Prophetic readings...Life Coach, Counselor!

I read on a soul level...God gave me such an incredible gift and I want to assist you all anyway I can...
Do you sleep 8 hours but wake up groggy? Are you perpetually grumpy? Are you Moody? Depressed Do you crave sugar? Are you gaining weight even though you’re exercising regularly? Is your cholesterol through the roof even though you think you’re eating right? If this sounds a typical day for you, your body may be overloaded with toxins....Toxins that are causing you to gain weight, feel fatigued, and crave all the wrong foods. How did this happen? You have a hard time losing weight. Possible Cause: In modern society, toxic chemicals are everywhere. They’re in the processed food you eat, the plastics you handle, the cigarette smoke you breathe in, and more...Some of these pollutants may trigger disruptions in the body’s endocrine system and this can cause you to gain weight. Solutions: The harsh truth is that ridding your world of all toxic chemicals and pollutants is nearly impossible. But, you do have some control. Choose to eat more whole foods. Package and reheat your foods in glass instead of plastic. Stop smoking....These solutions do require some effort, but once you start to see the numbers on the scale go down, you’ll feel rewarded for it. You’re always tired. Possible Causes: Toxic chemicals in the environment and in the foods you eat could be the culprits here too. If you’ve been feeling severe fatigue for more than six months, you could have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome....Other symptoms may include forgetfulness, joint pain, irritability, depression, and achy muscles. Another possible cause for your exhaustion could be mercury poisoning if you eat a lot of fish or shellfish or have mercury fillings in your teeth....Solutions: Once again, you’re not going to be able to avoid all toxic chemicals, but you can stop smoking, choose glass and other products over plastic, and eat less processed food. If, your doctor determines that you have mercury poisoning, steer clear of fish and shellfish for some time and have any mercury filings replaced with a non-toxic alternative. Your cholesterol is too high. Possible Causes: If you are overweight or obese, your weight is one cause for your high cholesterol. Obesity can decrease your HDL (good cholesterol) numbers and increase your triglyceride numbers....Triglycerides are particularly dangerous as they can increase your risk of having a heart attack or stroke. If you are in good shape, your high cholesterol may be due to certain medications such as beta-blockers, estrogen, and corticosteroids....Solutions: To put it simply: lose weight. If that’s not an issue but you can’t ditch the medications that are causing your elevated cholesterol levels, eat foods–such as oatmeal, fish high in omega-3 fatty acids such as salmon and halibut, nuts, and olive oil–that can help you in your battle against those numbers. You crave coffee, sugar, or junk food. Possible Causes: The foods themselves. When you eat caffeine, sugar, and other unhealthy foods, they often cause your serotonin and/or your sugar levels to spike...and then sink to lower than they were before you ingested that food. Talk about creating an unhealthy cycle! Solution: Kick your junk food habits. Expect a withdrawal period during which you’ll be cranky, have headaches, and feel fatigued, but this will likely subside within a day or a few days. You’re grumpy, moody and/or sometimes mean? Possible Causes: Likely, your irritability is caused by a combination of the environmental and food toxins that might be causing your other issues as studies have revealed that chronic exposure to low levels of environmental toxins can lead to depression, anxiety, and mood swings.... Solution: The best way to feel better is to eat better, lose weight, exercise (it boosts the serotonin levels in your brain that help keep you happy), and make smarter decisions when it comes to what chemicals your exposure yourself to. Admittedly, making major changes to your lifestyle is difficult But, I also want you to feel healthier and happier. Let's be honest, most people won't commit to finding and buying a complete cleanse, and they make you feel like crap for two days. Don't worry I have a solution... First off: Do a fruit cleanse: It's simple, eat only fruit (organic is best) for 2 days a week and do this every week for a month. Not only will you feel like a million bucks you'll also lose weight....The kicker is you can only drink water or black coffee while on the cleanse, but it's only one of two parts... The second part is using Apple Cider Vinegar! How? You might ask. That's also simple...You're supposed to drink 8 glasses of water a day. Apple Cider Vinegar daily Flush: Put two table spoons of Apple Cider Vinegar into 16 ounces of water (standard bottled water size) and think it. Drink three a day from now till the end of time...This will clean you out and make you feel like better and better. I prefer Bragg's Organic Apple Cider Vinegar!. Guys, this stabilizes your moods, gives you energy and just makes you feel awesome! You owe it to yourself.
It’s important that you understand that you won’t know how things are going to happen for you. When manifesting you have to understand that things will come to you from unknown sources. You CANNOT try to control the Universe with your manifestations. Don’t limit your manifestations! Allow things to come from all sources, all places and don’t try to control where they come from. If you do, you’ll only manifest disappointment! Practice UNWAVERING FAITH! I know, that it’s on it’s way. Feel it like you already have it. Be very thankful for it! Feel it deeply. When we don’t see what we’ve requested in what we feel is a reasonable timeframe we will feel disappointed! STOP THAT! Just be thankful. It is coming. Being a spoiled brat and impatience only hurt you! The Universe is all about feelings. Keep your feelings happy, thankful and powerful. You just can’t think it. That’s not enough. You have to embrace both the thoughts and feelings! When you turn that fantasy into fact then you’ll have the faith to manifest bigger things. Inspired ideas! The universe will sometimes give you inspired ideas to give you your manifestations! Follow it. Manifestation takes your action! You will attract people, materials and needs to get bring about your manifestations. Do you want more money? The Universe may bring an inspired idea to you. Then what you need to make that idea come to fruition. Then you have the money you’ve manifested! Start with something small. Attract a donut or cup of coffee. Then start attracting slightly bigger things. You have to build your faith. Don’t feel stuck or in prison/confined by your current situation. Your Circumstances and reality will change as your thinking changes. Expect only great things! Get off the negative mindset and be positive. Your reality is the residual outcome of your past thoughts and feelings. Stop focusing on what you don’t have, what bothers you or what you dislike. Gratitude is what brings things into your life. You have to feel it. Whatever you think about, whatever you feel about you bring about! Feel differently about what you already have. You have a lot of great things in your life. Be thankful for what you have and more will come. You have to change your thought patterns. Get a gratitude rock, or something that you can carry with you to remind you to be thankful. When you Visualize you Materialize!
Manifesting, the laws of attraction, part two, Notes: by Adam Stone Manifest, Create and Change your life! Everything that’s going on in your mind, the images in your mind, either Positive or Negative are what you’re manifesting into your life. Most people think or dwell on what they don’t want, then they are surprised when it happens to them. What you think and dwell on, good or bad is what you’re going to receive When you focus on the things you don’t want, i.e. “I don’t want to get sick!” or “I don’t want to be broke!” That’s what you’re attracting. When thinking of the past, present or future the law of attraction are working. Creation is always happening. Whenever you’re consistent in thought or desire you’re going to create that in your life. Good or Bad. That’s why it’s important to cut out all negative. Being thankful and happy, Vibrating at the right level brings success into your life. When you focus on things with a lot of passion makes things happen so much faster. I call it power manifesting. Live what you want! It will work, but only if you lose the negative! Become a master of your thoughts! Focus and think only about what you want. Don’t focus and think on what you don’t want! You’re attracting your predominant thoughts, wether good or bad! Be mindful! There’s a huge difference between just wishful thinking and Manifesting using the laws of attraction. You must put the work in. Two things to be aware of, a positive thought is hundreds of times more powerful than a negative and there’s a time delay. That makes it work better or you’d be changing your mind way to often. Choose what you want. Be sure and then manifest! The laws of attraction are as certain as the law of gravity. Once embraced you can change your life. Be a deliberate creator of your life! Manifesting starts with thoughts, choices and attitude. Most of us think we have no control, over thoughts, feelings and the world. We’re attracting regardless if we exercise control or not. Are things bad or not good in your life? Well look in the mirror, you’re attracting it! Cut out Hate, Depression, Guilt, Anger, Jealousy and indifference. These emotions attract more negativity! If you’re feeling good then you’re creating a future that’s on track with your desires, if you’re feeling bad you’re creating a future that’s the opposite of your desires. Utilize self control to get on track! You’re receiving what you’re “Feeling about” and not what you’re “Thinking about” Use gratitude lists. When you’re in a bad mood you attract more bad to you, your mood will stay down. What you’re predominately and consistently feeling is what you’re going to get more of. Break the cycle. You can feel loved, happy and confident in any situation. Find your happiness and hold onto it. Feel the love that surrounds you, even if you don’t see it. The universe will correspond to the nature of your feelings and allow you to attract prosperity in. It’s paramount that you feel good. This is what goes out to the universe and sends you more and more good. When you’re in a bad place, play music and sing, think of what you’re thankful for. Focus on the love you have for a person, only the positive! Be a deliberate creator of your life!
Manifesting, The Laws of Attraction….Notes, part one! Adam Stone These are some of my notes on manifesting and the laws of attraction. More to come. Just as You are what you Eat! You receive what you feel, think and live! No matter what country you’re in, we’re all working with Attraction. Manifesting is the laws of attraction. Whatever is coming into your life you’re attracting into your life…Whatever is going on in your mind you are attracting into your life. The natural laws of the Universe are so precise that we can time a landing on the moon to within a fraction of a second. Whatever images you’re holding in your mind, what you’re thinking, that’s what you’re attracting to you. 1% of the population earns 96% of all the money. They understand manifesting. Think of yourself as a magnet! Like attracts like. Negative attracts negative. Positive attracts positive. Thoughts become things! A thought has a frequency. That frequency emitted sends out the magnetic signal..that’s what attracts things to you… The Universe doesn’t care if you perceive something good or bad or whatever. It gives what you give. When you stress and worry you just bring more into your life. What you think YOU ARE CALLING INTO EXISTENCE! Chronic thought = Creation! Thinking you’re a Victim consistently will only bring about more Victimization. If you focus on unhappiness and misery, then what will you receive more of? What are you calling into Existence? We meed to be positive in our thoughts and orientation. It’s about forming a new habit as you break your negative habits. Become Habitually positive! What you think about you bring about. Your life is the physical manifestation starting with the thoughts in YOUR HEAD! The mind is shaping what is being perceived. Do you understand everything in the universe? No, but you know it works. You don’t have to understand fully the Laws of Attraction to benefit from them. A Positive thought is hundreds of times more powerful than a negative thought. But, a negative thought is far more destructive to your life, your world and your reality. When manifesting you have to know what you want. Life it. Be thankful for it as though it’s already received. Imagine having what you’re manifesting. Using it. Feel the happiness it brings you. This is manifesting! Accept that all the negative in your life is attracted by you. Once you understand and take accountability for that you will then be able to better control your negativity and START ATTRACTING the right things into your life! Gain control over depression, guilt, resentment and anger. These feelings attract so much more guilt, resentment, anger and depression. Start living good feelings. Celebrate good feelings! As you go about your day the law of attraction is working in every second. Everything you think and feel you’re calling into existence! Stop the worrying. You’re just calling more situations to worry over into Existence! The Universe corresponds to the nature of the person. What you focus on with thought and feeling is what you bring into existence. Whatever thoughts as done in your life can be undone with a shift in awareness. It’s really important that you feel good and happy. The more you feel good and happy the more you attract and manifest! Break bad habits…break bad patterns. Find your optimism and happiness…
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Excuses! It’s time to stop making them! Excuses permeate every single aspect of our lives, but only if we let them! This blog post isn’t going to make me the most popular person today, actually I will probably anger you. There is no such thing as conditional accountability, we’re either accountable or not. It’s that simple. That being said sometimes we have to get angry to affect change. So, I’m going forward with this and if you become angry with me, so be it. I care enough for all of you to be the bad guy. Because sometimes the truth, real truth stings a bit. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been stung, but it really helped me. We live in a society of political correctness and not stepping on one another’s toes. Don’t hurt feelings, that’s not nice. In all honesty sometimes we need the band-aid ripped off and we must feel stung to heal. I do this out of love. “Most people don’t have that willingness to break bad habits. They have a lot of excuses and they talk like victims.” Carlos Santana You must first eradicate all excuses from your personal life, Don’t make yourself a victim, be a true survivor! I was there. I was the king of making excuses. There was a reason for everything wrong I ever did, and in my mind they were damn good reasons. I made so many excuses that I basically excused my life, how I was living, the way I affected people, There was an excuse for every situation and circumstance in my life. Where do you think that got me? I was desperately trying to achieve basic mediocrity. Basically I was in the mentality that I was a victim of our government, rich people, hell I was a victim of anyone who’s circumstances where better than mine. Basically I sat around with a whole bunch of unrealized dreams. I was a classic victim, a self created victim, but a victim no less. I had to make a choice. I’ve blogged a few times on choice, LOL. But, in all honesty everything comes down to our choices. I decided that I needed to take accountability for everything in my life, every wrong I’d done and every bad decision I’d made. Even in AA you first have to admit you have a problem and although I don’t drink the principles hold true. So, I refused to make anymore excuses. I realized I was never going to be perfect, but I needed to decide on change in my life and see it through. I took stock of my situation. I looked at everything that needed to be changed and what I liked about myself and my situation. I then was brutally honest with myself and didn’t allow myself one excuse. The first step I had to take was to accept that every thing I did was my choice. Every mistake I made was in fact a direct result of my free will. I realize that I was in some situations of pressure but I made the choice to stay in those situations and my actions were all a direct result of those choices. I was to blame. No one else, it was ME! That stung and I didn’t like the way it made me feel. So, I chose to make a change. It wasn’t always easy, breaking long standing and well nurtured habits, but it was necessary. “People spend too much time finding other people to blame, too much energy finding excuses for not being what they are capable of being, and not enough energy putting themselves on the line, growing out of the past, and getting on with their lives.” J. Michael Straczynski The most basic truth is that excuses are convenient lies! Here’s where I become unpopular. There is no excuse for any wrong action. A choice you made is a direct result of the situation you found yourself in. No offense intended, but you made choices in your life that are a direct result of your current situation and situations of your past. You’re not a victim, you made poor choices or you chose to stay in a situation where you were victimized. I had someone once tell me that he beat his wife because he’d get so angry he couldn’t control himself. Well there were some bad choices made there. He chose to stay and continue to abuse, he didn’t chose to take anger management. He took no accountability for the heinous acts to a woman who loved him. He made excuses, did his excuses undue all the wrong he’d done to her? That was an extreme example, but you get my point. There is no excuse for anything. There’s only acknowledgement of the wrong and accountability, and even if you don’t take accountability the truth is you still are accountable. You can ignore the truth, but the truth is always there and it can’t be manipulated. Who do you really want to be? What do you want to be? Where do you want to go? You have to start making the right choices now. One inescapable fact is that to affect change and grow you have to take accountability for the choices of your past. You have to stop making excuses and face the consequences of what you’ve done and the choices you made. Ethics and morals are not conditional. What do you want for your future? Take stock and start making the right choices!
Your choices will change your world, making the right ones will change many peoples worlds! I’ve really learned something lately. I am aware, I introspect and I grow. Don’t run from pain and truths, because we become experts when we live it, learn from it and it causes positive acceptance and growth. A day will come for all of us when our hearts are broken, when our trust is shattered, the two are not all inclusive, maybe just your trust will be shattered. The point here is there are some side affects that culminate in a very strong chance of you giving your power away. This is non negotiable. You can never give your power away. Know the signs and don’t become a statistic. You are strong enough to push through. I’m going to break this down as best I can so you can be educated and not give your power away. Stand strong, don’t be a statistic! One thing I recognized in myself is that when I felt betrayed by someone and I was giving that person all of my power. My career/personal aspirations seemed to disappear entirely. I lost something because I’d been giving away my power, my life, my future because I was hurt. I didn’t possess the same vigor and zest for my normal activities and career goals. Being self employed that was a problem, a problem I had to recognize right away. Regardless of the fact I have to live, my career is in helping people and my personal drama would not only hurt me, but it would hurt those who’ve come to depend on me. So, I had to recognize the problem right away and realize that I am stronger than that. I’ve learned that when we give away our power we are usually the last ones to know about it. I had to take complete stock of my situation and although my feelings were valid I could not let them negatively affect me and those around me. I had to stand back up on my own two feet and start moving forward again. Sure, I’d have to deal with the loss of trust, the resulting pain, but I refused to allow it to stop me in my tracks. I refuse to give up! I could never give up. I’ve found that strength is a choice. Some people seem inherently strong, but it’s their choices that make them so. They chose to keep moving forward, to not fall apart, to stand strong regardless of what’s going on inside. They, regardless of the pain don’t let situations and pain drag them to their knees. We chose to fight for ourselves, to see everything through. I’m reminded of the old adage what does not kill us makes us stronger. That’s a very true statement, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, and we are very strong indeed. The first step is recognizing what’s going on and refusing above all else to give away your power. I blog often about choices because in all honestly our choices are all that we really own. Everything and every outcome in our lives come down to our choices. When do you start turning the tide? When do you start changing your circumstances? You do it by making the right choices and sticking with them. Most importantly chose not to give anyone or anything your power. Chose you! Adam Stone
Conflicted feelings and emotions cause a lot of pain! I have to be honest, I am going through something with someone I love, I’m facing betrayal and I am torn right down the middle. My trust has been shattered and I don’t know how to regain that in short order. The person I’m speaking of has hurt me but loves me and wants to make it right. I know that these things just take time. That trust can be regained and we can be at a place of total trust once again. I am aware that we are all flawed and make mistakes, and though I have fully forgiven I am not yet ready to lay my heart out on the line again. People think of men as the strong silent type, well silent or not men do feel the same pain as woman. In this post I hope to break down barriers and change perceptions. A lot of women I read and counsel don’t believe men can be complicated and feel hurt and emotion. Because men don’t normally express themselves on the level a woman does doesn’t mean men don’t go through complicated emotions. I’ve always told everyone I counsel to always take the high road. When you’re upset don’t call names or say hurtful things, because you can’t undue the damage that your words will cause. Always place the other persons feelings and heart at higher importance than you place your own! Time heals all wounds, people process pain differently. What works for you doesn’t necessarily work for another. If you hurt someone and they need space, just give them space. That simple, you owe them that. Being constantly in their faces on trying to be noticed by them in hopes they’ll be quicker to forgive can have the opposite affect. Don’t force situations! Be patient and let your partner take the lead. We all have to mourn in our way and yes, when you’re betrayed you have to mourn. Don’t be hurtful because you don’t agree with your partners way of dealing with things. Giving people space let’s them deal with things and decide the next course for the relationship. God Bless!
I borrowed this post from my best friend in the world, she is an inspired and amazing writer and her views vary from mine somewhat, but she has inspired and helped me on so many occasions in my life. I love her and I hope you will enjoy her writing. Check out her extensive blog = A heart divided is always something very difficult to handle and deal with. How does one move on when they can’t decide which path to take? You stand at the fork in the road. One path has your heart as it is and it has been the one road you have been on. It is what’s comfortable to you; however, it also has been never ending. No resolution has ever come forth. It is the path of blind faith, the road that harbors confusion and mistrust. However, it is also the road that you have been on. So, what is the problem you ask? The other path that has newly appeared is a clearer picture, no fog, no mist and you can see the road ahead. So, which path does one chose in this case? This is the typical question most people find themselves struggling with. It happens every day and everywhere that one looks. There is always a part of us that wants the guaranteed easy road, no drama or issues. But then one must wonder if the hardest road reaps the greater reward. Some decisions are easier than others to make when one can do so rationally; however, when the wretched organ gets involved no decision seems easy or clear. We start making our own mental scenarios and as humans we tend to make for the absolute worst case scenario that we can. It is called self sabotage. You go for something that you know deep down will not work for the simple fact that it is safe. So, as I find myself standing there at the fork in the road…struggling with which path to take I pause and think. Thinking has never done the heart any good. Love is irrational and the brains main job is to be rational. So, what does one do in the face of these odds? I walked away and pulled myself into seclusion to have the opportunity to think really hard about the path I am willing to take. There are times when both choices can be very good for you and only differentiate in small ways. Unfortunately it is also dependent on one’s true heart. I know deep down I have made my choice. It is a fact I can’t deny and therefore will move forward. Like many choices we have in life, the one that loses out is almost always in need of grieving. When the choices we make have life altering outcomes one must be careful and take the appropriate time to grieve before moving on. The decision one makes also must have a solid feeling in ones heart. This morning it dawned on me that I have made the decision and clearly so. I have not as yet come to terms with it, but very quickly approaching that level. I can only hope that my decision is reciprocated in like. My heart never lies and its instinct is on. I am ready to make the jump in blind faith. It is a decision I never thought I could make or make now….but it truly has come to me. There are times in my life I would have picked the easier road simply because it is easier, but now I chose it because it is the one that speaks to my heart. The one my heart is clearly wrapped around and feels a sense of peace with. Although it is a very challenging if not impossible decision to make, I have found that your heart does truly know what is best for you. Follow it…blindly if you have to and know that the other side isn’t always bad…..just different.
Earning a persons complete trust is key in any relationship! One thing we learn in life is that we must have trust in our relationships. Trust goes both ways. You cannot break trust and then expect that a simple explanation and apology will fix things. Trust given is a precious commodity that’s very rare in this day and time. With so many people willing to stab another in the back and show no real morals and ethics, finding someone you can fully trust is indeed more at
This is going to be more of an informal post, a release if you will. Most adults have varying degrees of issues with trust. I’ve recently had someone break my trust and it forced me into deep introspection. When someone you love breaks your trust it hurts, twists deep like a knife. But, the only choice we have is to work through it, forgive and decide if any, what role that person will play in your life from now on and to forgive, to allow the pain to start abating. The main issue I’ve noticed is that when you choose to trust someone and they betray that trust it makes you question yourself, lose trust in yourself, couple that with how much it hurts because the bond with that person has cracked and you have a lot of pain. The first choice you have to make is to forgive. It should be simple right? It’s hard, logically you don’t want to stay mad or hold a grudge with someone you love but getting over the pain of it is hard. It keeps resurfacing, hurting, and bringing up anger. One thing that I have to say to anyone who makes this mistake is when the person you’ve wronged asks for some time and no communication, respect their wishes. No matter what you write it’s to soon and it brings all of the pain and anger back to the surface and please; Take accountability for what you did. A simple I was wrong and I’m sorry goes so much further than excuses. Excuses and trying to shuck responsibility just make it worse. Once broken trust takes a very long time to repair. It can not be quickly forgotten, it lingers. Things cannot immediately go back to where they were, the person who’s broken the trust has forever redefined the relationship and only time and complete honesty can bring the two of you down another road. But, it won’t be the same for a long time. There’s no magic pill to make things alright. The person who’s betrayed you has to suck it up and take it day by day. They have no right to rush things and they need to respect that much needed time. You will be OK! You will emerge stronger! Wisdom comes through being forged by life’s experiences no matter how painful. No matter what you’re facing it will pass!
Torment, pain, confusion overwhelmed me, My heart confused and lost. Uncertain of whom I will be Struggling to change at any cost. Through the stress, at times like more than I can take, Problems arising, coming from all sides, I am scattered, lost, my identity was at stake. As I searched, yearning for something to turn the tides, It became evident that had I to restart my life, Forgive sins of the past, a rebirth, a transformation. I yearned to be whole, shedding all the strife, How to change, to become a new creation. I went down the rabbit whole, confronting each painful truth, Making evident the most painful of realities, facing each long buried regret. Realizing who I really was, evidence from my past actions as proof, Facing myself, I saw the places of change, nothing more to fret. I began to learn, approaching with humility, Disregarding all I’d known. Gaining my stability, A new focus, only giving the best of me. Whole now, reaching for my destiny! I've been very low in my life, I'd made terrible mistakes, hurt people in my short sightedness, hurt myself. Then I woke up, introspected and changed who I was, built my life to achieve my destiny in helping others. Everyone is capable of change. Affecting change within yourself can change the world. Don't allow sins from your past to could your future. We're created with eyes in the front of our heads to move forward, never to look back. Learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself. There is a beautiful light at the end of the tunnel. I love and care for you all and am here for you. Sincerely, Adam Stone!
Some signs of abuse are subtle and happen gradually, sucking victims in, catching them unaware! My mission is to bring everyone happy, prosperous lives. The reason I’m writing all these posts on relationships and now abuse is because if your relationship isn’t healthy you cannot affect positive change in your life in any other regard, basically if your relationship is the source of stress, pain, heartache or drama how can you be happy anywhere else? We only live once and holding on to a bad relationship really stops us from living. I held on to a bad relationship for far to long. I had to realize I couldn’t change the person, I could only change me and my situation. Don’t be blind to the signs of a bad relationship or the signs of abuse. Most forms of abuse are not physical. Emotional and psychological abuse leave deep and lasting scars! Below are some signs of abuse. Look honestly at your relationship and be aware of the signs. Abuse normally starts light and grows in intensity. That being said, if the signs are there then it’s only going to get worse. -High levels of Jealousy or Insecurity: Does your partner get overly jealous concerning your friends? Does your partner treat you harshly or try to punish you in any way when you spend times with friends or family members? If you are experiencing this then you need to address the problem. Your relationship is toxic and things are only going to get worse. -Constant Put downs: If your partner is constantly putting you down then you are being abused. Even sugar coated put downs are in fact abuse. Does your partner tell you you’re fat, call you stupid, say mean things they know hurt your feelings? This is a sign of abuse and controlling behavior. The abuser uses this behavior to break the victim down, to ruin and destroy their self confidence. This is a very damaging form of abuse because the scars can take years to heal. -Possessiveness or treating you like property: Abusers love control, they will rationalize their possessiveness and treating you like property as something they do because they love you so much! That is a complete and utter lie. Abusers have to have control. They crave control over every situation. If there are signs of this in your relationship then you have a serious problem. -Telling you what to do: Does your partner tell you what to do at all times? In a healthy relationship partners will discuss situations and agree on an outcome. In abusive relationships the partner dictates what they want done. It’s not a partnership but a dictatorship and it is abuse! This behavior cannot be rationalized by the victim. It’s very black and white. If you’re being controlled then it’s time to get out! -Constantly checking in on you: In healthy relationships it’s OK to speak a few times throughout the day. On the obverse side of the coin if your partner is constantly checking in and has to know where you are and what you’re doing at all times then there is something seriously wrong. Don’t let trust issues be an excuse. If your partner behaves as your warden than you need to get out! -Explosive temper: Does your partner punches walls, throws things or even yells erratically then you have a problem? Does your partner become angry on a regular basis? Does your partner yell often? If your partner gets angry often and it’s always your fault or somebody else’s fault than your partner has a serious problem. You have to recognize the signs. They are not going to just magically go away one day. -Making false accusations: Does your partner often accuse you of things you haven’t done? This is a huge warning sign and is not just the sign of someone insecure. This is a tool abusers use to gain control over you. If you’re constantly put on the defensive you’re easier to control and abuse. Don’t fall in to this trap. -Isolating you from your friends and family: If your partner isolates or is trying to isolate you from friends and family this is a classic sign of abuse. You should be free to see all the friends and family you want to. Now this shouldn’t be confused with the actions of a caring partner. If you have a friend or family who is destructive and abusive and they urge you to avoid them for your protection that is perfectly fine and indicative of good judgment. However, if your partner isolates your from everyone then you have a serious problem on your hands. -Preventing you from doing things you want to do: If your partner will not let you do what you want to do then you are not in a loving supportive relationship. With few exceptions you should be able to do anything you want to do. Take a cooking class, join a book club, spending time with friends or anything your heart desires. If this is a characteristic of your partner than you’re not a spouse, you’re a prisoner. “If you can’t be thankful for what you have, be thankful for what you have—escaped,” Menard’s Catalog You have to take an honest look and an honest account of your relationship! First and foremost, you cannot change anyone but yourself! You cannot change your spouse! Abusers come in all shapes, colors, sexes and ages. Women also abuse. Take a deep and honest look at your relationship. Resist making excuses for your partner. They will not stop abusing you. Your life is in danger. When do you begin living? You are not alone! To many people are abused on a daily basis in the United States alone. There are support groups, shelters and countless programs available to you. Don’t let fear stop you from being free, it could save your life. If you have children in an abusive situation then you must take action. Even witnessing abuse can scar and trouble a child for life. Most abusers have witnessed or been a victim of abuse. Assure your children’s future. Get out and seek family counselling. You owe it to yourself, your children and your family.
The following are signs of bad relationship habits, identify these habits to have a better relationship. Are you feeling needy? Being needy in a relationship is something that you have to deal with. If you're feeling needy it's because you have security issues and it's not your partners fault when you don't feel like you're getting enough love and attention. You have to stand on your own. Be your own person. Co-dependency is a cancer to any relationship. It may be hard at first but you can break that habit. "In a relationship each person should support the other; they should lift each other up." Taylor Swift Do you feel as though without that person constantly in your life you would become mentally, physically, or emotionally impoverished? First learn to become comfortable in solitude. Take a walk, read a book, write something, cook, exercise, study. Do whatever you find enjoyable to get your mind off of it. Being that co-dependent is toxic and will rip your relationship apart. Here are some question I want you to ask yourself. -With all the efforts you put into the relationship are you getting the same effort in return? Be fair in your answer. Does your partner make an effort? If not, there's some work to be done there. -What benefits are you receiving from acting this way? When you think about co-dependent behavior I want you to really think of the benefits of your behavior, what are they? -Are you trying to change the other person? This also is toxic to a relationship, you cannot change your partner. Love them for who they are or set them free. Constantly trying to change your partner will only have him/her build resentment for you. How would you like to feel you're never good enough? That's something that needs to stop immediately! You have your own issues to work out, let others solve theirs. Look deep within yourself, be brutally honest with your answers and then work on change! -Are you feeling needed, controlled, or loved? -Does this person cherish you, or want to consume you? -Are you interrupting that the need is one of love, or that the other person is trying to keep you on a short leash? -Here are some signs to look out for: -Is the other person completely miserable when you’re not around? -Do they continually feel abandoned if you have made plans without them? -Is their frequency of calling or texting you abnormally high? -Do they get jealous when you want to hang out with your friends instead of them? -Are you being yourself? Are you being somebody you think the other person wants you to be, or are you being the person you really are? If the other person has a hard time accepting you for who you genuinely are, then this is not a good relationship to be in. Think to yourself: -Do I have to completely change who I am when I’m around my partner? -Do I feel pressured by my partner to be someone who I am not? -Does this person fully accept not only my good traits, but also my imperfections? -Would you forgive anyone else who may have wronged you in the same manner your partner has? -Are you constantly making excuses for your partner’s actions? -Are you continually waiting for what’s just beyond the horizon as opposed to your reality today? Sadly, some relationships won't make it because on of the partners is incapable of and/or doesn't want to change. Examine your relationship, is it fixable? Are you willing to put in the work? Any relationship can be saved if both partners are willing to work hard at it. "4.Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring – all of which have the potential to turn a life around." R. Stein If you are in an abusive relationship disregard this article and get out. Go to a trusted family member or friend. There are shelters and safe places for you. Don't gamble with your life for love. A person who hits you does not love you. Get out and never look back!
Are you in a healthy relationship? I've blogged about relationships om multiple occasions. Just yesterday I wrote on the signs of a bad relationship. Today I want to talk about being in a good relationship. Remember when you read this post that no relationship is perfect and they all take work. If you're not hitting the nail on the head in all the areas you can use this post as a guide to get there. We all have issues in our relationships and no one is perfect. You just have to put the effort forth and remain consistent. You can have an excellent relationship. "Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade." ~Leo Buscaglia Healthy relationships come about from great habits and self control Here are some signs that a relationship is healthy. -You look out for each other When you and your partner both make equal efforts to make sure the others needs are fulfilled than you're doing it right. To many people are worried only about their own needs being filled and they ignore the needs of their partner. Relationships are two sided and if you love your partner than their needs should be just as important as your own! Relationships are about sacrifice. You sacrifice for the needs of your partner and your partner sacrifices for your needs. Take a deep look, what could you be doing better in looking out for your partner? Treasure your relationships, not your possessions." Anthony J. D'Angelo You chose your battles wisely. -In the best of relationships your feelings will be hurt and you undoubtedly will hurt your partners feelings. The sign that you're in a good relationship is when neither you nor your partner lash out when your feelings are hurt. Taking the high road takes great strength and thoughtfulness. It means placing your partners feelings above your own. If you're doing this than you are most certainly doing it right. If not, work at it. There's no reason you can't bite your lip and walk away to calm down and think it through. Punishing your partner is not the sign of a good relationship. It's indicative of a relationship in peril. Don't under any circumstances punish your partner, you're not their parent and you honestly have no right to! Sometimes it is the person closest to us who must travel the furthest distance to be our friend." ~Robert Brault, You know that conflict and misunderstanding will happen. -No relationship is perfect 100% of the time and in a healthy relationship there isn't an absence of conflict and misunderstanding, you're both human. It's going to happen, it's how you handle it that makes your relationship successful. Do you listen openly to your partner and hear what they have to say. It goes both ways. Take the high road and listen to how they feel. We don't often come across they way we intend and that will cause misunderstanding. It's how you handle that misunderstanding that makes your relationship successful. "Sticks and stones are hard on bones Aimed with angry art, Words can sting like anything But silence breaks the heart." ~Phyllis McGinley You talk so the other can really hear you. -How do you really convey the hard topics? Healthy communication involves honest and respectful communication, a willingness to look at your own contribution, and the ability to know if you need to take a time-out and come back to it later. If anger comes up, you may need time (20-30 minutes is usually good) to cool so you don't say something in the heat of the moment that you might later regret. "Assumptions are the termites of relationships." ~Henry Winkler You are free from retaliation or judgment. -If you are constantly judging or getting even with your partner than you're doing it wrong. Judgment and retaliation are a cancer in relationships and should be avoided like the plague. Work on this because it's very important to get this step right. When you're perfect you can judge and retaliation is for the weak minded and weak willed. You're far to good for such a cheap trick. The best relationships take work. It's a process that changes and grows with you. All relationships have issues, but a healthy relationship works through the issues without damaging the other person. Self esteem, self worth, sense of security and feelings always loved are key in any relationship. Make the effort or you might lose the one you love the most.
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