She wants love, he wants sex? Men and women can be very
different when it comes to love and sex. It’s said that men give love to get
sex, and that women give sex to get love. Of course, every man and woman is
different in his or her attitudes and desires towards sex and love.
While some women are “freer” about having sex outside of a
committed relationship, and some men prefer to have sex only in an exclusive
partnership, what do these gender differences mean?
Misunderstandings can occur when a woman assumes that sex
with a man means they are in a committed relationship, or that he wants
anything more than physical intimacy. Communication is important. Discuss with
your partner what it means if the two of you have sex. Do you date others, have
sex with others, are you planning a future together, just having fun, or not
sure where things are going? A man might not volunteer information about other
partners if he thinks it will decrease his chances with you. Or, he may think
it’s not that important to you if you don’t bring up the issue. A man might
also tell you he’s not serious, or just dating to let you know the two of you
are not exclusive.
Why do men and women often differ about sex? One reason is
how the sexes are raised. Girls who grow up with a mother learn to stay close
to her and follow her female ways. Boys generally learn while growing up to
distance from Mom and her female ways and become a man. Ultimately, girls learn
to stick close starting with their first relationship to Mom, while men are taught
from childhood to move away from this relationship. As adults, women generally
feel more comfortable being close in a relationship and men generally feel more
ease with some distance in relationships. This can translate into women’s
greater desire for commitment and men’s greater ease with freedom.
If you are wondering about sex and love in your dating or
married life, speak with a licensed psychotherapist. Every person is a
different and your love and sex style is formed by a multitude of factors.