FORENSIC/THERAPEUTIC PROFILING

"UNDERSTANDING HUMAN BEHAVIOR" On a FORENSIC level, Handwriting Analysis is used for, Assisting Criminologists & Law Enforcement agents in behavioral profiling involving crimes of violence.

Saint Valentines Day Massacre
Florida School Shooting
Threat Assessment
Part Two (2)

 In criminal profiling the profilers have the "what, why, were, how and when." They attempt to determine the "who."  In threat assessment profiling we have the "who, where, why, what, how."  We attempt to prevent the "when," violence will occur. Threat assessment profiling is the first line of defense when attempting to prevent an act of violence. Answering the question "what is the best I can hope for, what is the worst I can expect" from this personality when he/she has reached a saturation point and will explode in a fit of anger and rage.

Unfortunately if a person or persons is hell bent on committing an act of terrorism/violence domestic or foreign they will find a way. We can ban all guns, they will use something else, car, truck, bomb, knife, a book of matches and a can of lighter fluid will cause harm and death in the wrong hands. Paying attention to the early warning signs is the first line of defense. There were many warning signs with this kid, no one paid attention. Why do I say that. I stated in my first profile that these people many times than not "leak future behavior" prior to their act violence. People do not wake up one day and decide they will become mass killers. This process evolves over a period of time. Changes in their behavior is the first indicator of a possible issue. Postings on their Facebook page, or some other social media outlet. Talking about a violent act to a friend due to some stress or anger over an issue. This builds up over time until some event in his/her life "triggers" the violence.

All threats are not created equal but all threats must be addressed in a timely fashion. Decisions on how they are handled must be done quickly. A threat can be spoken, written or implied. Making a gun with your fingers and pointing it at someone is an implied threat.
This young man was a very troubled personality, he enjoyed shooting small animals with his BB gun. This shows a lack of any empathy. He violated others personal space, being a peeping tom and looking into his neighbors windows. Stealing their mail. His next door neighbor has stated he tried to kill and poison his dog more than once. This was a problem teenager, yet no one stepped in to talk to him. Ask him what is troubling him. He was a loner but not by choice. This only added to his anger. These behavior patterns combined with his U-Tube video wanting to be a "professional school shooter" were very serious red flags that needed to be addressed. The FBI was made aware of this video back in September they stated that it was not a "direct threat" and fell into the "indirect threat" category. His past behavior patterns and this video tells me he had intent. He also had the means to carry out this threat, he had weapons. When assessing a threat the first thing we would look for does the person making the threat have the means to carry out the threat. He did, he had weapons. That should have never been overlooked. To many red flags were overlooked with this teenager, this school shooting could have been prevented.

Part three (3) tomorrow

 

Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI
Saint Valentines Day Massacre
Florida School Shooting
Threat Assessment
Part One (1)
My heart and prayers go out to all of the families who lost loved ones in todays school shooting in Florida Now why? What caused this nineteen year old to decide to kill his classmates. First, there is always a "trigger" that sets them off. This attack was well planed. From a threat assessment perspective "people do not just wake up one morning and decide they are going to kill people." He was stewing over something weeks in advance. This was a well planned and calculated attack. His language may have changed from "indirect and veiled threats" to a more "focused and direct threat." What "triggered" him. The most important thing that people must remember is that a "change in behavior, is a change in that persons reality." People were not paying attention to that change. Stating that he was a weirdo and a loner and leaving it at that is not good enough. This man had problems and he stated those problems and issues but no one was listening. Was the loss of his girlfriend the "trigger" was "jealousy" over that loss, the "trigger."
He was kicked out of school for fighting with her new boyfriend. He was offended, rejected and shunned by his classmates. He had a keen interest in guns. He went from shooting a BB gun in his back yard and killing small animals, this shows a "lack of empathy." He acquired an AR-15. This shows an escalation in his behavior and mind set. This kid was a ticking time bomb ready to go off. How and where did he get these weapons from? He either talked about what was troubling him to someone or posted that anger on his Facebook page or some other media outlet. No one paid attention. When you see a change in a persons behavior;
 
You don't pay attention to what a person says, you pay very close attention to "what it is" they are saying.

This gives you a good indication of what is going on in their head. I have stated time and time again "be a competent observer of your environment." A change in behavior or language is a change in a persons reality. It is up to all of us to investigate that change and what caused it.
This kid had revenge in his heart, he had a gun, he became strong and feared. This school shooting was the first time in his life people paid attention to him. The cost was seventeen lost lives.
Tomorrow part two (2)

 

Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI

Flaky People
Part Two (2)

What are Flaky People? They are very insecure personalities. They are extremely jealous and envious. They are very catty and insecure about themselves. So destroying you is considered sport. They over compensate for their insecurities in many diverse ways. Many of these personality types have behavior patterns very similar to Narcissistic and Borderline (emotionally unstable) behavior patterns and a combination of both called a co-morbid crossover. Their fear of rejection, ridicule, abandonment have them act out these fears in very self centered ways. They need to be the center of attention, they do not care how their behaviors affect others, it is always all about them. There fear abandonment in relationships is so terrifying for them they never let you get to close to them. To these insecure personalities if you do get to close to me, you can hurt me. Flaky personalities must always guard against true closeness or intimacy. So they will curtail all contact with a person to who he/she feels might becoming close to them. For example, here on one day gone the next. These behaviors are all part of their need to be in control. They do not feel they owe you any explanation for their hurtful behavior towards you.

The female Flaky personality is called an "Entitlement Princess" because she behaves as if she thinks she is royalty and therefore entitled to anything she wants, no matter what the consequences are for others. In colloquial terms, she has often been more crudely portrayed simply as a soiled brat."
The male Flake is no better, he feels special and entitled to special treatment, he knows all and treats others like they are objects rather than people, they are there only to serve his wants and needs. Many are Commitment Phobic types.  
These personalities behavior patterns fall under the "entitled or spoiled" narcissistic type.

Flaky personalities are also extremely unreliable and inconsistent, usually because they are so self-absorbed. They fail to turn up to pre-arranged meetings or are hours late, they will not return a call or text message for days offering only obvious lies as excuses for their inconsiderate behavior towards you.
They believe the world centers around them so they act in accordance to that belief.

They have a deep need for attention. You will also notice that in any group situation, when someone stands out of the crowd or holds the audience, the Flaky personality will find a way of undermining the one having the attention, for they must have that all for themselves. They will find ways to act up. The true drama king and queen. Flirting, acting provocative, talking loud, making a scene of some sort, etc. Remember everything in their lives is a major event. Social media such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc., Is where they can acquire the attention they need. Since they cannot validate themselves they need you to validate them and their sense of self worth. Social Media is their stomping ground. They are the ones who change their profile picture every other day, make up stories about themselves, many of the stories I have analyzed for content about alleged kidnappings, assaults, racist incidents have been false stories.  They become very offended when they do not get a hundred likes. Everything they do is posted. They believe everyone needs to know everything about their lives because they are so special. When that attention is not forth coming they will hide their profile for a week or so. Then it will reappear again. Remember "movement attracts attention." They will block you and defriend you at the drop of a hat because of something you may have said or didn't say to their attention getting games. These are the personalities who cannot be off their I-phone for two seconds at dinner or any other social engagement.

Flaky personalities are always ready to take offense or feel slighted by even the most casual remark which they perceive as being hostile to them. They commonly misinterpret what others say or write, as if it was meant badly towards them, even when it's not about them. They can feel insulted by what seems to others to be an innocuous remark and cannot take even the least kind of criticism. This will also result in their making a campaign out of the destruction of the critic. Nothing will be spared in that quest. They will spread rumors about you to others. They will ruin your reputation. They will do everything in their power to have everyone not believe you. They will do everything in their power to discredit you, so everyone will not take anything you have to say about them seriously. They must keep that mask up at all costs.

Flaky personalities are terrified of Alpha personalities a true confident male or female.
They find such personalities so catastrophically threatening that they almost pretend that these personalities don't exist. This is because of the possibility of rejection or abandonment either due to their ability to see through them (which they certainly do very quickly) or because they fear that such a confident personality will not be interested in them (which he/she certainly wouldn't) or, if they were to embark on a relationship with them, they would soon reject and abandon them for another. Alpha's see right through these personality types. This is the Flaky personalities fear. The fear that you will be able to expose them for the insecure personalities they are. They do everything in their power to discredit you. They will make you out to be the problem, the jerk, the problems in any relationship with them or friends. You are always the problem, so lying about you and talking behind your back is a common tactic of these personality types. When true Alpha's come into the room, these insecure personalities disappear. This is to disguises and conceal their fear. They are frightened stiff of the Alpha's because they know true Alpha's are no fools and can see right through them.

I could go on and on about Flaky Personalities, don't be fooled. If you are a true confident male or female you will not be for very long. If you are unsure about the people in your personal or professional life call me, my ex. is 01155 I will be more than happy to help you.

Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI

Profiling
 
I was asked last week can I teach classes or courses in profiling. Yes, I can. I did so for many years and still do to this day. Every conversation I have with clients I teach you something. It is one thing for me to explain to you why people act the way they do. That has never been enough for me. I want you to learn. I want you to become educated. What to watch out for, the behaviors that people may do to cause you harm and emotional discomfort. Every conversation we have is a class in understanding human behavior. I will teach you something about handwriting analysis based on American Trait Theory, Statement Analysis for deception detection, Nonverbal Communication body language. The psychology behind those behavior patterns and traits. What a person may be saying and projecting and what they are feeling may be two entirely different matters.
 
 I had a client call me last week, she stated that she was having problems at work. "Tony, there is a woman I work with that acts like she really likes me, I need to go to her for help and ask her questions, I am a new hire and she has been there for a while, yet I feel that she is not being genuine with me. I always feel that she is not giving me all the information I need to become better at my job function, is there a way I can be sure Tony?" I said yes there is. The next time you see her I want you to watch her eyebrows. If she truly likes you when she sees you her eyebrows will flash up and down very quickly. If there is no eyebrow flash this woman is not your friend and you must be on guard when interacting with her.   
 
My client called me back and said to me "Tony, she never flashes her eyebrows when she sees me, you were right. She is not my friend is she?" "I said no, she is not, what that reason is we don't know. It is very possible she feels threatened by you in some way, or she could be envious of you for some reason." "What is important for you to understand is that you need to double check everything she tells you."
 
"Do not change your behavior when interacting with her. I want you to remain consistent, be friendly and polite." "She will watch you like a Hawk and if she feels slighted or disrespected by you in any way, shape or form things will go from bad to worse."
 
So in every conversation we have, I will teach you something about human behavior and why people act the way they do. Knowledge is power. The more you learn and understand the sooner you begin helping yourself. I can be reached here on Ingenio my Ex. is 01155
I will be more than happy to help you anyway I can. Better yet, teach you something about human behavior.
 
 
 

Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI

Flaky People

What are flaky people? Men and women can be flaky. In my research yesterday I came across an article that talked about women on dating sites and their behavior patterns, and what men should watch out for. I asked myself what about the men and their behavior and what women should watch out for? In my work I have seen as much flaky behavior from men as I have seen from women. Some men on dating sites are only out there looking for hook ups. They are not looking for a serious relationship. They are looking for quick easy sex. They come in strong, confident and sound great. The problem with some of these men, not all, is they just want sex. No more no less, do they tell you women that up front? No, they all sound the same in the beginning "I am looking for a serious relationship" and they tell you "I am an honest guy" or "I am not into playing games" and the best one I have heard is "I love to take long walks on the beach" really? The only time a guy wants to take a long walk on the beach is when he is fishing for stripers.

If you are so honest and caring why talk about it. If I am a straight forward guy I don't have to tell you that. Same goes for the women, as soon as I hear "I am not into playing games" I know you are into game playing and I have a drama queen on my hands. One of the biggest red flags' for me is texting. After you have made an introduction and have met on a date or two the texting should be dialed back a little. If texting is your only form of communication you may be walking into a red flag. Yes I understand that everyone texts but after a while you want phone time. If I can't talk to you at night when you are home alone that tells me something is wrong. Yes you and your new love interest text all day long, yet it drops off at night or it is non existent. The other red flag is the texting at night is not fluent there are long breaks in between texts. He or she only answers you in one or two word answers. The communication between the two of you seems off breaking Paul Grice's Conversational Maxims. These Maxims are; quality, quantity, relevance and manner.
These Maxims hold true in all forms of communication. When these Maxims are broken, deception is not far behind.

Another red flag for me is he/she never wants to take you out or be seen with you in public. He will come over to your house at night usually during the week with a pizza in hand and a cheep bottle of wine, eat and have sex and off he goes with the "I have to be up early for work tomorrow." OK, so get up early from my house what difference does it make, early is early no matter what bed he crawls out of. No, that does not happen, he needs his bed and his pillow to get a good nights sleep. Every weekend he has some excuse as to why he can't see you. Yet during the week he is all yours. I had a client who was played for over a year with this personality type. She would "rationalize" his behavior away. A serious mistake she would come to regret. I read all his text messages for content, I could not believe what I was reading, he was very intelligent, in his forties had a good job. When I was reading his texts to her questions about where they were going in their relationship, he sounded like a special needs kid. He broke Paul Grice's Maxims of "quality and relevance." He never answered her questions in a straight forward manner. He never introduced her to his family, friends he never wanted her to show up at his work place. This wonderful piece of work is now engaged to the woman he was living with while he was cheating on her with my client who ended up broken hearted. I am sure he was with many other women as well.
This non-committal, emotionally unavailable, cheating man is pairing up with an overly attentive female willing to hang in there, no matter what, this is a surprisingly common type of relationship. Why, does a woman stay true to such a man? It may be because she believes his very aloofness makes him a more desirable catch. This is a very well crafted game that players use very effectively. She believes if she hangs in there long enough, he will eventually commit, and it will mean so much more because he was so ambivalent about her in the beginning. She sees a chance for self-validation because she is finely earning his attention. No, you are letting your ego get in the way of your common sense. If a man or woman is into you they will show it in words and actions. If they are only whispering sweet nothings into your ear, that is exactly what you have, sweet nothings. When you are unsure about your new love interest, call me, I will be more than happy to help you.

My ex. is 01155 I will offer you free time after every call. I look forward to talking to you.

         

Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI

 
Emotional Vampires
Part Four (4)
Behavior Patterns
 
 
In part four of  (emotional vampires) I will get into more detail on the behavior patterns that are exhibited by these personality types. Many of these behaviors are listed in my original article called (Dysfunctional Personalities) on my web site, www.iafei.com . These personalities were not born this way, they were made this way by early childhood upbringing. This could have been by the parents "spoiling" the child, teaching the child a unrealistic sense of "entitlement" or "depriving" the child of love and affection or by emotional or physical abuse. These personalities were never given the proper survival skills to react to the real world in a mature adult manner. As they mature in age, they never mature emotionally. They have remained an emotional immature child in an adult body.           
These behaviors will help you to understand why these personalities act the way they do towards you. These behaviors and defense tactics  are employed as a form of (ego protection) to protect them from getting emotionally hurt. They cannot deal with emotional pain or loss. They fear it, their behavior is a well crafted smoke screen to cover up their  fear and insecurity. Their motto "if you do not get close to me, you can't hurt me."  When their (engulfment fears) are triggered then (abandonment) "real or imagined" is not far behind. Better I hurt you before you hurt me. I will run from you first, before you leave me type of thinking. With these personality types "they will twist the facts to fit their emotions" with normal emotional mature adults "our emotions fit the facts."  Many of these personalities types are (commitment phobic types), (avoidant types), (fearful types), (introverted types), (borderlines), (narcissists), (anxious pre-occupied types). Each and everyone of these personality types are very insecure and use a long list of dysfunctional behaviors patterns to hide and mask their insecurity. Remember you are not the problem. When you are made to feel that you are not good enough for them, the real issue is they feel they are not good enough for you. This last set of behavior patterns is that I run into the most when talking to a client that has just become involved with a new love interest. They are the (commitment phobic and avoidant type).  What causes this behavior pattern.  
 
 
Commitment Phobic By
  
 People who have commitment issues, commitment phobia or relationship anxiety (l will use these terms interchangeably) generally have a serious problem in staying in a relationship for the long-term. While they still experience love like anyone else, the feelings can be more intense and scary than they are for most people. These feelings drive increased anxiety, which builds upon itself and snowballs as the relationship progresses  and the expectation of a commitment looms larger.

The causes of commitment phobia are as varied as the people who suffer from it. Typically, however, many people with commitment issues have complained of having experienced poor romantic relationships, either first-hand or through observation of others (such as their parents acrimonious relationship or divorce while growing up). Other common causes of commitment phobia may include:

  • Fear of, or having had, the relationship end without notice or signs
  • Fear of not being in the right relationship
  • Fear of, or having been in, an unhealthy relationship (characterized by abandonment, infidelity, abuse, etc.)
  • Trust issues because of past hurts by those close to the person
  • Childhood trauma or abuse
  • Unmet childhood needs or attachment issues
  • Complicated family dynamics while growing up
Engulfment
 
An unhealthy and overwhelming level of attention and dependency on another person, which comes from imagining or believing one exists only within the context of that relationship.

Feeling Swallowed Up by my emotions for another person. Engulfment is a distortion of reality, in which the status of a relationship is given inappropriate levels of priority over other physical and emotional needs. The Personality-Disordered person believes there is a sense of crisis around the relationship, and a "fix-it-at-all-costs" strategy is deployed to deal with any perceived weaknesses in the relationship - real or imagined.

People who practice engulfment sometimes put immense pressure on family, friends and partners to behave as if the Personality-Disordered person is at the center of their world. They may demand time, resources, commitment and devotion from a Non beyond what is healthy. Relationships with outsiders, family and friends may be seen as threats and be frowned upon. Work, hobbies and interests which take a partners attention and energy away may appear threatening to them. Acts of independence by that person may be met with begging, argument, threats, even acts of retribution and violence.

Ironically, when a person deploys an engulfment approach to managing a relationship they are more likely to become less attractive to the other person and drive them further away emotionally as they speak, act and make decisions in ways that are increasingly dysfunctional. As a result, engulfment is often visible in a cyclical or intermittent basis rather than on a continuous basis as the emotional temperature of the relationship ebbs and flows. It is sometimes the case that a person with a Personality Disorder will follow a cyclical pattern between engulfment and rejection which is known as Push-Pull.

Ambivalence

Ambivalence occurs in intimate relationships when there is the coexistence of opposing emotions and desires towards the other that create an uncertainty about being in the relationship. It is our nature to split our experience into polarities, such as good/bad, right/wrong and emotions such as love/hate, joy/sadness. One could say that we constantly deal with the opposite of our experience even if that is unconscious.

As we become closer to our beloved and feel connected our experience is defined by the possibility of separation. Every time we say 'yes' there is a 'no' in the background informing our choice. If I am saying 'yes' to something wholeheartedly, I can feel that yes in every cell of my being. 'No' has been considered and rejected, however fleetingly, and my 'yes' has the quality of certainty. If my desire to say 'no' interferes with my 'yes' it will be said with hesitation and doubt, and a lingering uneasy feeling that causes me to hold back; I am unable to fully commit to that yes. So not only does the opposite polarity define my experience but the degree to which I have integrated it into my conscious­ness will also affect my experience.

Ambivalence could be said to occur when we are stuck between two polarities, and unable to reconcile them.

 

 Push Pull By Out of the Fog.

Push-Pull - is a chronic pattern of sabotaging and re-establishing closeness in a relationship without apparent cause or reason. It's that back and forth feeling of wanting to be close to someone, letting them into a more intimate and vulnerable position in our life, being suffocated, or becoming afraid of that vulnerability, needing to escape [potentially] being hurt, fearing the loss, acting on that fear, and then desperately trying to get that person back from fear of that abandonment, often by apologizing profusely and doing everything we can to be perfect for them again. Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

Often for me this breaks down to two key factors; wanting to be intimately close to someone, and fear of being hurt/abandoned by them at the same time. The closer you allow someone to get to you, the more vulnerable you become to the reality that they are now in a position to hurt you more than other people. If you keep people at a distance you have a safety zone, an emotional buffer. But this doesn't allow for true intimacy.


Splitting

Splitting is when you are loved one minute and hated the next.  You are idealized one minute and devalued the next.  These personalities "project" their self hatred  on to you. "You" are the canvas they paint all of their dysfunction on to. The problem they will have is when "you" do not fall for their gas lighting, dysfunctional tactics. That ramps up their game playing and attempts to regain control over you. They are losing control. When they feel that loss of control, abandonment is not far behind.  Dysfunctional personalities use sex in the early stages of the relationship to get you emotionally hooked in. That is why sex with these personalities is off the charts in the early stages or the seduction phase. This causes most of the confusion when getting involved with these personalities. Many people confuse sex with love. The split comes when they cannot control you. That intensifies their insecurity. That triggers their abandonment fears. I can't control you, you will leave me. You do not jump to my drum beat, you will leave me. Their rage against you is their self loathing,  they are really raging against themselves. You are their dart board.

Passive Aggressive

Passive Aggressive behavior is a form of covert abuse.  When someone hits you or yells at you, you know that you've been abused. It is obvious and easily identified. Covert abuse is subtle and veiled or disguised by actions that appear to be normal, at times loving and caring. The passive aggressive person is a master at covert abuse.

Passive aggressive behavior stems from an inability to express anger in a healthy way. A person's feelings may be so repressed that they don't even realize they are angry or feeling resentment. A passive aggressive can drive people around him/her crazy and seem sincerely dismayed when confronted with their behavior. Due to their own lack of insight into their feelings the passive aggressive often feels that others misunderstand them or, are holding them to unreasonable standards if they are confronted about their behavior.

References; 

DSM 4 TR 

DSM 5

Sam Viknin; Malignant Self Love Narcissism Revisited

Out of the Fog

Shari Schreiber, M.A.; the Male Borderline

Wendy T. Behary, LCSW; Disarming the Narcissist

Daniel J. Siegel, MD; Disarming the Narcissist

Jeffrey Young, Ph.D.; Disarming the Narcissist

Dr. Susan Forward; Obsessive Love

Wikipedia; the Free Encyclopedia

A.J. Mahari June 26, 2008 
Shari Schreiber, M.A.

Cathy Meyer Original Content  2007-2014 

Understanding Human Behavior; Columbia House Volumes 1-24

Angermentor.com 

 

 


Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI

Emotional Vampires

Part Three (3)

Behavior Patterns

 

 

Remember there are two types of confidence, there is confidence in ones function and there is confidence in me, myself and I. Confidence in function is what he/she does for a living. They could be very confident in what they do, after of years of doing the same thing over and over they become confident. Repetition in ones function increases confidence.

I do not pay attention to confidence in their function. I pay attention to the confidence and self esteem a personality has in the me, myself and I. Many times people mistake the person's confidence in function as being confident in themselves. Nothing could be further from the truth. The emotional vampire and highly insecure/fear based  personality attempts to roll the confidence they have in function onto themselves in an attempt to fool you.

They want you to believe you are getting a confident personality with good self esteem. They over compensate for their lack of true self esteem by being arrogant and haughty. They have their act down to a science. Do not pay attention what a person does for a living, what type of car they have, how much money they flash around. Pay close attention to how they act. How they treat others, and are they consistent in the behavior over an extended period of time.  

 

  

 Many times when I  profile a personality, the traits  and behavior patterns I detect, identify, analyze and evaluate will not always be expressed right away. These behavior patterns will manifest themselves later into the relationship. I will tell you what you can expect when emotion comes onto play and their logic and self control gets high jacked by their emotions. Many of the insecure personalities I have profiled will use covert tactics to manipulate and control their target. Such as and not limited to;

 

Gas lighting (making you second guess your perception of the facts and yourself).

 

Domineering behavior, (punish you when they don't get their way) this punishment can be very covert. Not being on time for an important meeting, not having dinner on the table when you are coming home with a guest, going for a night out and all of a sudden he/she is gets sick.

It could also be shown in very overt ways, out right aggression and physical abuse when they feel you are not going to give them their way or do as they want. 

 

Passive aggressive behavior, (never talking to you in an adult manner over what is troubling them, they use their aggression and anger in covert ways) to undermine you. Never being on time, not calling when they say they will, and never following through on tasks or promises when they are triggered. Forgetting things you wanted them to do or needed them to do for you.  

 

Silent treatment game is (passive aggressive) All of a sudden they won't talk to you, answer your texts, e-mails or your phone calls. If you are living with them he/she will just sit there and make believe you do not exist. You feel alienated, cast aside. Abandoned. And it doesn't seem like they care at all. Or worse, they seem to get enjoyment when they know how this is affecting you.

 

Distancing behavior, is (passive aggressive) this is a favored tactic of the insecure and fear based personality. I am leaving you game, I am not that interested in you game, I could take you or leave you game. They stop texting or calling as much.

 

Deception and lying,  is a conscious act to deceive or mislead the target, doing so deliberately. Deception is called an (escape trait).  People who lie can choose not to lie. Those who do lie, know they are lying. There are two ways to lie, to (conceal) or to (falsify). In (concealment) the deceiver leaves out important information without saying anything untrue called (lying by omission). When the deceiver (falsifies), this is a two step process. The deceiver withholds true information and also will presents false information as if it were true.  Why do people lie, there are many reasons, some of the reasons are to avoid punishment or censure for a crime or act, to avoid being rejected, ridiculed, criticized, to avoid being humiliated or losing face, as some may call it. Some may lie or embellish on a story for attention seeking or to appear more important than they really are in reality.  A form of (ego protection). When you ask questions do they answer you in a straight forward manner? When a person is being truthful with nothing to hide every question you ask carries the same weight.

 

 

Projection, projecting their insecurities on to you. You must be cheating on me, you lie all the time, you are just being jealous, when you are not.

 

Projective identification, differs from simple projection in that projective identification can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, whereby a person, believing something false about another, influences or coerces that other person to carry out that precise projection. In extreme cases, the recipient may lose any sense of their real self and become reduced to the passive carriers of outside projections, as if possessed by them.

 

Traumatic Bonding, this behavior pattern is when the abuser becomes the rescuer and the rescuer becomes the abuser.  Called (intermittent reinforcement). This behavior pattern is very insidious and has the abused longing for the highs and fearing the lows. Both of these strong emotions release dopamine in the brain. This neurotransmitter is very addictive to the cells it docks onto. It is responsible for learning, memory, and wanting you to crave things more, the addiction. This addiction can be a chemical addiction (to a drug) or behavioral addiction (to a behavior).  

You must remember the cells in the brain do not look at a peptide as being a positive peptide or a negative peptide. The cells get hooked on the intensity of the peptide.

 

For people interring a new relationship:

 

The weekend disappearing act, they are never able to see you on the weekends. They have a family engagement, they have to work overtime, their pet gold fish died, etc. Be suspicious when he/she can only see you on certain days during the week. Also when having a texting conversation did they break the conversation off suddenly.  Also be suspicious when they never want to call you and only text or when you call them and they never answer the phone and always call you back later. Be on guard for very equivocal text messages and a quick change in language.

 

Examples: Hi where are you? "Out with some friends, hay how was your day?"

Who was out? The word "with" shows distance, "some friends" is a way to hide their identity. "how was your day" a quick change in language off the topic of your conversation.     

Just as they do in person, deceptive people will take advantage of any opportunity they can to change the subject from their lie. Fortunately in text, it's a little more obvious.

Be skeptical when someone tries to distance themselves from the story. A common way to do this is to avoid the use of personal pronouns such as "I" and "we." Additionally, liars may distance other people from the story in an attempt to hide their identity, referring to them as "some people" or "some friends."

Lying is uncomfortable for everyone involved. Most liars don't want to fully commit to a lie and will often use noncommittal language. Popular noncommittal phrases include "I guess," "possibly or probably," "must have," "pretty sure," and "we'll see."

 Many deceptive people set up their lies with qualifying statements. These statements show that the liar is uncomfortable with what they're about to say. Some examples include, "I hate to tell you," "don't take this the wrong way," "to be honest," "I'm just saying," and "I hear what you're saying."

 

Love bombing, he/she comes in hot and heavy very quickly. They have found the man or woman of their dreams, want sex quickly. They give you non stop attention and affection that is a little to much for the amount of time you have spent together. Once they have you on the emotional hook the games begin.

 

These personalities will use the same tactics on you that work on them. These personalities could be a new love interest, a family member, friends or co worker. They are relying on your possible fear of abandonment and insecurities. They want you to chase them and do what ever they want. So they will not walk away from you, this is what they want you to believe. The problem arises when you see through their little game playing tactic and say ok, "walk."     

 

 You must become a competent observer not only of your environment but also the people you are bringing into your life. Pay close attention to how they treat and talk to other people, how they act when they have had a few drinks, this is a very important behavior pattern to pay close attention to. Remember, when a personality is drunk or a little tipsy, what you are seeing is the real personality. Their logical side or rational/thinking brain (neo cortex) is being reduced and their emotional (limbic brain) their wants, needs and desires will start to be expressed. How do they keep their house, is it clean? Their car, is it clean? Who do they associate with? Birds of a feather will flock together. Do they talk the talk and walk the walk. Will they take the easy way out when life gets difficult? Do they have a tendency to always blame life or other people for their problems? Do they keep their word? The most important behavior pattern to watch for, do these personalities act they same behind close doors as they do when in public and people are watching.

 

The fear based insecure personality works, thinks and will act differently from a confident one.

The fear based insecure/jealous personality will be happy when you are down and having difficulties. They may express they want to help and be there for you, they are enjoying the fact that you are miserable under the smoke screen of wanting to help you. As soon as you start becoming stronger they will hate you for your inner strength. When you get back on your feet and are succeeding in your goals or life dreams, you will see a complete change in their attitude and behavior towards you. The true lover/friend and confident personality will help you when you are down and be very happy for you when you are back on your feet. Their attitude and behavior will remain consistent towards you.  Confident personalities want you happy and to succeed. The insecure do not.  


 
 
 
Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI
 
Emotional Vampires
Part Two (2)
 
Traumatic Bonding

 
Why do people stay in abusive relationships? The answers are complex. One of the reasons is what is called (Traumatic Bonding). What is  trauma bonding. This behavior pattern is when the abuser becomes the rescuer and the rescuer becomes the abuser.  Called (intermittent reinforcement).
This behavior pattern is very insidious and has the abused longing for the highs and fearing the lows. Both of these strong emotions release dopamine in the brain. This neurotransmitter is very addictive to the cells it docks onto. It is responsible for learning, memory, and wanting you to crave things more, the addiction. This addiction can be a chemical addiction (to a drug) or behavioral addiction (to a behavior).  
You must remember the cells in the brain do not look at a peptide as being a  positive peptide or a negative peptide. The cells get hooked on the intensity of the peptide.
 Example: If a person is addicted to gambling and it is causing them to lose vast amounts of money which is bad for the person, this is not a positive behavior pattern. It has far reaching consequences for the gambler and his family. For the gambler just thinking about the slot machine can release dopamine in the brain and cause the gambler to crave the very behavior that is causing him/her the serious issues this behavior has on their life. 

Bonding is a biological and emotional process that makes people more important to each other over time. Unlike love, trust, or attraction, bonding is not something that can be lost. It is cumulative and only gets greater, never smaller. Bonding grows with spending time together, living together, eating together, making love together, having children together, and being together during stress or difficulty. Bad times bond people as strongly as good times, perhaps more so.

Bonding is in part why it is harder to leave an abusive relationship the longer it continues. Bonding makes it hard to enforce boundaries, because it is much harder to keep away from people to whom we have bonded. In leaving a long relationship, it is not always useful to judge the correctness of the decision by how hard it is, because it will always be hard.

  
Traumatic bonding is "strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other." (Dutton & Painter, 1981). Several conditions have been identified that must be present for a traumatic bond to occur.

(1). There must be an imbalance of power, with one person more in control of key aspects of the relationship, such as setting themselves up as the "authority" through such things as controlling the finances, or making most of the relationship decisions, or using threats and intimidations, so the relationship has become lopsided.

(2). The abusive behavior is sporadic in nature. It is characterized by (intermittent reinforcement), which means there is the alternating of highly intense positives (such as intense kindness or affection) and the negatives of the abusive behavior.

(3). The victim engages in denial of the abuse for emotional self- protection. In severe abuse (this can be psychological or physical), one form of psychological protection strategy is dissociation, where the victim experiences the abuse as if it is not happening to them, but as if they are outside their body watching the scene unfold (like watching a movie). Dissociative states allow the victim to compartmentalize the abusive aspects of the relationship in order to focus on the positive aspects.

The use of denial and distancing oneself from the abuse are forms of what is called (cognitive dissonance). In abusive relationships this means that what is happening to the victim is so horrible, so far removed from their thoughts and expectations of the world, that it is (dissonant) or "out of tune" or "at odds" with their pre-existing expectations and reality. Since the victim feels powerless to change the situation, they rely on emotional strategies to try to make it less dissonant, to try to somehow make it fit. To cope with the contradicting behaviors of the abuser, and to survive the abuse, the person literally has to change how they perceive reality. Studies also show a person is more loyal and committed to a person or situation that is difficult, uncomfortable, or even humiliating, and the more the victim has invested in the relationship, the more they need to justify their position. Cognitive dissonance is a powerful (self-preservation) mechanism which can completely distort and override the truth, with the victim developing a tolerance for the abuse and (normalizing) the abusers behavior, despite evidence to the contrary.

(4). The victim masks that the abuse is happening, may not have admitted it to anyone, not even themselves.

Trauma bonding makes it easier for a victim to survive within the relationship, but it severely undermines the victims self-structures, undermining their ability to accurately evaluate danger, and impairs their ability to perceive of alternatives to the situation.

Once a trauma bond is established it becomes extremely difficult for the victim to break free of the relationship. The way humans respond to trauma is thought to have a biological basis and reactions to trauma was first described a century ago, with the term (railroad spine) being used. Another term used has been (shell shocked).

Victims overwhelmed with terror suffer from an overload of their system, and to be able to function they must distort reality. They often shut down emotionally, and sometimes later describe themselves as having felt (robotic) intellectually knowing what happened, but feeling frozen or numb and unable to take action. A victim must feel safe and out of (survival mode) before they will be able to make cognitive changes.

Many victims feel the compulsion to tell and retell the events of the trauma in an attempt to come to terms with what happened to them and to try to integrate it, reaching out to others for contact, safety, and stability. Other victims react in an opposite manner, withdrawing into a shell of self-imposed isolation. The trauma bond can persist even after the victim leaves the relationship, with it sometimes taking months, or even years, for them to completely break the bond.
 
 Reference; 

Michael Samsei

 

 
 
 


 
Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI

Chasing Emotional Vampires.
Part One (1)
 
 In the next four articles I will explain why (you) continue to chase and get involved with emotional vampires.   I am not a medical professional. I am a Profiler. I will explain the behavior patterns of these personality types, based on my knowledge, education, training and experience as a threat assessment profiler. I am explaining the behavior patterns that are "consistent with not diagnosed as."
 
These article's are based on my years of studying and working with their partners (you) and abuse you have been subjected too.   I hope these articles will give you more insight into the minds and behavior patterns of the insecure/fear based personality type and why you are attracted to them time and time again.
 
Why do smart intelligent adults chase the wrong personality types? Why are you attracted to the same personalities types who hurt and take advantage of your loving nature time and time again? Is it because you have a mental disorder? No, it is the behavior patterns that your early childhood care givers exhibited that you are making the emotional connection with. It did not matter who it was per say, your mother, father, grandmother, etc. It was their intermittent or abusive behavior patterns in your early childhood years that you were ill equ
ipped to deal with or understand that set the blueprint for your behavior patterns today in adult life. It is what is called a (repetition complex). Many times my clients ask me why do I always fall for the same type of male or female who treats me badly. The reason is that you are responding to the same behavior patterns you remember as a child. It is not the adult in you that is responding or attracted to these emotional vampires, it is the child in you that is responding. Remember the sub conscious mind has no conception of time, it does not reason, it does not rationalize.

As a child you did not have the emotional experience/knowledge to understand why you were being abused or mistreated. All you could understand at that young age is that their must be something wrong with me, I am bad, I am unlovable. Why are you "abandoning me" both emotionally and physically. Why are you beating me? Hurting me? Abusing me? It must be because I am bad and worthless. So what does the child do at that young age to get the love and security that the child so desperately wants and needs? The only thing the child can do, chase and continue to try and prove to their caregivers that I am good, I am lovable, I am sorry, I will not do this again, please love me! The real problem is the poor child never knew what the hell they did in the first place to be at the receiving end of all this mistreatment. The child did not have the emotional intelligence/experience or understanding to realize that it was their primary caregivers that were the problem.

So the tape was made (your emotional behavior pattern/attachment style). The blueprint was set. You meet someone in your adult life, their intermittent and abusive behavior patterns is what attracts you. Not you the rational adult, you the child. So what does the adult/child do? The only thing they can do, the only thing they have ever known. The exact same things you did as a child, chase, chase, try to prove that you are a lovable person so you are not abandoned again. In your mind, if I can have this new person (who represents the same behavior patterns as your primary care givers) loves and accepts me, all past sins will be forgiven.  (Repetition complex) is developed. This is never the case, you can learn from history but you cannot rewrite history. It is time to erase the old tape, (your emotional blueprint) it does not work anymore.

Think about this my friends, if you were not abused as a child and had a somewhat normal life where you were loved and accepted for the wonderful child you were and are. Had the coping skills, where your self esteem was not shattered and beaten down. Where you learned to love, trust and be loved and trusted. Would you as an adult be with people who would abuse and mistreat you, emotionally, physically or sexually. I think not. To change old behavior patterns (the tape) is not easy but it is not impossible. You have the power within you to make the change and erase the old tape. 
 
Emotional vampires do not love and respect themselves. They are highly insecure personality types. They cannot validate themselves, they need validation from outside sources. Their arrogant, intermittent emotional behavior towards you is a smoke screen to cover up their insecurity and fear. They need you, more than you need them. This is their secret,  something they never want you uncover. They know once you do, they are finished. They have been exposed. Remember the "WIZARD of OZ" once Dorothy went behind the curtain the Wizard was exposed. He was finished.  
 
 Tomorrow part two (2) Trauma Bonding

Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI

 
Nonverbal Communication
Base Line and Context 
Part Three (3)
 
Growing up in a Culture very different than my own and not being very proficient at speaking the language at that young age. I used what I came to understand later in life as body language or nonverbal communication. At that time I was able to understand a person's feelings and intentions by watching their facial expressions and overall body movements. As a young boy growing up in Boston's Chinatown my friends spoke either Toisanese or Cantonese or a combination of both with a little English thrown in-between.  I was taught and understood a few words but  that was about it. How did I get my point across? How would I understand what others were saying to me when my friends were not around to translate for me?  I watched peoples  expressions and overall body movements. A real friendly smile or the smile that was not a true felt smile, the "sucker punch look" as I called it.  Today I know this "tell" is an asymmetrical smile also known as "contempt." The way people walked up to me, how they would talk to me, and the expressions on their face. How some of the older kids would look at me when I was walking down Tyler or Beach Street. This told me if I was in red, yellow or green. To put it bluntly, if I was going to get my rear end kicked. Their actions and looks alerted me to what was to follow. Most times it was just ball busting or bravado, a few times it was not.  First, you must be a "Competent Observer of your Environment."
 
 At that time the only real entertainment any of us could afford was going to one of Chinatown's movie houses every weekend. China Cinema, Star or Pagoda and watching the newest Gung Fu or comedy movie that was  being released by the Shaw Brothers in Hong Kong every week. We could sit there all night for a few dollars. At that time "Fu Sheng" was the martial arts hero along with a  guy called "Jackie Chan."  Who knew!
 
 My older Gung Fu brother ( Di Lo) Philip would ask me? Tony how do you know what is going on? At that time they did not dub the movies in English as they did later on. I said by watching their actions and facial expressions. Also by understanding the "context" of the movies plot line.
Their facial expressions and overall body language was so over exaggerated it was very easy for me to follow along. When I opened my Martial Arts School in Boston's Chinatown, I started to read books on body language by Julius Fast , Allan Pease and the few books I could find at the Boston Public Library that were available at that time. It was all very confusing. One book would say one thing, another book would say something else. The more books I read, the more I got confused.  The reason for my confusion was these books did not explain "context."
 
One of the most important factors in understanding nonverbal behavior that most of these book did not focus very heavily on, was "context." That is the key to understanding and decoding nonverbal communication behaviors accurately. You must decode the "tells" based on the context of the situation you are in. Nonverbal behavior can and will be very confusing without "context," it is not a cookie cutter or one size fits all read. The same non verbal "tell" will have a different meaning under different circumstances and situations. 
 
 
The second most important factor when you talk or meet someone for the first time and as you continue to interact with them is you need to get a handle on their  "baseline behavior patterns."  You need to note how they act and express themselves  normally when they are stressed or not stressed  in a state of  "comfort or discomfort." How they sit, where they place their hands, their posture and their facial expressions. How they tilt there head, voice tones, pacifying behaviors, etc. You need to differentiate between their normal relaxed "comfort" behavior patterns or when  stressed and in a state of "discomfort."  Establishing a person's "baseline behavior" is critical because it allows you to determine if these "tells" are universal behaviors that are the same for everyone or what is called "idiosyncratic" non verbals that are unique to one particular individual. 
Example: I have a very dear loved one who I have known for a very long time. She will pop one shoulder up and down like a car piston when she sees me, when she is talking, answering a question, asking a question, etc. This is a "idiosyncratic" "tell" unique to her. A one shoulder shrug is an indication that the person is not totally limbic committed to their statement. This can be looked at as being deceptive. If you did not know her or her baseline non verbal "tells" she can be misunderstood and misread as being deceptive.
She is not, she is the most honest person I know. She acts this way when she is emotionally stimulated for good, bad or indifferent.  A unique "idiosyncratic" tell. I can always tell when she is going to ask me a question of some sort, before she opens her mouth her shoulder starts popping.
 
Once you have determined their true baseline behavior patterns then you can accurately decode when he/she deviates from their "baseline behavior patterns."  When did their base line behavior change? What caused that change? Remember, "a change in their behavior is a change in their reality."
 
So gentlemen before you think that the lovely lady sitting in front of you for the first time with her eyes wide open and her pupils dilated thinking she is showing signs of interest, check on the light conditions in the room. Stimulation of the autonomic nervous system's (sympathetic branch,)  known for triggering " flight or fight" responses when the body is under stress, induces pupil dilation. The visual cortex in the back of the brain assembles the actual images we see. But a different, older part of the nervous system-the autonomic-manages the continuous tuning of pupil size (along with other involuntary functions such as heart rate and perspiration). Specifically, it dictates the movement of the iris to regulate the amount of light that enters the eye, similar to a camera aperture. Pupils will dilate in low light conditions, when under emotional stress, when thinking about a difficult math problem, when in a state of sexual arousal, looking at a picture of a lovely woman or handsome man even when a bull moose is charging you and you are surprised and frightened.
 
Look for clusters of behaviors that will show interest. Is her lips slightly parted, are her legs and feet pointed in your direction, is she showing ventral fronting, is her neck tilted, does she touch her neck,  twirl her hair, does she touch and expose her wrists? This is showing signs of interest. On the flip side of the coin, if her eyes are dilated because of low light conditions, and her feet are pointed away from you, there is  slight lip compression, she is not showing her neck, lack of ventral fronting (sitting on an angle away from you) looking around the room, checking her phone, she wants away from you. Even with those lovely dilated pupils.            
 
 
 
 
 
 
Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI
 
Nonverbal Communication
Part Two (2) 
 
When describing nonverbal communication/behaviors there are  words that sound different but mean the same thing. I will explain these words and their meanings to you now to avoid confusion later in my articles. There are certain words that have very specific meanings which I will explain to you as we go along. I use the word "tell/tells."  Because these  nonverbal behaviors "tell" us about the person's true state of mind, what the body is telling and expressing /communicating to us.  The word "cue" also means the same thing, what the body is "cueing" us in on.  Many times you will see words in books or hear different terminology in a video or TV show  when a body language expert  is explaining body language behaviors and they use different terminology. The words used sound different but their meanings are the same. Body language experts will use their own terminology  such as: adaptors, manipulators, tells, cues, gestures, postures, etc.
Nonverbal communication/ body language is a means of transmitting information, just like a spoken word except, it is achieved through facial expressions, gestures, touching (haptics), physical movements (kinesics) posture, body adornments (cloths, jewelry, hairstyle, tattoos). The tone and volume of an individual's voice, (rather than the spoken content). Nonverbal communication comprise approximately sixty to sixty five percent of all interpersonal communication.  (Burgoon, 1994, 229-285) (Navarro, 2007, 4-5) 
 
 Freeze, Flight, Fight response. The limbic systems elegant protocol.  
 
The limbic system our emotional brain does not reason nor rationalize. It reacts to the world around us in real time. The prime directive of the limbic system is to ensure our survival as a species. The limbic system has a very elegant protocol that has kept us alive and out of danger and is programed in each and everyone of us since the day we are born.  This limbic response to distress or a threatening situation takes on three forms: the freeze, flight, fight response. This protocol has has helped us to survive as a species and is hard wired into our nervous system. You may have heard people call it is the fight or flight response. This is half correct and somewhat backwards.  If we fought first we would be to battered and worn to run from the danger facing us.
 
The first limbic response when exposed to a threatening situation is to "freeze," why? Movement attracts attention. Example: many of the children who survived the Columbine and Virginia Tech shootings survived by playing dead "freezing." The killer/killers walked right by them thinking they were already dead. Their limbic brain made them "freeze" and play dead, this limbic response saved many lives. The freeze response is also called "the deer in the headlight look"  have you ever come across a herd of deer in the roadway early in the morning? The first thing you will notice is they all look up and stare at you for a second, then they all run off in a split second. The second protocol. The flight response. Sadly, children who are being abused will manifest these freezing limbic behaviors when in the presence of an abusive adult. The children's arms will go dormant by their sides and they will avoid eye contact thinking this helps them not to be seen. A tactic called "hiding in the open"  a survival tool for these helpless children.  
 
The second limbic response when the "freeze" response is not adequate enough to eliminate the danger is the "flight" response, to run and escape from the danger facing us. This response can be very obvious such as someone running from a threatening situation as we saw when the buildings collapsed during the 911 attacks. Or these "tells" can be very subtle such as turning our heads or bodies away from someone or something that is undesirable. Have you ever met someone for the first time on a date or business meeting and you did not like him/her? You may have acted polite but your body will turn away from that person ever so slightly. Sitting or standing will make no difference. This distancing behavior however so slight is the limbic system's "flight" response to an unfavorable person or situation.
 
The third limbic response when the first two responses are not adequate enough and the only alternative left is the "fight" response. In our evolution as a species we as well as animals developed a strategy of turning fear into rage and aggression to "fight" off attackers (panksepp, 1998, 208). This response can take on many forms and expressions, from physical aggression and fighting which is not the socially acceptable or a legal way of dealing with other people in todays society. So a modern form of aggression or "fighting" is argument. An over heated argument is "fighting" by nonphysical means. The use of insults, goading and sarcasm are all the modern equivalent of fighting. (Navarro 2008, 33) Court rooms are filled everyday with people fighting and aggressively arguing two opposing viewpoints. 
This elegant protocol called the freeze, flight, fight response will help you to accurately decode what a person is thinking, feeling or intending.  To decode nonverbal tells you must be a competent observer of your environment and to decode nonverbal gestures "tells" based on the context of the situation you are in.    

 
Comfort/discomfort and pacifying behaviors.
 
The limbic system is programed to make us secure by avoiding danger or "discomfort" and seeking safety and "comfort." Nonverbal behaviors can be very binary. You or the personality you are engaged with is either in a state of "comfort" (well being, relaxed, not in a state of stress).  Or in a state of "discomfort"  (stressed, worried, in fear, feeling very uncomfortable or uneasy).  The limbic system "leaks" this information in the form of body language tells/behaviors called  "pacifiers."  These "pacifying behaviors," will be congruent with those feelings either positive "comfort" or negative "discomfort."  
 
 It is very important to remember that when you are attempting to decode nonverbal behaviors you must decode the nonverbal  "tells/cues"  according to the context of the situation you are in.   
This is the prime reason why there is so much confusion when people are attempting to decode nonverbal behaviors and are confused to there meaning. This is why "context" is such a very important rule to remember. One "tell" is not the same for all situations.
 
For example: you may read or hear that a person who is rubbing their ear or touching their face is a sign of stress or even worse, is lying. This is not the case at all, first what is the "context" of the situation you are in?
If it is a social setting and the person is exhibiting other nonverbal behaviors that are congruent with "comfort?" This would be considered a "positive pacifier."
 The personality is enjoying the experience and the "pacifying behaviors" are heightening their experience by releasing very powerful brain peptides Dopamine and Oxytocin by touching or "pacifying" themselves. On the flip side of the coin, if you see these very same nonverbal behaviors when the personality is under a stressful situation such as a job interview, meeting a date for the first time, answering questions regarding a situation they were involved in, etc. These same "pacifying behaviors," are  the limbic systems response to a stressful situation and the "pacifying behaviors" seen are a sign of "discomfort" or a negative "pacifier." The same brain peptides are being released by the limbic system in an  effort to calm the personality down and  to restore the personality/ body to a state of comfort again.
Two hard and fast rules when decoding nonverbal behaviors is, "what is the context of the situation you are in?" Have you identified a "base line" pattern when the person is in a state of comfort. I would pay close attention to a change in their "base line" behavior. I would take note of that change and would want to know why. Remember, "a change in behavior is a change in their reality." It does not mean the person is being deceitful. It is telling me that a change has taken place and I would go back to that portion of the interaction and ask additional questions to understand why that change took place.  Without "context" or a "base line"  you will misread the "tells" that the body is telling/saying to you. Also one nonverbal "tell" is not enough to decode what the person is thinking, feeling or intending. You must decode clusters of nonverbal "tells" that show congruency with one another. Another rule to remember, is emotions are always expressed before words and actions. The limbic system is our emotional brain, it does not reason nor rationalize. It reacts to the world around us in real time without thought.  Based on this understanding of our brains limbic system elegant protocol  of "freeze, flight, fight" you can understand why the "primacy of reaction" is a very accurate statement.      
    
Part three (3) tomorrow.
 
 
Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI

Nonverbal Communication
Part one (1) 


I posted an article on nonverbal communications and the "Primacy of Reactions" on my Academy page and I will post that article again here below. What makes this statement an accurate statement? I will explain the empirical research behind nonverbal communications (body language) explaining what is fact and what is fiction. I hope these articles will give you a better understanding of nonverbal communications and the vital role it plays in understanding human behavior. 
 
Body language / non verbal communication is a very accurate diagnostic tool when you understand how the human brain deals with a positive, stressful or threatening situation.  The old terminology for describing the human brain was left brain / right brain.  In 1952, a scientist named Paul MacLean began to speak of the human brain as a "triune brain" consisting of three brains working together as a command and control center. They are:

Reptilian (stem) brain
Mammalian (limbic) brain
Neo Cortex (human) brain

The "Limbic" mammalian brain plays the largest role in the expression of nonverbal behavior. This part of the brain acts like a radar system that is on seven days a week. When the limbic brain experiences a positive, negative or threatening situation it leaks this information in the form of body language tells/cues congruent with those feelings, positive & negative. These body language cues are expressed instantaneously and without thought. These expressions manifest physically in our faces, our eyes, forehead, mouth, neck, etc. Our torso, arms, hands, fingers, etc. Also in our feet and legs.

The old and outdated terminology still used to this day was called the "fight or flight" response this is half right and somewhat backwards. The brain's response to any threatening situation takes three forms, the FREEZE, FLIGHT, FIGHT response.  When one response is found to be inadequate, the limbic system will move quickly to the next response, until the system feels the threat has passed. The body language "tells/cues" that follow will tell us which response the limbic system has chosen to defend itself, and has returned the body back into a safe and secure frame of mind. The nonverbal behaviors that follow will help us to understand a person's thoughts, feelings, and intentions. The limbic system / brain is called our true brain. Why? it is the part of our brain that reacts to the world around us reflexively and instantaneously, in real time without thought  and is the most accurate when detecting body language tells/cues.  These limbic survival responses go back to our ancestry as a human species. These responses are hardwired into our nervous system, making them difficult to disguise or eliminate.  

The "Neo-cortex" or human brain is our thinking, creative brain. The neo-cortex is analytical. It thinks before it acts or speaks. It is capable of deception and it can lie, and it lies often.

 Example: Your slightly over weight friend asks you, "how do you like my new bright yellow dress? You answer, "gee look's great on you." In reality, you wanted to say something very different. Your analytical brain came up with a quick "Pro- Social" white lie, so you do not hurt your friend's feelings. The micro eye blocking expression flashed on your face, just before you opened your mouth expressing your true feelings of, "oh my God what the hell is she wearing ! "

True emotions are always expressed in body language cues before words and actions. ( Navarro & Scahafer, 2003,22-24 )

In the 1800's Darwin stated that there were six emotions that were universal to all cultures. They are:

ANGER
JOY
SADNESS
SURPRISE
FEAR
DISGUST

In 1980 Dr. Paul Ekman, Ph.D added,

CONTEMPT

These emotions are expressed in all humans from the day they are born. Dr. Ekman studied the forty facial muscles and their movement when emotions were felt and expressed. He stated humans can express over ten thousand (10,000) different expressions. Most we will never see. In a typical conversation we will see less than one hundred (100). Only a third will be relevant to emotion. These expressions are flashed in 1/25 of a second called, a micro expression. These expressions will reveal themselves prior to a more contrived expression.  When a micro expression is detected, it does not tell you what the person is being deceptive about.
It only tells us that their facial expressions, words and body language non verbal tells/cues lack "synchrony."

Dr. Ekman's work in developing F.A.C.S., Facial- Action- Coding System, is a highly accurate diagnostic tool in helping profiler's and law enforcement personnel in detecting micro expressions in a personality when they are put or are in a stressful situation. These emotions or expressions should not be in variance with the picture being presented to you, or before the fake emotion, the mask the personality wants you to believe they are feeling, is shown. All cues must be taken in the context of the situation you are in.

The next time someone says to you that nonverbal behavior does not have meaning or is not reliable, the U.S. Supreme Court decision (Terry v. Ohio, 1968, 392 U.S. 1) acknowledged that nonverbal behaviors presage criminality if those behaviors are observed and decoded properly. This landmark decision was based on the quick thinking of a thirty nine year old Detective, Martin McFadden. In 1963, he watched the nonverbal behavior of two men who he believed were about to rob a store. When Officer McFadden moved in and patted the two men down he found a concealed hand gun. (Terry v. Ohio, 1968, 392 U.S. 1) provided a clear demonstration of the relationship between our thoughts, intentions, and nonverbal behaviors. (Navarro & Scahafer, 2003, 22-24)

 

Non Verbal Communication

Primacy of Reactions
 
 I have read many articles over the past few weeks on detecting deception. The body language (tells) expressions that will make you a human lie detector. I can tell you point blank that most of these so called experts are spinning the same old misconceptions and none researched findings on how to detect deception via body language (tells) and expressions. Detecting deception is very difficult even for the professionals who have trained in and have years experience in the discipline.  So before you look at a persons body language (tell) and think this person is lying based on that faulty information take time to think and analyze the context of the situation you are in. Look for changes to their base line behavior when you are talking and asking sensitive questions. You want to see clusters of behaviors (tells) that will have you go back and ask additional questions that flagged you during that part of the interview. I would hate to have you label someone a liar because you saw him/her rub their nose or looked away. I will post articles and answer any questions you may have over the next few weeks on deception detection.  
 
 
True emotions are always expressed before words and actions. When words or actions are expressed before emotions this is an indication that the personality is, for what ever the reason being, is trying to deceive you into believing that what you are seeing or hearing is a true and accurate expression of their emotions. This is not the case.
 
The limbic brain is our honest brain when it comes to non verbal communication. The limbic brain reacts to both positive and negative stimuli in real time and without thought. That is why it is called the "honest brain."  The first emotion/expression flashed on a persons face or expressed in other parts of the body, hands, arms, legs, feet in response to a visual or verbal stimuli is their true thoughts and feelings. Many times these non verbal expressions are flashed on a persons face in one twenty fifth of a second called a micro expression. These micro expressions are very hard to detect without training. Longer expressions that last two - four seconds are called a macro expressions these are very obvious non verbal (tells) and are meant to be obvious.  Some personalities are very good at masking their facial expressions and express very little. When these personalities are concentrating on masking their facial expressions they forget the other parts of their body that will leak their true thoughts, feelings and intensions.
It is very important to take all non verbal expressions (tells)  in the context of the situation you are in.
 
When you are unsure of an expression look at the situation you are in, is the personality displaying comfort or are they displaying discomfort in your interaction. Non verbal communication is very binary. All personalities unless they have a medical issue of some sort, will display either comfort or discomfort displays and will pacify themselves accordingly.
 
It is always important to acquire a base line of the personality you are interacting with. How do they act when in a relaxed or in a state of comfort. Then we would watch for a change in their behavior. The limbic brain will ask to be pacified when in discomfort, you will see a cluster of behaviors, such as rubbing the hands, neck, face, leg, hair, etc. In response to the negative stimuli. This does not mean the person is lying, only the question, conversation or action is causing them discomfort in some way. The limbic brain will respond very quickly and without thinking about it.   When the limbic brain is in comfort you may also see the same cluster of behaviors, only  these pacifying behaviors are in response to a positive stimuli and these pacifying behaviors will heighten the pleasurable experience.
It is very important to remember that the "Primacy of Reactions" are always the most accurate when trying to decode what the personality is thinking, feeling and intending.   
 
     
 
 Part two (2) tomorrow

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Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI
 
The following profiles are the four types of rapists. There are fifty different sub types and there is also crossovers behaviors between the rapists types. These are the four types of rapists identified by the FBI profilers. Information is power, these posts are to help you learn and understand the different rapists types and their behavior patterns. Always be a "competent observer of your environment."   I will go into more detail in future posts on the different types of child molesters.  

PROFILE OF A RAPIST

Using methods not unlike those employed by FBI profilers to predict the behavior of serial killers, police and forensic psychologists have identified four profiles of rapists defined by motive, style of attack and psychosexual characteristics.

They are:

The power-assertive rapist

The anger-retaliation rapist

The power-reassurance rapist

The anger-excitation rapist

Such rapist behavior profiles provide information that may be helpful in determining how best to respond to a specific kind of attacker.

These are the characteristics of each of the four rapist profiles:

 

Power-assertive rapist:

Athletic, has a "macho" image of himself. More often than not, this is the type who commits date rapes. He typically meets his victim in a bar or nightclub. Instead of targeting a specific victim, he looks for an opportunity to get a woman alone with him, perhaps with an offer of a ride home or an invitation back to his place. Or he may con his victim into trusting him or letting him into her home, perhaps by posing as a policeman or repairman. Approximately 44 percent of rapes are committed by power-assertive rapists. He is physically aggressive, and will use the amount of force needed to control you -- degrading or obscene language, [brandishing] a weapon, slapping or punching -- but he does not intend to kill you.

Generally, begging and crying doesn't work with this guy. If you're going to resist, you've got to be serious. You've got to scream and fight him as hard as you can to get away.

 

Anger-retaliatory rapist:

 He feels animosity towards women and wants to punish and degrade them. Often he is a substance abuser. He is impulsive and has an explosive temper. He looks for an opportunity to commit the rape rather than for a specific victim. He attacks spontaneously and brutalizes the woman into submission. Thirty percent of rapists fall into the anger-retaliation category. He will grab you from behind and drag you into the bushes. He will often beat you to near-unconsciousness before committing the rape. Any level of resistance may well enrage him and cause him to beat the hell out of you until he gets what he wants. He's not looking to kill you, but the beating could be fatal. You do not want to challenge or enrage this type of rapist. You could try to escape. If you cannot get away or incapacitate the assailant, it's best to submit and try to limit the level of violence of the assault to the extent that you can.

 

Power-reassurance rapist:

He lacks the self-confidence and interpersonal skills to develop relationships with women. He is passive and nonathletic. He lives or works near his victim, and "preselects" her by peeping or stalking. He typically breaks into her home in the early hours of the morning and awakens her. He uses minimal force and will threaten her with a weapon, but usually does not have one. He fantasizes that he is his victim's lover so he may ask her to disrobe or to wear a negligee and he will kiss her and engage in foreplay. The power-reassurance type accounts for 21 percent of rapists. He is the least violent type of rapist, and does not intend to hurt or kill you, Among the different types of rapists, he is most likely to be dissuaded if you scream, cry, plead or fight." In general it is more probable that you can discourage a rapist who uses this [power reassurance] approach. But you could instead be dealing with a power assertive rapist who is starting off with a softer approach. Try nonviolent tactics, crying, pleading, praying aloud while you're sizing up the assailant. If it works you may be able to escape the situation. But if he responds by becoming verbally abusive or degrading, he is likely a power assertive rapist and you will have to evaluate whether you are capable of fighting him off.

"Women need to rely on their instincts. When confronted with a rapist they will try various techniques. In this situation, take full advantage of your instincts in trying to figure out which type of rapist you are dealing with."

 

Anger-excitation rapist:

 

 A sadist, who derives sexual gratification from inflicting pain. He is typically charming and intelligent. The crime is premeditated and rehearsed methodically in his mind before it is attempted. His victims may or may not be strangers. He will tie, gag and blindfold them and torture them over a period of days, even recording his crimes in a diary, taking photographs or videotaping them. Just five percent of rapists fit this description.

Of the four types he is the most criminally sophisticated and it's difficult to catch him. He's got absolute control over you so there's no question of any type of resistance or of escaping. Oftentimes he kills his victims, either to get rid of a witness or to gratify a psychosexual need." This is probably the most dangerous situation a woman can be in. If you're tied up, you're going to have to match wits with this guy and trick him or talk him into untying you so you have at least some chance of escape.

Most rapists are not murderers. It is less likely that a woman - even one who has taken a women's self-defense course -- can overcome the intensity of the violence that an anger rapist will inflict. But power rapists commit nearly two-thirds of all rapes, and you have a fighting chance to fend them off. If you assess the situation and feel confident of your ability to fight or talk your way out of [being raped], go ahead and do it.

There are women who have yelled or fought back, whether they've taken self-defense classes or not, and have not gotten raped. To tell a woman 'don't do anything, be the passive female' is absolute (nonsense)."

Given that the goal of all women who are in imminent danger of being raped is to avoid it, they should rely on their instincts rather than assume that they have to submit. But whatever her instincts tell her to do, If a woman survives, she made the right choice.

Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI
 
Detecting Deception
 
When I think I have heard it all. Yesterday I was talking to an Attorney on a document case. We starting talking about deception and how he has learned to how to look at a person's face and know if the person is being truthful or not. I asked how so,  he said that a while back he went to a seminar with a group of Attorneys given by a deception detection expert. I mentioned the names of a few of the well known experts I know and he said no it was none of those people, he said it was so and so.
 Ok, so I asked what did you learn?  He said to me that the expert handed out these flash cards with different people's faces on them. He told me that people that have long ears are liars. I said excuse me. He said yes that men or women who have very long ears are liars. I said you people paid your good money for this nonsense. Please tell me where there is any research to back up these claims. I have never heard such nonsense in the eighteen years I have been in this business.
I said counselor, please go to my web site and get educated. He called me back an hour later and said, Christ Tony! The expert never told us any of this information. He was angry as hell. He said this guy is making a fortune on these seminars of his. I paid a lot of money for this seminar to learn nothing but nonsense! I said, well next time you will know better right,  just look at the persons ears. 

Special interest Article;
Anthony J. Iantosca, BCFE
IAFEI

 
Paranoid Personalities
 
In my years as a profiler I have been involved with four people who had paranoid personality behavior patterns. Three were on the mild end of the spectrum. These personalities were very timid, shy and standoffish. They were very hard to profile until they started to talk and express their thoughts and views of the world and the people in their personal and professional lives. One was on the extreme and violent end of the spectrum. This personality was extremely vocal with his hatred and mistrust of everyone and everything. He was at the extreme end of this behavior pattern, he was and still is one of the most dangerous and violent personalities when he is triggered. These personalities are "wound collectors."  

What is the definition of a wound collector or wound collecting?

*The term wound collector and  wound collecting was Copyrighted by Joe Navarro in 2004

            Wound collecting is the conscious and systematic collection and preservation of transgressions, violations, social wrongs, grievances, injustice, unfair treatment, or slights of self and others, for the purpose of  nourishing, fortifying, or justifying a malignant ideology, furthering hatred, satisfying a pathology, or for exacting revenge. (J. Navarro, M.A.) 

 As with every personality type, the paranoid personality behavior is also on a bell curve. This bell curve runs from mild to extreme. At the mild end of the spectrum they will express their insecurity, jealousy and paranoid behavior patterns in the form of being untrusting of others, isolating themselves and their family from outside influences, people, friends and other family members.     

 
These personalities look at every act of kindness from others as always having a hidden agenda or motive. There always must be ulterior motives. Altruists, to these personality types are opportunists with a hidden agenda. In their mind nobody does nothing for nothing. They trust no one, even their own family members are under constant scrutiny. They look for any act of disloyalty real or imagined as proof positive that validates their paranoid beliefs.
The world is a very dangerous place, everyone is out to hurt them, take advantage of them. They are very insecure and jealous. At this mild end they will talk behind your back, make insane accusations about your character when you do not fall in lock step with their thoughts and beliefs. Their paranoid
imagination becomes their reality. With these personality types they will "twist the facts" to fit their irrational thoughts and beliefs.  
    

The DSM-IV-TR describes the paranoid personality disorder as a pattern of pervasive distrust and suspiciousness of others such that their motives are interpreted as malevolent. These are the listed behavior patterns for this personality type.

(1) suspects, without sufficient basis, that others are exploiting, harming, or deceiving him or her

(2) is preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends or associates

(3) is reluctant to confide in others because of unwarranted fear that the information will be used maliciously against him or her

(4) reads hidden demeaning or threatening meanings into benign remarks or events

(5) persistently bears grudges, i.e., is unforgiving of insults, injuries, or slights

(6) perceives attacks on his or her character or reputation that are not apparent to others and is quick to react angrily or to counterattack

(7) has recurrent suspicions, without justification, regarding fidelity of spouse or sexual partner.

The DSM-5 lists paranoid personality disorder essentially unchanged from the DSM-IV version and lists associated features that describe it in a more quotidian way. These features include suspiciousness, intimacy avoidance, hostility and unusual beliefs/experiences.

When these personalities are on the extreme end of the spectrum we have people like; Ted Kaczynski the Unabomber, Timothy McVeigh who blew up the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold who killed their classmates at Columbine High School, Osama bin Laden who was the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks on the United States, Anders Behring Breivik who killed 77 people in Norway, mostly all children, Adolf Hitler who killed over six million Jews. This is just a partial list of the more violent paranoid personality types. Even Howard Hughes who was a millionaire isolated himself the last ten years of his life in a Las Vegas hotel. Even Ex President Nixon had paranoid tendencies he had a so called political hit list of all his enemies. He stated many times he could trust no one.  

For many of the paranoid  personalities who are on the extreme end of the spectrum violence becomes their only solution when they are triggered. 

 

References;

*The term wound collector and  wound collecting was Copyrighted by Joe Navarro in 2004

Dangerous Personalities Joe Navarro FBI SPECIAL AGENT (RET.) with Toni Sciarra Poynter

DSM 4 TR

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