park and play on the swings.

16. Play tennis.

Summer Ideas

1. Go to the top of a very tall building to watch the sun go down.

2. Jump through sprinklers together.

3. Go star gazing. Name a star for your date.

4. Lie on the grass and watch clouds. Use your imagination and talk about what you see in the clouds.

5. Go to an amusement park, go on scary rides and eat cotton candy.

6. Go rafting or canoeing or tubing (using a truck inner tube).

7. Walk on the beach. Bury each other in the sand.

8. Visit a boardwalk or carnival and play games.

9. Get up really early and meet to watch the sun rise -- then go for breakfast at a diner.

10. Run in a 5 K race together.

11. Do a walk-a-thon (for some cause you care about) together.

12. Go fishing.

13. Write a message and tie it to a balloon (or send it off in a bottle). Ask whoever finds it to mail you the message and tell you where they found it.

14. Get a group together and go camping.

15. Make home made ice-cream!

16. Watch a Little League game and cheer like you're watching the pros.

Fall Ideas

1. Decorate the house for Halloween or Thanksgiving.

2. Carve pumpkins.

3. Go apple picking and make an apple pie with the apples.

4. Go in-line skating.

5. Make a scarecrow together.

6. Go bike riding.

7. Get a big old barrel, water, and apples and invite a group of friends to dunk for apples. Have a camera available. There will be great shots!

8. Go to a flea market. Find the silliest thing for sale.

9. Go to a historic site. Try to talk like people from that period of time.

10. Go to a football game and cheer for the underdog, or for your home team.

How to Get a Better Response From Your Ad By AVCupid.COM

theintelligentlight — Fri, 08 Jun 2012 20:41:00 GMT

By: AVCupid.com

Placing an ad in our site is free; however, it shouldn't be done off the cuff.

Successful online dating starts with the first moment someone sees your profile. It's the most important moment in online dating.

Each ad should be well thought out and reflect just what you are seeking. Be honest and straight-forward. Don't lie to the members of the site and pretend that you are someone that you are not, because someone looking for who you really are will miss you! This wastes your time and everyone else’s.

A picture is worth a thousand words. The ads of people who submit pictures get approximately 12 times the hits of those without pictures. You do not have to submit a picture with your ad, but it might be worth considering. At SinglesCrowd, we give you the opportunity to upload several large images and one preview image with your ad.

When you receive a response to your ad, it is either going to spark your interest, or not interest you at all. Even if the e-mail doesn't light your fire, it is always common courtesy to send a response, even if it is to say "Thanks, but no thanks." After all, this person was interested enough in you to send you an email, so take it as a compliment and send back an acknowledgement that the email was received. If the email does light your fire, then respond to it and enjoy!

Responding to an Ad

When you are searching our database, you need to realize that not everyone will be responding and not everyone will be interested in what you have to offer. So it is a good idea to respond to more than one ad at once. There can be a certain feeling out process to make sure this is a right rendezvous for all parties. While it can work, don't go overboard with your first email. Unless specifically asked, don't go into long tirades about what a good lover you are and what you will do with him/her/them when you meet. Try and introduce yourself and let the advertisers know a little bit about you. Just as someone putting in an ad should submit a picture, so should you send a picture when you respond to the ad.

Once you receive a response to your email it is time to start giving more information. This may be a good time to talk on the phone to get a better feel for the person. Then, when you feel comfortable, it is time for the meeting.

Meeting your Date

The first meeting is a big step. This should be fun, but also bear in mind that safety is an issue. That is why we recommend that the initial meeting be at a public place and either during the lunch hour or right after work. If things go well, you can arrange for an immediate, more intimate setting, or you can schedule one at a more convenient time and place.

Common Courtesy

This should be the norm, but unfortunately this sometimes gets lost in the shuffle. The first thing to remember is that NO MEANS NO. Just because you meet doesn't not mean that he/she/they have to like you and want to take things further. Things may change after a face-to-face meeting, so if the other party wants to break it off, do so. This is not a personal insult. Just smile, accept it and go on to the next one.

If you are invited to the other party's home, remember that you are a guest. You don't live there. Dress appropriately for the situation, bring a gift, don't put your feet up on the coffee table, etc. Just because you are entering into a possible relationship doesn't mean you have to be an idiot. Good manners go a long way in breaking through those first-time jitters. If you respect the other party, just as you would at work or school, you will do fine, and you will never lack new dating opportunities. Word gets around, and the fools suffer while the good ones are in high demand!

Do Men Like it When Women Ask Them Out? By AVCupid.COM

theintelligentlight — Wed, 06 Jun 2012 22:14:00 GMT

By: AVCupid.COM

Mr. Answer Man says:

Men definitely like it when women ask them out. What's not to like? But before you get busy with your phone and address book, there are a few things you should know.

For starters, a part of the guy will wonder if you've called him up because you want to have sex with him. Guys are generally hoping to have sex whenever they go on a date, so this probably won't mean he'll behave any different, but you might want to set some limits early on. (Unless that is why you called him.)

Also, be prepared for lots of dating gray areas: Who'll drive? Who'll pay? Who'll decide where to go? The impetus is generally on the guy to control the flow of events on a date, but since you initiated things, how far will the initiative extend? Ideally, this will be part of the fun, but it can lead to baffled expectations on both sides.

Another thing to consider is something guys have been dealing with since time began: The answer might be no.

I've Been Stood Up! By AVCupid.COM

theintelligentlight — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 22:11:00 GMT

By AVCupid.COM

Last night the guy I've been seeing for a while stood me up. He said he would come over at 8pm but never showed. This isn't the first time this has happened. At 9:30, I gave up and left the house. Before leaving, I sent him an email telling him how hurt I felt. I returned home and found no messages on the machine and no email response. I don't think it's too much to ask for a phone call if his plans change. This morning I got a curt response that turned the blame on me. He said I was irrational, that he thought our relationship was stronger than that. This really bothers me, but instead of feeling angry, I feel sad. I want him to apologize, but I also want things back the way they were before this all happened. Any advice? Maggie

Maggie, he's the one who should be feeling terrible, not you. He's the one who stood you up yet again, with no excuse and no apology. That he's turning the blame on you is further proof of his lack of consideration and character. Do you really want to be involved with someone who, rather than owning up to his mistakes, has the nerve to make the person he hurt feel in the wrong?

Yes, he should apologize, but even if he does, do you really want things to go back to the way they were? Do you really want to go back to being at the emotional mercy of someone who is unreliable and rather uncaring? I hope you let his not calling and his attempt to pin the blame on you be your wake-up call as to the kind of person he is -- in my opinion, not the kind of person who deserves to be your boyfriend.

Refreshing Your Relationship: Set Regular Dates By AVCupid.COM

theintelligentlight — Sat, 19 May 2012 09:04:00 GMT

By AVCupid.COM

A good portion of the enjoyment of a pleasant date is in the anticipation. We have a date for Friday night and we think about it throughout the week. We think about what we will wear, where we’ll go, what we’ll eat, what we’ll say and do. We plan on how long it will take to get ready and whether we’ll need to leave work a few minutes early.

When we enter a relationship, we stop dating. We see each other, of course, much more than we did in our dating days. At the onset of living together, we still have that sense of anticipation before seeing that beloved face. We hurry home to the most important person in our little world.

After years together, we become used to the routine. We may enjoy seeing our significant other as much as ever but the exhilarating anticipation has become normalized. We have become habituated to the lives together we have created.

We need to start dating again. We need to create special events that we can look forward to with keen relish. Thinks about when you last took a vacation or a pleasure trip. The days and weeks leading up to it were times of mounting excitement and planning; we saw it in our mind’s eye long before it took place. After it was over, we enjoyed remembering the things we had seen and done, secretly smiling at the fun we’d had and the free feelings we had experienced.

The same spirit-boosting results can be obtained, to a lesser degree but with more frequency, in planning small events with our partner.

A lunch or dinner date at a special place can be something we look forward to for a long happy week. A date to go bowling, or dancing, or golfing, can be set up several days in advance. Plan on when you are going to see that special movie or attend a concert.

An event simply needs to be special, it doesn’t have to be expensive. Plan a visit to the fast food chain where you had your first date. Take visits to local hotels to see which ones have the best free hors d’oevres at happy hour. Meet at a museum or an art gallery for a stroll together.

Send your honey a special invitation by card or e-mail. Advise that no “regrets” will be acceptable. Prepare for the date as carefully as if it was your first meeting and be on your best behavior as you were in that delicious dance of courtship.

When your friends question why you are in such a good mood lately, just smile and tell them that your life is so special that there’s no time left to be grumpy.

Tips In Solving Relationship Problems By AVCupid.COM

theintelligentlight — Sat, 12 May 2012 09:01:00 GMT

It can not be denied that relationships have been considered as the source of a loving relationship that is full of support, enthusiasm and pleasure, whether the relationship is in the family or to somebody you are intimately in love with. And we would like to experience such a relationship to last until death. Hence, we exert so much effort in order to nurture and to make it perfect if possible.

Whether we like it or not it can also be source of sadness and distress when it fails to address the basic elements for a good relationship. This is the reality of what they call relationship problem. To have a relationship problem does not necessarily follow that the relationship we started will automatically doom to failure. That will not be the case to happen. There is still a chance to fix it.

However, we will be required to do some extra effort to keep things intact. There are many couples who take things for granted. They do not bother their relationship problems, still with great hope that the problems will just disappear by itself. They reconcile with each other but never bother to examine what had occurred or why it happened and to find some solutions to the problem.

In view of this indifference, a majority of the couples are going through series of problems. There are some problems which are not too difficult to solve compared to others. And there is a need to really to ask for professional help from a counselor. A number of people believes that the professional guidance helps them in recovering their relationship and enabled them to discover different ways to work out their problems and resolve that it will not happen again in the future. Therefore, it is a must for every couple to deal immediately with their problems in order to be in the back in the right path and continually improve the relationship. Always seek some ways of getting back and relight the fading intimacy of love.

Relationship problems will always be part of our human existence. What do you think are the causes of such problems? Being too close to somebody can give us moral support, consolation and joy, but it could also be a source of grief, disappointment and misery. Secondly, we have ups and downs of being attracted. Sometimes, we do not feel to approach the person. We want to be alone. There are times that we are passive and not eager to see our beloved. And this can strain the relationship.

Sad to say, we have minimal control along this line of the relationship. Thirdly, we have the demands from our work and financial stability. We can not do away from their concrete pressures because are the sources of our life as a human being. They provide the basic necessities of life. Lastly, the differences in our goals to achieve and our expectations from each other so as to sustain the relationship. I suppose these are the areas of concern that we should immediately address in order to make some changes for satisfaction of the relationship. It will eventually lead us to grow together.

What are the most common problems of a relationship? We have the following problems namely, the communication is very poor, poor skill in solving problems, lack of support from one’s companion, and no quality time for each other.

Forgiveness and Forgetting

theintelligentlight — Wed, 02 May 2012 22:59:00 GMT

As the blinding flash of lightening and the rumbling roar of thunder, so it is with surprises and ideas. And especially with our own “ah-ha!” moments!

Isn’t it fascinating how not one of us is absolutely perfect? We have threaded our way through life, doing the best we know how. Sure, we all have weaknesses that get the best of us at times, but for the most part, we really are doing the best we know how. And yet, after all we have done, we still find that we fall short in the consistently perfect department.

So we again refocus our direction, reset our sights on the goals that we have set for ourselves, and step out on our own paths to success. And we should be pursuing all the paths to success that we can possibly handle, because that is the way we also develop our complete potential.

The important thing is that we are willing to acknowledge our mistakes and make course corrections as needed. That is the best we can do. That is the most we can do. Nothing more can be expected of us as we continue threading our pathway through life.

And that is the most we can expect of our partner, too. To make a union work, on the long term, we need to be willing to forgive and forget. Granted, that is not always an easy thing to do. Some things our partners do may sting and hurt us badly. But in the long run, the best thing to do is move onward.
We have the two choices: Stay or leave. Was the offense really bad enough to have to consider the two options? Is the damage done to our hearts really so deep and irrepairable that it can never go away?

Only you can decide the answer to that. Was it really that bad, or are we just unwilling to forgive and forget? Ponder the true gravity of the offense. Keep in mind, that to leave means total life changes, and theydo not always turn out for the best. Sometimes, of course, they can, in the case of leaving a truly abusive situation. But is your partner sincere in their efforts to change? Do their “fruits” prove the pudding?

To forgive and forget means to let it go. We may be justified in being somewhat cautious in our actions, allowing them ample time and space to prove themselves. But we also need to work on the “forgetting” part. That means, simply, that we do not continue to dredge up the past when it seems to support our “position”. We need to truly “let it go”.

Happiness is found in whatsoever places we look for it. The negative paths we follow from time to time will never turn up Joy. Joy and Happiness can only be found on the pathways of forgiveness and forgetting and moving forward with our lives.

Try it out. It may surprise you.