Ingenio Category: Relationship Coaching
Love hurts... Is that true? Sure feels true (sometimes). Love, like everything else is an experience laced with many lessons along the way. I think what was most painful for me, was falling in love and attaching to the notion of "forever" and having an expectation that his love would look like mine, and if it didn't (and it never did!)... my interpretation would be that he didn't love me... OUCH! And... the absolute truth is that I can never know for absolute certain how anyone feels about me. All I can absolutely know is what my own mind projects and the feelings I experience are the result of the thought I'm attached too in the moment. That's all that's possible. I came to realize that love doesn't hurt, but my thoughts about it and what it should look like did. It was me who was causing my pain.
In order for love to not have the sting and pain, I had to be willing to look at me. I had to look at my belief system around the concept of love, and did my belief system support me and the true essence of love or just my agenda about it? The true essence of love gives without any strings attached; without any "shoulds". It celebrates what makes the other person happy. It wants what the other person wants, and that doesn't mean we can stay together. If I really love you, what makes you happy is what makes me happy... even if that means your path guides you away from me or mine from you. That doesn't mean that I won't miss you, and even long for you but it helps to know that we all have a journey beyond egos, neediness and personal agendas. Indeed, it's ego, neediness and personal agenda that often robs us of the true essence of love, repelling what we most want to attract.
In my experience, I love who I love and there's nothing I can do about that. I also don't love who I don't love and there is nothing I can do about that either... it just is what it is... or isn't. We love who we love until we don't. When the spark of romantic love diminishes, it's no ones fault, it's just an indication to me that change is at hand. I can meet that change or I can resist it and try to manipulate a different outcome... and in the end change comes with or without my approval. The question is, how much war does my thinking create as I resist what is inevitable? How do I attack and diminish you for not giving me what I want? How do I attack and diminish myself for wanting what you aren't able to give? Where's the love? It seems love goes out the window when your life and path call you to your unique destiny that doesn't include me. If I'm ego centered, needy with my own agenda and manipulations, I'm going to become a victim of my own thinking and blame you. Personalities don't love, they want something.