Ingenio Category: Relationship Coaching
There’s no way of getting around it: Breakups are agonizing. At least at some point in your life, you’ve probably experienced the disappointingly bitter end to a relationship you had high hopes for. Every waking moment feels like a recurring nightmare and bedtime just happens to be when your brain presses ‘play’ on the tragically painful reel of happy times gone-by. You feel hopeless.
Relief can seem hard to come by. Almost impossible. Whether your relationship has reached its final resting place or you’re taking a break in hopes of rekindling the spark down the line, here are 3 steps you can take to reclaim your confidence, develop your emotional awareness, and get you back on your feet (in some killer stilettos).
Step 1: SET BOUNDARIES
Too often do people succumb to their feelings of hopelessness after a breakup. This results in foolishly texting, calling, or desperately attempting to remain in contact. While it may sound harsh, you need to set specific, firm boundaries with your ex. No texting, no calling, no Facebooking.
Firm boundaries provide you valuable time to emotionally discover, discern, and recover. These moments are incredibly valuable in learning about yourself and maturing emotionally. Not only do they allow you to reflect, but they provide incredible clarity when you allow yourself to embrace being alone. Become fully present with yourself. What happened to my relationship? Why did we end the way we did? Is this what I really want and need? You can never grow if you can’t answer these questions honestly, and you can’t answer them honestly without space from your ex.
Step 2: REACH FOR POSITIVE CHANGE
It’s so easy to get swept away with self-loathing or self-punishment (or a combination of the two) when you’re experiencing a breakup. It is so critical to stop yourself, breathe, and use this opportunity to make positive change in your life. The possibilities are truly endless and can be as big or as small as you want. Look around for classes that interest you, pick up a hobby, and focus on your health and wellness by starting an exercise program. While it may seem the world is ending, you need to remember that you’re still alive, and you can’t let yourself or your spirit wither away. Redirect the energy that was going into your relationship towards yourself! Take advantage of this important time! Pretty soon, you’ll find that you feel more confident, free, and happy.
Step 3: REFLECT
This is a tough one to teach after a breakup, but it’s crucial. When there’s anger or frustration after a breakup, you may find yourself blaming the other person for the demise of a relationship. This is unfair and dishonest. Relationships are 50/50, and just as much as they may have been a contributing factor, so were you. You may be thinking, “Me? What do you mean I contributed to the breakup?” Sure, maybe you were entirely giving, present, and understanding, but remember: you picked your ex. Did you miss some red flags? Were there certain behaviors present at the beginning that you thought you might be able to change? Did you allow someone to take advantage of your giving nature? Whether you didn’t recognize it at first or you’re just learning now, these are all things you need to reflect upon to gain insight into who you are and what your needs are in a relationship. To be emotionally intelligent is to be proactive and work on what you can do differently from this moment onward: empower yourself to build a stronger relationship the next time around.