Ingenio Category: Relationship Coaching
Everyone can recall the very moment they fell in love with someone for the first time-- that magnetic draw and charged energy isn’t foreign to anyone with a pulse. Why is it then that those rousing feelings subside over time?
Intimacy is automatically simple when you’re in the throes of a new relationship. When we date, there’s little to focus on but feeding elementary desires; you go out to nice dinners, enjoy delicious cocktails during a show, and generally are light-hearted and free.
That stage has passed. The ring is on the finger and the commitment to one another is official and long-term. If the passion was there in the beginning, why isn’t it here now?
Most marriages experience a strain in passion and intimacy. With so many other responsibilities and stresses of life, like raising a family and maintaining a full work-schedule, keeping the love as fresh as day-1 becomes secondary. While it could sound impossible, time needs to be made for couples to focus on their intimacy.
If passion fades in a relationship, it becomes a large void that can swallow a marriage whole. Passion needs to be shared not just between two people, but shared between dreams, desires, and goals as well. While there is no end-all answer and shiny key to making a marriage work, there are simple things you can focus on every day to make your spouse feel loved, respected, desired, and appreciated.
5. Make Time
Seriously, do it. Life is hectic and it’s not going to slow down. If you don’t stop and create time to focus on nurturing your relationship as a couple, you’re going to end up suffering in the end. Get a babysitter, go out and enjoy being free, being silly, laughing, and smiling. Allow yourself to enjoy your partner alone and remember why they became your partner in the first place.
Couples sometimes get stuck and feel emotionally abandoned by their partners, losing sight of themselves and their partnership. All it takes is a little effort and practice. Remind yourself that it’s your duty as a loving, invested partner to show your partner you admire, respect, and desire them. You’ll find that with a bit of effort, the passion that seemed to dwindle suddenly appears to sparkle.
You may be married, but you’re still an individual on your own. As an individual, you have particular goals and dreams, not just as a unit, but for yourself. Your spouse is the same. If you truly love your partner, you recognize their personal goals and desires as an individual and provide them support and praise as they reach for them. Respecting your spouse is essential in a passionate marriage, and reminds your partner that you’re by their side all the way to the end.
3. Open Your Ears, Close Your Mouth
Listening to someone includes more than just hearing someone say something. When your partner speaks to you, shares any kind of information about how they’re feeling or what they’re thinking, take a moment to really listen. Really listen. Try to empathize and process what they’re telling you from their perspective. This will not just improve communication in relationship with your partner, but you’ll notice relationships on all fronts begin to shift as you practice listening.
2. Take Notice and Appreciate
Just because you’ve agreed to build a life together, which may entailing raising a family and doing anything that needs to be done to maintain that life, doesn’t mean your partner agreed to the role of Mr. or Mrs. Cellophane. The most successful marriages have partners that focus on the positive in one another and admire one another. Yes, sometimes couples become frustrated with one another, but think about their positive characteristics. Show your partner respect and appreciate them for what they do, even if it may seem small. Also, don’t forget to take notice of them and make them feel desired. It can be as simple as telling your partner they look good in the morning before going to work, or how you wish you could spend the whole day in bed just laying with them.
Along those similar lines, don’t forget to flirt! You can—and should!—always flirt with your spouse. A smile or even a gentle touch makes all the difference in the world. Show your partner you don’t just respect them, but you’re attracted to them as well!