These article's are
based on my years of studying and working with their partners (you) and
abuse you have been subjected too. I hope these articles will give you more
insight into the minds and behavior patterns of the insecure/fear based
personality type and why you are attracted to them time and time again.
Why do smart
intelligent adults chase the wrong personality types? Why are you attracted to
the same personalities types who hurt and take advantage of your loving nature
time and time again? Is it because you have a mental disorder? No, it is the
behavior patterns that your early childhood care givers exhibited that you are
making the emotional connection with. It did not matter who it was per say, your
mother, father, grandmother, etc. It was their intermittent or abusive behavior
patterns in your early childhood years that you were ill equipped to deal with or understand that set
the blueprint for your behavior patterns today in adult life. It is what is
called a (repetition complex). Many times my clients ask me why do I always fall
for the same type of male or female who treats me badly. The reason is that you
are responding to the same behavior patterns you remember as a child. It is not
the adult in you that is responding or attracted to these emotional vampires, it
is the child in you that is responding. Remember the sub conscious mind has no
conception of time, it does not reason, it does not rationalize.
child you did not have the emotional experience/knowledge to understand why you
were being abused or mistreated. All you could understand at that young age is
that their must be something wrong with me, I am bad, I am unlovable. Why are
you "abandoning me" both emotionally and physically. Why are you beating me?
Hurting me? Abusing me? It must be because I am bad and worthless. So what does
the child do at that young age to get the love and security that the child so
desperately wants and needs? The only thing the child can do, chase and continue
to try and prove to their caregivers that I am good, I am lovable, I am sorry, I
will not do this again, please love me! The real problem is the poor child never
knew what the hell they did in the first place to be at the receiving end of all
this mistreatment. The child did not have the emotional intelligence/experience
or understanding to realize that it was their primary caregivers that were the
So the tape was made (your emotional behavior
pattern/attachment style). The blueprint was set. You meet someone in your adult
life, their intermittent and abusive behavior patterns is what attracts you. Not
you the rational adult, you the child. So what does the adult/child do? The only
thing they can do, the only thing they have ever known. The exact same things
you did as a child, chase, chase, try to prove that you are a lovable person so
you are not abandoned again. In your mind, if I can have this new person (who
represents the same behavior patterns as your primary care givers) loves and
accepts me, all past sins will be forgiven. (Repetition complex) is
developed. This is never the case, you can learn from history but you cannot
rewrite history. It is time to erase the old tape, (your emotional blueprint) it
does not work anymore.
Think about this my friends, if you were not
abused as a child and had a somewhat normal life where you were loved and
accepted for the wonderful child you were and are. Had the coping skills, where
your self esteem was not shattered and beaten down. Where you learned to love,
trust and be loved and trusted. Would you as an adult be with people who would
abuse and mistreat you, emotionally, physically or sexually. I think not. To
change old behavior patterns (the tape) is not easy but it is not impossible.
You have the power within you to make the change and erase the old tape.
Emotional vampires do
not love and respect themselves. They are highly insecure personality types.
They cannot validate themselves, they need validation from outside sources.
Their arrogant, intermittent emotional behavior towards you is a smoke screen to
cover up their insecurity and fear. They need you, more than you need them. This
is their secret, something they never want you uncover. They know once you do,
they are finished. They have been exposed. Remember the "WIZARD of OZ" once
Dorothy went behind the curtain the Wizard was exposed. He was finished.